I am so proud of that title
Oh joy. On this rainy May day John invited you over to watch over the grubs. And not just any grubs. These particular grubs happen to be your best friends. You're not entirely sure how they even became grubs (and no not THAT WAY) but it's probably some more time bullshit. It always is.
Jade was going to drive you to John's house but she had her girl's day out with Rose and that was way more important than using five minutes that might have delayed your finger nail-polish drying time to make sure a grumpy troll boy didn't get soaked by weird cold earth rain. But whatever, dragging your sneakers through puddles was much more fun that whatever transport Jade could have supplied.
And that was being sarcastic of course.
Turning off the main road, you pass several identical white houses. Ugh, they were hideous. Each lawn had a strip of nuclear green grass, a decade old lusus car, and a mailbox was a stupid red flag sticking up. What was that flag even for? To show your neighbors that you care so much about preserving 'the traditional communication system' that you still send crappy Walgreen wriggling-day cards in the mail? You bet they aren't even for anyone; you just want to feel important. Or look like you actually pay your bills.
Ignoring the infuriating shit flags, you walk up John's driveway and throw open the door. Feferi, ur, grub Feferi latches onto your pant leg. Nepeta grub follows up behind her. A familiar giggle pops up behind the door.
"Hi Karkat! Hey, why are you all wet?"
"Gee John, I don't know. It's not like the rain outside has anything to do with it." You groan. Peeling off your raincoat, you collapse on the couch. Sollux grub hisses at you. Lifting your arm, he retrieves the wii remote.
"I know, I'm just messing with you. If you want I can pull Furfri off your leg."
"It's Feferi and I'm fine with her clawing into my skin."
"If you say so." John shrugs and sits next to you. He's wearing ghostbuster pajamas and is absolutely covered in slime pie. His fingertips have white makeup stuck to them.
"Wow Egbert, were you showering yourself with multiple Gamzee's or what?" You point to the gelatin on John's socks. His blue eyes widen.
"I don't like that kid." He whispers to himself. You start to say something, but a honk in what seems to coming from the kitchen scares the living shit out of you. Tavros grub giggles as you screech and cling onto John.
"Whoa, no homo Karkat."
"Not the time." You talk through clenched teeth. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up.
"Heh….how about we have dinner now…you're hungry, aren't your Karkat?"
"Ravenous." You let go of John and shake the look of fear off your face. Gamzee's just a grub anyway. It's not like he—
YEOWCH!
HOW DID YOU NOT SEE THAT COMING?
Attached to your ankle is Gamzee, teeth deep in your flesh. You wince, bending down to pry him off. No dice. Blood trickles onto your shoes.
"Nyah!" Tavros grub crawls across the living room, jumping onto Gamzee. With a bit of perseverance, Gamzee finally leaves your ankle to bleed out. Huh. If only big Tavros was this helpful.
Shaking it off, you still down next to several high chairs in the dining room. Nepeta, Vriska, and Aradia are all eating earth Cheerios, dipped in applesauce. You guess John didn't know much about Grubs because they usually eat meat, not squishy apple soup. Well, except for Equius. If he wasn't drinking milk across the table, he'd be halfway through a stick of celery by now. You swear, these grubs are creepier than the 6 sweep olds.
"Okiee-dokee Karkat, I have your mac n cheese!" John pulls a porcelain bowl out of the microwave. Inside are noodles, soaked in processed cheese and drenched in warm milk. You poke at it with your fork.
"Ew." You mutter, observing the macaroni. It shakes like the gelatinous mound it is, spraying cheese onto the table. You plug your nose.
"Bacon-bits?" John slides a container across the wooden table. You reach across a bowl of potato chips, snatching the bits before they hit a sleeping Eridan. Because, you know, it's completely normal to fall asleep on a table. Holding the bacon bits up to your face, you read the overly neon label. Apparently these bacon bits aren't even real bacon, they're fake factory squares. Great, you're whole meal is one big chemical. You're better off eating the applesauce.
"Uh, John?'
"Yea?" John sits next to Equius, shoveling in spoonfuls of macaroni. It's a wonder his gag reflex hasn't come into effect yet.
"What am I eating?" You flip over the bright blue bowl, even shaking it. No macaroni falls out.
"Ok, so maybe I'm not the BEST cook." John smiles that dorky smile of his. Vriska coos.
"I wasn't that hungry anyway. Next time I'll try not to burn the house down and make cluckbeast nuggets." You push your food towards Nepeta, who digs in. Are you the only one with working tastebuds?
Getting up from the table, you join Sollux grub back in the living room. Silently, you unplug the wii, plugging in the ancient VCR player. You turn to look at John's collection of movies. Con Air, National Treasure, Lord of War, Blues Clues, Face/Off….
Wait. What.
What is that?
On the cover of the movie you're holding, an overly tall pale man holding a blue dog smiles at you. His hair is disheveled and that smug look on his face makes you want to rip that hair out of his head and sell it for an unfair price on ebay. Ugh, and look at those poorly animated table decorations. How did the salt and pepper have a kid anyway? Talk about lying to your kids through media.
For some reason the dog's name is Blue because apparently the color of its undetailed fur isn't noticeable enough that it has to be mentioned every time the dog is acknowledged. You bet the other dog's name is pink. Is the human's name Peach? What's next, people start calling you Grey?
"K-Kk?" A surprised sob from Sollux reminds you he was in the middle of Super Mario Bros. You jump up, looking for something to stop the inevitable.
"Look Sollux! It's a computer mouse! You love those don't y—"
"WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sollux bursts into tears. He flails overdramatically on the couch.
"Suh?" Feferi Grub crawls out of a cardboard box under the tv. You bite your lip. She looks at the terror in your face, giggling.
"Don't you dare."
"O JJJJJJOOOOONNNNN!" Feferi screeches. Sollux cries even louder. You cover your ears, hugging the movie to your chest. John and a few grubs rush to Sollux. Feferi nips at your toes.
"You seriously couldn't watch the grubs for five minutes while I was eating?" John frowns, rocking Sollux back and forth in his arms.
"Me? You could at least make a decent meal so I wouldn't have to wander off!"
"Don't blame this on me Karkat. Sollux wouldn't be crying if you could've just let him play Mario."
"Why the fuck would I watch a wriggler play Mario?" You huff, kicking Blue's clues away.
"Language!" John wraps his hands around Sollux's head. You sigh.
"How about we just watch a movie?" You point to the creepy pale man, named Steve. Terezi grub licks the plastic, giving a stubby leg's up. Which is a thumbs up. For grubs.
Yeah.
"Blue's clues? Aren't we a little old for this?" John reads the back cover, frowning. You steal it out of his hands, putting it in the CD slot.
"Not for us, for the grubs." You grumble. It's a total lie, you just wanna see if they find the clues, but there's no reason why John should know that. You gather up the rest of the grubs, placing them on the carpet. Nepeta curls up to Equius, who situates himself next to Aradia. Next to them sit Sollux, Feferi, Eridan, etc. You haven't found Gamzee, but he's probably keeping himself busy ripping off the heads of Barbies upstairs so you're fine. John replaces the old batteries in the tv remote, giving you time to grab a bag of cheesy doodle things and handle them out to the grubs.
"Chuah?" Eridan opens one eye, flicking his tail. He reaches out for the doodle, smiling. It's the first time you've seen him smile. Feferi glubs next to him, hugging the purple grub.
"Awwwww! Hey Karkat, do they usually do this? I've never seen them this close before." John crouches next to you, the glimmer of light coming from the tv shining off his glasses. His stupid buck teeth adorn his grin.
"No! I mean, not really, but, they're just tired." You stuff a doodle into your mouth. This is not supposed to be a cutesy 'omg look at Karkat he's so caring' moment. You blush.
"Well" John turns back to the tv, "I think you're tired a lot then."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You said Eridan and Feferi were cute because they were tired. And since you're so cute a lot of the time, you must be tired." John shrugs. You're not entirely sure if this is some kind of flirtation, but to trolls being cute is an insult. No one goes up to someone trying to survive in Sgrub by killing thousands of imps and calls them "cute".
But then again John isn't the most sensible guy.
"I'm not cute."
"Sure you are! Not many big, grown up muscular trolls watch Blue's clues." John presses play. Sitting on the sofa, John leans on your shoulder. He has no idea what the boundaries between platonic and Nepeta's shipping dreams relationships are. You can already feel Nepeta mentally putting you in a moirail category.
"Uh huh. Sure." As the theme song fills the room with oddly familiar music, a bright light sparks. The whole living room goes white for a second, taking your vision along with it.
When the light dies down, the trolls are temporally paralyzed. Guess it must be some kind of natural reaction. John pokes your shoulder. Your line of sight changes from the grubs to the appearifier in the center of the floor. Sollux walks toward it.
"Sallux no!" John jumps forward.
"It's Sollux—Augh!" Both you and John disappear, along with Sollux grub. Behind you, the grubs starts pushing things onto the metal, trapping their grubsitters.
When you reappear, Sollux is nowhere to be seen. As for John, he's laid out on the floor, clutching his arm, moaning something about how you're not supposed to jump face first onto to a cold tile floor. Is it even tile? You kick the floor. It feels more like a pink carpet but when you land on your face you guess it doesn't matter what the floors made of.
Around you, the walls, the floor, even the huge chair behind you is some shade of red. So is John, but that's more due to his nose bleed. A few feet over, though far enough to not be on screen is the kitchen. To go with the primary color theme, it's a bright yellow. Sitting on one of the stools at the island counter is Steve himself.