Disclaimer: I don't own HIMYM.
Enjambment
Damned checkout.
The receptionist told him that checkout ended at eleven. Which is completely stupid, considering that every other hotel that Ted had ever stayed in had checkout at one.
So, he was stuck here all day. Great.
A bunch of people are in the pool, but Ted can't get the strength to leave his room. He just keeps going over everything in his mind. If he hadn't invited Robin... if he'd just taken Lucy... if he'd let Stella talk to Robin....
But now here he was, sitting alone in a hotel room, in his tuxedo, and he was supposed to be at his reception now, but instead he was here. Alone.
Not for long, though, as it turned out.
* * *
He'd fucked everything up.
Barney tries to smile, tries to reassure Lily that he's completely fine, but they both know he's lying.
Is Stella's sister ignoring him or what?
Barney looks over at her. She briefly returns his gaze. He nods. She turns away.
Definitely avoiding him.
Shouldn't this bother him more?
But all he can think of is Robin. He couldn't get her off of his mind last night. Barney had listened to the two (two!) girls panting and screaming his name, and all he could do was think about Robin. Think about what had gone wrong.
Since sex hadn't worked to take her off of his mind, Barney would have to resort to his other tried and true method.
* * *
Ted stares at the ceiling of his hotel room, finding shapes in the cracks. So far he's found a heart, a broken heart, a ring, and that birthmark that Stella had just to the left of her hipbone. Twice.
He's about to give up when he hears a knock on the door. If it's someone telling me to come down and join the party, I'm going to kill them.
Ted opens the door to reveal Barney standing there.
"I need a drink," Barney says. "Possibly several. Figured you did, too. Interested?"
Ted nods.
"Come on, then. We've only got ten minutes until the ferry leaves."
* * *
Within an hour, they're back in MacLaren's. Ted looks around, and it's all so sickeningly familiar. He's back in his old life. And then he remembers that his old life was hell. It had been a desperate search for a woman to love among a sea of people. He'd gone through countless hours of small talk and smooth tricks in order to get the numbers of women he might not stand.
He had been so sick of that life, so ready to be done with it all. And now he's back at square one.
"Carl," Ted says, sitting down at the bar. "Give me whatever has the most alcohol in it and isn't pink."
Barney slaps his back wordlessly.
* * *
Barney knows how they had to look to the outsider.
Ted is still wearing his tux, looking more disheveled and out-of-place than ever. And a tuxedo was like a super-suit – celebratory. At a wedding, it was perfect. At a half-empty bar, it's just sad.
And then there's Barney. He nurses his gin and tonic (he can't drink scotch – reminds him too much of her. Not that he had to be reminded) and talking about nothing in particular. Nothing like what was on his mind, anyway.
"So, Stella's sister is avoiding me."
Ted nods vaguely, and knocks back another drink. He's going to have serious liver damage if he keeps going.
"Not that it matters," Barney says. "Never going to see her again. Nothing matters."
"Want to go upstairs?" Ted asks, out of nowhere.
Barney knows, objectively knew, that there were a million possible responses to that. There was sarcasm ("I'm flattered, but I don't swing that way"), swift change of subject ("I'm hungry", which he wasn't), or just plain old no ("no").
But, of course, he goes with the standard.
"Yeah, OK." And then the rest of the drink, gone in one gulp.
Whatever happened now was Future Barney's problem.
* * *
This hadn't been Ted's intention.
When he'd asked Barney upstairs, he'd meant to get a beer, talk about watching a movie, and ultimately go to sleep. He hadn't meant... this.
But in the stairwell, he ends up leaning into Barney. He can't figure out now who kissed who, but soon enough it didn't matter.
The newness of it sends a jolt through Ted. The kiss is a struggle for dominance, kind of like a wrestle.
That almost made Ted laugh. He's kissing another man, and he's comparing it to wrestling. But that's the closest he can think of. Neither one of them is going to give way, and they wouldn't let go until there was a winner.
Ted isn't entirely sure where he should put his hands. Barney kind of has Ted's arms pinned to his sides (he's a lot stronger than he looks). So he ends up not putting them anywhere. It probably looks funny, but any bystander has a lot more to notice than Ted's hand placement.
When the kiss is over, neither of them say a word.
* * *
Barney's surprised that Ted let him up into his apartment.
Ted takes off his bowtie and the jacket. Barney sits down on the couch. What are you supposed to say right now?
"Listen," Barney starts. He starts again. "Listen. Dude. I... I didn't mean... Fuck."
Articulate. Nice.
But it doesn't matter, because Ted's standing in front of him, and Barney stands up, too. When Ted kisses him, Barney gets it.
This isn't something they want, and it's not something that's going to be repeated. Ted's a desperate man. Luckily, Barney's more than a little desperate as well.
The clothes come off quickly, easily. They're racing, trying to get what needs to be done done before they can think twice. They're on the couch. Barney's hands go into Ted's pants, and Barney can feel Ted's erection. This should be strange, should be scary. But it isn't. Not really.
Barney's knees hit the floor. He can vaguely feel the edge of the coffee table digging into his back, but he doesn't register it. He pulls down Ted's pants and his boxers. Ted needs something similar, and Barney needs something different.
With that in mind, Barney takes hold of Ted's penis and puts his mouth on it.
It's harder than it looks, keeping the gag reflex down. Barney focuses on the act of it, and it's just what he needs – Robin's only a dull reminder in the back of his mind. His lips go up and down, his tongue is stroking skin.
Ted has his hands on Barney's head, not pressing but just there. Barney can hear him sob Stella's name. Not his.
It's a shock when Ted comes. It's hot, and it hits the back of his throat, and it really does taste terrible. It's all Barney can do not to choke. Barney swallows as quickly as he can and grimaces. He stands up, and Ted's just sitting there, staring off in a completely different direction. He's not crying, but his eyes are wet.
Barney goes and gets a beer.
* * *
It takes a while for Ted to pull himself together.
He goes into his room and puts some pajamas on. He turns on his phone. He has nine frantic voicemails, all from Lily and Marshall.
None from Stella.
Ted sits down on his bed. There's a knock, and Barney sticks his head in.
"I'm going to get a cab home," Barney says. Ted nods. "You OK, man?"
"Not really," Ted says. He doesn't say anything, but then Barney doesn't leave. "I was supposed to be married right now."
"Sorry," Barney says. "Do you want..."
"Make it home safe, OK?"
"OK." Barney looks like he wants to say something else, but he doesn't. He just leaves.
Ted's glad that Barney doesn't pretend to understand. He knew what Ted needed, and he'd done it. Now all that was left was to go back to his old life. The life he'd never wanted.
He misses her so much.