Looky here, I'm writing a Castle story. Thought I'd try my hand at this since I've become so utterly obsessed with the show. Let's see if Richard Castle would be proud.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Castle, 'tis a shame.
It'd been like this for a while and the feeling was the same.
It wasn't enough.
When she got lonely or thoughts piled up in her mind forcing her to think nothing but only those thoughts, she'd reach for her phone and dial the same person. She needed company, comfort. She needed to distract herself. And he was the only one up for the job.
But it wasn't enough.
There were a round of knocks on her door. So pulling herself up from the couch, she went to answer it. "Josh, hey."
"Hey," he smiled. Then crossed into her apartment. "I'm on call tonight, so I don't know how long I'll be here."
"Yeah, okay, fine." She did her best to smile genuinely. "Wanna watch a movie or call for takeout?"
"How about we just skip the mundane things and get right to the bed?" Josh wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into him, his lips going straight for her neck.
She smiled softly and let him take the lead. A frown crept onto her face when she was sure he wasn't looking. It was the same every time.
And it just wasn't enough.
(((o)))
Rick Castle shuffled into his loft a little after eleven o'clock that night after having spent the last couple hours knocking back stiff drinks at the Old Haunt. The case he worked on with Beckett that day he'd classified as one of his favorites. They'd investigated a murder of the owner of a historic magic shop who was found dead in a Houdini's water torture tank. It was a wild ride, much like all his adventures with the fierce detective. However, there were a few things going on during the case that were less than magical.
He decided to face the facts and broke up with his ex-wife, Gina, who had become his girlfriend. Well, now ex. Things had been strained between them for a while and honestly the relationship wasn't going anywhere. They were dealing with the same issues they'd had when they were married and it seemed those problems would never be resolved. They just weren't meant to be.
Castle dropped his coat and keys on the closest chair on the way to the kitchen in search of another drink. His thoughts were still circling around the same subject and apparently he wasn't drunk enough to forget.
(((o)))
"I'm sorry," Josh sighed as he moved toward the door, pulling his shirt over his torso.
"No, it's fine. I understand," Kate said. She followed him to the door, clad in a robe. They hadn't gotten very far. She still had her bra and underwear on.
"I'll call you later."
"No, you know what? Don't worry about it," she replied. "We should just call it quits."
He turned to stare at her. "What?"
"Josh, we never have time for each other. We're both very busy with our jobs and it doesn't leave much time for other things. I like you, a lot, but it's just…not enough. Not anymore, not for the type of relationship I want."
"And what kind of relationship is that? The one with a certain mystery novelist?"
Kate was taken aback, but still held her ground. "This is not about Castle."
"The hell it isn't," Josh said irately. "Ever since we started doing this, all I can think is how close you are to Castle, about if one day you'll see how he looks at you, how he cares about you. You know how upsetting it is to compete with a guy you're already in love with?"
"Whoa, in love? I'm not in love with Castle!"
"Oh, come on, Kate! Quit lying to yourself. You love him. I know it, you know it, and I'm pretty sure he knows it." Josh's pager beeped from the clip on his belt. He pulled it out and checked the number. "Look, I gotta go. I guess this is goodbye then."
Kate didn't say a word as he stepped out of her apartment, probably for the last time. When the door shut behind him, she let out a long breath and pushed a hand through her hair. Wonderful.
(((o)))
The scotch was almost finished, most of the amber liquid spilled all over his countertop. He was wasted, and yet, she was still in his thoughts. He could barely sit on his stool let alone stand on his own two feet, but he tried nonetheless. When his knees started to wobble, he gripped the edge of the counter tighter, but it wasn't enough. The floor came up to meet his back, or was it the other way around? He wasn't sure.
Castle groaned, but made no move to get up. Instead, he reached in his pocket for his phone. With lidded eyes and blurry vision, he managed to dial the number.
"Help, I can't get up," he spoke into the receiver, his speech greatly slurred. He wasn't even sure he'd waited until there was a reply from the other end of the line. "Need 'ssistance."
"Castle?"
He groaned again and rolled onto his side, barely able to keep the phone pressed to his ear, so whatever response he was getting fell over deaf, drunk ears. "S'okay," he said, however, to no one in particular as he pushed himself up off the floor. "Can stand, oomph." He barreled into the counter behind him. "Barely."
He realized he left his phone on the ground. Bending over to pick it up, he kept shouting, "Hello? Hello!" and nearly toppled over again. "Are you there?"
"I'm here! Castle, what the hell is going on?"
He stood up straight with the phone to his ear. "You nnneed to get here. Um, soon, please, before I really hurt myself."
"I'm coming. I already left."
"Good, and don't tell Beckett, not that she cares. She's with that motorboat boy." Then he started laughing. "Not motorboat."
"I'm on my way. Don't do anything stupid."
He said, "nooo promises," then hung up. Then fell over. "Ow."
(((o)))
After fighting with the hardwood, Castle had pulled himself off the floor and back onto the stool at the counter. He entertained himself with drawing patterns in the spilled scotch that was now drying on the countertop. His head, which was resting on his left forearm on the counter, lolled from side to side every so often as his right hand's fingers tripped over themselves in the alcohol. They seemed to be dancing as he half-mumbled, half-sang, "Ain't no love…in the heart of the city. Ain't no love…in the heart of town." Whitesnake wasn't his favorite band, but they had some good stuff.
The doorbell chimed and Castle turned his gaze to the door. "Here so soon?" he asked the person on the other side of the door as if they could hear him, then dragged his feet across the floor to meet his visitor. Fumbling with the handle for a few seconds, he blinked rapidly, trying to focus. Once he got it, he yanked the door open.
"Hey," he drew out the word with a lazy smile on his face. "Beck-Kate."
"Castle, are you okay?" she asked worriedly as she stepped toward him.
He frowned. "No," he groaned and leaned on the door. "You're not s'pposed to be here. I told her not to call you."
"Sorry to disappoint, but you called me yourself."
"I did?" he asked and at her affirmative nod, he chuckled. "Oops."
"You're drunk. No, way beyond drunk," she observed, taking in his red lidded eyes and his disheveled clothes and his slouching posture, not to mention the strong smell of alcohol on his breath.
"Nooo," he protested. "I only had this much." He held up his hand with his forefinger and thumb about an inch apart, but they kept moving up and down like he couldn't decide exactly how much it was.
"Mm-hmm," she narrowed her eyes at him. "Come on." She gently put an arm around his torso and pulled him away from the door. He was wobbly on his feet so it took some real effort to pull him to the kitchen counter. "Castle, what the hell happened here?" The counter was sticky with the half-dried scotch.
Castle slumped forward on his stool, his arms coming to fold over each other on the counter. "Missed my mouth a little."
"Okay, buddy. I'm gonna make you some coffee and then I'll get you cleaned up." Kate went to shut the door before pulling off her coat and scarf. She tossed them onto the same chair she found Castle's jacket on her way back to him, then she went to work on the coffee. The two were silent for a stretch, one unsure of what to say and the other too drunk to form a sentence.
Kate busied herself with wiping down the counter free of scotch. She tossed the empty bottle away along with the dirty rags and then fixed him a cup of coffee. "Here you go." She placed it in front of him and gave him a light smile.
"You know what's really beautiful?" he asked as he wrapped his hands around the mug.
"No, what?"
His droopy eyes lifted to meet hers. "You." He lifted the cup to his lips and took a huge gulp.
"No, Castle!" But it was too late. The hot beverage burned his throat all the way down and he choked on it, spewing all over the recently clean countertop. Kate was already at his side, rubbing his back soothingly. "It's coffee, you big idiot, not another shot."
Castle groaned, his head falling onto Kate's chest. "Nothing's going right. I can't make anything go right."
"You're not yourself right now, Castle. You just need to sleep."
"No. I mean with Gina and with Kate. I screwed things up."
"How did you screw things up?" she asked, not bothering to remind him she was Kate.
"I broke up with Gina tonight because things haven't been going well for us. The spark is gone. It had been for years. When I married her, I was looking for comfort and someone for Alexis to look up to as a mother. I should have known it wouldn't work out. But when Kate started seeing that Shlemming character, I didn't know how to feel. He was working on cases with her and building theory with her and bringing her coffee. I didn't like that at all because those were the things I did with her and I loved it. But she was replacing me as her partner."
"I wasn't-" she stopped. "I mean, I'm sure that's not true."
"Well," he continued, still not realizing who he was talking to. "It seemed like it. She never wanted me there. I was just her daily annoyance and I had realized she would never feel the same way about me as I did her. So, when Gina and I got to talking, we decided to give it another shot. What was the harm? The harm was that I wanted someone else and no one could measure up to her. She's amazing, you know?" His face broke out in a dreamy smile. He was still resting against her so Kate had to lean to the right to see his expression. "Detective Beckett. I love calling her that. I don't know why, but I love it. She's beautiful. Just stunning. I've never seen someone as gorgeous as she. She doesn't even know how extraordinary she really is. Every day I'm surprised by how strong she is and how kind and how funny. She makes me so happy. Like when I bring her coffee or when she gets a new lead and her eyes light up. Man, that woman is just…" he slumped forward a little and she had to brace him. "Amazing."
Kate bit her lip, but the smile was evident. "You must really like her."
"Oh, I do. I really do," he nodded happily, but then his smile disappeared. "But she doesn't like me. Not like she likes motorcycle boy." His face twists in disgust. "So, he's a doctor. Big whoop. He may be smarter than me, he may be more mature than I am, but there is no way he cares about Kate more than I do. I don't think anyone does. You wanna know the saddest part?"
"Hmm?" she hummed, running her fingers gently through his hair.
"I'm all hers, heart and soul, but she's not mine and she never will be."
"Oh, I don't know about that, Rick. I know for a fact that she is crazy about you."
His eyes were closed, listening to the thumping of her heart. "How do you know?"
"I just know. She may be a hard person to love. She's been hurt quite a bit in her life."
"I would never hurt her. She means so much to me, I would give her the world if she asked."
"She doesn't need the world. She needs a little more time."
"Time. I got time. I'll wait for her if that's what she needs. She deserves so much. I just want to be the one to give it to her."
"She wants that too. Trust me." She kissed him on the head. "Come on. Let's get you out of these clothes."
"Whoa," he said, moving away from her. She had to keep a firm grip on his arms to keep him from falling over. "You have to buy me dinner first."
"Easy, tiger. You're a mess. You need to sleep." She pulled him to his feet.
"Will you be here when I wake up?" he asked as they stumbled to his bedroom.
"Always."
(((o)))
God, his head was pounding. Laying on his back, his hands came up to cover his eyes from the harsh sunlight streaming through the curtains. Flashes of last night ran through his head and he could remember all he had consumed at the Old Haunt and the few drinks he had there at his loft. He hadn't drank that much since his college black out days. At least he had nothing planned and the redheads of the house were out. He could lick his wounds in the privacy of his own home.
But he heard footsteps. Lifting his head and turning his eyes to the door, he saw what he's seen only in his fantasies. There, dressed in one of his t-shirts with a hint of his boxers underneath, was Kate Beckett. She was holding a cup in either hand as she walked toward the side of the bed he was laying on. "Made you a coffee," she smiled.
"What…how?" He sat up against the headboard when she came to sit beside him.
"Long story short; you got stupid wasted, dialed me, I rushed over, and kept an eye on you," she said as she handed him a cup. The sweet aroma of coffee greeted his nose.
"I-I thought I called Alexis."
"Mmm, no. I was subjected to your drunken mishaps." She took a sip of her own brew. "I'm sure you're sober enough I don't have to tell you to drink slowly."
"Is that why my throat hurts this badly?" he asked, rubbing his fingers up and down his throat, as if it would soothe the pain inside.
"Yeah, I tried to sober you up last night and you tried to down it in one gulp."
"God, I feel like crap," he groaned, running a hand down his face.
"Relax. Take two aspirin and I'll make you something to eat." She grabbed a little bottle from the nightstand after placing her cup down and shook two tablets into her hand. She offered them to him and he found he couldn't take his eyes off her. She ducked her head down for a brief second. "What?"
"Nothing," he whispered and took the aspirin from her.
There was a glass of water on the nightstand and he used that to wash the pills down. Kate took the glass from him and grabbed her coffee before walking toward the door. She stopped in the middle of the doorway and turned back to him. "If you were home and you meant to call Alexis, why would you tell her not to call me? It didn't really concern me. I mean, it was a family matter you could say."
Castle stared at her for a moment, thinking of a good answer. "You were on my mind at the time, I guess. Who knows why people say or do things while they're drunk." He looked away, giving a little chuckle.
"Right," she smiled, then left the room.
(((o)))
A little later that morning, breakfast had been made and consumed and Castle was feeling a lot better with a full stomach. Afterward, he indulged in a Psych marathon while Kate was in the bathroom. She had changed back into her clothes from the previous night when she finally stepped out and was heading for the door. "Well it seems you're alright, so I've done my job. Now it's time to head out." She gave him a smile.
He quickly stood up from the couch. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't expect my mom or Alexis for another few hours. You could stay."
"Uh, no, thanks. I should really get back to my place. I kind of left it in a mess on my rush over here last night," she said as she moved to put her shoes back on.
"Really, Beckett?" he started gravely. "We're not even gonna talk about what happened last night? Because I may have been inebriated, but I remember what I said."
"Nothing happened, Castle. You were drunk and you needed a shoulder," she stated, slipping on her heels.
"I meant all I said last night. I may have not meant to say it to you yet, but it's out there now and I'm not running away from it." He took a few steps toward her.
"You said them in a drunken haze."
"People are most honest when they're drunk."
Kate took a step backward when he took another step forward. "Castle, we don't need to do this now."
"Yes, we do." He took another step forward and she took another back, like a dance. "Otherwise, we never will. I laid out all of it on the line. I showed you my hand. Now it's your turn." Soon, he advanced enough on her that her back was now pressed against the wall by the door.
"My turn?" she breathed nervously.
"Your turn. Don't act stupid, Kate. It doesn't suit you."
"I don't know what you want from me."
"Yes, you do. Now say it."
"Castle-"
"No. Tell me."
"Will you stop being a-"
"Tell. Me."
She exploded. "What do you want me to say? That I care about you? That I resent how much you mean to me? You want me to say that I tried so hard to ignore my attraction to you and when you walked away with Gina that it hurt me? That it nearly broke my heart? I broke up with Demming for you. You want me to tell you that I was only with Josh because you chose Gina and that we broke up because of how much I care about you?"
Castle pressed her harder into the wall with his body and his right hand came up to the side of her neck, his thumb stroking her cheekbone. "All you had to say was 'I love you' and then kiss the hell out of me," he smirked.
"Oh, you cocky son of a-" Her mouth closed under the pressure of his as he kissed her passionately. His left hand grabbed her right one and their fingers instantly entwined with each other while her left hand clutched at his back. The kiss was sweet and hungry, like it was the last kiss they would ever share.
He pulled back slightly, but not far enough away that he couldn't place a few pecks on her lips. Their foreheads remained touching and he bumped her nose with his playfully. "I love you too."
"I didn't actually say it first."
"Then I take it back," he grinned.
"Don't you dare," she breathed before pulling him back to her opened mouth, tasting him deeply. "I meant what I said too, you know. I still need some time."
"Don't worry, Kate. I'm not going anywhere."
She grinned and kissed him again, like that was the only thing she was capable of doing. In that moment, it was all she wanted to do. And that was just fine with him.
Fin! Yeah, I'm new to the Castle storylines and all. Let me know how I did. Thanks.