The wonderful institution
Note: Sort of sequel to Impertinent little brat – this can be read on its own though.
Characters: Byakuya, Renji, Yoruichi… and pretty much anyone else I feel like throwing into the mix. I'm thinking that Rukia and Ukitake will have to make themselves known sooner rather than later.
Warning: Future yaoi – this is really not a Yoruichi/Byakuya story.
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"I am not marrying you, Baka-neko."
"And I am not marrying you, Bya-bo."
A challenging glare was passed between them.
Then the Kuchiki noble inclined his head every so slightly, as did the woman across from him, as they for once in their lifetime agreed on something. Moving with the precise grace that had been hammered into them both since childhood they each picked up their cups of tea and sipped. The comfortable silence, an uncommon thing between them, stretched on for some minutes while they contemplated their newly formed alliance.
Finally Yoruichi put down her cup on the low table and she gave Byakuya a challenging look.
"Well, now that's settled. Got any ideas of how to get us out of this… " Bullshit. "…engagement?"
"None." Byakuya admitted.
"Me neither. " She muttered. Then she flashed a feral grin. "Tell you what though, Bya-bo. By the time we're done with them our dear, loving families will be wishing they'd disowned us at birth."
Byakuya nodded once, an almost invisible smile touching his lips: "Indeed."
There were no nobles ever born that had ever caused the racket that Byakuya Kuchiki and Yoruichi Shihoin had; however their racket had always been directed at each other. No one had ever dared to make themselves their common enemy. Until now.
Marriage really did wonders for a relationship.
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The girl had long, black hair and perky breasts, a narrow waist and long legs. He had seen her around before but hadn't ever talked to her until that night; turned out she was a member of the seventh division. It also turned out that he wasn't alone in noticing her, she had noticed him too – the night at the bar had quickly turned flirty and although they hadn't actually discussed it, at least not as far as he could remember, she had come to his home.
That black hair was currently wrapped in one of his hands, and those perky breasts were pushed up against his chest. His other arm was wrapped around her narrow waist whilst her arms and hands occupied themselves in a similar manner with his body. Again they hadn't really talked about it but kissing had ensued almost the second the door closed behind them.
Renji had no complaints.
Well, not really.
He shouldn't have any. Not with a pretty girl in his arms; a girl who seemed to have the same things on her mind as he had on his. Only, maybe she didn't. His mind, which had been filled with her up until the point where they actually kissed, was now diverting onto a completely different path.
No, don't go there, dammit!
"What's wrong?" she asked, pulling away slightly to gaze up at him. Renji blinked.
"What?" He asked.
"Is something wrong?" She asked again. Her fingers were playing with the hair on the nape of his neck.
"Nah… it's nothing…" he replied. She really was pretty. Heart shaped face, full lips, nice figure… what could be wrong? He smiled.
"Good." She smiled and drew him down for another kiss. And it was so good, so warm and filled with nicely strenuous activities to follow. But his mind was drifting again.
Gods be damned! Don't think about that now!
She pulled back again, this time putting a little distance between them. "You seem a bit preoccupied."
"Nah, come on. With such nice company, how could I be preoccupied?" he countered.
"Yeah, see I was thinking the same thing." She said, giving him a flirty little grin. "But really, Renji Abarai, you don't seem all that into this anymore. It's got to be something, and I can only hope that I'm not that something."
Sighing he admitted defeat and sat down on the couch. "No, no. It's not about ya. It's just… it's someone else… well not really… or maybe… er… yeah… I dunno."
The girl sighed a bit wistfully and sat down next to him. "It's alright. If you got someone else on your mind…"
"It's not really… someone else…" He replied quickly. "Just this thing…" he faltered, not sure of how to explain. Hell, if he couldn't even make sense of it himself how the hell could he make any sort of sense to her?
She peered at him closely. "You're not a virgin, are you?"
"What? No!" he exclaimed, defending his male ego. "I'll have ya know I've been doing this kinda stuff for years!"
She gave him an amused smile.
"Er… not that I'm a man-whore or anything…" he muttered, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck.
She giggled.
"Hey… er… Ya want something to drink?" he asked.
"Sure." She said and extended her hand for him to shake. "Hey, I'm Ume, by the way. Just in case you'd forgot."
"Nah, I remember." He grinned and shook her hand. Ok, so he had forgotten. They had only met a few hours ago and it wasn't as if he'd been focusing on her name.
"Sure you did." She agreed, but the smile she gave him told him that she didn't believe him in the least.
"Alright, I forgot." He admitted and felt stupid as hell. "Sorry 'bout that. Er… I'll remember… Hey, whatcha want to drink? Sake? Coffee?"
"Tea? I probably shouldn't drink any more liquor tonight and coffee would keep me up 'til dawn. Long day at work tomorrow."
"Yeah, ya could say that again." He agreed with a laugh and walked into the kitchen. "My cap'n would kill me if I got in reeking of sake." Again.
"I can imagine." She laughed. "I hear he's a real hardass. I guess he must be worse than usual now."
"Eh? Whatcha mean?" Renji asked, poking his head out of the kitchen to give her a curious look.
"What? You don't know?" Ume asked with surprise.
"Been off on a mission for awhile. Got back a couple of hours ago." Renji explained. "What's happened?"
"Wow, you've been missing out. It's like the talk of Seireitei." She said, sounding baffled to realise that there was someone in existence that didn't know whatever it was that had happened. "And Rukongai too." She added.
"What happened?" Renji asked, frowning. Had something bad happened?
"Byakuya Kuchiki and Yoruichi Shihoin," Ume said, eyes glinting with the joy of getting to announce the greatest bit of gossip in ages. "Are getting married."
"What?"
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Holy crap, it's true.
Renji stood staring at the parchment nailed to the sixth division's wall. It was a 'Super Special News' parchment from the Women's Shinigami Association – at least that was what the headline said. Underneath the gaudy headline was a picture of his captain – one where he seemed moments away from drawing his zanpakuto at the person taking the photo. Renji idly wondered if the poor photographer had survived the encounter. Next to that picture was another of Yoruichi clad in training gear and in the midst of kicking someone's ass. Whoever she'd been kicking around was cut out of the picture. Mostly. There was a leg there and a flailing hand that they hadn't been able to cut out. The parchment was completed with an array of red hearts and pink sakura blossoms, and, damn it, there was a black cat hanging from the letter 'E'. As in the last letter in the ominous word 'MARRIAGE' that was splayed at the top.
"Fucking hell." He muttered, rubbed his eyes and looked at the parchment again. Yep, still there. So it really was true.
"Aw, so romantic, isn't it?" a female shingami next to him exclaimed. He recognised her, Aruma something. She wasn't a seated officer but showed potential.
"Er… yeah… I guess…" Renji replied, scratching the back of his head.
"Eh? You don't look all that happy, Abarai-fukutaichou." She noted.
"It's not that! I just… I've been on a mission so I just heard 'bout this… so I guess it's… a bit much to take in."
"Why?" Another female voice cut in, joining them. This one was blond, a new recruit that he couldn't recall the name of. "People get married all the time."
"Yeah but this is taichou!" Renji argued. Looking at their blank faces he realised that this argument didn't reach them. "Ya know… taichou… cold and strict and not into the romantic crap: Kuchiki taichou!"
The two women stared at him. Then they exchanged a look – one of those female looks that meant something but he'd be damned if he could figure out what.
"How unromantic." Aruma sniffed, turning away from him.
"You just don't understand at all, do you?" The recruit said. she crossed her arms over her chest, looking him over with… damn it, was that pity? Pity for crying out loud!
"Kuchiki-taichou… lost his true love and since then his heart has been engulfed in ice." Aruma whispered seriously. From the way she said it Renji just knew that she actually believed what she was saying. "And now… now he's found love again. Yoruichi-sama has melted the ice surrounding his heart and soul."
"It's so romantic." The blond recruit said and sighed. "I wish it had been me."
"So romantic." Aruma sighed with equal wistfulness.
Renji just stood there, staring at the two women, wondering if they'd both gone insane. They must have, he decided. There was no way a sane person would actually believe that crap.
It wasn't until he saw their faces turn towards him in angry scowls that he realised that he'd voice his thoughts aloud. Damn.
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Fifteen minutes later he slammed the door to the office shut behind him and pushed his own desk in front of it.
"There." He stepped back and breathed out in relief. "That should keep 'em out."
"Abarai-fukutaichou."
Oh, crap. Renji nearly jumped out of his own skin when he heard that voice. Turning around slowly he faked a smile. "Er… yeah, Kuchiki-taichou?"
His captain was seated by his desk, his face blank and pale as usual, his eyes disinterested as they looked at him, then glided to where Renji's desk was standing in front of the door. Damn… that looks pretty stupid, doesn't it? Renji opened his mouth to explain the situation but his captain spoke first.
"You're late." And then he bent back over his paperwork as if nothing was amiss.
Renji stood there, stock still for a moment, wondering if he should do something. He really should explain why he just rushed in and blocked the door with his desk.
"Renji."
"Yes, taichou?"
"Get to work."
"Er… right. Sorry, taichou." Renji muttered, glancing at his desk again. "Right, I'll just… do that."
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Author's notes: Well, this is a long time coming, huh? Guess I might as well point out right now that I'm not always ( read never) an uber-fast writer. I come and go, depending on the amount of workload I've got to shoulder in the real life. Yeah, kinda sucks sometimes, I know but I gotta pay the rent somehow.
Er... regarding Renji little make out scene that went no where, and the "dear god don't think about that now" thing he had going - this is a reference to the previous fic Impertinent little brat... where some stuff happened. There was a kiss involved. Sorta. Thought I might mention it for those who haven't read it.
As for the title for this fic it's taken from a quote by Groucho Marx. The whole quote being: Marriage is a wonderful institution… but who wants to live in an institution?
I felt it would describe a marriage between Yoruichi and Byakuya adequately. I can't help it, their relationship amuses me. Greatly. Almost as much as the relationship between Renji and Byakuya – although for two completely different reasons.
So… please tell me what you thought, any feedback is always appreciated. Thanks.