Draco smirked, looking deeply into Harry's wide, soulful eyes. He felt an electric chill run up his spine as he leant closer, head tilted to the side as he focused on Potter's parted lips –
"YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MASTER HARRY POTTER!" Screamed an enraged Dobby as he appeared between the couple, wearing nothing but a pair of odd snitch covered socks. One of them flashed between luminescent green and hot pink.
Harry, understandably, was very confused. One minute, he was about to snog a slytherin, and the next, a house-elf was defending his virginal honour.
All rational thought fled as, having finished disposing of Draco, Dobby turned to look at him with utmost love and admiration. Harry felt… Safe, cared for, loved.
"Master Harry is safe now! You is having Dobby to take care of you now, yes?" Dobby then rubbed himself against Harry's shin with a moan; mostly because that was the only part he could reach.
Then, just as Harry was starting to get into it, another voice bellowed across the hall. "Dobby! Bad house-elf! Off to the kitchens with you!"
Dobby gave one last parting, longing leer, and with the promise to visit later (with various sweet food stuff), promptly left, leaving Harry alone with the newcomer.
The-Boy-Who-Lived pouted up at headmaster Dumbledore, who merely smiled in response and rested a withered hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Come, Harry," He said, guiding him down the corridor, "We have much to discuss in my office; you've been a very naught boy lately."
Harry sighed, before a thought cheered him up. "Could I have a lemon drop, professor?"
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled in a very strange way. "Oh, I have a candy I'm sure you'll simply love to suck," He leered, "and please, call me Albus."
OMFGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A/N: YOU'VE READ IT, NOW YOU CAN'T UNREAD IT
AHAHAHAHAHA…. Seriously, please, don't kill me. Just be thankful that I couldn't bring myself to be more explicit. Now, about where this (I hesitate to call it 'fiction') thing came from… Am I the only one whose been amused every time they've seen a 'D/H' in a Harry Potter fan fiction summary, whilst knowing that it probably is referring to Draco/Harry, could also mean Dobby/Harry or Dumbledore/Harry?
No? Am I the only one? Ah well. I know you'll all be thinking it now, at any rate. I hope I gave you a good laugh, and for purely legal reasons, I have to state that I am not in any way, shape, or form responsible for any mental images you may or may not get from reading this fan fiction.
Note that this fic was justly rated as 'Mature' because of mentions of house-elf humping and candy sucking. Ha! And now I've made you think of it again!