The stench of blood was thick as smoke. Hundreds of ninja bodies and even more parts were splashed across the field, creating a black and red sea of mangled cloth and flesh. Yellow flashes struck off the multitude of ninja weapons scattered about.

Cuts. Dried deep crimson all over his body.

Uchiha Jon revealed his large black anime orbs. Although the sun was bright and high, the temperature sent a chill through him. He did a dramatic cape thing, then zipped up his kimono pants, wondering why they had to hit his balls so many times.

But there was no time for wondering. Despite the lovely smell, a different, also familiar, one cut the air.

Uchiha Jon had returned to Naruto Land.

His feet left the ground. Then he felt blades of green against the parts of his feet that weren't covered by tattered material. Again, he jumped. A low, vibrating sound escaped his throat. He clenched his fists and got into a semi-squatting position. No matter how much the veins in his forehead exploded, he couldn't feel his hair turn yellow.

"FUCKLEWITZ!" Jon screamed manly. His teeth clenched so tight they ground by one another, causing a horrible sound.

Sweat trickled down his forehead. The realization, the powerlessness—he jumped, fell, and smashed his fists into the ground, then rolled, writhing in pain. Chest heaving, Uchiha Jon sat up. His face felt sticky. He twisted some hair between fingers. Sasuke-chan…

Uchiha Jon's brow sweat was nice and salty, but he had shit to do. Real manly shit. The type of shit that you don't just come back from, but need a wet cloth and some soap and water. The type of shit you'd even take a Brillo Pad over nothing.

Jon stroked his special button until he was seeing rainbows. He waited. He stroked again. But no Sasuke-chan.

Did this mean…? No. That couldn't be true.

Panic.

Heaving.

Heart beating like it was about to bust. Bust like after the best win streak in Black Jack ever, then betting it all and losing to four 2s followed by four aces then a 9.

Suddenly, Jon felt Sakura's fingers on his shoulder! He just knew.

"Sakura-chan!" Jon shouted while whipping around, slamming his elbow into her face. "Holy shit, Sakura-chan, I am so sorry!"

Sakura was rubbing her cheek from a sitting position in the grass when her eyes tilted up sexily. "I'm sorry, who are you?" she asked with the voice of a succubus. The kind of succubus that looks like a twenty-four-year-old Jessica Alba fucking Scarlet Johansson. She had always looked up to older women, never understanding why, until one day, she bumped into that ass. When that hand reached down, Jessica saw an angel, and when she felt that softness, she finally understood what all those songs and stories were about.

Sakura was no twenty-four-year-old Jessica Alba. But she'd do. She always did. Jon grinned. But it quickly faded.

Those huge emerald eyes flashed a few times. She ran some fingers through the light pink hair of hers as a similar shade took her cheeks. "Uh-um, do I know you?" she finally asked, after what felt like decades. She was so cute.

"Uh, it's Jon. Uchiha Jon," Jon said matter-of-factly.

"Jon…Uchiha?" she blinked out. "There are no more Uchiha…."

Jon raised a brow and stroked his chin. Then it hit him. He put it together…. He was dead. Rather, never existed until his father undid it. But that was a different universe. Here…. No one knew him.

Jon began to laugh. "Yeah, that's right," Jon said. His view quickly shifted away from Sakura, then back. "You see, I'm on a special mission from a very far land. I recognized you from the reports, but I needed to be sure."

Sakura tilted her head. Her knees were pointed out and she had her hands out in front of her, on the ground. It was so cute. Jon wanted to fuck her, though. He's weird like that.

She lifted a finger to her lips and slightly opened her mouth. The fingertip dragged down and held there, opening her lips even more. Jon came by her side. And winked.

They fucked with shit right there. It was awesome.

"Sakura…! Sakura! Sakura-chan!" Jon shouted.

"It's Yuri, by the way."

"What?"

"I changed my name."

"What? Why? Wait, fuck that. Where is Sasuke?"

"Sasuke…" Sakura diverted her eyes. "She…she's been gone for a few weeks now." She looked up into Jon's eyes as he thrust forward until their stomachs were touching. "No clue…. Naruto is trying so hard. He's in love with her, you know?"

Jon nodded. "Calm down, Sakura!" he panted and shouted. Her cheek was soft, but the sound that came off it wasn't.

"Yuri is calm. Yuri is calm…." Sakura said. She then tilted her head, and her eyes grew wide. "J-Jon?" she said, twisting her hips with a moan.

The sexual innuendo's in Jon's head were getting too sexy, so Jon backflipped away from Sakura. She licked her lower lip with a fingertip. "Yeah, like I said," he said. "And why are you in the third person?"

"No, I mean…" she grasped the sides of her head. "I…all of a sudden, I remember you…. Oh, wow!…This changes everything… I...what is happening to me? It's like…like the past is changing who I am. Who am I?"

"You're Sakura…."

"I'm Yuri!"

"About that…. Why?"

"I…" Sakura looked at the ground, then mumbled, "I thought if I said my name…"

"But you're Blossom. Not Lily."

"I thought something about my name.… Like, it was too pretty. Too pretty for me…."

"So, you chose another pretty flower?"

Sakura's eyes sunk, then started to glisten. "You're still such a jerk, Jon," she said.

"S-sorry. Look, Sakura, there's nothing wrong with you—"

"Then why does no one care?! Why did my physiatrist ask me if I did anything ten minutes after I saved his life?! Three kunai were in him, one in a lung! I SAVED HIS LIFE, TOLD HIM HOW I WAS, CAUSE HE ASKED FOR SOME REASON, THEN, TEN MINUTES LATER, HE ASKED IF I'VE DONE ANYTHING WITH MY LIFE! LIKE, WHAT IS THAT?!"

"I…I'm so sorry Sakura. I always appreciate you, and will never forget."

"I've been a good girl, too, Jon, I swear," she said, nodding hastily. "I haven't slept with anyone since you. Well, except Hinata, but most of that was in another universe."

"I'm sorry?"

"Once you left, you see, I started having dreams—visions of myself, in other worlds. Some, kind of similar, others…very different."

It must be part of the paradox, Jon thought. He squinted his eyes.