AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please acknowledge the fact that all spelling mistakes are deliberate.
DISCLAIMER: Although I did write this, I give it to JRR Tolkien as a gift.
The Foolishness of Them All
Sometime after the fall of Gandalf.
"Wonderful," said Peregrine Falcon, known to most as Pippin, "I've lost me lucky charms again."
"No wonder we're stuck here," said his good friend Merry Buckteeth, "you fool of a- wait, that phrase doesn't work anymore," he said dejectedly.
"Nay, I don't think this is lucky at all," said Frodo Baggies, "to be stuck in a tree is one thing, but to be stuck in a tree with Wargs at your feet is even worse." He aimed his arrow at the nearest beast and fired; it missed and hit the rock.
"That's a waste of a good arrow," Said Legless, everyone called him by his nickname though, Legolas, because he did have a set of very functional legs. "Could have been used for better purposes." He aimed his own bow and shot. He missed also.
"Still think that sitting up here is awfully cowardly," said Ranger, but everyone called him Strider, Aragorn, the Dunadan or the Man with Too Many Names. His sword was by his side, gleaming in the dark, ready for battle if there was one. "We should fight then be gone from this wretched place."
"Then you go down and fight, see if you get back with your head, or any other limb for that matter," said Blimli (also known as Gimli), he too, feared the Wargs at their feet.
"Then be prepared to stay here forever, or until these vile creatures are convinced that they're not going to get a dinner of Hobbit, Elf, Dwarf and Man," he said, and waved his sword at the muzzles lunging for his feet.
"Then we're going to be here for a while," Frodo said, aiming his bow again, to the dismay of Legolas, who was beginning to regret ever lending his old bow and arrows to Frodo. He was still upset that they both had missed and lost a dart. Surprisingly, the arrow went strait and hit the beast in the hindquarters, near the butt; the animal was not harmed but began to deflate. "I got it!" Frodo exclaimed, but in his excitement, he began to fall of the branch, Legolas shot his hand out and grabbed the hobbit, but since he had gained weight, he dragged both of them onto the ground.
Legolas fell with a cry. Frodo who understood little Elven curses, except for the worst (because of Uncle Bilbo), gave Legolas an evil eye for his extremely rude outburst. Legolas looked at Frodo sheepishly.
"Perhaps they will be content with just Elf and Hobbit," Boromir said as he peered from his own branch. He made no attempt to save them.
"What about Frodo?" Sam Gamgeeee said, "I would rather die than see my master torn to pieces by these despicable animals!"
"Do you want me to kill you now or later then?" Aragorn offered. He stared at the Wargs, Hobbits and Elves below him.
"When is it less painful?"
"Ai! What are we to do now, Frodo Baggies?" Legolas wailed, "I thought that my death would come in Mordor, not half way there!"
"We're only half ways there?" Frodo said, enraged, "never trust Gandalf for directions again."
"Do Hobbits' not have a sense of where Figurative starts and when Literal ends? You Little People have no sense of humor," Legolas whispered back, but he too, at that moment, didn't have any either.
"It's hard to have a sense of humor when you're about to be eaten alive," he retorted. "But I wonder…" Frodo stuck his hand into his shirt and slipped on the Ring. He disappeared from sight. Legolas looked around nervously, for he was the only one of the Company that was left alone with the wolves.
"I seem to remember Gandalf and Strider telling you not to wear that," Merry whispered, although he was sure that Frodo could not hear him. Frodo suddenly appeared next to him. "Ai! Ai!" he shouted then began to fall as well, Frodo tried to grab him but he was unsteady as well, and he cared more about himself than Merry, who was a guy that had a girl's name. (Sorry. It took me three weeks to get over that fact.)
"Ahh!" Merry screamed again, but his cry intermingled with Legolas', for the hobbit had crushed the Elf beneath him. Legolas pushed the Hobbit off his winded body and gasped for breath.
"We're going to die, aren't we?" said Merry, thoroughly shaken as the Wargs encircled them.
"I wouldn't bet your money on surviving," Legolas wheezed.
"So we're going to die?"
"Most likely."
"I'm hungry."
A/N ~ Please review, I've got all 6 chapters written already…