SHPERFS

by oatpaw

Okay, no idea where this came from. But this my little friends is a masterpiece. I think. Probably not. I'm insane, by the way. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF GLITTER, COOKIES, NON-CANON THINGS, AND MATURE LANGUAGE. RATED T, BECAUSE I NEED MENTAL HELP. I'LL BE JUST AS SURPRISED AS YOU AT WHAT COMES OUTTA HERE.

1. They Have Swallowed Us Whole

*YAYSIES!* Here, my little cookie friends, is a spoof for your enjoyment. I still am not even sure what it might contain. Read at your own risk. There will be censored language, maybe not in this chapter, but in this story all together. Spelling and Grammar will not be correct. I will try not to use backspace unless you can not decipher what has been written. May contain spoilers if you have not read past The Last Hope. I dernt ern werriers (i dont own warriors at all but if i did maybe some ppl wouldnve have died in stupid ways) BTW: I will be just as surprised as you will at what comes out of my brain.

"COOKIES!"

"CUPCAKES!"

"PANCAKES!"

"WAFFLES!"

"IMMA PRICKLY PEAR IMMA PRICKLY PEAR!"

every1 stopped and looked at graystripe. he was next to a cactus, eating a cactus, covered in cacti.

"IMMA PRICKLY...pear." graystripe looked down at his paws. in unison, everyone yowled "GRAYSTRIPE, GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID."

after that, thunderclan went back to shouting twoleg foods at each other. but then, out of the blue uninvited, firestar came down from the sky singing adele songs. but once he landed, his starry figure turned a pale pink. he was embarrassed, if you couldnt tell. firestar cleared his voice, and went onto the high ledge. bramblestar came out of the leader's den and ran up to firestar, sobbing, "OH STARCLAN YOU'VE COME FOR ME FIRETSTRA IM HALLUCINATING ALREADY WHAT HAVE I DONE OH PLS NO I SWEAR I DONT LIKE WAFFLES DONT KIIIILLLLLLLL MMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

every looked at brambletsra. he was staring at firestar, and everyone was so shocked at bramblestar that no one payed attention to snowkit chewing on thornclaw's leg. thornclaw was being swallowed whole by the small kit, and no one cared. thornclaw was old anyways. and plus, snowkit wouldnt listen. by the time graystripe threw his waffles and prickly pears at firestar's ghost and the sobbing bramblestar, snowkit and dewkit had entirely eaten shadowclan, thornclaw, brakenfur, sandstorm, leafpool, squirrelflight, millie, daisy, and spiderleg. but no one cared. they were watching bramblestar as he hugged firestars leg and sobbed random things.

the first one to notice the absences was birchfall. birchfall made up an awesome, tasteful plan. this way, dewkit and snowkit would eat firestar, and everyone would notice. then, all of teh clanmates would notice birchfall and how he made them notice that there were evil cat-eating kits in thunderclan. birchfall was gonna save da day. that would make up for being a random backup character. so, birchfall looked into cloudtail's secret collection of glitter and sprinkles, and picked out a tasty can of red sprinkles. red matched firestar's pelt. if firetsar's ghost was gonna be eaten, it would be done so with style.

birchfall snuck over to the high ledge. he could still hear the chanting, "WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES,WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES,WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES,CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES,WAFFLES, COOKIES, Y U NO LIKE WAFFLES FIRESTAR, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES,WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES, WAFFLES, COOKIES, CUPCAKES, PANCAKES!"

there was a lot of chanting. birchfall decided that he needed to wear a disguise. no one could know that he made dewkit and snowkit and starkit eat firestar. where did starkit come from. no one knows. maybe tawnyspots decided to magically teleport starkit into the clan. you dont know who tawnyspots is (gasps) she was in bluestars prophecy. (gasp) you still have no idea who im talkig about do you well check the wikia im not explaining. because cats can read books and such yes it is incredibly interesting indeed.

so birchfall painted his fur into a shade of magenta, and glued some of cloudtail's secret glitter onto himself. then, he put on one of lionblaze's magical manly mustaches. the new birchfall crawlde out of da warriors den, and back to behind the highledge. to his luck, bramblestar was yet again sobbing about how firetsra was killed in probably the stupidest way possible and how tigerstar is a bad daddy and would like to kill the cat who took the rest of his catnip. graystripe was crying and hugging his prickly pear whilst rocking in feedle postion. firetsra was just staring at the sobbing bramblestar that was hanging onto his leg.

birchfall took his chance. he sprinted onto the high ledge and sprinkled tiny red sugar bits onto firestar. he ran off the high ledge and washed off his disguise of magenta fur cloudtails sparklez glitter and lionblazes manly magic mustache. but he kept the mustache. it was manly.

birchfall returned just in time to see dewkit sucking on firestars ear while snowkit chewed his leg. his own leg. birchfall had failed. snowkit had failed. firestar was being a girly girl and rampaging about dewkit's saliva running down his face while there was glitter stuck on his head and bramblestar hugged his leg crying and graystripe rocked in feedle position hugging his prickly pears. firetsra thought, what has become of us? so firetsra stopped his girly girl rampage, tore dewkit off his ear, pried bramblestar off his leg, and stole graystripes prickly pears. den, firestar shouted, "WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WIT Y'ALL?!"

all of thunderclan was silent. firestar had used forbidden twoleg language! thunderclan went on a rampage. cats yowled. cloudtail threw glitter and sprinkles. birchfall screamed and cried because no one saw him save da day. bramblestar rocked in feedle position sobbing more useless words. lionblaze was singing sweater weather. dovewig was fluffing up her new wig. she was oblivious to what was happening. dustpelt shook his pelt from the dust. more dust formed into his fur. eternally dusty foreva. briarlight activated tree powers and turned into the glow in the dark tree she was named after. firestar's ghost looked around. "You know, I think I'd be better off if I never visited ThunderClan again... StarClan is better." and with that, he floated up into the clouds foreva and eva leaving the phsyco thunderclan behind. that is when jayfeather came out. "OK, WHO ATE ALL THE CATNIP?!" everycat raised their paws. lionblaze looked down and whispered, "I may or may not have stolen it and dealed it out to all of the clans. We're gonna have a fun Gathering, aren't we?"

THIS IS THE HONEST TRUTH. I have no idea what in StarClan I just wrote. Don't judge, I'm judging myself already. No idea where this came from, obviously not my brain. Maybe my foot. It's asleep anyway.

Let's see how many people can guess what references I used. Hint: Some are from Youtube, or random comics I found. Correct answers get a cookie.