Author's Note: I hope you all enjoy this. I've pretty much stopped my other SVU fic in favor of starting a new one. This one will be a little different. I'll start it off, and the first chapter will be in present time. The next few chapters will be in past time, then it will move back to the present. I'll indicate when it's what. This chapter is also in the first person, something that may continue throughout the story. This first person is Elliot. This is not E/O. Only a friendship between them. But Dean Porter may appear, depending on my mood when I write. Enjoy! And please review!!

Disclaimer: Nothing in this chapter is mine. That may change later if I bring in a new character or something.

Intensive Care Unit, Bellevue Hospital

March 18, 2008

9:43 PM

"Man, you gotta get some sleep," a voice behind me commented. I looked up to see John Munch standing over my shoulder. The older detective looked concerned, but I couldn't get myself to move. My eyes drifted to the form in front of me, the beeping from the machines suddenly becoming louder in the silent room. She looked so pale, lifeless almost. I wanted to think that she was just sleeping, but it was more. Much more.

"I can't," I sighed, shaking my head. I couldn't will myself to move. Kathy had called several times. Luckily, she seemed pretty understanding of the situation, telling me to take all the time I needed. I couldn't just get up and go home. Not after what had happened today. It was too much, and I was definitely responsible in more than one way. Could have prevented it. Should have prevented it. But 'could have's' and 'should have's' did no good now.

"Her brother's here. She's not gonna be alone tonight," the older detective tried to persuade me, but I just couldn't. I hadn't seen Simon since he'd arrived. I couldn't. The thought of looking him in the eye after what had happened, I just... I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him what happened, how I could have prevented it.

"Leave me alone, John," I snapped, glaring at Munch. He looked taken aback for a moment before nodding. He silently walked out of the room, and my gaze shifted back to her. Olivia. God, how did I let this happen? Her bruised body was painful even to look at. Her right leg covered by a cast, her arms hanging limply by her side. The bandage wrapped around her head. It shouldn't have been her. This shouldn't have happened to her. She looked so fragile now. I've never seen her like that. Even in the worst of cases, she refused to show emotion. She always looked strong, even when injured. When her throat had been cut a few years back. It was scary. I was terrified. I thought I'd lose my best friend. But there she was, waving me away. Insisting she was fine. And she was. And then a few months ago. When that psycho slashed her arm. She was fine then as well. Hell, she managed to take him down with a book. That's the Liv I know. Not this one.

Sometimes I feel like she's my kid sister. I always want to protect her from whatever evil there is. She's been my best friend for years. I could talk to her. She was there for me during the rough time in my marriage. She's helped me whenever something bad has happened at work. I can talk to her about anything, and the same goes with her. I was there for her when she found her brother. Helped her when Simon was accused of rape.

"Liv, you have to get better," I whispered, resting my head in the palms of my hands. Tears stung at my eyes, and I didn't bother to wipe them away. She's the only person I might cry in front of. Sure, she may not be conscious. But still. God, if she wasn't better... if she died... I don't know what I'd do. I don't know if I could handle it.

I wish things turned out different. I wish many things, and regret many things. But this regret... it's the biggest I've ever had. I hate it. I hate me. This shouldn't have happened to her. Not when it was so easy to prevent. I looked up finally and took her hand in mine, just holding it. It was so cold, something I wasn't used to. I leaned back in the chair that was by the hospital bed, closing my eyes as I went over what had happened in my mind again.

Another Note: So, what d'ya all think? Please review if you want more! And I know you do!