I'm glad you came
"Hey! You still owe me $10! "
The angry taxi driver got Bug back into reality. He was standing in front of a nice little club with music coming from the inside. He would be a little late if he entered now, but what did it matter? It wasn't like someone in the inside needed him to be there and he'd probably ruin the fairy atmosphere if he entered now… On the other side he had already paid the taxi to come here. Or he was about to do so.
"Here.", mumbled Bug as he gave him the money.
"No tip?! Thank you, you ******"
Oops. He had forgotten it. Who cared? The taxi driver was an asshole anyway…
He took a few steps towards the door and tried to put on a cheerful face. And failed. He'd probably left his cheerful face at home. He tried out some other expressions that would hide his true feelings and finally decided for tiredness, which was also a welcome excuse for his lateness.
After a deep breath he entered the club. It was loud, filled with many people and flashing lights. He nearly left straight-away, heading back to the morgue. To the bugs. To anything that could distract him. He had already one foot out of the door, when –
"Bug!"
He turned to see Lily waving at him. She was wearing a skinny flowered dress and smooth hair. She was stunning. If he didn't know that it was medically impossible, he'd sworn that his organs had frozen by the flash of a light.
Normally he was always happy to see her, but today he wanted to evade her as much as possible. Lily looked pretty relieved to see him though and as Bug noticed who was standing next to her, he knew why. Brandau's horrible mother and a woman who looked very much like that old bat. There were two of this kind? Oh dear, no wonder Lily tried to escape…No chance that he could evade her now.
She already hurried over to him. "Bug! I'm so glad you came!" She gave him a tied hug - something he normally enjoyed. Today he could hardly stand it.
Lily smiled when she released him. She seemed a bit lost. A bit desperate. But that was probably due to the fact that she had to deal her future mother-in-law.
"I'm really glad you came!"
"Yeah."
Bug couldn't think of anything better to say. He always had problems to find the right words, but right now they seemed to have all vanished. Together with some other things…
"I came." He added. Lily's smile faded. So much for hiding his emotions in order to not ruin the atmosphere…
"Listen, Bug…" Lily started, but was interrupted by the bat and her sister.
"Oh hey, isn't that the Indian insect boy? What was your name again?"
"Just call me Bu-" Lily cut him short and returned to the bat a bit louder than usual for her.
"That's Dr. Vijayaraghavensatyanaryanamurthy, Elaine.Not the Indian insect boy!
"Gosh, Lily, don't be so aggressive! Jeffrey can't deal with this type of women!
"Well, he deals with you, doesn't he?"
The two women stared at each other in open disgust for a second – then returned to their faked harmony.
"Anyway, I have to shake some hands. You know, there's a huge family on Jeffrey's side. It's rather lucky that your brother didn't make it – there would have hardly fit anymore people in here! Nice to meet you, Dr…Dr. Glad you decided to come after the boring first hour has passed."
And with that they scurried away. Lily turned back to Bug.
"I'm so sorry, Bug! She's…"
"Don't worry, it's fine!"
"No it's not! She's such a loathly, self-opinionated, life-ruining old…old…"
"Bat?"
"Exactly!" They laughed. For a little moment all the situation's tension was gone. Then they both seemed to remember the reason for this party. Bug nervously cleared his throat.
"So…where's Jeffrey?"
That question seemed to surprise her. "Oh, he's…eh…I think he was somewhere at the wardrobe or at the buffet…clearing something with the waiters…I don't know exactly."
"You should better look for him then." Bug tried to sound neutral. And failed. Again. He should probably start his "evading-Lily" tactic now, before he ruined her evening completely.
"Oh, well…I'm sure he'll show up again. I thought…eh…maybe we could get a drink or something? I mean you just arrived here! I…"
Bug quickly looked away. He'd probably say yes, if he looked her in the eyes. Well, he'd probably say yes to everything, if he looked her in the eyes.
"I think I see Nigel over there! Should say hello to him. You know how he is, Lily. He gets huffy pretty easily, so…"
"Really? I don't think Nigel cares if you say hello to him now or later."
She was pretty insistent. Bug wondered why, as the two bats had already left. A few lines more and she'd probably convinced him, but luckily Emmy helped him out.
"Hey bridyy! You haven't had one single drink with dear Emmy tonight!"
Emmy seemed as if she had a few drinks on her own instead, as she was slightly seesawing on her way towards them. Now Lily hadn't got much of an option as Emmy was pulling her.
"Oh, ok. Well, then see you later, Bug."
"Yeah." He turned.
"Oh hey, Bug! You save me a dance, ok?"
That wasn't a good idea. He should probably say no.
"Yes, of course! I mean…if you queue up in the line of other women who want to dance with me."
Lily chuckled and he couldn't help but smiling a little. Then she was out of sight and as Nigel was waving on him, he really had to say hello. But first he needed a drink.
When he reached Nigel's table, he was holding his second drink.
"Buggles, love! You came?" Nigel welcomed him.
„Obviously." Bug grumpily replied, necking the rest of his tequila. Or vodka. Or whatever he was drinking there. He wasn't quite sure if he could handle Nigel right now.
"Well…we thought you wouldn't."
"You and Jordan? You're probably gutted that I came to ruin the party mood! Where is she anyway?"
Nigel stared at him blankly. Bug knew that he couldn't blame him and that it was unlikely that arguing with his friend would cheer him up, but at the moment he couldn't care less.
"Are you feeling ok, sweetheart?" Nigel asked with caution.
„Of course I am! Could you please stop looking at me like you're trying to detect my cause of death?!"
Nigel raised his eyebrows. "Wooii, worse than I expected, love. We'll better think of a way to cheer you up, ain't we?"
He earned a dirty look for that. Did Bug even want to be cheered up? At the moment he just wanted a few more drinks to numb his thoughts. A bit of distraction would be helpful too. Right now he hadn't anything else to do than watching how Lily was introduced to a family that wasn't his. She seemed to have found Jeffrey or he'd found her as she was standing in his arms. How he hated this mama's boy.
"Love?" Nigel's voice brought him back and he decided to change the subject himself before his friend could make any new attempts on talking about Lily.
"So, where is Jordan?" He asked although he was just mildly interested.
„Oh, she came here with Pollack. See, the two are dancing there by the disk jockey!"
Bug saw them dancing happily to Roxette's "Dangerous". How fitting. They seemed to amuse themselves pretty well. At least someone was.
"So they're a couple again?" He asked flatly.
"Naah, not yet. But based on how they dance, they'll probably have a very lucky night, if you know what I mean." Nigel smirked.
Bug took another nip of his drink. „Good for them. " It was supposed to sound happy or at least neutral, but it came out rather bitterly. Nigel put on his serious face again.
"See Bug, I think we really should talk about it, friend. It's a hard night for you. Why haven't you brought Amy, anyway? I'm sure Lily wouldn't have minded it."
She wouldn't have minded it. Of course she wouldn't. She'd probably been glad, because she'd feel less bad then. Bug knew that, but Nigel's statement finally made him loose his temper.
"Is it that hard to get that I don't want to talk about it?! I don't want to talk about Amy! I don't want to talk about Lily! Actually, I don't want to talk to you at all! Why don't you just piss off?!"
Nigel looked at him, hurt.
"Fine. I'm gonna look for someone who actually wants to talk to me. Have fun with your self-pity!"
With that he made his way to the dancefloor. Bug felt a bit sorry now. Not that Nigel wasn't used to his churlishness from time to time, but he was right. Bug was really swallowing in self-pity. He secretly cursed himself for that, which didn't make it any better.
Nigel was right – he could have brought Amy with him. Amy. She's been such a nice woman. Warm-hearted. Pretty. And she actually liked him. She had feelings for him and it had been the perfect match, if only he had feelings for her too. After the brunch in which Lily had sneaked herself in, he had realized that he couldn't act anymore like there was a chance for Amy and him to get together. He had a date with this great woman and hadn't even told Lily about it. Or asked her to leave them alone. Later, Bug had realized why. He didn't want Lily to leave. At all. And feeling this way about another woman wasn't the best start for a relationship, so he had broken up with Amy. She had been sad, but understanding. She really would have been the perfect match…If Bug only wanted her to be.
A harrumph startled him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Garret taking a seat next to him. Bug had just proven that he wasn't able to deal with company tonight, but couldn't think of a polite way to tell his boss to leave either.
"Hello, Dr. Macy."
"Hello, Bug."
Garret was probably as loquacious as he was, but Bug was sure that he was still about to ask him how he felt tonight.
He wasn't.
"So, any progress in the Cropper case?" Garret asked instead and Bug was extremely grateful for that. Work – that was something he could deal with.
"Yeah, actually…I could identify one of the grubs that were found in the oral cavity. It's from a chironomid, which supports Woody's theory that they were captured and murdered at the Stony Brook Reservation."
"Good work, Bug! So you think you'll find the second corpse soon? "
"I hope so."
They carried on like this. Talking about cases, about DNA analysis that need to be made, about new ways of restoring finger prints…and after a while Bug felt better. The alcohol made him dizzier and he slowly forgot what was bothering him. He could actually talk with Nigel when his friend had gotten over being in a snit. He didn't even loose his face, when the groom came to their table.
"Cheers, Jeffrey!"
"Oh…hey Bug. Lily told me you came. Good."
„Yeah, good."
Jeffrey didn't sound very convincing. Bug knew that his hostile attitude was mutual, although he didn't really understand why. He had won. Lily was marrying him. There was no reason for any kind of jealousy from Jeffrey's side. It wasn't like Bug was stealing his bride. Not that he wouldn't, if he had the chance to…
Jeffrey turned to Garret.
"Dr. Macy, is Lily's quitting already through? I'm worried about the cancelation period."
Bug's thoughts suddenly cleared. He had misheard that. He must have.
"Quitting? What do you mean, Jeffrey? "
"Oh, Lily is going to stop working at the morgue by the end of the month. I'm earning enough for us both. There's no need for her to work."
Bug looked at him blankly. That couldn't be – she would have told him! He looked to Garret and Nigel, but both didn't seem very surprised by the news. In fact they rather looked a bit uncomfortable, avoiding his eyes.
"She hasn't told you?" Jeffrey asked a bit too pleased for Bug's taste. „I thought she'd told all her friends about it. "
A feeling of being slapped overcame him. Without another word he stood up and left the table looking for the woman he had considered as his best friend.
He didn't need long to find her. Jordan seemed to have been able to take her eyes and hands off Pollack, as she was dancing with Lily now, who was beaming at him when he arrived. Seeing his expression, her face quickly fell.
"What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?! You're quitting your job! You're rather playing housewife now instead of doing the work you love? And why the hell do I have to hear that from Jeffrey? Why am I the only one who hasn't known that?! You've known it too, haven't you, Jordan?"
Jordan muttered a quick "I'd better leave you two alone" and took flight. Lily was completely caught off guard. She just stared at him looking for words. But they wouldn't come, so Bug carried on.
"I thought we were supposed to be friends…best friends?"
Lily sighed.
"We are, Bug. I…I just didn't know how to tell you…I'm so sorry! It was quite a spontaneous decision. The whole quitting happened so fast…I was waiting to the right moment to tell you, but…"
"But the right moment didn't come, so you decided it's better when I hear it from Jeffrey?"
He wasn't really angry. He wasn't even sure if he was able to be angry at Lily. But he was hurt. Losing the last chance for the two to get together was one thing, but losing her as a friend, losing her presence every day, their morning coffee together…that was something completely different.
"Why, Lily? Why? You love your work! Helping, comforting people – that's your nature. It makes you happy. Why are you giving that up? For…for nothing?"
Lily gulped.
"I'm not giving it up for nothing. You know what I'm giving it up for…"
"You don't have to give up your life up for Jeffrey! Has he made you do it?"
"No! It was my idea, Bug. Please – just accept it!" She sounded irate now, but still a bit guilty. They glared at each other for a second – then Bug's look softened.
"Alright, I get it, Lily. It's your life. I just…I don't understand it."
Lily nodded. She seemed to carefully measure her words now.
"I need some distance."
Her response confused him. Distance? Why did she need distance from the morgue? It was her home. Just as it was Jordan's, or Nigel's, or his home.
„I thought you like the work at the morgue. I thought you like working as a grief counselor…"
"I didn't mean distance from the morgue, Bug."
"From what do you need distance then?"
She gave him a significant look and he got what she was trying to say. It wasn't the morgue that she wanted to leave. It was him.
"You meant distance from me."
It wasn't a question. It was a statement.
Lily seemed to deeply struggle with herself.
"Please don't get me wrong! I don't want to end our friendship or something like that. I just think that it's not good for us if we see each other every day."
"Why not?" Bug tried to keep his voice calm. And failed. He couldn't believe what she was saying.
"Well…you know…ah, come on, Bug, you know what I mean! What happened between us…"
"But nothing has happened between us! Nothing, Lily. We're just friends! And after tomorrow, you're going to be married…that doesn't change anything! "
He was nearly shouting now. Lily looked around, worried. Clearly she didn't want the other guests to overhear their conversation. She almost whispered the next words.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore. Nor do I want to carry on pretending that I don't care hurting you."
"I can deal with it."
"Well, I can't. Listen, Bug, I don't want to cut you out of my life, but I think it'll help if we don't see each other that often until we have learned to deal with the new situation."
He looked to the ground. He knew that he couldn't change her mind and he was slowly tired of trying it. All the years, he had always kept his feelings for himself, so that nothing would stand between them. He had believed that hiding his emotions to sustain their friendship was the only thing he had succeeded in with Lily and now she was telling him that he had failed.
There was a long silence between them in which her words acted on him. So that's it. It was over now. Lily looked as despondent as he felt. At least it wasn't easy for her either.
"See, I will skip along at the morgue regularly. Once a week…we can have a talk then…maybe do some stuff together…"
She seemed close to tears now and suddenly Bug remembered the promise he had made himself at the beginning of this night. This was Lily's special night and tomorrow would be her special day. He wasn't going to ruin that. After all, he still wanted her to be happy. And if that terrible mamma's boy was making her happy – happier than he could ever make her, then it was how the story goes.
"You're right, Lily. It's not like you're leaving the country. We're not talking over dead bodies anymore – who cares?! Let's enjoy this night!"
Bug smiled at her, but that didn't really convince her.
"I don't know about you, but I could deal with a new drink now! And afterwards…how about the dance I owe you?"
He tried to sound a bit more cheerful and for once he didn't fail at it. Lily started to smile carefully.
"Sounds good."
The night carried on and after a few more hours the alcohol had successfully pushed away most of the gloomy thoughts that inhabited Bug's mind. Knowing that he'd probably never be as close to Lily as now again, he enjoyed every dance.
Suddenly he felt the need to say something in front of everyone. The whole Brandau pack just needed to know what special, wonderful person was joining their family tomorrow. They should worship her way more than they were doing right now! With some clumsy steps he made his way to the podium. His voice of reason protested, but it was way too far away to be noticed. He knocked against his martini glass to get the guest's attention and started to speak…
- Original Crossing Jordan monologue -
"Hello…everyone. I would like to make a toast. To Lily and eeh…Jeffrey, who are getting married tomorrow!
Well, I think everyone in this room knows Jeffrey, but obviously you do not know Lily.
She is kind.
She's sweet…she has the biggest, most-caring heart of anyone I have ever met.
I'm not very good at making speeches...and I don't know much about finding love.
But I imagine we are not that much different from the 'harmonia exeerides' – the ladybug, who hibernates all through the winter and then wenches out in the spring with just one goal:
To find his soul mate.
This is a creature that would rather die than fail the quest.
Eventually, the two meet – they become one and they are complete. And they flourish as never before.
I am so glad that my… friend has found a way to flourish with yours.
Cheers!"
- Original Crossing Jordan monologue -
His speech ended in applause. Everyone was laughing and cheering back. Then he caught a sight of Lily. Her smile didn't look like the others – it seemed agonized. Bug wondered why.
4 am. Silence. Bug leant against a cold brick wall on the club's backyard. Most guests had already left and he knew that it was about time for him to call a taxi as well, but somehow he couldn't. One reason was that he could barely stand and calling a taxi seemed beyond his abilities right now. The other and probably more important one was that if he left now, it was over. He wouldn't go to the wedding tomorrow – that would be more than he could stand. So that was it. The farewell of his unmarried best friend. He hadn't even said goodbye to her, before he left the club. She was busy dismissing other guest and hadn't noticed him leaving. It was probably better that way. But what now? He was standing there divided between entering the club again and calling a taxi. Maybe he should just spend the rest of the night in this backyard.
Lily had noticed him leaving. She just couldn't get away from Jeffrey's aunt at that moment. Moreover, she wanted to tell him something. Alone.
"Bug?"
He winced and nearly slipped to the ground. Lily was standing in front of him, staring at him. Bug couldn't see clear anymore, but he had sworn that a tear was running down her cheek.
"You're drunk, right?"
"Aliippgrd…"
That sounded better in his head. Much better. Lily nodded. His response obviously confirmed her assumption.
"It's probably better this way, as you won't remember this tomorrow…"
Bug frowned. What was she trying to say? And why did her eyes look so reddened?
Lily seemed to be still figuring out what to say. But whatever it was that she wanted to tell him – the words didn't come out.
Instead she moved closer to him. So close that he could feel her breath upon his skin now. She slowly leaned to his cheek and kissed it, but stayed there afterwards. She was too close. Bug felt the warmth of her body, smelled the scent of her skin. He tried not to think about what he would like to do now. Instead he just closed his eyes and prayed that this moment would never pass.
"I'm glad you came."
The words were barely a whisper. He opened his eyes again.
She was gone.
The End
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