The sandwich of power!
The following read in a spooky, dark voice: Long ago, the sandwiches of power
were made - nine ham and Swiss for mortal men, three provolone, roast beef and
lettuce to the elves, and seven turkey for the dwarves.
But little did they know that the Dark Lord Sauron was forging the One
Sandwich from which he could rule all others - two slices of enriched wonder
bread, pepper jack cheese, bologna, and the ever dangerous spicy mustard sauce.
And as Sauron sat down to eat his sandwich, Isildur arrived, declaring, 'that
looks like a good sandwich, may I have a bite?'
The dark lord boomed, 'no! make yourself your own damn sandwich!' from
which a terrible fist fight ensued, during which Isildur drew his sword and cut
off the hand of Sauron, and made off with the loot.
Over the years, it fell by chance to Gollum, and then by a very interesting
story too bold to be told on these simple pages, it fell by chance to Bilbo
Baggins, and here our story begins... (end spooky voice)
Biblo is in his house, his 1111th birthday approaching. Gandalf appears at the
doorstep.
'Hi gandalf!,' says Bilbo.
'Hi Biblo,' Gandalf replied, 'do you still mean to leave?'
'Yes, I have given everything to Frodo.'
'Even that "thing"?'
'What thing?'
'Oh, that damn sandwich you carry around with you everywhere you go!'
Biblo looks down to his obviously bulging pocket.
'Hey, I didn't think anyone could notice.'
'They do. They've been laughing at you for years, but come now, will you
give it to Frodo?'
'Oh, I don't' know...I mean, I've had it all these years and I've never even
taken a bite out of it yet... I wonder if it's better than subway?'
'Don't be a fool! Give it up!'
'Shut up, Gandalf! It's my sandwich, mine! MINE!'
Gandalf seems to grow in size, and the room gets dark.
' Bilbo! Give up the sandwich, you've had it for too long!'
Biblo over comes his brief fear.
'I'll say. It's been 50 years and it still hasn't gotten moldy.'
'Well,' Gandalf replies, with insight to the sandwiches past, 'it is around
3000 years old.'
'Ah!,' Biblo cries, and he drops the sandwich. It falls with a thud.
'Hmm, it didn't seem that heavy.'
Biblo gets up and goes to the door.
'Bye Gandalf.'
'Bye Bilbo.'
Frodo shows up.
'Hi Biblo!'
'Hey, yer not suppose to know I'm leaving!'
'Oh,' Frodo says.
Biblo is gone, and Frodo notices the sandwich.
'Aww, crap, he left me that ridiculous sandwich of his.'
' I wouldn't say that... for it is a SANDWICH OF POWER!!'
Frodo looks confused.
'Sandwich of power?'
'Yes, it is filled with the greedy, heartlessness of the dark lord. Eat it,
and you are consumed by his will!'
'What?! Wouldn't' that have been much easier just to put all that in something
more practical, like a ring?'
'Shhh!,' Gandalf hushes, 'you must leave soon, Frodo! The nine sandwich
wraiths will be after you!'
'Oh, no! Servants of the dark lord!'
'Well...no. Actually, they just like sandwiches a lot...sort of on the quest
for "the big one".'
'Why don't I just give it to them?,' Frodo asks.
'Fool! Speak not of the logical!'
'Sorry.'
There is a noise outside the window. Gandalf leans out and pulls Sam into
the room.
'What are you doing here?'
'I was just walking by and heard all sort of talk of a really good sandwich
and all...' Sam muttered nervously.
'What?!!,' Frodo booms, 'What, the party wasn't filling enough for you? And
what an insult! That will be the last time I will ever see Biblo!'
Bilbo is in the door.
' Came back for the sandwich.'
' I thought I told you to leave,' Gandalf shouts. Biblo walks away
dejectedly.
' Now,' Gandalf says, turning to Frodo, 'you must go to the garbage disposal
of doom to dispense of this -'
' I've got a garbage disposal here,' says Frodo, and he casts the sandwich in
his sink. He turns on the disposal and chunks of sandwich fly everywhere. The
engine struggles, and Frodo turns it off. He reaches in and takes out the
sandwich - magically whole!
'Wow, there is writing on here!,' Frodo exclaims.
'No, that's just cuts from that garbage disposal, fool!,' Gandalf cries, 'Now
GO ON YOUR QUEST! and whatever you do, do not eat the sandwich!'
The following read in a spooky, dark voice: Long ago, the sandwiches of power
were made - nine ham and Swiss for mortal men, three provolone, roast beef and
lettuce to the elves, and seven turkey for the dwarves.
But little did they know that the Dark Lord Sauron was forging the One
Sandwich from which he could rule all others - two slices of enriched wonder
bread, pepper jack cheese, bologna, and the ever dangerous spicy mustard sauce.
And as Sauron sat down to eat his sandwich, Isildur arrived, declaring, 'that
looks like a good sandwich, may I have a bite?'
The dark lord boomed, 'no! make yourself your own damn sandwich!' from
which a terrible fist fight ensued, during which Isildur drew his sword and cut
off the hand of Sauron, and made off with the loot.
Over the years, it fell by chance to Gollum, and then by a very interesting
story too bold to be told on these simple pages, it fell by chance to Bilbo
Baggins, and here our story begins... (end spooky voice)
Biblo is in his house, his 1111th birthday approaching. Gandalf appears at the
doorstep.
'Hi gandalf!,' says Bilbo.
'Hi Biblo,' Gandalf replied, 'do you still mean to leave?'
'Yes, I have given everything to Frodo.'
'Even that "thing"?'
'What thing?'
'Oh, that damn sandwich you carry around with you everywhere you go!'
Biblo looks down to his obviously bulging pocket.
'Hey, I didn't think anyone could notice.'
'They do. They've been laughing at you for years, but come now, will you
give it to Frodo?'
'Oh, I don't' know...I mean, I've had it all these years and I've never even
taken a bite out of it yet... I wonder if it's better than subway?'
'Don't be a fool! Give it up!'
'Shut up, Gandalf! It's my sandwich, mine! MINE!'
Gandalf seems to grow in size, and the room gets dark.
' Bilbo! Give up the sandwich, you've had it for too long!'
Biblo over comes his brief fear.
'I'll say. It's been 50 years and it still hasn't gotten moldy.'
'Well,' Gandalf replies, with insight to the sandwiches past, 'it is around
3000 years old.'
'Ah!,' Biblo cries, and he drops the sandwich. It falls with a thud.
'Hmm, it didn't seem that heavy.'
Biblo gets up and goes to the door.
'Bye Gandalf.'
'Bye Bilbo.'
Frodo shows up.
'Hi Biblo!'
'Hey, yer not suppose to know I'm leaving!'
'Oh,' Frodo says.
Biblo is gone, and Frodo notices the sandwich.
'Aww, crap, he left me that ridiculous sandwich of his.'
' I wouldn't say that... for it is a SANDWICH OF POWER!!'
Frodo looks confused.
'Sandwich of power?'
'Yes, it is filled with the greedy, heartlessness of the dark lord. Eat it,
and you are consumed by his will!'
'What?! Wouldn't' that have been much easier just to put all that in something
more practical, like a ring?'
'Shhh!,' Gandalf hushes, 'you must leave soon, Frodo! The nine sandwich
wraiths will be after you!'
'Oh, no! Servants of the dark lord!'
'Well...no. Actually, they just like sandwiches a lot...sort of on the quest
for "the big one".'
'Why don't I just give it to them?,' Frodo asks.
'Fool! Speak not of the logical!'
'Sorry.'
There is a noise outside the window. Gandalf leans out and pulls Sam into
the room.
'What are you doing here?'
'I was just walking by and heard all sort of talk of a really good sandwich
and all...' Sam muttered nervously.
'What?!!,' Frodo booms, 'What, the party wasn't filling enough for you? And
what an insult! That will be the last time I will ever see Biblo!'
Bilbo is in the door.
' Came back for the sandwich.'
' I thought I told you to leave,' Gandalf shouts. Biblo walks away
dejectedly.
' Now,' Gandalf says, turning to Frodo, 'you must go to the garbage disposal
of doom to dispense of this -'
' I've got a garbage disposal here,' says Frodo, and he casts the sandwich in
his sink. He turns on the disposal and chunks of sandwich fly everywhere. The
engine struggles, and Frodo turns it off. He reaches in and takes out the
sandwich - magically whole!
'Wow, there is writing on here!,' Frodo exclaims.
'No, that's just cuts from that garbage disposal, fool!,' Gandalf cries, 'Now
GO ON YOUR QUEST! and whatever you do, do not eat the sandwich!'