Hey guys! This is my first ever A: TLA fanfic so I decided that I might as well make it into something that I've rarely seen in this fandom: a hangover story. Yes, a hangover story. I'm going to try and keep it as T rated as possible meaning some mild references and assorted curse words, but if anyone is offended by people getting wasted to the point of forgetting what happened, don't read this. I'm basing what happens in this fic loosely on the premise of The Hangover (I haven't actually seen the movie but I get the gist of it), as well as the Psych episode "Last Night Gus," which is absolutely hysterical.
So, please hang in with me guys. I will try my best on this fic, and I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, Psych, or The Hangover.
PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!
Chapter 1: In Which Twinkle-Toes Probably Had the Night of His Life (we don't know)
It had all been Sokka's idea. So, obviously everyone blamed him. "Let's give Aang a bachelor party," he said. "It'll be fun," he said. "No one will get hurt."
Of course, Sokka was completely wrong, but we didn't know it at the time.
We held Aang's bachelor party in a bar in Yu Dao called the Naked Hand (a name that would likely give my uncle, my mother, and Katara a heartattack). We were in disguise, of course, to avoid Aang's obsessive fan club as well as mine, and were in a small group, just me, Sokka, and Toph, who according to Aang were his closest male-ish friends. I suppose that statement was referring to Toph.
Though Aang had made me his best man, we didn't want to draw any attention to me or to him at the bar. Consequently, it was Toph (not Sokka in fear he would let something slip) who gave the toast to Aang, and like all of her speeches it began with a bang.
She literally earthbended the entire room to shake, so she could silence everybody, and cleared her throat. "Friends, Sparky," she smirked pointedly in my general direction, "everyone in this bar," Toph took a hasty gulp of her sake, burping in an unladylike fashion. "Tonight, we celebrate Twinkle-Toes, his bald head, his insufferable antics, and the very slow, malignant, one hundred-and-one-year long death of his almost non-existent bachelorhood."
A few people laughed, and I let myself grin like an idiot, nudging Aang with my elbow. "I think she's being a little bit generous with the life span of your bachelorhood."
"Yeah," Sokka slurred in, already drunk from too much sake. "It wasn't almost non-existent; it came to life and then died the moment you met Katara."
"Oh shut up," Aang grumbled, flattening the hat he wore on his head more to hide his tattoo.
"Twinkle-Toes," Toph continued, "for the past- spirits, how long has it been ten years? -you have touched our very hearts, our very souls, our very ears, and maybe a little bit down under if you know what I'm saying?"
Everyone laughed; Aang slammed his forehead onto the table.
"You and Toph had a fling?" I asked.
"No, in a bending match I accidentally groped her."
"Oh."
"Did you like it?" Sokka asked.
"Why would you ask me that!?"
"Just wonderinnnn,'" Sokka slurred, "sheesh, Aang-y, yur sooo uptight."
"He just called me 'Aang-y'" Aang muttered to me in disbelief.
"I know."
Toph was grinning manically now, "And despite our disappointment that you will be no longer available for clubbing, shots, and skinny-dipping- "
"I've never done any of those things!"
"- we still visit you and the Sugar Queen every week hoping you will name one of your little ones after one of us."
"Awwww!" someone in the crowd shouted.
"But back to tonight," Toph's eyes gleamed with mischief. "Tonight, dearest Twinkle-Toes, Sparky, and Boomerang Man-"
"Yeah!" Sokka cheered at the sound of his nickname.
"-will be a night to remember."
People clapped at the end of Toph's speech, and she grinned, turning to the bartender. "Hey, free shots all around! Put it on the tab of the Yu Dao City Police Department!"
Someone handed me a drink; I chugged it.
That was the last thing I remembered.
oooOOOooo
I woke up with an unpleasant crick in my neck and my face resting on something that suspiciously looked and smelled like cabbage.
Oh wait, no, I was wrong: it was a cabbage.
I jolted up, spitting out pieces of the horrid vegetable that managed to get in my mouth, and looking around. We were back in the hotel room we rented. For some strange reason, I had opted to fall asleep, head down on one of the desks, using the cabbage as a makeshift pillow. Next to me, Toph was asleep, murmuring to another cabbage that was currently in her arms.
"Oh, Ling. How you complete me," she planted a passionate kiss on the cabbage.
I nudged her with my foot, too afraid to get close to the earthbender. She tended to be a grumpy waker, "Hey, Toph. Wake up."
"No," she whined, hugging the cabbage closer.
"Toph-"
"No, don't leave me, Ling."
"Toph-"
Her eyes snapped open, and she dropped the cabbage. Her palms hit the earth, promptly sending a small rush of rock at me.
I dodged it and it hit the wall, cracking it. Great now we're going to have to pay for that.
"Oh, Zuko," she said, stance relaxing just a bit. "It's just you."
"Um, yeah. Who's Ling?"
"No one," she answered a bit too quickly. "So, what exactly happened last night?"
Before I could answer a question that to me was unanswerable, a loud moan interrupted our conversation. From one of the beds, Sokka sat up, covered in blankets. "Everything hurts," he groaned, rubbing his temples. Then he looked skeptically at me, "Hey Zuko, why are you wearing Aang's clothes?"
I looked down, sure enough Aang's orange monk's robes adorned my figure, a couple sizes too small and oddly warm against my skin, "I- I don't know."
In turn I studied Sokka, staring at the sticky substance covering his cheeks, "Sokka, what is on your face?"
His eyes widened, and he looked at himself in a small mirror that was placed on the nightstand. "Oh Spirits, please tell me none of you have seen a sandbender with a hook for an arm."
Toph and I shook our heads.
"I must be dreaming," Sokka muttered. "That's the only logical conclusion to this-"
A loud yawn from next to Sokka startled him out of the bed. Before he could run to the other side of the room, however, a hand snaked around his waist pulling him back into the covers. "Please stay, Peaches," a creepily familiar voice muttered.
The covers shifted and I could see her face: pale skin, dark hair, haughty golden eyes…
"AZULA?!" Sokka shrieked. He wrenched himself out of my sister's grasp, galloping to stand next to Toph and I. "Why is she here?"
"I have no idea," I muttered, shocked.
My sister smirked at us, hair rumpled, face smudged with dirt, but I doubted we looked any better, "In all honesty, brother, I have no idea how I got here either, but I can tell the Water Tribe peasant, that anything he thinks happened between us last night, did not happen."
"Well, you two obviously spooned if that's what you're implying," Toph said.
"Shut up, earth girl," Azula sneered. "You know what I mean, and I think you're just jealous considering the fact that you snuggled with a cabbage the entire night."
"You shut up!" Toph yelled back.
"Hey-"
Sokka finally raised his hand in question, "Um guys, where is Aang?"