Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.
Summary: Why is Balthazar trying to tell Castiel how to tell Dean he loves him when he hasn't told someone he loves them and meant it in a few thousand years?
It's not often Balthazar tells someone he loves them and actually means it. It's been hundreds- maybe even thousands of years since he's told someone he's loved them. The last person he told- oh wait, no, that was one of those bar women who pretended she wasn't a slut but really was a slut and liked to be told "I love you" so they could feel good about themselves- the last person he told and actually meant those three words to was…
Well, it was his wide eyed, unblinking idiot for a brother sitting in front of him looking lost and confused, wondering how to tell a certain Winchester he loved him.
And not like family love, like the two angels had. No this was full on "I want to have your babies except I can't because I'm in a male vessel and I love you and I want to get married (because Cas was still had a stick up his ass even though Dean had probably done his best to remove it) and have sex with you and only you for the rest of eternity" love.
Brothers, Balthazar sighed internally, are good for nothing. Actually, Balthazar was pretty sure they existed just to get on their brother's nerves. Most humans and animals and everything else had at the most, ten or fifteen brothers.
Balthazar had hundreds- if not thousands.
Oh, don't blame him for not knowing how many siblings he had. He stopped keeping track after awhile.
And Castiel, with his naïve self, was more of a headache then the rest of them at times. But Balthazar put up with Castiel because, well, he was his brother, and he was better than the rest of their family, which was why Castiel had access to the house (angelically charmed to be as big as a mansion on the inside and look like a regular house on the outside as not to draw attention) in South Dakota near Bobby Singer's residence.
You thought you had a weird family? Try looking at Balthazar's family tree. Their brothers tried to start the apocalypse.
Yeah, you couldn't beat that.
So Balthazar pretended to listen to Castiel as the angel confessed his worries to Balthazar. He idly wondered why Castiel was telling him, and not one of their other brothers- and then he remembered Castiel's other choice was Gabriel.
"What do I do, brother?" Castiel asked and Balthazar had to focus on Castiel again.
"Well Cas, I think you should make a rather obnoxious display of it," Balthazar said.
"What?" Castiel blinked.
"You know, fireworks, fancy dinner, candlelight, take a boat on the lake in the moonlight…" Balthazar drawled.
"You… realize we're talking about Dean?" Castiel frowned.
"Dean? Really? I thought for certain we were talking about Bobby," Balthazar rolled his eyes. Castiel looked alarmed.
"I did not mean- I gave you the wrong impression- that was a joke," Castiel frowned when Balthazar started chuckling. Balthazar nodded and stood up, pouring a glass of something somewhat expensive (he hadn't bothered looking at the label, had just taken the most expensive thing from Bobby's liquor cabinet with no intentions of replacing it) and offered it to Castiel and then poured himself a glass.
"You, brother, are still very gullible," Balthazar said. "So what are you going to do about your Winchester?"
"He would hate everything you mentioned," Castiel said. Balthazar hid his smile with his glass, taking a sip.
"Really? Shame. I'm sure Gabriel and I would have liked the big, opulent shows of affection," Balthazar chuckled.
"Have you…"
"Have I what, Cas? Come on, spit it out," Balthazar said.
"Have you ever told someone you loved them?" Castiel said. Balthazar sighed inwardly, smile dropping. Maybe it would have been better if Cas was having with this talk with, oh, he didn't know, Anna (if she wasn't dead) or… anyone but him and Gabriel, really.
Too bad they were the only ones around- he doubted Castiel was going to go to Sam for advice, if Sam could even give advice about love.
Castiel sure knew how to choose people who were the poster boys of not knowing the definition of "I love you."
"Are you sure you don't want to plan out a big, romantic evening to say the three words or rescue him just before certain death to confess?" Balthazar asked instead. Castiel seemed to actually be considering Balthazar's words, drinking as he thought.
"Maybe nothing… that extreme," Castiel said, putting down the half drained drink. "Thank you for your help, brother."
"Glad I could help. Oh, and Cas?" Balthazar asked. Castiel paused for a moment. "I love you."
"The last time you said that to me was… before you faked your death," Castiel said, pain still evident in his eye from thinking that his brother had been dead. Balthazar took a moment to recover.
"Yes, well, don't get used to it. I am after all in a male vessel and males of the human race are known not to say I love you whenever needed-"
"Brother," Castiel interrupted. "I love you too."
"Well I'll be damned," Balthazar said to himself when Castiel left. "That was a genuine smile on his face, I think. The stick's coming out of his ass."
"Balthazar?" Sam called. "Is that you?" Ah, Sammy, Balthazar sighed. He had given Sam a key after he and Dean had got in a fight, saying he was welcome any time he needed a break from the gorilla.
"Well either me or some other gorgeous man that sounds and looks exactly like me," Balthazar smirked. "Or you know, I could be Cas. We could have traded vessels, you know. You'd never be able to tell the difference if I tried acting like Cas." Sam snorted.
"You'd never shut up. That's how we'd tell you and Cas switched vessels," Sam said.
"I suppose that's true," Balthazar conceded, offering Sam Castiel's cup.
"That looks like it's been drunken out of already," Sam pointed out. Balthazar looked at the glass and then back at Sam, pretending to be surprised.
"Does it now? Well it looks like you're right," Balthazar said. "Here, have some of mine. I'm sure you won't catch a cold from me. I only had a sip of it. Cas on the other hand… well, who knows where his mouth has been? Oh, right, we do." Balthazar smirked. Sam made a face.
"I did not need that mental image," Sam said.
"What are you thinking of? So dirty, Sam. Those law people of yours who take children away did not do a very good job with you and Dean. Perverting your mind, I'm sure it must have happened at a young age," Balthazar said.
"Child Protective Services?" Sam suggested dryly. "And my childhood was just fine, thank you."
"So you say," Balthazar hummed.
"If I drink some of… whatever you're drinking, will you shut up?" Sam asked.
"No promises," Balthazar said but he had a satisfied smile on his face. Sam sighed and took the drink from him, pressing it to his lips and tipping it upwards.
"Happy?" Sam asked, handing Balthazar back the glass.
"As Cas is when Dean-"
"I can't hear you!" Sam said, covering his ears.
"Covering your ears solves nothing," Balthazar called after him. "You can still hear me, I'm sure of it. Sam. Sam. Sam- saying ah la la la la like a child is not attractive. You are not a child, and if you are, you are an overgrown Sasquatch who's been eating too many greens. Sam. Sam, stop it."
"Ah la la la la! I can't hear you!" Sam said. Balthazar considered letting Sam carry on like this for a few more moments. Sam didn't act like a child that often- even if it was annoying. The only time Balthazar saw this side of Sam was usually when he was with Dean and lately, Castiel. Thankfully, Gabriel just exasperated him.
"I love you," Balthazar said.
"What?" Sam asked sharply.
"See? You can hear me," Balthazar said, turning away from Sam, putting down the drink with a frown. Whatever that stuff was, it wasn't just some run in the mill whiskey- whiskey didn't make him blurt out random things- especially random things that weren't true. He couldn't…
"Balthazar?" Sam asked tentatively. "You okay?"
"Just peachy," Balthazar murmured.
"Balthazar," Sam said.
"Do you think I'd be the one to give Cas away? Or would Gabriel?" Balthazar asked languidly.
"I never know what you're talking about," Sam sighed. "You doing anything today?"
"Well, I was thinking about going to college," Balthazar said. "Want to tag along?" Sam looked confused and nodded, probably just to see what Balthazar was talking about. The two had started getting paired together when Dean and Castiel had begun spending more time together- which wasn't a big stretch, but even Balthazar got bored of doing belly shots off some soprano and drinking expensive bottles of alcohol.
So he had decided to share an expensive bottle of alcohol with Sam one day.
Sam didn't let Balthazar do belly shots off of him.
But Sam did talk with him, like actually talked and asked questions- the kind that didn't make Balthazar want to throw someone into another dimension just to get away. Sam's college experience had apparently paid off and his time as a hunter had made him even more valuable as a companion. The boy asked questions- good questions and he fought with words to throw Balthazar off guard. He still had yet to find something that would throw Balthazar off guard but it was amusing to watch him try.
Balthazar held his hand out to Sam, who took it without the hesitancy he had had at the beginning.
"I must say, you're a better passenger than Dean. Your gorilla of a brother stumbles everywhere when he hits the ground," Balthazar smirked. "At first I thought it might just be another way to get Cas to hold him but when he started doing it when Gabriel and I did it…"
"So where are we?" Sam asked.
"Some random college," Balthazar said. "Come on, we're going to a bar."
"Bar? It's-"
"Night time, Sammy. We're not in Kansas anymore,"
"We were in South Dakota," Sam deadpanned. Balthazar chuckled and motioned for Sam to follow him.
"Why are we going to a bar?" Sam asked as Balthazar ordered shots for them.
"Because you, Sam, missed out on what I hear are the best years of your life," Balthazar said. "I think this is good for you- you even look a few years younger already." Sam looked confused and then he saw his reflection in the mirror.
He was twenty-two again.
"I cannot remember the last time I had that much fun," Sam laughed, arm around Balthazar as the angel helped him out of the bar and onto a grassy hillside. He helped Sam sit down, looking torn between amused and scooting away from the man.
"And the one of the many perks of drinking with an angel, you don't have to have a hangover afterwards," Balthazar said. "Why are you laying your head on my chest? Oh, oh, you're getting touchy feely. Stop that- ah- ah… You've been taking lessons from Cas, haven't you?" Sam laid his head on Balthazar's chest, arm slung over his chest too. Balthazar looked torn between scooting closer or away so he finally settled on sitting there awkwardly.
"You don't have to do that," Sam said.
"Do what?" Balthazar huffed.
"You don't have to go drinking with me and promise no hangovers to spend time with me," Sam mumbled. "I like spending time with you."
"You're drunk, Sam," Balthazar said, raising his fingers to rid Sam of the drunken stupor. Sam batted his hand away.
"Don't," Sam said. "I want to stay like this." Balthazar tried not to shift awkwardly as Sam clung onto him like a child would. He had thought Sam was asleep, having been quiet for so long, so when the hunter spoke again, Balthazar was a little bit startled.
"We care about you, you know. Dean does, even if he's a jackass about it," Sam said. "Bobby… Bobby won't admit it… but he likes it when you help out and bring your weird foreign food dishes to dinner 'cause you think we don't get enough culture. And Cas and Gabe… they're your brothers. They love you."
"And you? Do you care about me too?" Balthazar scoffed. Sam took a little bit before he answered.
"I care about you the most. I like it when you come around," Sam said, clinging on tighter to the angel as if he were scared he'd leave. Balthazar hesitantly put his arm around Sam's shoulders, bringing the younger Winchester closer to him and rested his head on top of Sam's.
"Do you now?" Balthazar mused.
"You care about me too, you know," Sam said. "That's why you're always coming around." Balthazar sighed. "You do care about me, right?" The boy was drunk, Balthazar thought, he wouldn't remember this in the morning.
"Yes, Sam. I… care about you," Balthazar said rolling his eyes, meaning for the words to come out sarcastically but it was true, Balthazar realized with surprise. He did care about the hunter.
He sighed again, tightening his grip on Sam. He always was following in Castiel's footsteps, wasn't he?
"You know, you're surprisingly coherent for someone who just spent the last five hours in a bar," Balthazar frowned but Sam didn't answer. Balthazar looked down and saw Sam's mouth slightly agape and his chest rising and falling evenly.
"Now you choose to fall asleep," Balthazar grumbled.
"Balthazar," Balthazar turned around to find Castiel, looking rather disgruntled and childlike.
"I take it telling Dean the big L word didn't go so well?" Balthazar asked. Castiel let out a huff of a breath.
"No," Castiel said.
"Well what did you do?" Balthazar asked, not knowing why he was humoring his brother when he really didn't know how to give advice on this matter.
"Nothing. He went on a hunt," Castiel sighed.
"Did you ask him to spend a day together?" Balthazar asked, lifting his tea bag in and out of the cup.
"He said if I didn't want to come along, we would when he got back," Castiel said.
"Well why didn't you go with him?" Balthazar asked. Castiel gave him an annoyed look.
"Even I don't think he'd appreciate being told he was loved while people are dying around him," Castiel huffed. Balthazar reached over and ruffled Castiel's hair- or tried to. He was met with a bunch of hair gel and so he withdrew his hand.
"Why don't you rescue him just before certain death and confess?" Balthazar asked.
"I don't want to put his life in jeopardy," Castiel frowned. Balthazar sighed and took a sip of his expensive tea, wondering absentmindedly if Sam would like it.
"Balthazar, are you here?" Sam called out.
"In the… where are we, Cas?" Balthazar asked.
"We're by the stairs, Sam," Castiel answered.
"Yes, we're by the stairs," Balthazar said. "Want some tea?"
"Uh, no, thanks," Sam said. "Everything okay?" Balthazar looked at Sam, who was looking at Castiel. Balthazar finally really looked at his brother then. Castiel was actually concerned about this- is he was human, he'd no doubt be losing sleep.
"Cassie boy here wants to tell your big brother that he wants to have his children," Balthazar said.
"What?" Sam asked, looking disturbed. "Is that even possible? I mean it's a nice thought, Cas, but-"
"I want to tell your brother I love him," Castiel clarified, giving Balthazar a glare. Sam's look changed from disturbed at the thought of a possible male pregnancy (because for all he knew, angels could make it happen) to a look of understanding.
"Oh," Sam said. "Why don't you just tell him?"
"Just like that?" Castiel asked.
"What? No romantic gestures? No saving him from certain death? Because I could arrange that, you know," Balthazar said. Sam gave Balthazar a look that said he wasn't amused.
"Dean's simple, Cas. He doesn't need a big deal made out of this- and if you do make a big deal like with some candlelight dinner or a boat ride on the lake with the moonlight, he's going to know something's going on and run," Sam said pointedly. Castiel didn't seem relaxed by that thought and Balthazar rolled his eyes.
"How do I know he won't run if I tell him without… the romantic gestures?" Castiel asked.
"Because I know Dean," Sam said. "And so do you. You wouldn't consider telling him if he didn't love you too. And if he doesn't already know you're in love with him, well, then he's dumber than I thought." Castiel's face turned red and Balthazar hid an impressed smile behind his mug, raising his eyes brows as Castiel looked away from Sam's intense gaze.
"He came back early. Another hunter beat him to the job and took care of it," Sam added.
"Thank you, Sam," Castiel said, disappearing.
"That was a nice thing you did," Balthazar said. "I should have just sent him to you in the first place."
"You don't sound very thankful," Sam said. Balthazar paused and then spread his arms out as he walked to the table.
"Why wouldn't I be happy? My little brother's happy," Balthazar said.
"Cas told me he's older than you," Sam said. "You don't want to give your brother up." Balthazar didn't look at Sam.
"What makes you say that?" Balthazar asked.
"I'm a brother too, Balthazar," Sam said.
"Yes, you are, aren't you?" Balthazar said. "Are you sure one of you isn't adopted?"
"Balthazar," Sam said, walking over to him. "You don't have to do this."
"You don't have to do that,"
"Do what?" Balthazar asked.
"I know Dean. And I know you, Balthazar. You didn't like coming back to find Cas looking at Dean like he was the most important thing in his world- because that was your job," Sam said. "He's your brother- he's supposed to look at you for cues and advice."
"And how can you possibly know how I feel?" Balthazar scoffed. "Am I… an open book? Do we spend that much time together? Did I get drunk and start spilling my deep dark secrets?"
"Well, you did start telling me about how you kissed a straight guy and then converted him to a gay sex orgy that same night," Sam smirked. Balthazar rolled his eyes but he couldn't help smirking at the accomplishment, "I know because I thought the same thing when I realized Cas was going to be a constant." Balthazar looked at his tea and sighed.
"So I suppose telling you it's not true would be useless? Since you know me and all that," Balthazar said.
"Absolutely futile," Sam said.
"And why do you care so much?" Balthazar asked.
"Maybe because I don't care," Sam said.
"What?" Balthazar blinked. "You just- the other night-"
"Maybe it's because I love you too," Sam said.
"Too? You love me t-too?" Balthazar asked. "Sam, you're- you're mistaken. I-"
"Balthazar, we tell Cas he couldn't lie to save Dean's life. You're just as bad," Sam said.
"Why would I want to save Dean's life?" Balthazar frowned.
"Because you know what I would do to get Dean back," Sam said.
"Are you accusing me of loving you?" Balthazar asked.
"Are you denying it?" Sam asked.
"Yes," Balthazar nodded.
"You're lying," Sam said.
"So now you're calling me a liar now too?" Balthazar frowned.
"Yes," Sam said.
"And what if I'm not lying?" Balthazar asked as Sam took steps closer to him. He didn't take steps backwards to try and avoid Sam- he would have run into the table and that would have just been silly. And there was no way he was going to show Sam he was nervous as the taller man took Balthazar's face in his hands.
"Then I'll take my chances," Sam said, bending down and kissing Balthazar. If ever asked, Balthazar would deny how his eyes fluttered shut or how he liked the way Sam sucked on his bottom lip, taking the kiss slow and keeping it passionate. "Still won't say you love me too?"
"When did I ever say I love you?" Balthazar asked.
"Plugging your ears only muffles sound, it doesn't get stop me from hearing you," Sam said. "So?"
"I think you'd better get me to the bedroom, you know, I don't think I'm thoroughly convinced you're in love with me," Balthazar smirked. Sam slammed Balthazar against the wall, kissing the angel senseless again.
"I love you," Sam said. Balthazar stared at Sam, looking at the truth in Sam's eyes, the will for Balthazar to understand he was sincere.
"Well, I'll be damned. Just maybe you do," Balthazar said and Sam gave him a look. "Oh, alright, and just maybe I love you too."
"Maybe?" Sam scoffed.
"Just shut up and kiss me," Balthazar said, trying to close the distance between Sam and himself. Sam let Balthazar get within centimeters of his lips before pulling back. Balthazar tried again and he got the same result. Sam was still looking at Balthazar, wanting- expecting an answer.
And really, who knew Balthazar than the man who talked with him for hours on end, went bar hopping with him, knew to get out of bed and get dressed at three in the morning because Balthazar was in the mood to go to Prague and knew he would even take Sam in his underwear, the man who could spend countless hours listening to Balthazar talk because he found what he had to say interesting and he was comfortable letting Balthazar talk even when the angel just wanted to hear his own voice.
The man who knew what Balthazar was feeling when he felt it.
"Oh, alright, fine, you bastard. I feel the same, with the L word and all," Balthazar crossed his arms. "I love you too."
"Dean," Castiel said. Dean jumped.
"Cas, we've talked about this-"
"Call before I mojo myself here," Castiel said. "Well this couldn't wait."
"What couldn't-" Dean was cut off as Castiel kissed him.
"I love you, Dean," Castiel said. "I love you."
"Well, yeah, you kinda pulled me outta Hell, Cas," Dean said. "And I- I… me too, okay? The L thing."