A/N Hello and welcome to my novel-lengther, Breath on the Embers. It started out life as a short project for the 31days community on LiveJournal but kind of...developed a life of its own. You'll see what I mean. It's been three months and I'm still only about a fourth of the way through. :) It was suppose to start on the 23rd of May 08... it is now the 23rd of August. Oops...
If you think that's bad, I have a whole folder of belated oneshots. (groan)
Each day's theme was originally supposed to be one chapter, but I had to start cutting 'em up when I reached 9,000 words per theme. The reason this prologue is so discordant with the majority of the fic is because I couldn't pass up on the theme- it was perfect for Yo-Ou and touches on themes that will later pop up. The actual body is Youko's POV with the occasional bit of Keiki. It starts off the fluffiest bit of plotlessness you've ever read, but it gets a whole lot grittier after Chapter Six.
In case you're wondering whether this follows the books or the anime - well, both, I suppose. They've kind of melted into one in my head. This is the world of what the anime would have been if it had continued. So yes, there are spoilers for what happens beyond the anime. I really recommend reading the books, if you haven't already. There are plenty of free translations online.
Big thanks to 31Days for the inspiration!
And I've waffled on for far too long already! On with the fic!
Disclaimer- I don't own Juuni Kokki
Theme- Who Can Love You and Still Be Standing? (23 May 08)
Prologue
Let this be a warning to anyone who dares to love another. Her only legacy.
She's used to purple. It's the colour of the wildflowers in her meadow-garden, where she hides from the world. It's in her sky, and her embroidery, in the threads she weaves together on her loom. Most importantly, it's in his eyes, a tranquil colour. A kind colour.
She doesn't know how purple suddenly became her enemy. But now it's wept itself out of his eyes and over his skin, crawling, scabbing, marring. Killing.
And it's all her fault.
She opens her mouth, to say she's sorry, to tell him she loves him. But all she can do is gasp. This pain- it's like nothing she's ever felt before. Her heart isn't just breaking, it's shattering. And as the pieces fall away, she sees what she has done. How she has lost the way so totally and irrevocably.
Her knees fold under the weight of the realisation, and she falls to the floor in a flutter of robes, hardly noticing the pain. She reaches a trembling hand towards his sleeping face, always pale but now frozen in a death pallor.
He could be made out of marble, if not for the barely perceptible rise and fall of his chest. His face, lovely and serene where it is not burned by the ugly rashes of the shitsudou. He's too beautiful. Too beautiful for a mere human like her, even for a demi-god, an empress. He was never hers to love. Fool empress that she is though, she fell for him anyway. And now he pays the price.
A mere pace separates them in body, but he is far beyond her now, almost to the precipice.
"Is there nothing more the doctors can do?" she whispers, although she already knows the answer. There is a dull murmur behind her as the ministers dodge the questions. She sighs and reaches out to brush the pale hair back from his head, once, twice. He would disapprove of that, if he were awake. She longs for the eyes to open, for the frown and the following rebuke. For the rare smile and the familiar voice calling Your Highness. He doesn't stir.
She finishes her farewell caress, and stands. She has to go now, in this vital moment of lucidity and determination. If she lingers any longer, her heart –or what little is left of it- will fail, and she will wither away by his bedside until they are both dust.
"Prepare my mount," she says, voice hard. She strides five paces towards the door, but stops before she reaches it.
"And…and…" she falters, looks back over her shoulder at the white-gold hair spilling over the pillow. "When he wakes- tell him I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
With unconcealed shock, they realise what she means to do.
"Empress!"
"Empress, no!"
But she's already gone.
She doesn't let herself cry until she's soaring over Kinpa palace, leaving it all behind. Only then does she allow herself to say his name.
"Keiki…"
She sets her sight on the horizon and sends a silent prayer to her successor.
Whoever you may be, take care of him. Do not be a fool like this unworthy empress. Take care of him, but do not dare to love him. There is nobody in this world who can love him and still be whole.
A/N Next chapter not so depressing. Promise. Bear with me, and thanks for reading!
-Indy