So things haven't been going in the best way possible. Life sucks. I know that. This is a fic for a very special person, she needs it. I hope you know who you are. I love you. I miss you. I can't wait to see you again. I want to be with you, my best friend, more than anything right now. I'm writing this for you, even if you don't see it. Ate is here...

And yes, I know I have yet to update my other fic, "Not First, Not Second", but I really am in a state of SEVERE writer's block on that and have no clue what to do with it. Although, I was considering having Lovi wake up in the hospital with amnesia. But I would be using too many hospitals, as you'll soon find. So if by any chance you have a request, PM me or review! Everything is appreciated. Thanks~

Trigger Warning: Attempted Suicide and Yaoi(BoyXBoy)

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Not often did I cry. Most times it was just the usual routine. Have them insult me, be left bruised and broken, slowly trudge home, and sit bluntly, staring straight ahead, emotionlessly. Crying was for rare times I really couldn't take the excruciating hurt, and completely broke down. Crying also meant I was weak. I won't let them see me as that. I was supposively the great hero that graces this school with my amazing presence. I guess that was just in my head.

That's what I was always bullied for. The want and need to be a savior for every person out there. But that's impossible. For, how can a savior be a savior is he can't even save himself? Save himself from the horrid actions of the villains. Isn't that what it is? Hero versus villain. Good versus evil. Was there really an evil? No, was there really a good?

I wasn't JUST put through that pain for the heroism that ran deep within my mind. There were other, more valid reasons. Reasons that would definitely land you a lifetime of hate and disgust. Especially in high school.

Let me tell you of my first crush. Or moreover, love. The most beautiful person I'd ever seen. Among the most popular kids in school, great knowledge about most anything, and a... colorful vocabulary spoken with the most amazing accent.

A name? Arthur Kirkland. Yes. ARTHUR Kirkland. Meaning, he's a guy and I am gay. That's the reason for my being put down all the time. Put down by my peers, put down by my parents, put down by my teachers, and put down by Arthur himself.

He knows. Everyone knows. How they found out? I'll never know. All I do know however, is that as of right now, the only person I truly love, despises me. And it anguishes my heart. Because that means, no one cares. No one gives a second thought about me.

That's why I'm here. On the roof of the school, the tallest building around. Sick of the pain and ready to end it all. What better way to die? The breeze blows my hair around while I stand under the warm, gentle rays of the orange sun.

For the last time, I sat and plainly gazed at the setting scene before me. My mind began to wander elsewhere, to the depths of past memories. I held back no restraint.
A single tear of pained nostalgia ran quickly down the side of my cheek. I smiled once, then stood up on the ledge, ready to jump.

"Hey! I wouldn't do that if I were you," I whipped my head around at the familiar ring of Arthur's British voice.

"W-what? Why are you here? Why now?", I asked, my fists clenching, turning my knuckles white.

"I could ask you the same, damn git," he replied, a cocky smirk growing on his face.

I breathed in slowly,"What does it look like? I'd think it'd be pretty obvious," Facing the sun again, depression gradually crawling over me. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate. The way things were going was definitely not planned. My death was supposed to be fast and uncared for. Well, it still could be uncared for...

"It seems you're focused on jumping. Perhaps to end your sad, pitiful life?" I winced visibly and he noticed. Suddenly, an expression of guilt ran across his face. But it disappeared as promptly as it had appeared.

"Just...forget I'm here and leave. Don't remember me, don't mention me. People don't give a care about this soul anyways," I answered, unsuccessfully letting my despair get a hold of my consciousness.

I couldn't hold back the sigh in my throat. I was glad I didn't. All the emotions swirling in my mind were too overwhelming. I cautiously spun around on my heel to find that contrited look adorning his face once more. But of course, it dissolved into another smug disguise.

However, I just gave an agonized smile and whispered,"I really do love you. Forever and always, with all my heart."

I attempted to keep that one stray drop of water from trickling down my face, to no avail. Not afraid to show any emotion for the love of my short-lived life, I spun on my heel, cautiously.

"But what point is there in life, when that single person you would die for, scorns your very existence? So therefore, I will vanish, like magic, from the face of the Earth. For you, Arthur, my entire being," I chose my words deliberately, in fear of dying just after angering my loved one.

I'd expected no comment, but hesitated to turn the other direction- just in case he'd decide to speak up. Getting no reaction, I just kept that small smile upon my lips and just let myself fall freely backwards. It was a mistake however, when Arthur shouted at me.

"N- no, Alfred! I DO care, I don't hate you! I need you with me, I- I love you! I'm sorry!"

My cyan orbs widened in terror as he leaned over the edge, watching me fall straight to the ground with tears blurring his eyes. My mouth moved inaudibly to say the last words I COULD say, 'I'm glad to know',before I landed abruptly on the concrete with a bone cracking sound. The only thing I heard next was the heart-shattered shriek that told me Arthur hadn't been lying, he really did love me. I knew then, I had just commited the greatest mistake of my complete lifetime.

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My lids felt heavy and my mind cloudy as I awoke to a weight on my side. I opened my eyes to find Arthur kneeling beside the bed, clutching my white hand tightly, as if to keep me from slipping away. I sighed, bewildered by what he had yelled at my falling self.

'Did he really mean it? He couldn't have, right?'

As if he was a mind reader, Arthur suddenly spoke, "I know you're awake. I heard you sigh. But you know, I was being completely sincere and honest when I told you I loved you." I found that hard to believe. But you really can't blame me, considering he's always teased me for being so interested in him.

"And how can I trust you? Especially after what you put me through. You were one of them. The people that pushed me to edge. Literally," I have a scoff at my dry, dry humor.

Arthur showed every bit of remorse he carried in his next sigh. "I know. I regret it. But I know you, you can forgive me."

I shifted in my bed to reveal my shock to the man beside me. I shouted,"Do you really know me?! You know my name, not me! You don't know the pain I've suffered because of your's and many other's actions. And if you even dare think I can forgive you because I love you and you claim to feel the same, YOU'RE WRONG!"

The only thing that could be heard within the white walls were my heavy pants of anger. After a few minutes in that unbearable situation, I soon broke down, heaving short, sudden breaths and letting violent sobs resound throughout the room. I threw Arthur a look in which my water-brimmed eyes presented previously hidden emotional torture. The said wide-eyed person had his pale, slender hand against his mouth. Most likely to cover up his own confused feelings and muffle sounds that meant to escape.

His weak but intent stare traveled downwards with his head, shaggy blonde hair hanging over those beautiful green eyes. He was trembling. It was really a sight to regret seeing. He should not have been in that disgraceful state. But it was my fault anyways. My fault. Always my fault. I scoffed. For the blame constantly being off on me was a reason for my attempted suicide.

I glared at the window, wanting so badly to comfort my precious love. I couldn't. Not after that. Not after my meltdown. No, he should be gone soon.

'Maybe if I fall asleep and wake with him not present, it won't hurt as much as when I witness him leaving,' I thought, though I secretly wanted him to never again leave my side. Slowly, I drifted off, still hearing Arthur's light breathing beside me as his head still hung facing the snow white, hospital floors.

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I just realised I didn't do my disclaimer. Ugh.

I do not own the Hetalia franchise in any way. All rights go to Hidekaz Himaruya.

All my stories are angsty. Oh well, those are my faves. But it's also where my best writing happens. Thanks for reading.