Yay, I've completed another Yami no Matsuei fic! As always, comments and criticism are welcome!
Summary: Tsuzuki goes to a cake sale. But when Muraki shows up, things start to get rather... silly.
Legal disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei and its characters are property of Matsushita-sensei and whoever else owns them. This story, however, is mine. Please don't sue me, because I'm merely writing this for fun. Besides, there's also the one small detail that I have no money.
The Cake Commitment
(or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Sugar Daddy Madman)
by Literary Eagle
I wasn't sure how long I had been crying, but it must have been a considerable amount of time. I had used up all the tissues in the office, and after that I started using Hisoka's shirt as a substitute. He seemed pretty upset about that, but he was even angrier when I started wiping my nose on his pants.
"C'mon, Tsuzuki, whatcha cryin' about?" Watari's distinctly accented voice asked from somewhere underneath a mountain of used tissues.
Hisoka just grunted irritably, then shivered. I guess he was cold without his clothes.
"Waaaaaaah!" was all I could say.
"Tsuzuki-san, please calm down," said Tatsumi in his most soothing voice, even though he was currently calculating the total cost of the tissues so he could deduct it from my salary.
"Yeah, please stop cryin' and just tell us what happened," said Watari, gasping for breath as he finally fought his way out of the tissue pile.
"Waaaaaah... wuhhh... weh... well, okay," I managed to say, "It started like this..."
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Earlier today, I was as happy as could be. I was on my lunch break, plus I had seen in the newspaper that the pastry shop was having a special cake sale! So I went down to Earth and joyously entered the shop, with visions of Cinnapon boxes dancing in my head. But alas, it was not meant to be...
"I'm sorry, sir," the lady at the counter explained to me, "But you must have misread the advertisement. Our special sale is only for wedding cakes."
"Only wedding cakes?" I said, disappointed, "But that means..."
"That means you won't be able to take advantage of the sale unless you're getting married," a familiar voice said from behind me.
"M-Muraki!" I yelped, whirling around to face him, "What are you doing here?"
The evil doctor smiled pleasantly, which was usually a sign that something not-so-pleasant was about to happen. "Why, I'm here to help you with your problem, of course!" he said amiably.
"Help me?" I said, bewildered.
By this time, a crowd of schoolgirls had gathered around us, and they all began to "ooh" and "aah" as Muraki suddenly got down on one knee and took out a ring.
"Tsuzuki-san," he said earnestly, "will you marry me?"
"M-m-marry you?!" I stammered, "You have got to be kidding! I would never..."
I was interrupted when the schoolgirls all squealed with delight.
"How romantic! It's a yaoi fantasy come true!" one of them said.
"Not even all the doujinshi in the world could top this!" another girl agreed.
If not for the fact that I was already a Shinigami, I probably would have dropped dead from embarrassment right then and there.
"It'll be a splendid ceremony," Muraki told me, as he paid for the biggest wedding cake in the shop, "I already had the church decorated with roses. Plus I hired none other than Faia Byrdi, the world-renowned violinist, to play romantic music for us..."
I was furious. "You can keep your roses and your Firebird..."
"Faia Byrdi," Muraki said helpfully.
"Whatever!" I shouted, rolling my eyes, "I am NOT marrying you!"
Muraki stepped closer to me. "Tsuzuki-san," he said in a low voice, smiling dangerously, "I will not take 'no' for an answer."
"Neither will we," said the schoolgirls, giggling and forming a tight circle around us, closing in...
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"And then... and then... waaaaaaah..." I began to cry again.
"So you married Muraki?" Tatsumi said, blinking in surprise, "Hmm... Well, I suppose that would explain why you're wearing that expensive-looking ring."
"And that would explain why we found you near the church, about to enter a white limo with a 'Just Married' sign on it," Hisoka added.
"Most importantly, dat would explain why you're wearin' a satin and lace weddin' dress," Watari finished brilliantly.
I felt myself blush as I began to self-consciously smooth out my skirt. "Well, Muraki had a hard time finding a tuxedo in my size on such short notice."
"But what it doesn't explain," said Hisoka, "is why you said 'yes' to marrying him!"
"Muraki didn't play fair," I wailed, "I'm sure he hired those yaoi fangirls to assist him. He knows that I won't fight cute little girls! Please, you guys have to help me out of this mess!"
"I dunno," Watari said thoughtfully, "It would be a shame fer Tsuzuki ta violate his sacred vows."
"WHAT?!" I shouted.
"Besides, Muraki is very rich," said Tatsumi, as a frightening grin spread across his face, "Now that he's your husband, perhaps he would be willing to help with our department's funding problems..."
"Of course I will," said Muraki, making a dramatic appearance in a flurry of white feathers, "I want my dear Tsuzuki-san to be in a happy work environment, so I will be making a generous monetary donation to your department immediately."
To my dismay, Tatsumi began to cackle triumphantly. Even more disturbing was when Watari started cackling as well, doubtlessly thinking that the extra funding might allow him to complete his sex-change potion. With no one else to turn to, I looked pleadingly at Hisoka for help.
"Idiot. Serves you right." Hisoka muttered, looking bored.
"And now, my beloved..." said Muraki, wrapping his arms around me, "It's time to go on our honeymoon!"
I nearly choked on my own tongue. "H-honeymoon?"
"Yay!" cheered the yaoi fangirls, suddenly appearing out of thin air.
"We're going to a fabulous beach resort," Muraki said happily, cuddling me as I struggled, "a hot tropical paradise where you shall wear nothing but this..." Muraki held up a black thong that didn't look much wider than a shoelace, and I groaned as the fangirls all cheered again.
Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, a familiar mask and pair of gloves floated into the room.
"Hakushaku-sama!" I said, my stomach sinking with dread. What could that invisible pervert possibly want at a time like this?
"Oh, my beloved Tsuzuki," Hakushaku sobbed dramatically, "I just received word of your marriage! How could you do this to me? Please, just spend one night with me, and I'll show you that I am far more worthy to be your husband!"
Remembering the twisted horrors that Hakushaku kept in his basement, I realized that wearing a thong at a fabulous beach resort was definitely the lesser of two evils. "Oh, my husband!" I said as passionately as I could, planting kisses all over Muraki's face, "Why are we just standing around here? Let's go on our honeymoon!" Glancing nervously at Hakushaku, I added in a loud voice, "Right now!"
"Of course, my dear Tsuzuki-san," said Muraki, beaming victoriously, "But first, a little wedding custom... Liesel-chan?"
One of the fangirls stepped forward with a bouquet of roses. "You have to toss this," she explained to me.
Shrugging, I took the bunch of flowers and gave them a good throw. The bouquet soared right over the heads of Tatsumi and Watari, who were completely oblivious as to what was going on anyway (they were still cackling about the money Muraki was giving them). Then gravity got its grubby little paws onto the bouquet, pulling it down and making it land in Hisoka's lap.
"Huh?" said Hisoka, staring at the roses in confusion.
"That means you're the next person to get married, boy," Muraki cheerfully informed him, "Congratulations."
"Really?" said Hakushaku, moving closer to Hisoka, "How interesting..."
"Very interesting!" the yaoi fangirls chorused.
Hisoka gulped and started backing away from Hakushaku. "H-hey, wait a minute," he said, sweatdropping nervously. Looking around, he suddenly realized that the fangirls had him surrounded.
Worried, I took a step towards them, but Muraki suddenly grabbed me.
"I really think it's time for us to get going now," he said, kissing me on the lips, "You can have some leftover wedding cake when we get there."
I'm rather embarrassed to admit that the kiss (and promise of more cake) left me feeling kinda melty and gooey inside. "Oh... then let's just leave Hisoka and Hakushaku alone so they can discover the beauty of true love for themselves," I said airily. Perhaps my brain had temporarily melted as well. Hey, it was hard to concentrate when Muraki's busy hands were already undoing the back of my dress, okay?
Muraki chuckled, and white feathers began to form in the air around the two of us. As we teleported out of the room, the last thing we heard was Hisoka's terrified screams as Hakushaku began to chortle lecherously. Clearly, they were going to be an absolutely adorable couple.
Author's notes: I love all the characters, but they're just so fun to tease sometimes. Heh. By the way, at Japanese weddings the big fancy cake is usually fake (made of rubber, plastic, or Styrofoam), and then a simpler cake is served to guests to eat. So perhaps it was just Tsuzuki's luck that he ended up in a bakery that makes real wedding cakes, but I think it's more likely that it was a clever trap set by Muraki. Besides, I'm sure Muraki knows that a marriage to Tsuzuki would have to include real cake!
This fic is dedicated to my friends Firebird and Lesell Charis, because their infectious wackiness is a true inspiration. Heh heh. Thanks for all the laughs, and the prereading! Additional thanks go to Firebird for her help with the title (the parenthesized "Dr. Strangelove" reference was her idea ^_^).
I also want to thank the wonderful Anabella for the illustrations that she drew for this story. The illustrations are on my website (you can find the address to the site in my author profile). Thanks again!
-Literary Eagle, 2002