iWill never admit it, an icarly fanfic

Hey! I know everyone is making these continuations, but I thought Heck...Why not? I hope you like it! I haven't written fanfiction in forever, so bare with me. I hope you like this story. This is how I could see iOMG part 2 going, but with more details and elaborations. Please Enjoy! Read and Review!

The awkward silence is eating me alive. I fell like my heart has been ripped out, shred to pieces, set to flames, and smashed against a rock…all at the same time. He has to say something. I do my best to avoid any eye contact…afraid of what I might see in his face. Disgust? Terror? Nausea? I stare at a clock hanging idly on the brick wall, above the door.

12:03 am….two minutes have gone by since I mumbled in my pathetic attempt to explain myself- "Sorry"….sorry! What was I thinking? It's cool…yeah right.

Time seems to slow down as I study the hands of the clock. With every second, the drum of my heart banging in my head grows louder…quicker. I can feel my pulse sending vibrations through my veins, and perspiration beginning to thicken on my skin. It's like that feeling when you just run a mile in the cold- your mind finds its way out but your body's presence is more evident than ever.

12:06 am….I wasn't thinking! How could I let myself go like that! I can't believe this…EVERYTHING is ruined…Stupid App. Stupid guacamole. Stupid Brad! STUPID Carly! STUPID FREDDIE!. . . stupid me.

Tick Tock...Tick Tock...Tick Tock...Tick Tock...

I hear Freddie mumble something…although he could have screamed it and my pulse would still have been louder than anything in my ears. I start to feel dizzy….it almost seems that light is, dimming? My breath quickening. Suddenly, I feel as if the walls are closing in. I panic! How could I kiss him? What will happen now! I can't believe I did it! Why do I have to love HIM! I can't be around him now. All those walls you've been building up for all these years…broken down in a matter of seconds. Just like an atom bomb. I don't know what to do. Stay and endure this painful silence…or never look back. My mind and my heart is not sure…it never is….so I do what I'm used to….I run.

Time is gone; non-existent as I speed like a bullet through the door that Freddie had entered just a few minutes ago. I don't look back. My mind clears all sounds and thoughts except for "run". Run. Run. Run. . .Carly? And there she is, blocking the exit. For once, it seemed like there was no way out. I was always good at getting out of trouble, but now I was stuck. Freddie knows. Carly Knows. The whole world might as well know. . . I LOVE FREDWARD BENSON! There…but that's not always god enough, is it?

"Carly. . . I," Somehow I manage to speak.

"You love…Freddie?" Carly tilts her head and looks beyond me. I turn as I hear the quiet click of the door behind me, signaling that someone has entered the room through the courtyard. I finally see his face. To my surprise, there was not disgust, there was no terror, and there was no nausea. Just…confusion.

"Oh….My…..God" Carly says. Finally the blood stops rushing to my head and I'm able to take real control over the situation. My vision straight, my head clear of all but one goal. I turn towards the exit of the study lounge, push past Carly, and leave. I rush through the hallways, avoiding any confrontations, pick the lock of exit, and go home.

.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o..o.o.

I hadn't realized how much time had actually passed since the kiss, until I realized that Sam was out the door, and gone. All I can remember was telling her to express her feelings, and then having her lips on mine. I didn't know how to react, and I don't know if I would've been able to. All I know, is that I'm sure of nothing. Heck, I'm not even sure I know what's going on.

And here I am, sitting in the study lounge with Carly, in another moment of awkward silence. Sam had only left ten or so minutes ago, and I knew there was no point chasing after her. Not just because I knew I wouldn't be able to catch up with her, but for a few other reasons. If I were to find her, well then what? I don't even know what's going on right now! It would just be another awkward moment of silence that would turn into bitterness. And even though I'm not sure of anything right now, I think I have to figure out what's going on, and let Sam have her space. Maybe I need space too. Agh! I'm so confused right now.

Carly is the first to break the silence. "Freddie, I can't believe it."

There is a slight pause. "Huh?" I say, yet it's barely audible.

"You know, that Sam is in love with you. For all this time, I can't believe it…I can't believe I never realized what was right in front of us." Carly has a look of concentration on her face and shakes her head slightly.

"Wait a second," And that's when I realize. "WAIT A SEC! SAM IS IN LOVE….wi-…with…ME?"

"Well….DUH!" Carly said sarcastically. "No Freddie, your stupid mood app thingy says Sam's in love, she acts all nice and stuff, and she kisses you! She must be in love with Santa Clause!"

I give her a "watch it" look and she rolls her eyes, clearly amused but still concerned. "But what do you mean "all this time"? She's hated me forever."

"No Freddie, I don't think she has." Carly stands up and begins to pace back and forth. "I mean, think about it. Sam has never been very good at expressing her feelings, and when she does it's usually through violence. Now who is it that she constantly beats up? Maybe it's not her way of showing hate, but her way of getting closer! Who is it that she always makes fun of? Maybe that's not her way of emotionally hurting someone, but getting their attention! Who is it that sh-"

"Me." I finally say, in a quiet, hushed voice.

"You." Carly smiles, happy that she finally decoded the mystery that is Sam.

There is another few moments of silence before again, Carly breaks the ice. "But what about you?"

"What do you mean?" I honestly never considered this.

Carly gives me the "really?" expression. "How do you feel about Sam?"

This question makes me really think. I know that I've never really hated her. I mean, for a long time I've thought of us as really close friends. I genuinely care a lot about her. But am I in love with her? For years she's harassed me, put me through physical and emotional pain, and made me feel so angry. Yet, somehow, through all that pain, suffering, and teasing….it was always kinda…fun. Almost like it was just a game. And when we actually got along, it was like we were best friends. She'd support me through my troubles….I'd support her. And she never failed to make me laugh. Every time I would see her smile…you know, as long as it wasn't caused by my pain….I'd smile. Sam…she seems so aggressive on the outside. But I can tell she has a soft side. I can tell just by the way her face lights up when she sees something she really wants. Or by the way she laughs, and how it makes others smile. She's so carefree and isn't afraid to just, live.

But what about Carly? For some reason, I kept telling myself that I'm still in love with Carly. Why? I have no idea. But over the past year or so, I've been realizing that I only really ever thought that I was in love with her. I mean, she's pretty, smart, nice. Who wouldn't love her? But all this time have I been looking for the wrong girl? Do I call my mom crazy because she's overprotective, or because she's afraid of passion and danger. Isn't that what I keep looking for? No doubt that Sam is dangerous and passionate. And there is also no doubt in my mind that same is attractive. I mean, she's gorgeous. It's still a wonder to me how she can eat all that food, and still manage to keep her figure. And her hair…the way it's always messy and tousled. Almost wild! Her "twin" Melanie looked just like her, but almost had the personality of Carly. Why wasn't I happy with her? I mean, I know I thought she was Sam, but hanging out with Melanie just didn't feel right. But whenever I'm with Sam, I just feel so alive. Is it love?

Sunday Night

I haven't seen Carly or Freddie since last night. I'm too ashamed to show my face to either one of them. But I've given a lot of thought into it, and I just know that things will never be the same. And I just don't like change. So, I have to put on my brave face and deal with it sooner than later. Why not now? But as I find myself walking into Bushwell Plaza, I feel the nerves begin to rise. But I breathe deep and take the elevator up to Carly's floor anyway. I'm tired of running away. Even if I know I might get rejected, I've already put myself out there, and I need to hear him say it. No matter how bad it hurts.

The elevator door opens in the Shay's living room and I see Carly look up from the computer. Her eyes widen and she smiles, running up to hug me, before sending a quick text to someone." Sam, are you okay? Why haven't you answered any of my calls? I was worried SICK about you." Carly grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the couch.

I sigh, knowing that this next conversation is going to be a long, sappy one. "I'm Sorry Carly, I've just been doing a lot of thinking"

"Well I would think so." She raises her eyebrow with a look of concern.

"So…you saw, huh?" I start to rock back and forth slightly, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Yeah...I saw." There was a short pause. "How come you never told me…you know, that you love Freddie"

Just hearing her say it, sounds so surreal to me. "I didn't even want to tell myself. I always thought I could just deal with it…you know, stop liking him. But….as time went on; I just grew to love him more."

"How Long?" she dared to ask.

I sigh before answering. "Honestly, I always thought he was kinda cute. Then when we kissed, I don't know. I started to like like him. I wanted to be around him more, I got jealous every time he'd talk about how much he was in love with you. And then somewhere along the way, it turned into love. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I think I've known for a while. Then with the stupid App, my fears were confirmed."

"Wow" is all Carly can say. For a moment it looks as if she's really thinking hard, looking for the right thing to say. "Look, I really admire you for admitting your feelings. I know it isn't easy for you to do. And I want you to know that what I said last night is still true. I just want you to be happy. I'm sorry it ever seemed like I took Freddie away from you, cause you know that was never my intention."

"I know, and I know it's not your fault that Freddie is in love with you. But it doesn't change the fact that he is…and for all I know he always will be. But even if he wasn't, why would he ever love me? I've treated him so badly and this is my karma. I don't deserve to be loved."

"Sam!" Carly shouts which in turn scares the bejezus out of me. "Don't you ever say that you don't deserve love! Sure you may not be sweetest person I've ever met, but you're amazing! You're funny, talented, and witty! You're awesome Sam, and whoever doesn't see that is a…a…a skunkbag! You deserve as much love as anybody else!"

"Thanks Carly, but it's not true. I'm rude, mean, insensitive, bratty, and horrible. I'm a jerk! That's what everyone thinks and you know it. Look, I'm not going to sit here and mope, I've been bad and I get what I get."

Carly sighs, but for some reason she appears to have a smile on her face. "Okay Sam, look….if you don't believe me…then maybe you'll believe someone else." And before I know it, she's gone. She walks up the stairs and I see her look towards the front door and give a little wink. Then I look where she winked and see him. Freddie. He comes out from behind the door and sits close to me. It doesn't take me long to realize that this was a setup. Carly must have sent Freddie a text telling him I was here when I came up in the elevator. I feel too stunned to move.

"Sam…" He starts. I look up where Carly was and she she's gone. "We need to talk."

"Freddie, we don't need to. Look I get it. You love Carly and you just want to forget this whole shindig ever happened. I'm totally cool with that." I can't stop looking into his eyes.

"Are you?" he smirks

"Yes." I frown.

"Cause I'm not." I look up at him with a pleading face.

"Look Sam, after you kissed me. I gave a lot of thought into it. And I'm just going to be blunt with you. "You have harassed me." Here we go. "Caused me pain," this is going to sting. "And made me feel like the biggest pile of turd in the universe." He's going to end it right here, rejected. "But I couldn't be more in love with you." Yup I told yo- Wait WHAT!

I felt my eyes widen in surprise, joy, confusion, all of the above! "Wh-what?"

"Sam, every moment that I'm with you, even when you cause me pain, makes me feel more alive than any moment without you. I'm just an idiot so it took me a little while to figure out. Look, I don't love Carly…so don't even think about use that as an excuse. And no matter what, I just want us to always be at least, great friends. But I want to try to make…us…work."

I feel so happy in this moment yet so shocked. Like I just one a million buckers of ham! But there is still that sense of discomfort. "Us? But, there shouldn't be an us." Freddie frowns."I mean, we're "frenemies"… what…what if this changes things between us."

"Sam…don't be afraid of what might happen. Be afraid of what might not happen. All I'm asking for is a chance. So what if things change! Maybe it's for the better. We've been playing this game of hate for too long. Isn't it time we admitted to ourselves that we're ready to call it a draw."

"But where does that put us?"

"I don't know….I was thinking…..here." And he leans in, putting his hands on my waist, closing his eyes. I feel myself gladly give in and put my arms around his shoulders as our lips meet. This time, both of us close our eyes and enjoy the moment. The kiss doesn't last very long but it's fantastic. As cliché as it sounds, I saw fireworks.

We separate and I find myself looking into his eyes, and him looking into mine. For once, things feel right.

"So…are we like girlfriend and boyfriend now?" Freddie asks.

"Only if I get to be the girlfriend." I tease.

Freddie rolls his eyes. "Ha-ha." He says sarcastically.

"I'm just saying!" I smile.

"Some things won't ever change, will they?"

"Do you want everything to change, like this? You know, the arguing." This question is serious.

He pauses. "No…for some reason I don't."

So, I punch his shoulder. "Good Freddork."

He just laughs and pulls me in for another kiss, which I, again, gladly accept. We separate and we are both stunned to see Carly looking over us, next to the couch, smiling. "Awwwwweeee….I guess seddie wins! Now who's ready to rehearse some iCarly!"

Freddie and I just laugh as we follow Carly up the stairs, Freddie's arm on my shoulder. Things feel right. I guess putting your feeling out there isn't that bad after all. Wow…I've never felt like such a nub. But it's okay. I'd rather be a nub in love with Freddie than a jerk without him….but I'll never admit it.

…. … … ….. ….

About five minutes Later, Spencer comes in the front door carrying his banjo and a bag of eggplants and tuna. He feels as if he's missed a big seddie moment…..oh Spencer…you have no idea.

End…(and I reach in the hat for some cliché)….is only the beginning.

Okay, well that was it! I hope you liked it. I wrote it kind of quick and I know the grammars all wacky, but I kind of like it that way! SEDDIE!