OK; first fanfic. Don't hate; constructive critisicm welcome. I'm in a semi-obsessed stage of Lady Gaga, hence the inspiration for the title. It all comes full circle later, and Bella's addiction doesn't hit negativly till later on in the story. And as for knowing a little about drugs and the disease of addiction: I'm a addict myself and in a program, so I do know what I am talking about. And i was an cocaine addict, fyi.

Enjoy.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of it characters. I also don't own the songs by Lady Gaga or Timbaland.

"Oh come on Alice, I really don't wanna do this," I moaned. The short, pixie like raven haired girl pulled on my arm.
"Bellaaaaaa, it'll be fun!"

I could hardly consider being dragged to a modeling scout fun. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't skinny enough-

"Come on!" Alice squealed, dragging me into the large building.

My self confidence hit the floor once we entered the waiting room on the third floor. All the girls were tall, gorgeous and skinny. Alice bounced excitedly on her feet.

"Oh, they're gonna love you, there's no one in the room as pretty as you!"
I stared at the girl incredulously. I was about 5'7, 110lbs, and had long silk brown hair. I had sharp, delicate features, large brown eyes and translucent skin.

Disgusting.

Alice, on the other hand, was beautiful. She was about 5'0, tiny, and had a short black bob. She also had delicate features, but she looked like an angel from the Sistine Chapel.

We made our way over to the sign in table, where Alice signed me in and gathered my number and other items I would need.

I felt very self conscious. I had on a tight, black tank top and some dark denim skinny jeans, along with a pair of gold gladiator sandals. No makeup and my hair was up in a pony tail, pulled back from my face. I felt my face flush as we walked to some seats in the back as everyone stared at me, some girls even whispering.

"Oh, godddd, what I wouldn't give for her skin!" I heard a girl hiss. I blushed profusely.

"And her hair! It's so gorgeous and healthy!" Another whispered. I felt Alice nudge me.

"Told you," She said triumphantly as we sat down on a couch.

Alice Cullen was my best friend of five years. We lived together since high school ended and had been best friends since out life in Forks, Washington. Now, we lived in a nice apartment (curiosity of her wealthy parents) in L.A.

She was an intern for Chanel and I was working in a small coffee shop as I went to school. I was currently majoring in European Lit, but I didn't know now.
It had been almost a year since we left Forks, and she was 19; it was almost my birthday.

I felt my nerves coming back, stronger than ever. I would have probably had a nervous breakdown had it not been for that half a gram I had snorted earlier.

Oh, that's another thing.

I'm a cocaine addict.
And bulimic.

And an alcoholic.
Shall I continue?
My father raised me, Chief of Police in Forks. My mother had left with me when I was about three, and taken us to Phoenix, Arizona. But when she had mentioned moving to Florida so Phil (Renee's new husband) could play baseball in the minor leagues without having to travel so much, I had stepped back. I was about to start high school at the time and did not feel like moving across the country. So I opted to move back in with my dad.

Things were ok; he wasn't a very emotional parent, like Renee, but he was very over protective. I never had a boyfriend.
I had never even been kissed.

Pathetic, isn't it?
Any way, I went to Forks High School and soon became fast friends with Alice, and we had left to go to USC and her to intern in the Chanel offices in L.A.
The addict part started out in high school. Alice had always been very tiny, and while I wasn't overweight, I was, how can you say, healthy. So, fueled by my best friends constant attention from boys and my father's not allowing of boys, I started throwing up. Soon, in my junior year, an acquaintance named Mike Newman, introduced me to coke. I had been drinking since sophomore year, when I found that if I drank enough, I'd spill my guts for at least two days, effectively riding my body of all foods and liquids. It also made me throw up anything I tried to eat. But the coke made me stay up all night, do my homework, focus and NOT EAT.

That was most important.

So, for five years, I had been hiding this from my father, mother, Alice and everyone else I knew. I had a hidden stash of liquor and coke underneath the floor boards in mine and Alice's apartment and when the coke ran out, I'd get wasted at night. Either Alice was oblivious or I was really good at hiding it.

I think it was a little of both.

Back to the present though. I don't like to dwell too much on the past.

We waited, chatting about nothing in particular, when my number was called.

"145?" A tall, brunette last called from the screening room.

I gave Alice a frightened look and stood, up, swiftly making my way to the room. I racked my brain for everything Alice had been teaching me the past month. I clutched my portfolio in my hands and took a deep breath as I walked into the room.

I gave the scouts what I hoped to be a dazzling, confident smile. I watched as their eyes raked over me as I went to the front of the table and handed a tall black girl my portfolio.
They motioned for me to sit down at a chair in the middle of the room and I did so as they went through my portfolio.
For about 6 months, Alice had been setting up appointments for me to build a portfolio. They're the basics, profile shots, full body shots, all without makeup. They're also was two bathing suit shots, along with a few costume shots. My favorite was the jewel one. They had filled a huge Jacuzzi tub with fake diamonds and put me in a dazzling metallic black bikini and I lied in the tub with some black and white jewels glued to my face and deep black, smoldering eye shadow.

The scouts asked me some basic questions and I answered them as confidently as I could.

Soon, I was walking out. I sat down next to Alice and we waited two hours making small talk, for the call backs to be posted.

Alice dragged me to the list as soon as it was posted. She fought through the stick thin girls and ran her finger down the list.

"20, 45, 48, 59, 120, 139, 145!" She screamed. "Oh my god you made it!"
I gaped at my number.

What?
Alice jumped up and down and I stared at her dumbfounded.

She dragged me over with my number to the sign in desk. Apparently the call back was a photo shoot. We had to take pictures with the other call backs and-

With their male models.

I gulped. Boys were not my strong point.

The whole way home, Alice chattered excitedly about me making the call backs.
"And oh my god, male models!"
I sighed and rested my head against the window. I was getting pretty tired. I had been drinking for the past two nights and finally scored from my dealer, who had ran dry the past two weeks. I had some sleep, but the come down from the coke was beginning to set it.
"Do you have work tomorrow?" Alice asked, interrupting me from my half awake-ness. I sat up.

"No, I don't…" I said warily, wondering where this was going.
"Let's go celebrate!"
I groaned. Alice's definition of celebrating was taking me out to a club and getting hopelessly drunk. Not that I minded the alcohol…

"Fine," I said, sighing. I'd need a whole gram to stay up. And because of my high tolerance, I could drink a fair amount along with it, leaving me an awaken stupor.

Alice squealed excitedly and we pulled up to our apartment. She bounced all the way to the door and as soon as I unlocked it, I flew to the shower. She shouted after me about her picking out my dress and I just laughed in resignation.

I went to my closet and pulled out my loose floor board, taking out a gram baggie. I quickly stuffed it in my pocket and replaced the floor boards. I trudged into my bathroom and swiftly closed the door. I pulled out the baggie and my wallet. I got out my ID and proceeded to dump half the contents of the baggie on the sink counter. I crushed it with the flat side of my ID and then cut it up into four long, thin lines with the sharp edge. I took a dollar bill from my wallet and rolled it tightly. I brought one nostril to the rolled up end of the tube and the other to the first line. I snorted it quickly, throwing my head back and inhaling deeply. I took a deep breath and went to the next line.

Soon, I finished and vowed to finish the rest after my shower. I was already feeling jittery and awake. The other half would give me the energy to dance all night.

I stepped in the shower; it was turned all the way to the cold. I always felt very warm when I was on coke, so I took cold showers a lot, unless I had a hangover.

As I stood under the freezing stream, lathering my hair I thought about the club. No doubt, Alice was probably calling, our other bestfriend. Rosalie Hale was a tall blonde beauty with dazzling blue eyes and a face and figure to kill for. What's more, she knew it. She always had a new boyfriend, though the one she had now, Emmett, was probably her longest. They had been going out for seven months now and were madly in love. He did everything for her and she seemed to really care about him. She was always gushing about him.

And don't get me wrong-I love Emmett. He was a sweetheart. But with his huge body and dark brown hair, he was kinda menacing. Until you looked into his deep chocolate eyes that sparkled with humor and you knew he was just a huge teddy bear.

Rinsing my hair, I smiled. I loved to dance. I took ballet in high school and while I was the most ungraceful creature around, I seemed to excel. I loved to dance-just not in front of other people.

I sighed as I stepped out of the shower. I dried off and wrapped my towel around my wet hair. I stated at my naked body, curling my lip in disgust. I felt gross and fat. I sighed and went back to snorting the rest of my gram.

After I was done and had rolled a coolie (a cigarette, usually menthol, mine being Camel Crushes, rolled in leftover coke) I walked out in my room and put on a lacey black thong and left my top uncovered. As disgusted as I was with my body, I preferred to be naked most of the time.

I walked down the hallway and to the balcony, grabbing a lighter on the way. I stepped out side, undoing my towel from my hair and shaking it out, wrapping it around my semi bare body. I lit up my cigarette and took a drag, blowing the smoke out slowly. Alice popped outside.

"Hey, give me a quick drag."
I froze. I couldn't let her have any of this, it was coke infested! I took a deep breath.
"Get your own, girly!" I laughed nervously. I hope she didn't notice.
She pouted. "I don't want a whole one!"

I guiltily gave her a drag. She took a deep hit, and handed it back. She blew it out, smiling at me. I smiled nervously back.

"Thanks!" She chirped, adjusting her towel. She had just stepped out of the shower also. "I picked out your dress and heels!"
I growled. "Alice, I can't wear heals, I'll die!"
She shook her head. "I'll pay for the hospital bill," She said, walking back inside, laughing.

I sighed and finished, going back inside. I went to my room, dreading to open the door.

I did and walked over to the bed and groaned. "Figures," I muttered. I picked up the skimpy dress and inspected in. It was short; a wanna be bubble dress, but still too tight to actually be one. It was metallic silver, white and black zebra print with a little sheen to it. There was a thick band of material at the bottom in the same pattern that I'm sure would cling to my thighs. The top dipped in a sweetheart cut and the bra was padded.

'Well, at least I don't have to wear a bra,' I thought, putting it down.

Then I saw my shoes.

"NO ALICE!" I roared. I heard her laugh from her room.

There were 5 inch, black leather gladiator straps and brown wood wedges. I sighed.
I'd die in these.

I put the dress on and carried the shoes to Alice's room. She always did my makeup and hair.

She was finishing her hair as I walked into the bathroom. She turned and smiled at me. I had to smile back; she looked beautiful. She was wearing a short, tight, sweetheart cut black halter cocktail dress that was spandex and frightenly short. Her makeup was simple; black smoky eyes and pale lipstick. Her hair was in disarray; then again, it always was.

"I don't know why we have to get ready now," I complained. "We have three hours left!"
"Well, you have a massive amount of thick ass hair, and I'm going to curl it," Alice said, pushing me down in the chair in front of her vanity. She picked up a spiral curler and began twisting my now dried hair. It might have been thick but it dried fast.
As she did my hair, she chatted away. "I called Rose," she said cheerfully. "She's bringing Emmett, who's bringing two friends." She wiggled her eyebrows at me in the mirror. I groaned.

"Please don't tell me she's trying to set me up?"

"Please Isabella, you haven't had a date in months! You've never even been kissed!"
I sighed. "Please don't call me by my real name."
My real name in Isabella Marie Swan. But I prefer Bella.

Alice just sighed and continued to prattle on about random things. An hour later, my hair was curled in perfect, loose spirals and Alice was working on my makeup (black eyeliner on my waterlines and silver eye shadow lining my eyes, with thick black fake eyelashes, plus some pretty pink blush) when Rose walked in. She lived with Emmett (shocking!) but she used to live with us, so we let her keep her key for emergencies.

"OH my gosh!" She squealed when she saw me, diving in for a hug and almost messing up Alice putting on my eyelashes. "Alice told me what happened with the model scout; I'm so happy you got a call back!"
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah…"
Rosalie and Alice chatted happily as Alice finished my makeup. I inspected Rosalie. She was wearing a bright turquoise, halter scoop neck, tiny short dress, with an open back and chains going down the back. Her long blonde hair was pretty straight and she swept in over her shoulders. Her makeup was the same as Alice's and she was wearing bright yellow open toe pumps.

"Finished!" Alice said triumphantly, stepping back. I smiled shyly in the mirror. Not that I looked good, but I looked better than I did usually.

Rosalie smiled and sighed wishfully. "You've always been such a beauty, Isabella."
I blushed. "Not really," I mumbled, fidgeting.

They laughed and we left the room, migrating to the living room. Alice pulled out the champagne, and we each had a glass as we waited. We finished our drinks right as the cab pulled up and honked. I sighed as a buckled the two straps of my shoes I walked carefully down the stairs and we got into the cab.

"Two-forty-five East Colonial," Alice told the driver. I groaned.
"Not Roxy's!"

She giggled. "Come on, they have the cheapest bottles and drinks!"
I grumbled the whole way there. It was a Friday night and the place was packed. We waited in line for about fifteen minutes as people slowly trickled in.
As soon as we entered, I could feel the heat of the crowd and the smell of vodka hit me. I took a deep breath. It was very comforting. I was tweaking already and 'Toma' by Pitbull ended and a heavy beat filled the club as we sat at a table.
"Oh my god," Alice squealed as 'Starstruck' by Lady Gaga blared. "I love this song!"
I laughed and told her and Rosalie to go dance while I ordered us a bottle. Being only 19, though looking much older, I was able to get a wrist band without showing ID. They left their clutches with me and I took them with me as I went to the bar.
"Um, a bottle of Raspberry Smirnoff?" I said, showing the guy my wrist band and handing him a twenty and a ten. He nodded, winking at me before turning to retrieve and glass bottle from the shelf. I blush and muttered a 'thank you' as he handed me the bottle and my change. I stuffed in my black clutch and walked back over to our table. When I got there, it was inhabited by none other than Emmett.
"Hey there Bella!" He exclaimed, jumping up to hug me. I leaned into his hug, not being bale to use my hands to hug him back. I set the clutches and the bottle on the table. I had also grabbed six shot glasses from the bar and I set them down too.

Emmett grimaced at the bottle. "Chick shit," he mumbled, taking a swing from one of the three half drank bottle of beer on the table. Then I remembered-

"Where are these 'friends'?" I asked, sitting down and pouring myself a shot. I downed it quickly, my tolerance for vodka very high. I didn't get sick on it anymore. 'Though,' I mused, 'I should probably get a chaser for Rose and Alice.' I excused myself and went back to the bar, ordering two bottles of raspberry juice. When I came back, Rosalie and Alice were sitting with Emmett, talking animatedly.

I plunked the drinks on the table and they snatched them up, doing a shot and chasing them.
I was about to settle in when 'Bounce' by Timbaland came on.
"OH this my jammmm!" I yelled, throwing my fists into the air. I felt very skeeted, very confident on my coke.

I did another shot and took a sip of Alice's juice, just to mask my breath. Then we, including a groaning Emmett being dragged by an excited Rose, raced to the middle of the dance floor. I immediately fell into the beat.

Uh oh

Hell nah,

Like Britney Spears I wear no draws

In the club I drink it up

Drink it up

I swung my hips to the song, revolving them in a circle, going lower and lower till I dropped to the ground, popping back up.

I swung my hips some more and then suddenly felt two, strong hand grip my waist. Rather than turn around and confront the culprit (I was in too good of a mood for that) I simply continued to dance. I ground on him, getting into the music. Two songs played after that and we continued to dance. I spun around to dance face to face with him and I lost my breath.

He was beautiful.

He had messy bronze hair and sparkling emerald eyes. He had the face of a model and a tall, rock hard body. I was mesmerized.

And slightly turned on.
We continued to dance till the third song ended and I pulled back. I took a deep breath.

"Thanks," I said, still breathless.

He smiled this crooked smile. "No problem."
Oh lord, even his voice was beautiful. It was soft like velvet, but also had a rough quality to it. I blushed and excused myself.

I made my way back to our table where everyone was smirking at me.
"So, I see you met Edward," Emmett said, taking a sip of his beer.

"What?"
There was a laugh from behind me and I whipped around. Behind me was my dancing partner and I gaped at him.
"You're Emmett's friend?" I squeaked.

"The one and only," He said smoothly, stepping around me, taking a seat. I gaped for a minute and then slid in next to him.
"And that's Jasper," Emmett said, pointing to the blonde guy nest to Jazzy. He was fairly tall and lean, with messy blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes. Alice was cuddling with him and I rolled my eyes.

I grabbed the bottle of vodka, noticing that it was half empty and eyed my bestfriends. Rosalie's eyes were glazed over and Alice was giggling more than usual. I also noticed they each had a new bottle of juice.

I'm so glad were taking a cab home.

I did three shots in succession and I felt everyone's eyes on me.

"What?" I asked innocently. I usually didn't drink like this in front of my friends; usually I just sipped cocktails so it didn't look like I was drinking hardcore.

"Hardcore," Emmett teased, reflecting my thoughts. I blushed.

The night went on, us girls running out to the dance floor whenever a sexy beat came on. Edward danced with me a couple more times and every time he touched me I felt an electric current run up my body and I felt even more turned on. I was pretty skeeted and drunk by the time 'Lollipop' by Lil Wayne came on.

We were grinding on each other, facing each other, my hands wrapped around his neck, his hands on my hips, pushing my harder onto him.

My head was down, face away from him and when I looked up, his eyes met mine.

His emerald eyes were smoldering with lust and something else, but what?
I gasped as his head bent close to mine. I should smell his sweet, beer laden breath. He leaned in closer and closed the distance between us.
The kiss blew my mind. As well as being my first, it was smoldering and so passionate. I tangled my hands in his hair and pulled him closer, responding as well as I could, be that my lack of experience.
We kissed for seemed to be forever when I pulled back for air. I took quick breathes and looked up at him from under my lashes. His eyes darkened and he bent his head close to my ear.

"Wanna get out of here?"

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