This is my version of Twilight... Yes, I actually read all the books in one and a half days... (I have no life)... But I seriously hated the way which Steph wrote it. Nu uh. Bad writing! Other than that... It was okay... (Bella should'a ended up with Jacob, though.) I'm in a very hyper mood.... CAN YOU TELL?!?!?! I BLAME HORMONES!!! THE ODD! 1 KissHugKissHugKissHugKissHug

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My name Is Isabella Swan. I have brown hair and eyes, and I'm not very pretty. I'm skinny-ish, but hate being girly. I'm kinda quiet, and shy, and I love my old rusty truck.

I have a boyfriend who tries not to eat me. But we are in love. It's cool. He's a vampire, he'll totally kick your ass.

Oh, and, my bestie - other than his 'sister', Alice - is a were wolf. Neat huh?

But even though he kinda fell madly in love with me (some impritning thing I take advantage of, apart from that one time he totally mouth raped me with his mouth....That I did not enjoy), but he knows I love him as a friend, nothing more. Because you can totally love your guy friends, and rape their mouth with your mouth sometimes... Well, okay, sometimes it isn't rape... If I had've known he wanted to screw my baby that I would have with my vampire boyfriend that I'd also be getting married to in the near distant future, I probably would kick his hairy wolf butt.

I'd also kick said vampy boy's butt becuase I told him I didn't want to get married. Especially not to a controlling, sparkly, cold, old guy with hairy arms. BLAH! I hate his hairy arms! That's why he's always wearing long sleeves! BLAHHH!! And his CHEST! WAX IT OFF! WAX IT OFF! WAX IT OFF! But I'd totally still lick it... Humm...

One day I planned to go to his house, but I got my period. 'Oops!' I thought. I shoved a tampon in and went around anyways, because... uhm... I love him (?) and without seeing his smile I could possibly move on with my life, and he's a controlling dick! Not only that, but he has super mind powers and can probably do anything! He's super man!

YAY SUPERMAN!!!

*Images of vampire boyfriend flying around in spandex, eating pizza and pocky, the world's best foods - time skip - seven years later, his gut is hanging on the ground and he's still eating*

Speaking of eating, he dosen't eat, so it's like "Hey, baby, you hungry?" and he's all like, "Naw, babe, just had a bite of deer a while back. Yo homie G, to the R, to the E, to the A.... It was off the hook, yo. Great," And all like bursting into tears and saying "HOW COULD YOU?! BAMMMBBBIIIIII!!!!" And then I was like, all on the ground flailing around and stuff, and he was all like "I WANNA HELP BABY BUT IF I TOUCH YOU I'MA RAPE YOUR BLOOD WITH MY FANG-IES!"

So I had to catch a ride on my werewolf's back, 'cuz my truck is a rusty fuck up, and I kinda dig the way he holds onto my legs... Sometimes I'm glad my vampy can't read my pervy thoughts.

So, me 'n' Wolfy stopped off for a sanga (for all y'all non Aussies, a sanga is a sandwhich) and a snag (sausage) and we made out and stuff, but then he had to leave because... uhm... HE IMPRINTED ON A SQUIRELL! and he was figuring out how he was going to go about with the physical part of their 'relationship'... *Insert Shudder Here*

So I was walking, and then another vampire (James) jumps out, and we make out, 'cuz he is SEEEEEEEX-IE! And then we have a very big deep and meaningful about our feelings, and he cries.

When I got to his house, my BF (not best friend, BOY FRIEND) jumped me and ate me anyways.

I died. The End.