Harry never liked the fact that he was stuck with Ginny Weasley and always found himself craving something more, even if he didn't know what that 'more' was. He'd sit at his desk while the heavily pregnant Ginny watched TV and tap his pen against the wood, wondering what more he could have if he let Ginny go. He sighed out because he knew that letting Ginny go would mean death from the Weasley brothers, but he wanted to explore the world past the family he'd created with two young boys and a little girl on the way.
"Harry, love, what's up?" Ginny asked as Harry stared past the TV and to somewhere he didn't know existed. He blinked himself back into reality before placing his arm round Ginny's shoulder and kissing her ginger hair. She snuggled into his embrace as he found himself wishing that someone else was hugging him now.
"Nothing, sweetheart, just zoned out a little," was all Harry replied with because, after Voldemort passed, Harry zoned out a lot more because he felt safe and not like someone who is about to kill him is on his trail. Ginny nodded lightly, being careful not to smash her head against Harry's chin, before shifting slightly and kissing Harry's lips lightly.
Harry kissed back but didn't feel the sparks he had felt when with Ginny. He swallowed after Ginny had pulled away and you could see the glistening tears in Ginny's eyes because she'd not felt the sparks either. He pressed his thumb to his lips lightly, adding light pressure to make sure his lip wasn't numb and that was the reason he felt nothing when kissing her.
"Harry!" cried Ginny, who had obviously noticed his slightly awestruck expression. "Why can't I feel the sparks anymore?" she asked and he could see that she was almost crying. He took her cheeks in her palms and pressed his forehead against hers, like he had done when he proposed.
"I'm not sure sweetheart, I'm really not sure." He breathed out lightly before he felt tears come to his own eyes because he couldn't go on with this relationship if he felt nothing. He pressed a final kiss to her lips, just to see if the spark had come back, before pulling away lightly and pressing his hand onto the cushion of the sofa. "I'll be gone by the morning," he whispered, choking slightly because he thought he'd be with this girl for the rest of his life.
"Ha-" Ginny said before being interrupted by Harry getting to his feet and walking into the bedroom they shared. He looked round the room in which he could still smell the sexual essence, and a small smile traced across his lips. No matter if he didn't feel a thing anymore, he would always be proud to say that his children were carried by the hottest female he had ever laid eyes on.
"To think I used to deny myself because she was Ron's sister," Harry mumbled with a grin as he prepared a bag of the essentials. He packed a few quills and a roll of parchment, before removing it again and dripping his most prized quill into his favourite red ink. He began to write out the message he'd been thinking about since he'd walked from the living-room.
Dear Ginny, my beautiful, Potter,
Although I have left and we are no longer in a relationship (please contact me about the divorce) I am still in love with you, even if it isn't the way you wish. I am so thankful for the past 11 years, and thank you so much for carrying my three children. I will always cherish you for that.
I'll make any amount of payment towards them, just contact me with the amount in mind because they are still mine and will always be my flesh and blood. Which leads me onto the next point, which is visiting my children. Will you allow me this? They are mine, but I will understand, because I left you so suddenly, if you would wish for me not to see them.
If I am not allowed, could you please kiss them for me every night before bed? Could you tell them their bedtime story like I used to, because they do love it?
Yours,
Harry, I'm so sorry, Potter.
He pulled the quill from the parchment, cleaned the quill and set the rest of the parchment roll and quills into the bag. He breathed before letting the ink dry as he pack they rest of his things. Tear tumbled down his checks because he was so confused and couldn't hold in his emotions anymore.
He got to his feet, folding the parchment with the now dry ink and leaving it on her bed-side table, a single tear drop landing on the yellowish parchment. He kissed her pillow once, twice, three times before standing up and walking out of the room.
He wasn't shocked to see Ginny playing with his son, because she was always good at hiding emotions. He contemplated walking over, but decided against it because that would just cause trouble. To avoid contact with his son, he headed towards the back door and walked out, but not before drawing a broken heart on the calendar. He breathed out as he pushed his hair from his face and looked at the small rag he had taken from the kitchen.
You're the only thing I have to remember my sons by; you were used to clean their dirty cheeks the other day. He felt tears go to his eyes as he pressed his face into the cloth. He walked away from his house and towards the nearest train-station, hoping to get a train to Kings Cross because the students were leaving from tonight till tomorrow (because it had been decided that as not every family could get to one train on time to have three instead) and he might be able to hitch a lift to Hogwarts and Professor McGonnagal might just help him farther.
He brought a ticket at the train-station and boarded the first train possible. He walked through the carriages before he found one that was empty and sobbed till the train got to Kings Cross - the last stop - and he stood. He got of the train and headed towards the pillar between platforms nine and ten, before casually walking through it, about 8 years earlier then he ever imagined doing so.
Harry grinned when he saw a train there. People were noticing him, but that really didn't matter as he got on the train. He walked down to the front so he could talk to the head of this journey. He reached the far end (which he had never seen before as he was never a Prefect) and asked to speak with the head of the journey. Luckily, because they thought he was a troubled parent, they allowed him through and saw a certain Neville Longbottom sitting there.
"Harry, is that you?" Neville asked, before rubbing his glasses, which Harry guessed were for reading since there was a paper in his hand. "What are you doing here Harry? Surely your son isn't that old yet?" Neville asked Harry as Harry felt like laughing because no, he didn't reproduce in his last year at Hogwarts, which is what he would have needed to do if that were to happen.
"I need to catch the train, is that right?" he asked in an almost pleading tone. Neville raised an eyebrow slightly, but avoided asking questions and just nodded instead. He told Harry that he'd have to sit in one of the student cabins, but Harry agreed eagerly and walked into the first one he came across. He took a seat in the far corner, like Lupin did when they first met, and pressed his fore-head against the glass. He was ready to fall asleep when the door open with a bang and a group of laughing students came through.
Harry looked up to see a few children that looked familiar, before deciding that they were mildly related to people who had been in the school the same time as him before he saw the familiar changing locks of Teddy Lupin walk into the cabin and groan.
"No space?" asked Teddy and you could almost hear the pout he was wearing his voice before he bounded up to one of the boys and went down on his lap. "Either I sit on your lap or you make space," Teddy explained and Harry snorted slightly because his godson had always been a bossy one.
"Did anyone else hear that?" asked one of the boys in the cabin, before Harry could feel all their eyes on him as he kept his own shut in attempt to look asleep. "Do you think it's a dead body?" another asked before poking at Harry's side, making Harry yelp and jump up with his wand in his hand.
"Harry?" asked Teddy before he poked Harry himself. "Yes, defiantly my godfather. Why are you here Harry?" He asked as Harry collapsed back in his seat. He ignored Teddy, who was still seat comfortably on the boy's lap with the boy's arms wrapped around his waist, until Teddy jumped from the boy's lap and onto his own, jumping up and down slightly.
"Me and Ginny broke up," muttered Harry, who had come to regret leaving his family even if he wasn't in love with Ginny any more.
"That still doesn't tell me why you are here," countered Teddy as he continued to jump on Harry's lap before one of the boys left to see someone else and Teddy took his seat.
"Well, I couldn't stay in the house could I? Hogwarts was the only option," replied Harry before he settled back in his corner seat. "Now, can I sleep?" he asked. Teddy nodded, although you could see the disappointment on his features because it was evident he thought that his godfather and godmother would stay together forever.
Harry pushed out all other thoughts and pushed himself to think about sleep and allowed the black mist of his mind to take over because it was better, by far, than the regret of leaving Ginny.
"Harry!" called out a cheery, eleven year old Teddy as he tugged on his godfathers locks in attempt to wake him up. Harry's eyes open after about thirty seconds of tugging and the constant jingle of wizard coins.
"What?" grumbled Harry as he looked at Teddy, who had his own supply of galleons to hand. Teddy looked up with a smile before opening his mouth to speak.
"Sweets are coming and you always said this was your favourite part of the journey," said Teddy with a smile and Harry felt a small smile tug at his lips because for Teddy to remember such a small detailed shared almost a year ago now, made him extremely happy.
"Thanks," mumbled Harry as he reached into his own pockets and scraped out a handful of galleons. He ended up buying a few chocolate treats, as well as a few pumpkin pies, to satisfy his hunger and tore open the first packet of the chocolate frog in his hand. As soon as he had bitten off the head, he smiled because the melting chocolate brought the good memories he needed after such a hard break up.
"Can I have one?" asked Teddy who, suprisingly, only brought one sweet for himself. He'd obviously been put off the packet of Bertie Botts every flavour beans after getting a fowl vomit one and wanted something to take away the taste. Harry nodded, before taking one of the pumpkin pies and peeling the wrapper back while he finished off the leg of his frog.
"Thanks," mumbled Teddy while Harry continued to eat. Teddy chose the final Chocolate Frog and began to tear at the frog-like chocolate.
Arriving at Hogwarts, Harry got off the train and headed in with the rest of the students that weren't first years. He climbed into one of the carriages with about three 7th years and headed towards the castle with them. He rode there and thought about nothing but the fact that he had just left his wife for nothing.
He got to the great hall and headed over to the teachers' table at the head of the hall. McGonnagal looked shocked to see him, but then again who wouldn't when an ex-student turns up in rain-soaked clothes and a depressed expression on his face. She got to her feet and headed towards Harry with a concerned look plastered over her features.
"Harry, why are you in my school?" she asked and hoped she didn't sound to strict. Harry burst into tears and looked as though he was about to collapse when Minerva put her arms around him. He sobbed like that for a good ten minutes before he was told to head to the office while the Sorting Ceremony took place. He was told the password was 'Transfigure' and he murmered that to the gargoyle guards which parted as soon as he had.
He headed up the stairs and continued to sob because he'd lost his two sons, his daughter and his wife. He wasn't sure which he wanted the most, but he needed something of his old life back as he sobbed for his life. He kept his forehead pressed against the mahogany wood of McGonnagal's desk while he waited for her to come.
"Harry, please tell me why you are here," Minerva said as soon as she walked in. "Neville said he didn't ask questions, but I am so answer them," Harry looked up and moved his mouth for a while with out words coming out before he was able to make a sobbing sound.
"I b-b-broke up with h-her because I-I wasn't f-f-feeling anything anymore, b-b-but I think I made a m-mis-mistake!" he sobbed out as Minerva sighed before pressing a hand to the back of his head.
"It's going to be okay Harry," she soothed. "But if you aren't feeling those connections that you used to you haven't made a mistake and it's okay to want to stay again."
"B-But my f-family!" Harry whimpered out, thinking about his sons that were only two and three years old. He thought about the little boy that would be begging for his father that night and his wife who would be sobbing into her pillow after a day of holding in her emotions.
"Don't worry potter, it can only get better." said McGonnagal.