Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Nobuhiro Watsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

About: This is an answer to the challenge of the 30 kisses LJ community. There will be 30 one-shots to different themes, each of them should include a kiss of one or another way. We'll just see how it goes.

And now, let's get started!

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30 kisses: Aoshi and Kaoru

Chapter 1 – Castles built on sand

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Title: Castles built on sand
Author/Artist: Diamantmaus aka. Joey
Pairing: Shinomori Aoshi and Kamiya Kaoru
Fandom: Rurouni Kenshin
Theme: # 16: invincible
Disclaimer: I don't own the Rurouni Kenshin characters. All credit goes to Nobuhiro Watsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

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It was over. Completely. Everything was over.

The setting sun cast a reddish shine, bathing the countryside in ruby red light, changing the normally beautiful and peaceful landscape of the mountains into a gruesome blood-red part of hell. There was no escape from it, from the blood-red light. Blood-red was death and there was no escape. Not from death. Not from pain, not from reality.

And reality was bitter. Reality hurt. Reality was blood-red as well. Like the mountains. Like the setting sun. Like his hands as he carried the four heads of his comrades. Deeper and deeper into the mountains he walked, away from the mansion where this whole tragedy had taken place.

Maybe he tried to escape from reality as well, but then he knew there was no use to it. You can't escape from reality – even if you really want to. He really wanted to right now.

Reality hurt. Reality was gruesome. Reality was that he was guilty. Not only guilty for taking many lives from enemies. No, not only that. Reality was far harsher. Reality hurt and hurt made it impossible to live happily.

So he had not known how to live happily in the first place, but now he never would because he was guilty. He had killed his friends.

Not that they died by his hand, they were his comrades after all… had been…. Damn it. No, they had died at the hand of their employer. An employer who had betrayed them. It had been his idea to work for Kanryuu. And Kanryuu had betrayed them, had tried to shoot Aoshi – and his comrades had protected him, sacrificing their lives in the process. So he could live. He had killed them. Damn it all.

His knees gave way beneath him and he fell to the ground. Only now that he had walked for hours did he notice signs of exhaustion, his hammering heart, his heaving breath. Only now did he feel the cold sweat on his forehead and the somewhat irritating pain in his chest. It was his fault. All of it.

He kneeled back and stared at the sun for a moment. Red. Like blood. Death. His fault. Raising his gaze up to the sky he threw his head back and cried out. A cry of anguish and despair and he cried as loud as he could, startling a group of birds in a nearby tree into flying away, leaving behind only one single perfectly black feather that circled and spun in the air, catching the sun, absorbing the light, turning now red, now black, before it gracefully landed in front of Aoshi, leaving the former okashira to stare at it.

A raven feather. Black. Like the end. Like death. Death was black. But then death was red as well. Blood was red and blood was death. Death was leaving behind nothing, just a raven black feather on the ground.

And right there, where the feather had marked the ground, where the cry of his pain had split the air for a moment, did he bury his comrades' heads. Only the raven feather remained as a tomb stone. Black like death. Black like the night that had long fallen while Aoshi had scraped a hole into the earth, leaving his fingers raw and wounded, while the earth he had scraped away mingled with his blood. How appropriate.

And now he sat leaned against a tree, not thinking. Definitely not thinking, because thinking brought pain and reality and he didn't want that at the moment. So he was running from reality after all. Even if in the end there was no escape. But just for now. Tomorrow he'd face reality, just not now. Tonight he would not think. That was all he could get, all he could ask for in a reality that was as gruesome as death and as harsh as hell. But for now, not thinking was enough.

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He met her on a rainy day. It was his first day in Tokyo, weeks after he came back from the mountains, weeks after he had buried his friends, weeks he had needed to deal with this new reality. Weeks until he made a decision that should change his whole life. Because he met her, because of it.

It was a rainy day, his first day in Tokyo, and they met in front of her dojo. He stood before the gate, reading the wooden sign over and over again that announced to the world that you stood before the Kamiya-dojo. A kendo-school, teaching the Kamiya-kasshin-ryuu.

He had known before that she lived here, that her name was Kamiya Kaoru and she lived here with a group of misfits that included not only a pick-pocket and a fighter-for-hire-and-gambling-hothead and the opium-lady from Kanryuu's mansion, but also the Hitokiri Battousai which was the reason why he stood in front of her dojo now in the first place.

He came here to claim the title of "the strongest", to defeat the one that was invincible. It was the last thing he could do for his dead friends. It was the last and only thing he could to for them now. This was his decision. He would defeat the former Hitokiri and lay his sword down before their grave as a symbol of the title of "the strongest". That's why he came here.

He knew that it was her dojo and that Battousai most likely wouldn't be alone when he arrived, but still he was surprised as the door opened and she stood before him, an unopened umbrella in her hand, a bucket for tofu in the other one. That's how they met again. He had seen her before. She had been there, at the mansion, where he had killed his friends. She had seen it all.

Her eyes were the last thing he had seen before he had turned, running from reality. Her eyes were the thing that had kept him sane while he had stared down at his dead friends in the mansion. Her eyes like sapphires, so blue, so deep. Those eyes that now stared up at him as he stood in front of her dojo to claim the title of "the strongest". And while he was surprised to see her, her eyes held not a trace of this emotion.

In fact, she looked at him as if she had expected him, had been waiting for him. Her eyes were full of understanding. Not pity. Just understanding. Had there been pity, he would never have even considered to talk to her, but she looked at him in understanding. And so he talked.

"Kamiya-san." Nothing more. Just her name. Just an acknowledgement of her presence, maybe even silent thanks. For her look of understanding. She nodded and smiled at him. A real smile, honest and open. Nothing more. Just a small honest smile that reached her eyes. Smiling sapphires. He looked away. He couldn't stand this smile of honesty. When was the last time someone had smiled at him like this? He didn't remember.

"Shinomori-san." When she spoke his name he felt weak all of the sudden. Her voice was like her eyes in a way. Soft, flowing, understanding. As if she could read his thoughts.

"Would you like to come inside?" He stared at her and she returned his gaze without looking away. Had she just invited him in? Him? A murderer? Because that was what he was. She had been there. She had seen it all. Still she invited him inside. He took a deep breath.

"You were there… At the mansion." He stared at her. She nodded and her eyes were full of understanding.

"Would you like to come inside?", she repeated. She meant it. Her eyes were too easy to read.

"I'm here to defeat Battousai." His voice was harsh. Much harsher than he intended, but she didn't seem to mind. She was silent for a moment and he watched her. He could see her emotions in her eyes. He could see worry and an urge to protect. Battousai was her friend after all. She didn't seem like the kind of girl to stand by and watch. This kind of girl didn't have eyes of sapphire full of understanding.

"I understand." He was silent. Surprised. He hadn't expected her to understand. Not this time. Not when it involved her friends. But her eyes couldn't lie. She understood.

"However, the man you seek is no longer there. Battousai is history. It's just Kenshin now." He stared at her for a moment. Was she trying to stop him? Would she try to talk him out of it? But then, her eyes held only understanding, nothing more.

"You can come back later and find out for yourself if you like. Maybe until then you'll find the answer you seek." He was about to protest. He didn't seek answers, he sought revenge. The title of "the strongest" for his friends that had sacrificed themselves. For him. Her gaze silenced him though.

"I don't think that was what your friends wanted for you." He was silent. Right now he couldn't have answered if his life depended on it.

"Your friends wanted you to live. Being strong with a sword is not everything. It's not a reason to live. It's only an escape. It's running from reality." He stared at her. Was she right? Had he really been running from reality all the time? He had to think about this before he could face Battousai.

"I'll come back again." He turned without waiting for a reply, without looking back. He had to think.

"Wait!" He turned as he heard her voice as she ran after him.

"Here. Take this." She opened the umbrella and pushed it into his hand. Then she smiled again. A small but honest smile, before she turned and left in the opposite direction towards town. Aoshi stared at the umbrella above him.

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When they met again, it was raining again. It was still morning, and Battousai and the boy were out to catch some fishes in the river. She was alone. Aoshi knew that, because he had watched the dojo all morning. He needed to talk to her. Alone.

That's why he stood in front of the dojo again. Reading the sign again while fiddling with the unopened umbrella she had given him. And again it was her who suddenly stood before him, surprising him. And again she looked at him without surprise.

"Kenshin is not here." Her voice was flowing, as calming as he remembered it. It had been two weeks since he had been here the first time. Two weeks in which he had thought about her words. And now he needed to talk to her.

"I know." His voice was harsher than he intended –again- but she smiled and opened the door for him to enter. He stepped inside and she lead him into her house. Wordlessly she motioned for him to sit down on one of the cushions around the table. She left for what Aoshi assumed was the kitchen. When she came back she balanced a tray with a steaming pot of green tea and two cups in her hands. He watched her as she poured both of them a cup of tea and thanked her with a nod as he took one. She broke the silence first.

"Did you get your answers?" It was a simple enough question, but both of them understood the depth behind it. It was an easy question, but the answer was not easy. He was silent for a long moment before he shook his head no.

"I don't know." It was the first time in a very long time that he admitted such a thing. It was not a good answer, not a satisfying answer, but with her he knew it was okay. She understood.

He didn't avoid her gaze as she stared at him searchingly with those eyes of hers. Sapphires that could read your thoughts, your emotions. She sighed and looked into her cup, into the swirling liquid of green tea as of it hold the answer to all questions.

"What is wrong with being strong with a sword?" His question was soft, almost a whisper and for a moment he thought he had only imagined that he had said it out aloud. But then she looked at him again and smiled.

"Nothing. There is nothing wrong with being strong with a sword." She smiled at him and he stared.

"Then why?" Why had she said it was?

"I didn't say there is something wrong with it. I said it's not a reason to live. There is a difference." She took a sip from her steaming cup and Aoshi thought about her words. Maybe she was right. Maybe it wasn't a reason to live. But he was in depth to his friends who had sacrificed their lives to save him. This was the only thing he could to for them.

"You know, there are other ways to be strong as well. It's not all about swords and weapons." He looked up at her, searching her eyes.

"What do you mean?" He had voiced the question before he thought about it. That was strange. Normally he thought about everything he did. But then, he had never before talked to her. She was someone who could put your life upside down, this kind of girl. For a moment Aoshi wondered if she had already started.

She didn't answer his questions with words, but she put her hand over her heart and patted two times. He understood. Yes, he did. Strength of the heart was another kind of strength. He knew that, it was just that he couldn't achieve this kind of strength.

"I don't have one of those", he simply said. She sat her cup down onto the polished wooden surface of the table and smiled. Then she stood up and rounded the table to kneel down at his side, leaving him to stare at her. When she took her hand he flinched as if in pain, but she just waited until he looked at her again and smiled. Then she put his hand over his heart, pressing it down with her own hand, both of them feeling his heartbeat.

"But you do, Shinomori-san. You do. You just don't know how to use it." And this was the answer, he realized in an instant. The answer to everything. A defeating truth. After a long moment he nodded. She let go of his hand and stood up again and he did so as well. She lead him to the door again and he followed her in silence.

He bowed at her shortly in silent thanks for both the tea and her words and she smiled. Then she pushed the umbrella into his hand again.

"It's still raining. Keep it. You can give it back when we meet again." He looked at the umbrella but didn't open it. Then he turned to leave. After a few steps he stopped though and turned around again.

"Why did they do it?" His friends. Why had they protected him? He needed to know the answer and she was the only person who could give it to him. "Why?"

"Because they wanted you to live." Simple. Just the truth. And a lot of understanding in her eyes. Her eyes of sapphire.

Suddenly there where tears in her eyes, running over, rolling down her cheeks. She was crying the tears he couldn't cry, leaving out the pain he felt, giving place to hope. And he watched as the sun broke free of the clouds and the golden sunlight kissed her tear-wet face. Then he turned his mouth in what had been the closest to a smile in a long time.

"Thank you, Kamiya-san." He left without another word. He wanted to think again. Now he knew the answers to his question. He knew them, but he didn't understand them completely yet. He'd think about them and figure it out. Now that he knew what he needed to understand, maybe he could comprehend.

Maybe he would be able to fulfil his friends' wish after all. Maybe.

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The end

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A.N.: So here is the first one shot. I hope you liked it. I had fun writing this, even if it was depressing on some parts. Now on hindsight, I think there's some OOCness, but I hope it's not too much.

Please leave a review, ne? Constructive criticism appreciated, flames not.

Until next time, Joey