Disclaimer: Don't own SWAC.
I couldn't help but regret the words once they had come out of my mouth.
"Chad, you won the recount, but you lost me." Why would I let another fight get in the way? This wasn't like me. I always forgave everyone for everything, so why couldn't I forgive Chad for this? It didn't make sense. It was a paradox, but then again, hadn't I been my own paradox lately? I kept getting hurt by Chad, crying all the time, wondering why he couldn't change. That is far from being my sunny self. But, I still forgave him. I forgave him when he got mad at me for making him throw up, I forgave him when he used the stunt double, I always forgave him. Why was this time different?
Maybe it was because this time was more personal. He actually went to the extent of ordering a recount to be on top again. That was selfish, vain, and extremely hurtful. He did do it to help me though, didn't he? He was trying to be a good boyfriend. I fell down on the couch, crying. This was quite an emotional puzzle. No matter what I did, it didn't seem like the right choice. If I had kept him, I would have had to put up with his constant acts of vain. That didn't really seem like a choice that would make me feel any better. In fact, that would probably injure my self esteem further. No one wants to be with someone who puts themselves before you. But then again, I loved him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I threw that away. That damages your self esteem too, doesn't it? Whatever it does, I don't like it. I already missed him; his hugs, his arm around my shoulder, his lips against mine, I missed it all. And I was the one who threw it all away. It was my fault. I always seems to be my fault.
Tawni assured me it was the best choice. I question her answer, though. She's been with Chad before. Did my going out with him make her jealous? Or, did she just really really hate him? He was the lead of our enemy show, after all. What's there not to hate? Or, did she really care about me? Did she honestly feel bad that I had to do this task? Who would ever know? It was Tawni. She was the queen of bipolar. Half the time I don't even know what she's really thinking. I guess that's just the kind of person she is.
So, I'm still stuck here, wondering if I did the right thing. Am I selfish for breaking up with him? Am I to blame? Or, am I doing the right thing? I guess only time for tell. But still, I wonder, why was this time different?
I hope you liked it! Sorry I've only had the time and patience lately to write super short stories, but I hope you still like it all the same!
Love, Twipi :D