this story is definitely not perfect but I still wanted it out there. :)
disclaimer: don't own blabla
She stares at the ceiling in her room. There are cracks in the paint that she hadn't even noticed before. Her eyes narrow and scan the rest of the ceiling, discovering more and more cracks. You can see the wood, the way it was meant to look like before it had been painted. Before it had been changed into something everyone else wanted to see. Something that was more appealing to the eyes, something that was normal. Not the wood. Wood is boring, wood is different. She wants to hate Snow for this. She wants to run up to her and tell her that she's wrong. The ceiling shouldn't be painted, it should be like it's supposed to be not how she wants it to be. However, she can't go running through the house at this hour talking crazy. It's late and she doesn't want to worry Neal. Besides, they wouldn't understand. She just wants to stare at the cracks and wish that they didn't make her eyes and cheeks so wet.
She can't start relating to a fucking piece of wood with some paint on it. She shakes her head and forces her eyes on her sleeping husband next to her. She rolls her eyes when he snores and instead of curling next to him she turns her back to him. "Just go to sleep, Swan" she tells herself. She closes her arms and tries to think of anything besides her shitty life or painting on ceilings. Which automatically leads her to the one person that caused all of this pain to begin with. Regina.
Just months ago she would have been staring at Regina's ceiling at this point. Feeling just as worried as she is now but at least still happy. Things had always felt right with Regina. Of course Snow hadn't approved of their relationship. It might have had something to do with the fact that she caught them in the act. She doesn't remember much about that afternoon, besides a lot of screaming and talking. Snow's word washed over but she didn't hear them. It was like she was in a glass room and all she could hear were muffled words. Regina though, had heard them. She had always said to her that they could be together, that they could be happy. However when Emma tried to come see her two days later Regina bluntly told them it was over, she practically shut the door in Emma's face after that. The blonde didn't even get a chance to ask for an explanation.
It took Regina three weeks of ignoring her to finally agree to sit down with Emma. She remembers the dark circles around her eyes and Regina's matching ones. They both hadn't been sleeping.
"Ms. Swan. Come in."
"Please Regina, don't call me that, not now."
The brunette nodded and ducked her head now, not meeting Emma's gaze when she let the blonde into her house.
Without instruction from Regina she walked into the study and poured them both a glass of apple cider. They'd need it.
As they both sat down, Regina in her favourite chair and Emma on the couch, a silence fell over them. The blonde knew Regina wasn't going to start but she needed some time for this conversation too. Finally, after a couple of deep breaths, she spoke up.
"Why?" It was an obvious question, one that Regina had for sure seen coming. "And don't give me any crap now Regina, just be honest please."
The brunette glared at her. "Fine." She sneered.
"Regina."
The brunette rolled her eyes but Emma could see by the way her shoulder had dropped down a little that Regina had let her defenses drop, at least for now.
"We knew this was going to happen. The wedding, we knew it was coming before this even started. Which meant that it had to stop at some point. You know more than anyone that I do not care about your precious mother. However, she did spoke the truth and don't ever tell her I said that."
A small smile appeared on Emma's face but it was a practiced one, not one of the real smiles that Regina had seen lots of in the last six months.
"So why this? Why break up with me? We can still do this."
Regina shook her head furiously. "No we can't, Ms. Swan."
Emma swallowed past the lump in her throat and quickly diverted her eyes but Regina noticed. "Emma." She quickly said.
Another deep sigh and the brunette continued. She really had to force herself to pay attention now, it was like one of those situations where you wanted to hear what someone was going to say but you also really didn't because it would just bring more pain and misery.
"I'm not your happy ending, Emma. Because I'm not your true love and my true love died a long time ago. I could never give you what you deserve because yes you deserve so much better than the Evil Queen-"
"Regina."
"Let me finish." Another deep breath but this time it was shaky. "This wedding is coming, whether we like it or not. And Emma if we don't break up and you go there and give your life to this man, I don't think I can do it. I cannot do that again." She slowly rose from her chair.
"So for the sake of my heart and your future, I'm putting a stop to this."
Emma stood, her eyes wild and her mouth open to protest. But nothing came out, not a single sound. She just stood there, tears running down her cheeks.
She hasn't seen Regina since that day. She knows the woman is still in town but she also knows that she's hidden somewhere.
She told herself this was for the best. It would make her happy too. But most of all it would make Henry and her parents happy, and that was most important right now. If everyone could just shut up again she would be very pleased. Marrying Neal seemed the right thing to do. He is her true love after all, which means that this had to work for them.
Now though, nothing seems right anymore. She flinches every time he comes close to her and even Henry notices how scared she looks when he leans in for a simple kiss. Faking love is not as each as she'd thought at first. Snow noticed, but told her that for some couples marriage came first and then love started but that seemed like an insane thought.
Her eyes open again and she reaches for her phone. She opens her and Regina's conversation like she has done so many times before in the last couple of months.
She scrolls through the old messages and smiles at the sassy tone Regina so often used. She scrolls down to her last message from last week. "I miss you." It said. It had been a bold move to send that message and yes there was alcohol involved but it was the truth. Emma missed Regina.
Suddenly her phone beeps and she also throws it across the room. Wow, 3 am is really not the time for mini heart attacks. But then she realizes what it means and with her heart in her throat she scrolls down. Her eyes widen. Did she really just? She did.
Regina had responded to her message.
"I miss you too."
Quickly Emma starts typing away her response, not caring about anyone or anything else anymore.
"Then please let me come to you Regina. I want another night. I want to sleep next to you and feel your heartbeat. I want my head on your chest and your arms around me. I want to feel your skin against mine. I want to pretend, for just one night, that we didn't fuck it all up. That I didn't fuck it all up. That you're still mine."
What is she doing?Is this too much? She doesn't want to scare the brunette away.
Her phone beeps again and she scrolls as fast as possible.
"Come over. I'm home."
When Regina opens the door all Emma's attempts at staying calm vanished. Her eyes are swollen and so are Regina's. The woman looks as broken as she does and though she wants to collapse into her arms she doesn't know how careful the brunette is going to be. Sure she must know she and Neal are still married.
Regina seems to sense the blonde's mood and need for comfort. She looks right into her eyes and gives her a sad smile. "Emma come here."
Immediately the blonde falls into Regina's arms. She sobs ugly into Regina's neck and she realizes she's probably ruining her shirt but that doesn't really matter because Regina's grip only grows stronger and she feels her own neck and hair getting wetter by the second too. She tightens her grip too and it's like she's squeezing Regina to ashes but the brunette doesn't complain.
When they finally make it to the bed, they're already emotionally drained. Emma's head is on Regina's chest, listening to the strong heartbeat. Regina's hand keeps stroking through Emma's hair. This time, Regina is the first one to speak.
"What do we do? What about Neal and everyone?"
Emma sighs but doesn't move her head. The heartbeat is soothing her.
"I don't care about anyone but you and Henry, and he knows that I'm not happy."
"Neal's your true love." Regina says quietly and this time Emma does move. She hovers over Regina and without thinking about it too much she presses her lips to Regina's. The butterflies in her stomach awaken and she finds herself smiling into the kiss. She can't even remember the last time she did that.
"That doesn't mean anything. I don't want true love if it means I can't be happy. I don't want some lame fairytale ending, I want to pick my own ending, finish my own story. And I'd like you to be in that. I honestly don't know what we're going to do. We need to talk about things of course, things between us. But I'm not leaving again, I'm not walking away from this once more Regina. I choose my parents and everyone else with a stupid opinion last time. This time, I'm choosing me. And that means I want you by my side."