Tired

It was the moment I couldn't take it anymore... If they want old Miley back so bad, they can have her. MileySupport.

I'm sick and tired.

Tired of crying, sick of trying.

I'm tired of trying to be this new Miley, being Old Miley was so much easier. It just came naturally to me. I had everyone fooled. Well, almost everyone, but Nick always has been the exception. Besides him, I had everyone fooled. My parents, my siblings, my friends, and more importantly, my fans. With Old Miley I didn't need anything else. It was enough for me. Not only that, but it prevented me doing all of the things I'm doing now.

I'm tired of getting a daily phone call off Nick, always at nine o' clock prompt, not a minute before, and not a minute after. I'm tired of him asking if I'm alright, if there's anything, anything at all I want to talk to him about. He says he won't judge me, that he never does, but he's lying. As always. Then he tells me how proud he is of me. And every night, before he hangs up, he tells me he loves me, making my heart break a little. I've never understood him. Every time those familiar words escape, I want to ask him why he's still with Samantha. Why he won't just devote himself to me, but everytime... I chicken out. Its times like these that I feel just a small sliver of Old Miley back in me. She makes me feel cold.

I'm tired of the endless comments about how I'm getting too wild. I'm tired of being told I'm growing up too fact. Another thing I don't understand. Why is every other teenager around the world able to do these things without being judged? Why am I an exception? Why are all my friends allowed to go out and have a good time without being criticized for it? Why am I not allowed to experiment with drugs, drinking and partying while everyone else is? Why? Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself, and I'm not being given this liberty. I'm not allowed to create myself.

I'm tired of looking in the mirror every night and feeling hideous. Then that same sliver of Old Miley creeps in, and she speaks to me. She tells me that Nick doesn't want me, nor will he ever. She shows me images of how beautiful both Samantha and Selena are, and then she compares them to me. She points out my flaws and she makes me feel worthless.

I'm tired of putting on a brave face each morning, as I put my everything into whatever project I'm in. Everyone wonders why I've given up music, and everyone wonders why I'm throwing myself into acting so bad. Everyone wonders, but only Nick knows. He knows that the only way I can escape Old Miley is by pretending to be someone else. He knows when I sing, Old Miley becomes stronger. He knows that I need to be on a set full of busy people, because when I'm alone, Old Miley takes charge. He knows that I need him, now more than ever.

I'm tired of my parents fighting over me, because of me. I'm tired of them both arguing on what the other is doing wrong. I'm tired of my Mum accusing my Dad of not paying enough attention to me. She tells him that hr neglects me, that he doesn't spend enough time with me, that he's the cause of Old Miley. I'm tired of my Dad accusing my Mum of putting too much pressure on me. He tells her that she's always telling me what do, never letting me make decisions on my own, that she's too protective, doesn't give me enough freedom, that she's the cause of Old Miley.

I'm tired of people wanting Old Miley back. I'm sick of tired of it, because those people, they don't know anything, they don't know anything at all. They don't know how she takes over me, how much she terrifies me. They don't know how she makes me cut myself, abuse myself, physically harm myself. They don't know how she makes me cry myself to sleep every single night with her harmful comments. They don't know how her voice haunts me all night. They don't know how she prevents me from sleeping. They don't know anything at all, and I'm tired of it, I'm sick and tired of it.

And she's back, urging me to do it. She tells me to take the blade and take my life. Its the moment when I can't take anymore.. I've come to the conclusion that Old Miley will always be a part of me, and there's only one way to get rid of her.

So I take the blade and take my life.

T i r e d –

Opinions on my beyond depressing one shot? Creeped myself out writing this, because it's like midnight and I'm the only one awake. I'm not sure myself what this one shot means, take it with your own perspective. Basically she used to cut herself to escape reality blah blah blah, and then Nick found out, and he dealt with it by telling her parents and getting her help. She becomes a new person, a new Miley, but people don't like this person, because this person is completely real and herself. She's at a point where she can't take having that old miley trapped inside of her anymore and commits suicide. :| There was also a bit of a schizophrenic thing going on. It wasn't intentional, but when I was writing about the third paragraph about she 'speaks to her' I started to think about it that way too. Well it's a dark one shot, and it's a Miley support too, because I'm sick and tired of reading all your stupid one shots where 'Miley is out of control and Nick is disappointed in her and he comes to visit her ands she comes to her senses.' Seriously, STFU, because you have no idea what is going on in her life, and you have no right to take away her privilege of doing what she wants and being herself, and enjoying her teenage life. And for the last time, she's not out of control. I'm 13, and there's people in my year who do Cannabis and get drunk on a regular basis and give blowjobs to people they don't give a fuck about. That's what out of control is, okay? So just shut up, before I really lose it. Sorry about the lil' rant there. If you read all this crap then put Alabama in your review, and I'll um, send you a lil' preview to The Popularity Contest's next chapter : )