A/N: Welp, in celebration of Dave finally making an account on here, I am writing a new story! (With her, even though as she's reading this over my shoulder, it's the first time she's hearing of this.) So here we go!
Disclaimer: We do not own Homestuck. -looks at Dave- i don't look like andrew hussie do i?
Dave: no john you look like a derp aka not andrew hussie and i am way too cool to look like him so there we do not own homestuck...wait yes i do because im beast and pwn that shit
John: that's not the same thing. we do not own anything.
Dave: except each other
John: yes well...let's just get on with this!
Warnings: This story contains-
Dave: whoa wait did you just shush me
John: shut up, dave! anyways, there are boys kissing, fluffy stuff and-
Dave: -smacks john upside the head- you do not shush me!
-They proceed to beat each other up while we start the story.-
~BEGINTHESTORY~
OUG; G
~KARKAT
no 2hut up kk
WAIT WASN'T THIS SUPOSED TO BE A DAVE/JOHN STORY?
well yeah but whatever we are the be2t couple obviiou2ly
YEAH, THAT IS TRUE! AND WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN OPPOSED TO THEIR ONE!
Y34H BUT TH3Y'R3 3V1L L1TTL3 SH1TS
i BLAME kARKAT!
well i doubt its sollux so yeah
so does this mean we're done beating each other up?
shhhhh that wwasnt supposed to be here in the first place
yes john i could never spend very long on that with you
We AlL nEeD tO jUsT gEt AlOnG mAn
wwoww i just refound my faygo i feel like an asshole
what'd you do this time?
tavvros
nice dude you just needed to share that huh
W3LL YOU'R3 ON3 TO T4LK D4V3 YOU'R3 SO 1N4PPROPR14T3 1 DONT TH1NK YOU G3T 4 S4Y
that was a bit mean! -runs over and hugs dave-
WHAT THE HELL? WHY ARE YOU JACKASSES HERE ANYWAYS? AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?
thats a god question
W3LL 1TS TRU3 JOHN YOU H4V3 4N 1N4PPROPR14T3 HUSB4ND
-pouting while clinging to dave-
wwoww i just had an idea -faceclings to sollux-
joidjfiuwhededcbh oh fuck get off my face you a22hole
we have now established why eridan feels like an asshole!
becau2e ii 2aiid 2o. ii am the authoriity on everythiing
WHOA WHAT? GET OFF MY MATESPRIT! I'M GOING TO SHOVE YOU OFF A CLIFF!
eeep -runs as far awway from the captors as possible-
ok i have to admit that was kind of hilarious
dude what the hell maybe ii 2hould jump on your face
youd miss
... o.O -jumps on daves face- i won't though.
H3H3H3H3 1 LOV3 F4C3 JUMP1NG YOU SHOULD L3T M3 DO TH4T TO YOU K4RK1TTY
NO FUCK YOU BITCH!
4WWW YOUR3 SUCH 4 P4RTY POOP3R :[
i WANNA MAKE FACES TOO, }:) yAT!
of course you wont miss john i would let you facejump me any day dude
yay! -kisses while still faceclinging-
hEY, wHERE'D gAMZ GO?
I wAs OfF mAkInG sOmE pIe
i LIKE PIE!
TRUST ME, YOU DON'T WANT THIS KIND OF PIE!
2eriiou2ly dude iitll me22 you up 2omethiing 2eriiou2
bUT, bUT, bUT, bUT, pIE IS GOOD! }:*(
My BrOtHeR yOu CaN fEeL fReE tO hAvE sOmE
-aTTACKS THE PIE-
WAIT! TAV! NO! STOP THAT! DAMNIT! HE'S WORSE THAN PROXIA WHEN IT COMES TO LISTENING!
well this could prove to be interesting
... is that what i think it is?
if you think it is what i think you think it is then yes
oh shit! HE'S GOING TO BLOW UP!
wait what the fuck are you talking about
it's a bomb!
...no.
then what is it?
iit2 one of gamzee2 piie2
so it is a bomb!
dude no gamzees pies are not bombs what the fuck
then what are they? karkat told me they were bombs and that you blow up if you eat them!
he probably ju2t 2aiid that 2o no one would theyre the 2ame 2tuff a2 the cupcake2
oh. are you talking about the cupcakes that karkat had me eat for that ectobiological experiment of his?
uhh ye2 tho2e
TH3Y M4D3 YOU H1L4R1OUS
YES, JOHN! THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE EXPERIMENT. AND DAVE ENJOYED THE RESULTS.
ThEsE pIeS aRe MiRaClEs My BrOtHeR :o) hOnK
what the fuck? karkat! what are you talking about?
THE EXPERIMENT WAS TO SEE IF THE CUPCAKES WOULD MAKE YOU HILARIOUS!
that's a stupid experiment. what was the ectobiological side of that?
WELL, SOMETIMES THE CUPCAKES RESULT IN STRIPPING AND THE UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO MAKE BUCKET BABIES WITH YOUR MATESPRIT IN A ROMANTIC FASHION.
and ii gue22 2iince the thiing2 are 2liime that2... ecto ii dont fuckiin know
AND SOLLUX KNOWS ALL ABOUT THE FUNNY SIDE OF THOSE CUPCAKES!
oh you know ii do
n;gdm
pohsrtkj'
wAIT, wHAT JUST HAPPENED?
GOD Question stupid caps
SOLLUX ATTACKED ME!
oh calm dowwn john it wwas consensual
DAVE JUST FACE PLAMED AT YOU!
shut up karkat yours and davves matesprits are havvin a moment
STOP THAT! THAT WAS SO NOT CONSENSUAL!
wait! are you implying that sollux and i just had sex?
thats exactly it john because we all knoww you havve a homosexual crush on sollux captor
I'M NOT A HOMOSEXUAL! i'm a STRIDERSEXUAL! get it right, you asshole!
and sollux unlike most people is not in any way related to the striders so there
WAIT! STRIDERSEXUAL COULD EASILY MAKE IT SOUND LIKE BRO RAPING JOHN WAS CONSENSUAL!
no one said all striders like for instance a straight guy doesnt love all girls automatically
yeah! and thanks for bringing up my worst nightmare again... i should probably get off your face now, huh?
yeah probably and take sollux with you
ok iim ju2t confu2ed at thii2 poiint
-gets down from dave's face- it's not nice to attack people when they're clinging to their husband's face, soll!
OR 4NY T1M3 FOR TH4T M4TT3R
okay whatever ii ju2t diid end2 here
do you not remember attacking me on-
hOLLY FUCKING SHIT, mAN! -tACKLES dAVE-
what the FUCK are you doing nitram
im not doing anything ovver here
not you the other damn nitram
yOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE PICKLES!
ok dude youre obviously slime high out of your mind
-lICKS dAVE'S FACE- yOU TASTE LIKE APPLEJUICE!
wow and i always thought terezi would be the first troll to do that
Y34H T4V YOU STOL3 MY MOM3NT :[
-lICKS HIM AGAIN- tASTY!
okay, seriously, tav? high or not get the fuck off my husband.
yeah im not sure i approvve of this either
yeah dude you might want to get off me or everyone will get all "i diapprove" on your ass -gently pushes tavros to try to get him off-
YOU SHOULD PROB4BLY K33P YOUR D1ST4NC3 FROM 3V3RYON3 UNT1L YOU SOB3R UP 4CTU4LLY C4US3 YOU S33M TO B3 4N UNST4BL3 ON3
am ii the only one who fiind2 thii2 amu2iing
HaHaHaHaHa MiRaClEs My BrOtHeR :o)
-TRYING NOT TO GIGGLE LIKE A GIRL- NO COMMENT.
-cLINGS- nOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, i WANT TO STAY!
-death glares at tavros-
-death glares at tavvros x2 combo-
you see those glares coming in your direction thats your cue to get off me
-laughiing liike a maniiac over here...-
-BRAKES OUT IN GIRLISH GIGGLING- I HATE YOU GUYS!
bUT i LIKE IT HERE!
yes, but you are on my property. -grabs the warhammer of zillyhoo- see this? it's going in your face if you don't get off him in five second.
-not evven attemptin to stop john-
WhOaAaAa ItS sO bEaUtIfUl! -wide eyed over the hammer-
tavros seriously you might want to move now
bUT WHY?
-hits tavros in the head with the warhammer of zillyhoo-
-cringes but makes no other movvement-
-fALLS OVER- tHAT HURT! wHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?
are you sure that was necessary john
yes. it was very necessary. no one touches what's mine!
and i thought i was possessive
-GIGGLES EVEN MORE-
havve wwe learned our lesson tavv
wHAT THE FUCK? i DON'T UNDERSTAND, wHAT JUST HAPPENED?
he warned you about hammers bro he told you dog
-FALLS DOWN AND STARTS FLAILING ABOUT WITH HOW MUCH I'M LAUGHING-
was that a necessary input of your webcomics, dave?
-sighs- my husband is an idiot wwhen hes on the slime remind me to slap him next time this happens
utriyndryuirsuyhg e98tg hkhihfv dsnjmrgsd,jhgv,siuhrgdejsdhc gmjgv,djzfv,lnzxvhgmjhgh,yjjyg jhyfjyumgbggfvndsvc vxsnoiuvbqsouib bsixz
geez are we all that anxious to type something now?
hEY, lOOK, mY NOSE IS BLEEDING, iSN'T IT PRETTY? }:D
that is not normal dude
yeah that ii2 not 2uppo2ed two happen...
WhOaAaAaAaAa...
1M CONFUS3D :?
wwhat the glub fucking fuck wwas that supposed to be up there
HEY, I OBVIOUSLY TOOK NO PART IN THAT. SEE NO CAPS UP THERE.
dUUUUUUUUUUDE!-aTTACKS sOLLUX- yOUR HORNS, oH mY gOG, yOUR HORNS!
gsduifdwas what the fuck what about my horn2
tHERE'S LIKE FIFTY MILLION OF THEM!
DUDE! YOU'RE BLEEDING ALL OVER MY HUSBAND! WHAT THE FUCK!
no dude iim pretty 2ure there2 only four
how hard did you hit him john
as hard as was possible while i'm angry. i'm actually quite surprised that he's alive and conscious.
YEAH, THIS IS STUPID! LET'S END THIS.
~ENDSTORY~
A/N: In our defense, this was not in any way planned. We were wanting to do a cute happy story about Dave and John confessing their love for one another and this is what came out. This might have been inspired by our blogs on Tumblr. I don't really know. We apologise for this maddness that we put you through. Hope you enjoyed. Now, please leave a review, so I can tell Dave just how stupid we really are. Thank you!
~Dave and John Strider