Title: So Close Yet...
Author: Lily
Summary: Ems' challenge. I didn't go with the Oz leaving thing-it
basically
all stems off the line "let alone you won't forget my name."
Xander POV. Post
IWM2LY.
Disclaimer: Why bother?
Nine Days kicks. The fact that Ems met them equals much envy
from my general
direction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nothing seems to change
let alone you won't forget my name
just don't lose what you know
just don't lose what you know
when you're so far away...
what you lose is what you know
where you go is where you grow
how near we've come has yet to show
we've come so close yet so far away...
so far away
what did i do to you
what did i do to you
what did i do to you
what did i do to you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...Xander?" Willow's voice was small. She turned
to lean on one of the
bookshelves in the back of the Magic Box.
"Yeah, Will?" Turning away from the spines of
the books that I was
looking at, searching for some obscure title Giles thought might
have a Glory
mention. Oh yeah. Serious talk time. Brace yourself. I could see
how she
looked around to make sure we were alone before she spoke. Why
was I always
Mr. Advice Guy now? What happened to Xander the guy you don't
want advice
from? When did I get all wise? Not that wise was bad. Wise is
good. And
besides, what are friends for if not advice?
"Xander..." she spoke softly, "you know what you said before?"
"I said a lot of things. What thing did I say before?"
"About...you know..."
"About..."
She moved even closer to me and looked around once more.
Her eyes darted
everywhere as she whispered harshly, "you know. Oz."
"Oh. What I said about Oz. That." Oh yeah. Am
I not entitled to mention
my friend, who I miss, but happens to be the ex of my other very
good friend?
But she doesn't seem mad. Sad? Maybe this is just the new and
improved wise
Xander talking, but it just seems like Will should be at this
place where
she's okay with the Oz stuff. I mean...Tara and all. I don't have
Cordelia
baggage anymore. Not that Cor and I were like Willow and Oz. They
were pretty
darn impressive with the whole relationship thing. Maybe it's
a bad thing
that she hasn't said a word during my entire internal rant. Or
maybe I just
think fast. "What about that?"
"Oh. It's just...it's nice. That you miss him. I mean,
I know it's not my
place anymore to feel as if I have to...feel good when someone
misses him,
but..."
"I think I know what you mean." And I do.
"Anyway, it's like there's this...taboo on Oz. I don't
want to think that
I did that. And he was a part of our lives, and it's just weird.
In my mind
he's just 'him' but...to hear his name spoken...I mean, yeah,
you don't talk
about your ex-boyfriends who left town and all that too often,
but he was a
friend."
"Is. I think friends stay that way."
"Yeah. They do. When did you get so wise Xander?"
Wasn't that what I was just wondering?
"I don't know." Okay. Now I'm going to maybe
make a big mistake and this
heart to heart will end with her being all flustered and denial-y,
or maybe
advice guy will have more advice to give. "Do you miss him
too? I just...I
noticed that you're not too comfortable talking about him, and
I was
wondering."
"Yeah. I miss him."
"How could you not?" Of course.
"How could I not? I guess I couldn't. Thanks. That
just...kind of makes
me feel better. Don't really know why." She smiled.
"Because...just because you miss him doesn't mean
you're doing something
wrong."
"Exactly. That's exactly it. God, Xander. You're...reading
my thoughts.
You didn't get telepathy powers in the last few hours, did you?"
Wow. I'm good. Advice boy strikes again. Nothing can stop
me! "Not that I
know of."
"And just because I think of him sometimes, that doesn't
mean that's bad.
Because he was a part of my life and all. And I can't expect myself
to feel
nothing when I think of him...right?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Thanks Xander. You're the best!"
"Glad to be of service." So she hugged me and
kind of pranced back to the
front of the store.
Again, I think wise advice guy made the right decision
for me. She
doesn't need me to question her on the point that, maybe, if she
really
didn't feel anything for him the way she used to, she would have
reacted a
little differently to hearing his name.
She'll figure it out for herself.
**fin**