Disclaimer: Don't own
Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with a woman 10 years my junior. What could possibly be worse than that? I'm a guy. FML
Today, I decided to let one of my co-workers introduce me to someone they described as "perfect for you!". My date turned out to be female. I'm gay. FML
Today, I woke up to find I have lost my voice. I was supposed to appear as an expert witness in court today. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that FBI agents can have their credit cards stolen just like anyone else. What did the theif buy? $900 worth of over-the-counter pain relievers. The irony is, I'm a doctor. FML
Today, I walked into the squad room at the police station I work at to find everyone eating sandwiches. When I sat down next to them, a detective looked at me and asked, "Since when do you leave your office?" I playfully said, "Maybe I'll just go back there, then." He responded by nodding and saying, "That would be nice." He was serious. FML
Today, one of my patients bit me. If I was a dentist I might understand, but I'm a forensic psychiatrist. FML
Today, I caught two people having sex under my desk. One of them was a male co-worker, the other one was a woman I'd never met in my life. FML
Today, due to pulling two all-nighters in a row, I fell asleep on my desk at work. I woke up 12 hours later. Due to the fact that I had been subpoenaed to testify in court, I was found in contempt of court and jailed. I'm an FBI agent. FML
Today, I found out two things. One, ice cream does float. Two, even when someone bumps into you and makes you drop your ice cream cone into a puddle, they may feel they need to punch you for good measure. The good news is, I could have arrested him for assault on a federal agent. The bad news is, his fist hitting my head rendered me unconscious and he got away. I now have a concussion. FML
Today, after joining some cops I work with for a drink at the local bar, the captain of the unit started hitting on me. He's at least 15 years older than me, and widowed. When I pointed out that I'm male and he told me he wasn't gay, he blinked and muttered, "Oh, right..." and walked away. Then a detective started hitting on me. He's married with 5 children. FML
Author's note: I had so much fun writing these! If you like them I may do them for the other characters. ;)