First published: July 26, 2015 on Archive of our Own and NFA Forum.
This is a Nepal Relief Auction lightning round fic written for Sarah/flootzavut! It was supposed to only be 1k words, but it ended up being nearly 4k. Whoops! Sarah requested some Kibbs, which I haven't ever written in any major capacity. So this was FUN. There's a surprise ship at the end, too. Enjoy, Sarah!
Any and all mistakes are my own.
Title: "Match Made"
Rating: FR15 (rated for sexual innuendo)
Genre: Humor
Pairing: Kate/Gibbs
Characters: Kate, Gibbs, Tony, Abby, McGee
Summary: They should be thanking DiNozzo, but instead they're planning his murder.
"Match Made"
During her first week on the job, Kate Todd receives a mandatory training notice in her inbox. When she sits at her desk, she sees both Tony and Gibbs shoving their own notices into the furthest reaches of their desk drawers.
"Are we required to attend that training?" she blurts, realizing after the fact what a dumb ass she sounds like.
Gibbs stares her down, while Tony smirks behind his back. He's the perfect minion, that asshole. "Well, yeah," Gibbs answers with a heavy, syrupy sarcastic coating of "duh" in his voice.
Kate nods and keeps her mouth shut. Although, when Gibbs turns his back, heading toward a coffee carafe more than likely, she turns fire hot eyes on DiNozzo, searing him with a look that clearly suggests: "if it weren't illegal, I'd shoot you right here, right now."
"What's the problem, Katie?" he asks, managing to sound genuinely curious. Then he gets a little more taunting: "Think you ought to be exempt from training seminars, huh?" He punctuates it with that annoying nickname again: "huh, Katie?" Prod. Prod. Prod.
She sets her face in an expression of stony indifference. She's met guys like DiNozzo before, worked with more than a few, dated at least one even, though now she knows how to spot them before things get that far. DiNozzo-types are all over law enforcement. Sarcastic, arrogant, chauvinistic, obnoxious. Blowhards. And this one? Well, this one takes the cake.
"Oh DiNozzo, I'm sure you're part of the reason why this agency conducts regular-" She glances down at the notice to catch the subject of the seminar, "-cultural sensitivity training."
"Or, Todd, it could be because this agency has global reach." He smiles at her toothily. "But I don't know; you could be right. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt."
Kate rolls her eyes and bites her tongue. He's not worth it... He's so not worth it.
"So," Tony verbally pokes her again. "How'd you score on the physical fitness test, Katie? Below average? That's okay, though. Gotta be hard to run the obstacle course wearing those heels and carrying around that handbag-"
"God, you're irritating," she grinds out between clenched teeth. She needs to just ignore him. Just focus on... What? They aren't working on a case. Not even going over an older case. She doesn't want to focus on Gibbs, who's sitting quietly at his desk, ignoring the both of them and their bickering. He has his reading glasses on. They've slid mid-way down his nose.
She looks away. Standing up and announcing that she needs a cold shower down at the gym would be a bit too obvious. She turns again to her arch rival of the moment.
DiNozzo is now pecking at the keyboard doggedly, looking up at the computer monitor every so often, scowling and then hurriedly backspacing and then tap tap tapping some more. He doesn't look very practiced at it. And when he looks into the glow of the screen, he squints his eyes. Then she notices he's got his tongue sticking out in concentration.
She stops herself from laughing, just barely.
"Like what you see, Kate?" Tony asks as he puts his hands behind his head and leans back in his chair, eyes watchful and sharp. His shirt rides up, revealing a patch of hair on his belly that—as memory of the naked male body will serve to remind her—leads down to—
Kate turns a slight shade of red because she has been staring, and she's just now realizing it. In her defense, she can't help but look. Disgusting, womanizing blowhard or not, Tony's body checks off most of the the marks on the traditional "good-looking guy" card, and despite her strict Catholic upbringing, yes, she has a strong libido. And yes, in an alternate universe, she could maybe see herself and Tony—
Yuck. Forget it.
"No," she growls.
She forces her brain to focus instead on the moment before, when DiNozzo was sticking his tongue out and staring at the computer monitor like a doofus. Kate is a profiler; she's trained to read and interpret body language. She's seen children stick their tongues out in concentration, but never an adult. She grabs onto that. She smiles at him, all faux saccharine sweetness.
It's not in the least bit friendly.
Now, if only Gibbs would give her a little happy-trail show…
She notices that the man in question is staring at her from over his computer, eyes narrowed, thoughtful. But when she turns her head to meet his gaze head-on, he's already looking away.
Oh yeah, working here will be fun.
Her second week on the job, Kate Todd goes out on lunch with Abby, the forensics woman from downstairs. She's friendly, smiley, and seems happy to have another woman around to chat with. She also talks a lot and really, really fast.
She does not lack for enthusiasm, and soon Kate finds her to be easy company. Plus, she seems to know everybody in the office. Everybody. And their quirks, too.
"You never had the chance to meet Viv, did you," Abby says as she drags her french fries through a puddle of ketchup. "Oh she was a piece of work."
"And DiNozzo isn't?" Kate asks, steering the conversation gently toward the first point of interest. She wants to know more about him, and, in a roundabout way, she wants to know more about Gibbs. About all of them, really. But especially Leroy Jethro Gibbs. And she figures the easiest way to get to Gibbs is through his loyal lapdog, Tony. If she has the patience for that.
Abby pauses before answering. "Well, Tony's just… himself."
"Seems like an ass to me," Kate presses.
"He is." Abby chews. "You're not wrong about that. But he's got a cute ass, doesn't he?"
Kate hides a laugh by gulping down some water. She coughs on it.
"Really, though." Abby either doesn't notice Kate's coughing jag, or she's ignoring it. "You have to spend more time with him. He'll grow on you. Sometimes he can be sweet, and funny. And oh my god, he's got he prettiest eyes, for a guy. I mean, wow. And let me just tell you, there was that time when his pants accidentally fell—"
"No, thank you," Kate stops her abruptly. She doesn't need to hear about anybody's pants doing anything.
Unless they were Gibbs'.
"What about Gibbs?" she asks, suddenly, against better judgement. She wants to get straight to the point. Smooth, Caitlin…
Abby cocks her head, then grins, "Gibbs' ass?"
"No!" Kate's face turns red. "I mean, anything I should, I don't know. Anything I should know? While I'm working with him. I hear he can be…"
Abby smiles at her.
"…difficult," Kate finishes. And she can't help but feel like Abby's already got her number.
Great.
The next week, Kate eats lunch at her desk, because they've caught a case and there are piles of stuff to look through. She unwraps her "artisan" tofu sandwich while browsing a file. She opens her mouth wide to take a bite.
"Wow Kate," Tony commentates from his desk. "I'm impressed."
She glares at him from over her sandwich. "Excuse me?"
He explains, "Didn't know you could fit something that big in your mouth."
It's really rude and crude and a bit over-the-top, even for DiNozzo, and she finds she's lacking the capacity for a response. Kate stares at him, sandwich forgotten.
Tony observes his victory, but then he looks back over his shoulder and finds Gibbs standing there, leaning against the cubicle wall. He's got a scary, inscrutable look on his face, and suddenly Tony knows he's absolutely, positively screwed.
Kate can hear his gulp from here.
"You wanna repeat that, DiNozzo?" Gibbs says, voice quiet and oh-so-dangerous.
He shakes his head. "No, Boss." Then he's smiling in that sweet, appeasing way of his, an expression he only seems to use on a pissed off Gibbs.
This is starting to look like one of those nature documentaries. You know, the ones where the beta wolf tries to mollify the alpha wolf. She knows soon the fur and the blood will be flying, and the narrator will have to explain that there is, sadly, nothing the videographer can do… Circle of life and all…
Okay, so maybe she's been watching a bit too much public television, but in her defense she's barely moved into her new apartment, and the cable hook-up is still pending.
Even though she already hates his guts, Kate doesn't want to see Tony flayed open here in the bullpen, so she says, "It's fine, Gibbs. Not his fault. We've been baiting each other for weeks now."
Heedless of Kate's defense, Gibbs crooks a finger at Tony, demanding, "Office. Now."
Tony looks a little nauseous as he springs up from his chair, causing it to hit the wall and bounce back against his legs. He stumbles a bit as he hustles after his boss.
Apparently Tony isn't the brightest bulb, either, as he seems very willing to accept whatever ass-chewing he's likely to get. Then again, maybe his fear of Gibbs overrides any and all intelligence he might have in that pretty head of his.
Kate can't believe it, but she feels a tiny bit sorry for the guy. But as quickly as that feeling comes, it goes, because Tony is disgusting, and she could really do without his crass brand of "humor."
For the rest of the week, preferably.
When DiNozzo finally returns, he's alone. He doesn't look at Kate as he rounds his desk and sits down. He's not smiling either. He looks vaguely spooked, and he sits there at his desk and seems to only stare at his blank screen for several moments.
Kate wants to get up and brag in his face. "Ha ha, I guess I won." But she doesn't, because she wants to avoid cruelty, if she can, and she prefers to opt for the high road. She asks, "Are you okay?"
Tony jumps a little, as if he isn't aware that she's still here. He catches her eye, and he smiles. "Yeah, I'm peachy keen."
After chewing out Tony, Gibbs doesn't go home.
Instead, he bides his time, lingering in points unknown and waiting for the perfect opportunity to confront her. And he does confront her, in a quiet hallway, free from the office hustle and bustle.
"You hot for DiNozzo, Special Agent Todd?" Gibbs asks right out of the gate. He looks spitting mad, fit to be tied, pissed off and aching for a fight.
Yes. Aching. Which is what she's going through right now, because this man is incredibly sexy when he's angry. And, yes, she just thought that…
So not the right time for this, Caitlin.
"'Cause if you two are—" he works his jaw, "You know what? I don't wanna know."
"It's nothing like that!" she replies hotly. Frankly, she's a bit offended he'd even suggest it.
"Yeah? That's not what DiNozzo told me."
Oh my God. She is going to kill that man herself. She's already having visions of him tied to a chair with her hands around his throat, straddling his lap.
Okay, so maybe this isn't the most appropriate visual either. Damn Tony. Ever since she'd met him, her mind's been dragged into the gutter. She hasn't thought this much about sex since that one Spring Break in Panama City.
"Look, Gibbs," Kate says, "Tony is yanking our chains."
Gibbs' eyes darken. Kate briefly wonders if he's having that same vision she had of killing Tony. She huffs. "And really, Gibbs, about what happened earlier, you don't have to defend my honor! I'm capable of holding my own against a prick like DiNozzo. I've handled worse. He's trying to get a rise out of me. That's all."
Gibbs steps close to her. So close she can smell that now familiar Gibbs-smell that always seems to follow him around: coffee, Old Spice, sawdust, spearmint gum, and discount detergent. She has obviously spent an inordinate amount of time identifying and cataloguing these smells.
"He's all bark. No bite," Kate finishes, quietly, although right now she's not thinking about DiNozzo at all. Rather, she's thinking about how it would feel to be even closer Gibbs. Thinking about his mouth on hers. His mouth on her throat, and on her bare— She has to stop.
Gibbs rumbles out a reply, sharp and serious. "'Bout ready to debark him myself. Next time…"
For the next three days, DiNozzo is on tenterhooks around Gibbs, and Kate watches them with a smile that knows a little too much.
Seems Leroy Jethro Gibbs just can't help but protect a lady.
Seven weeks in, and Kate's beginning to get a handle on things—specifically: the job, the Tony DiNozzo problem, and her growing attraction to her new boss.
She's got to keep a lid on that latter one.
"Because he's your boss, Caitlin." That's the only thought that keeps her in check these days, especially during those moments when he leans over her shoulder to look at something on her computer, those moments when she feels the heat from his body… Or those moments when they're in the car alone together…
She catches Tony looking at her during one of those times. Just looking and thinking, and ugh— She can't stand the thought of him figuring any of this out. She'd never hear the end of it. Ever.
Soon, they meet Timothy McGee, and she's relieved that Tony has turned a lot of his snark onto this fresh target. Then again, Kate also feels bad for the guy, because he actually seems like a decent human being, if a little nervous and unsure of himself, and nobody deserves DiNozzo's constant teasing and badgering.
But McGee doesn't seen to know any better, and soon Kate even finds herself joining in with Tony's teasing. It's all in jest.
In private, she tells Tim not to take any of it personally. Tony's a dick, for sure, but he's harmless and he's good at his job. "Now, as for Abby," Kate adds with a grin, "She's the real danger."
And Gibbs, she almost adds. He's also the real danger. But that goes without saying.
It doesn't take long for Kate to realize that DiNozzo and Abby have a language of their own. They are like two schoolgirls, passing notes and throwing each other significant looks from across the metaphorical classroom.
Kate finds them one morning, early, down in the lab. The two of them talk quietly, and Tony's got this small smile on his face that might be real. Abby's dressed in her usual: black on black, with a white lab coat. And she's grinning widely as she says something else to him, close and secret. Kate can't hear their conversation, and once the lab's doors open, they shut their mouths and look her way.
She tests the waters. "Hey guys."
"Hi, Kate!" Abby replies, sunny and bright. Looks like she has a morning Caf Pow already sitting next to her keyboard.
Tony says nothing. He just leans back in Abby's rolling chair, folds his hands in his lap, and watches Kate.
It's unnerving, and Kate says quickly, "Just wondering if anything new came up overnight…"
Tony can't help himself. "Depends on what you mean by up, Kate."
Briefly, she looks around for Gibbs, but he's not down here to exact any wrath. Tony already knows this. He's smiling.
She says, "Do you ever give it a rest?"
"Nope. It's a compulsion."
And then Abby is cooing at her computer, "Aww, Tony." She emphasizes the "Y." "You didn't tell me how adorable this McGee guy is." She's obviously in her own world.
In hindsight, she should've realized something was up, because later that day, she and Tony, now plus McGee, are at a crime scene in Rock Creek Park sketching and photographing another dead body. The day is beautiful. Crisp air, sunshine, and the leaves on the surrounding trees are beginning to turn yellow and red.
Tony has this odd, pensive look on his face, and Kate—who really should know better at this point—finds herself asking, "What's wrong?"
"Just been thinking," he starts.
"Well, don't hurt yourself," she pokes.
Kate can't tell if his wounded expression is real, or just play, or something else entirely. She doesn't apologize, because she's been taken in by that look before.
He says, "Gibbs and I had a talk, and… Well, I don't think you'd understand."
She bites. "About what?"
"You see," Tony starts, "Gibbs and I—" he's cagey, "—we had a thing, a bit ago, you know, with each other, together. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this…"
Kate cannot believe what she's hearing. DiNozzo? Gibbs? He's either lying, or he's the best actor on the planet. Those are the two only options, which are essentially the same options, because he can't be telling her the truth. Because that? No. Just NO, to the power for ten.
Sweet baby Jesus sleeping peacefully in a manger…
Her jaw has dropped to the ground. She feels like she needs to recite a dozen Hail Marys and at least six Our Fathers, and then go to confession, light a candle, throw some salt over her shoulder. All of the above. Not because she's bothered by the thought of Gibbs and Tony. Because she can be… open-minded… and progressive…
He's still looking at her. She can't read him. He's gotta be messing with her.
What the… frittata.
"Come again?" Kate finally responds, as calmly as she can manage.
But Tony knows he doesn't have to repeat himself. He leans over and puts a warm hand on her shoulder. "Thanks for listening." Then he's walking away.
Kate picks her jaw up out of the leaves, and brushes off her pride. He has to be messing with her.
She thinks about it all that afternoon, and into the night, because they have to finish the case up. She can barely look at Gibbs, or at Tony, and god forbid she has to look at them both together.
It's distracting, and she can't help but notice how she feels DiNozzo's smile on her, as if he's waiting for something. It makes her want to suddenly stand up at her desk and chuck a three-hole-punch at his stupid face. She almost does. Her gaze smolders on him, but now he's studiously avoiding it.
"Kate," Gibbs says, jarring her from the building rage. "You got a problem?"
She answers, "No."
But then Gibbs is crooking a finger at her, just like he often does with DiNozzo, and he's saying, "Kate. Office. Now."
In the elevator, Gibbs flips the emergency stop switch. The car jolts a little. The lights flicker and dim. And Kate has no idea what's going to happen. He's right in front of her, standing close. He smells a little different. There's something else there. Tony's aftershave, maybe? It's spicy, and it makes her want to close the distance between them.
He's staring right through her. She does her best to do the same to him. Her heart is thudding in her ears.
Was that Tony's aftershave?
They finally speak at the same time:
"Tony told me—"
"DiNozzo told me—"
They stop, then they ask:
"Told you what?"
"Wait, what?"
Gibbs crowds her up against the elevator wall. Her breath hitches. He asks, "What did he tell you?"
That smell around him, it's not Tony's aftershave, she decides. It's soap. Irish Spring. His hair's wet. He must have taken a shower— She wants him to answer that question first. "What did he tell you?"
"Said you and him are still seeing each other. Said things are getting serious."
Kate huffs out an exasperated breath. Again with this? That little shit.
Gibbs goes on, "Take it that's not true."
"No, it's not true!" Kate exclaims. She's torn between shoving Gibbs away and grabbing his face for a hot and heavy kiss. She does neither, choosing rather to fix an indignant glare on him.
"What did he tell you?" Gibbs asks.
Kate hesitates. "He said that you and him had 'a thing' together." Then she quickly adds, "I didn't believe him." She's lying, a little. She hadn't known what to think.
Gibbs laughs. She doesn't find it funny, but her eyes are glued to his smile and his laugh, because that's a rare thing.
"I don't find it funny." Narrowing her eyes, she then asks, "Tony's not a pathological liar, is he?"
"No, he's a pathological pain in my ass." He leans in closer, which is impossible, because they're already so close. His blue eyes are locked on hers. He's whispering now, "But he has his uses." One of his hands reaches up and brushes her hair out of her face. "I'm gonna kiss you now. That alright?"
Kate nods. "Yeah," she stutters. "Yeah that would be—"
Their lips touch, and they linger without moving, until Kate presses her hands into his hair, pulling his face in. The kiss begins in earnest, lots of tongue and—
"Kate?"
She startles, ripped from her fantasy, heartbeat galloping away.
"That alright?" he repeats.
She only nods this time.
The actual kiss isn't quite as passionate, but it's real and warm. It's a subtle brushing of lips, and she can taste his favorite minty gum. But they're at work, and unfortunately they have to keep their clothes on. Going any further isn't an option. Not while at NCIS, at least, and definitely not while on the elevator.
"This is exactly what he thought we'd do," Kate is musing. "Knew we'd get all pissed off, eventually confront each other… in private. Because he'd already figured me out."
"You still wanna kick his ass?" Gibbs smirks.
"Oh, we'll get him back." Kate promises. "So what now?"
Gibbs shrugs, smiles. It's ridiculously charming. "We finish up the paperwork," he says, "And after, I'll cook you dinner." He switches the elevator back on and turns toward the doors. "Fresh out of tofu, though. Hope steak will do."
"Abs, this is the last time I'm helping you with one of your schemes," Tony complains, sitting on her couch in nothing but his boxer shorts.
"Oh, come on," Abby challenges, calling out from her bedroom. "You were great. I even saw them leave work together in his car. You're a match-maker, Tony baby!"
Tony doesn't seem as enthusiastic. "I'm gonna have both Gibbs and Kate on my case now. I'll never be safe again."
"Maybe…" Abby won't deny that. "But I know you. You couldn't say no, considering the reward…"
She finally walks out of her bedroom wearing an extremely complicated looking piece of black lingerie. She does a full three-sixty, and strikes a pose. "How does it look?"
Tony bites his lip. "Looking totally worth it now!"