p class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst"emSo much blood, too much black. Hands, silver, something cold. A scream. Too loud, too loud, it was all too loud, and that screaming was back. No, no, that was Shouyou. Shouyou was screaming. Where was Shouyou? Shouyou was screaming. Shouyou was in pain; that wasn't okay. Where was Shouyou? Where was he? Let him be okay. He needed to be okay. Was he okay? Where was Shouyou? Shouyou was screaming; there was more blood. Too much blood. It was so dark. Where was—/em/p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;" align="center"~*~/p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Kei woke, startled, to his heart pounding at what felt like an unhealthy rate. It took him a moment to remember what was going on and where he was; nightmares always disoriented him. Kei had always hated nightmares, but he especially despised ones like that./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"He rolled over toward the wall and fixed his eyes on the boy sleeping beside him. Shouyou was sprawled on his back, one arm pushed up against the wall in what looked like a very uncomfortable position. Kei wasn't surprised that his boyfriend hadn't been woken by his reaction to the nightmare; Shouyou was an annoyingly heavy sleeper./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Kei sighed, lifting himself just far enough up off the mattress that he could adjust Shouyou so his arm wasn't being crushed. Shouyou murmured in his sleep, eyelashes fluttering, and for a moment Kei was afraid he had woken him. Then Shouyou snuggled into Kei's side and fell still again./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Shouyou's warmth seeped through Kei's shirt and Kei began to relax, the remaining anxious tension from the nightmare slowly leaving him. That truly had been one of the worst dreams Kei had ever had; he was deathly afraid of losing Shouyou. The fact that they were dating was a miracle all on its own, a fact that Kei was very much aware of. Shouyou was bright and excitable and sweet and absolutely adorable; it was a surprise to everyone – Kei included – when he confessed to the tall, grumpy, socially awkward and half-blind beanpole known as Tsukishima Kei./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Since then, Kei had managed to admit to himself, even though he'd never say so out loud, that he was completely and utterly head over heels for the tiny ball of condensed sunshine. Shouyou's positivity and his smiles were infectious and exposure apparently made one more susceptible to his disease. Even Tobio had commented that Kei wasn't being as much of an ass as he usually was, which Kei denied right, left, and center, but knew it was probably true. He wasn't quite sure he liked the knowing grins that Tadashi kept sending him during practice, though./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Shouyou was the best thing that had happened to Kei in a long, long time and he intended to hang onto him with every ounce of his existence. Since they had begun dating, Kei had had several nightmares of losing Shouyou in one way or another, whether it was Shouyou leaving him for someone better or getting murdered violently in front of Kei, and all of them were awful. Even if the nightmares were obviously illogical, Kei knew that losing Shouyou would be the absolute end of him. He was usually annoying and loud and he was constantly dragging Kei way too far out of his comfort zone to be anywhere close to a good idea, but Kei knew that without Shouyou, he wouldn't be okay ever again. Shouyou was able to help with the anxiety attacks when they were so bad that even Tadashi couldn't do anything about it, and he had the patience of a saint; he never got annoyed when Kei needed reassurance for the hundredth time that emno, I won't leave you /emand emno, you're not a waste of my time /emand emyes, you are good enough for me /emand emyes, I want to be with you /emand emno, I'm not dating you out of pity. /em/p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Kei sighed softly through his nose and stroked his fingers gingerly through Shouyou's hair. It was comforting to have Shouyou so close, especially after a nightmare as particularly brutal as that night's had been. Kei hadn't told Shouyou about the nightmares – he knew he should, because it couldn't be healthy for him to be having such awful dreams night after night after night – but he could never quite bring himself to do so. Kei was bad at talking to people to begin with, and the nightmares were a rather touchy subject, so it would be hard enough to talk about them with a complete stranger./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"But with Shouyou, when Kei had to choose every word that came out of his mouth carefully to make sure that he didn't irreparably fuck something up? There was no way in hell he'd be able to bring it up in a casual conversation. It had been hard enough to explain his anxiety and all the insecurities that spurred it on; the only reason he had been able to even begin to do so was because Shouyou had walked in on Kei having an anxiety attack and then demanded an explanation because Shouyou was on the verge of an attack, too. It hadn't been a pleasant conversation; it had ended with tears and hours of reassurances and Shouyou's hands in Kei's hair. Shouyou had quickly found out that Kei loved to have his hair played with and was more than happy to oblige./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Kei closed his eyes, shifting to lie on his side and curl around Shouyou's small body. Having Shouyou so close and solid and warm against him helped a little; it drove home the fact that it had been nothing more than a nightmare more efficiently than any logical train of thought ever could. Shouyou moved closer, one of his small hands coming up to clench in Kei's shirt right above his heart. That made Kei smile./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"emHe's fine, /emKei reminded himself as he pressed his cheek against Shouyou's wild hair, adamantly ignoring the way it tickled his neck. emHe's fine, he won't leave, he's happy. /em/p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"It was moments like then, when Kei was just on the verge of sleep with Shouyou curled up against him, that it was easiest for Kei to convince himself that he would be fine. Some days it was hard, but as long as his sunshine stayed, he was sure that he would at the very least be a step down from absolutely fucked. There was no pretending that he wasn't absolutely in love, but Kei had stopped trying to deny that a long time ago./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;" align="center"~*~/p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Kei woke, startled, to his heart pounding at what felt like an unhealthy rate. It took him a moment to remember what was going on and where he was; nightmares always disoriented him. Kei had always hated nightmares, but he especially despised ones like that./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"He rolled over toward the wall and fixed his eyes on the boy sleeping beside him. Shouyou was sprawled on his back, one arm pushed up against the wall in what looked like a very uncomfortable position. Kei wasn't surprised that his boyfriend hadn't been woken by his reaction to the nightmare; Shouyou was an annoyingly heavy sleeper./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Kei sighed, lifting himself just far enough up off the mattress that he could adjust Shouyou so his arm wasn't being crushed. Shouyou murmured in his sleep, eyelashes fluttering, and for a moment Kei was afraid he had woken him. Then Shouyou snuggled into Kei's side and fell still again./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Shouyou's warmth seeped through Kei's shirt and Kei began to relax, the remaining anxious tension from the nightmare slowly leaving him. That truly had been one of the worst dreams Kei had ever had; he was deathly afraid of losing Shouyou. The fact that they were dating was a miracle all on its own, a fact that Kei was very much aware of. Shouyou was bright and excitable and sweet and absolutely adorable; it was a surprise to everyone – Kei included – when he confessed to the tall, grumpy, socially awkward and half-blind beanpole known as Tsukishima Kei./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Since then, Kei had managed to admit to himself, even though he'd never say so out loud, that he was completely and utterly head over heels for the tiny ball of condensed sunshine. Shouyou's positivity and his smiles were infectious and exposure apparently made one more susceptible to his disease. Even Tobio had commented that Kei wasn't being as much of an ass as he usually was, which Kei denied right, left, and center, but knew it was probably true. He wasn't quite sure he liked the knowing grins that Tadashi kept sending him during practice, though./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Shouyou was the best thing that had happened to Kei in a long, long time and he intended to hang onto him with every ounce of his existence. Since they had begun dating, Kei had had several nightmares of losing Shouyou in one way or another, whether it was Shouyou leaving him for someone better or getting murdered violently in front of Kei, and all of them were awful. Even if the nightmares were obviously illogical, Kei knew that losing Shouyou would be the absolute end of him. He was usually annoying and loud and he was constantly dragging Kei way too far out of his comfort zone to be anywhere close to a good idea, but Kei knew that without Shouyou, he wouldn't be okay ever again. Shouyou was able to help with the anxiety attacks when they were so bad that even Tadashi couldn't do anything about it, and he had the patience of a saint; he never got annoyed when Kei needed reassurance for the hundredth time that emno, I won't leave you /emand emno, you're not a waste of my time /emand emyes, you are good enough for me /emand emyes, I want to be with you /emand emno, I'm not dating you out of pity. /em/p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Kei sighed softly through his nose and stroked his fingers gingerly through Shouyou's hair. It was comforting to have Shouyou so close, especially after a nightmare as particularly brutal as that night's had been. Kei hadn't told Shouyou about the nightmares – he knew he should, because it couldn't be healthy for him to be having such awful dreams night after night after night – but he could never quite bring himself to do so. Kei was bad at talking to people to begin with, and the nightmares were a rather touchy subject, so it would be hard enough to talk about them with a complete stranger./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"But with Shouyou, when Kei had to choose every word that came out of his mouth carefully to make sure that he didn't irreparably fuck something up? There was no way in hell he'd be able to bring it up in a casual conversation. It had been hard enough to explain his anxiety and all the insecurities that spurred it on; the only reason he had been able to even begin to do so was because Shouyou had walked in on Kei having an anxiety attack and then demanded an explanation because Shouyou was on the verge of an attack, too. It hadn't been a pleasant conversation; it had ended with tears and hours of reassurances and Shouyou's hands in Kei's hair. Shouyou had quickly found out that Kei loved to have his hair played with and was more than happy to oblige./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"Kei closed his eyes, shifting to lie on his side and curl around Shouyou's small body. Having Shouyou so close and solid and warm against him helped a little; it drove home the fact that it had been nothing more than a nightmare more efficiently than any logical train of thought ever could. Shouyou moved closer, one of his small hands coming up to clench in Kei's shirt right above his heart. That made Kei smile./p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"emHe's fine, /emKei reminded himself as he pressed his cheek against Shouyou's wild hair, adamantly ignoring the way it tickled his neck. emHe's fine, he won't leave, he's happy. /em/p
p class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"It was moments like then, when Kei was just on the verge of sleep with Shouyou curled up against him, that it was easiest for Kei to convince himself that he would be fine. Some days it was hard, but as long as his sunshine stayed, he was sure that he would at the very least be a step down from absolutely fucked. There was no pretending that he wasn't absolutely in love, but Kei had stopped trying to deny that a long time ago./p