Officially, Jadis the White Witch ruled Narnia unopposed for one hundred years.
Unofficially, "unopposed" is not entirely correct.
These journal entries were found in a tattered notebook not far from the location of the White Witch's castle.
Day 1
Just arrived in Narnia, and I must say, it's the pits. I miscalculated the time change between Earth and Narnia, so I've got about seven months to kill before the Pevensies show up. Seems like a mistake the Doctor would make, right? Anyway, it's getting dark, so I'd better find shelter. Peace.
Day 3
I was all excited, because my map said there was a Whitecastle a bit to the west of me. Upon arriving, I found not a fast-food joint, but this stupid-ass castle sitting in the middle of nowhere. I guess this is Jadis' place. I might as well knock on the door. I'll tell you how it goes!
Day 4
Got kicked out almost immediately. Apparently, the only "sons of Adam" she wants are those with brothers and sisters. I really just wanted to see if she actually looked like Tilda Swinton (unfortunately, yes). Well, good thing I brought supplies...this will be an entertaining seven months. Ttyl.
Day 10
Totally just egged Jadis' castle. Those wolf guards had no idea! This big one came to the gate and I was hiding, like, fifty feet away, and he didn't see or smell me! And now some poor bastard has to climb up the walls and clean that mess up. I almost feel bad.
Almost.
Day 19
Set off a Roman candle in the castle courtyard, had to run like hell from the Witch's guards. They didn't catch me, though! This is actually becoming quite fun. A search party is nearby, so I gotta run. Peace.
Day 34
Spray-painted the whole eastern wall with this sick graphic of a lion and some trees. I might have also written some candid opinions I feel are shared by many Narnians about Jadis. I also signed it, which might be a mistake. But who cares? I just tagged her castle! What's she gonna do?
Day 47
Back on Earth it would be Rémi Gaillard's birthday, so to celebrate I kicked a soccer ball through the window of the Witch's bedchamers. Soccer ball: $10. Ireland jersey: $40. Running through the forests of Narnia screaming "GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL!" while being chased by ogres and wolves: priceless.
Day 63
The Witch sent a messenger out to my makeshift hobo camp yesterday. She says I am summoned to an audience with her tomorrow. She says she wants to offer a truce and put our differences aside. This should be interesting. Wish me luck!