TITLE - Crossing The Bar
AUTHOR - Tammy M. Parnell
EMAIL ADDRESS: LaLapine@aol.com
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, as long as my name and disclaimer are on it
SPOILER WARNING: MM, little thing from Anasazi, reference to Duane Barry incident, Tooms comment, + Small Potatoes
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: S, X, R, A
SUMMARY: X-File + Mulder/Scully romance. After a case involving disappearing teens at a county fair, Scully reacts to some bad news about her cancer.
DISCLAIMER: The are not mine. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, Fox Television, and the actors who portray them (esp. GA, who has the most wonderfully expressive face!). Whitney Houston, Jordan Hill, Alanis Morisette, Deanna Carter, Alfred Lord Tennyson, etc. mentioned/used without permission, no infringement intended. BTW, Redwood Falls as far as I know is a fictional name, though it is based loosely on Rohnert Park, CA. Any truth to names of characters/places is purely coincidental.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I live for feedback!
CROSSING THE BAR
by Tammy M. Parnell
PART ONE
Redwood Falls, California
Monday, 9:14 p.m.
The teen walked quietly down the cement path, which was illuminated only slightly by the three-quarter moon reflecting off the small pools of water that remained in the creek. Had she thought about it, her exposed hands would have been cold in the crisp spring night. But it felt good away from the main part of the city--the air was clean and fresh, the stars bright and clear, and her step light and carefree. Here she could forget. Her left hand hung comfortably at her side, while her right loosely clasped the leash of her Labrador Retriever, who swayed his hips and tail in a rather John-Wayne-like walk, enjoying himself as much as his mistress.
As the dog stopped to investigate some tantalizing spot among the bushes, the girl looked into the expansive sky with a feeling of wonder at the vastness of it all. Her pale blue eyes shone through her glasses as she traced the pointer stars of the Big Dipper to find the north star, Polaris.
It looks nothing like a bear, she mumbled absently as her dog pulled for them to continue.
Their route was familiar. Moonlight danced on the surface of the shallow water to their right, allowing enough light only to see the tell-tale rivulets, signaling the presence of water insects, tadpoles, toads, and crayfish. When she was younger, her brother would join her in the murky creek to find specimens for his collection. They had had such good times together...
Only a week had passed since the as everyone called it. That it happened on the same path where she stood did not phase her, as this nightly ritual had always granted her a sense of peace. She felt detached from her brother's illness, almost as if he were at home, awaiting her return. It was too painful to think of him lying comatose in the cold hospital room.
The dog paused briefly near a banged-up garbage can, and the girl looked ahead on the path. It wasn't as dark here, where the houses began with their lights flowing through the windows and onto the trees. Further down she imagined she heard the music and voices from the carnival, which would be in town another week. The carnival Jimmy had gone to the night he was hurt.
She got closer to the fair, and the dog turned skittish. Easy, boy. Come on, she prodded, pulling lightly on the leash. BANG! Fireworks exploded against the night sky, temporarily blinding her. That had done it. Struggling against the Lab's hundred pounds, the slim girl braced herself.
It's okay, boy, don't worry. Easy! No! When he was scared, there was no talking to him--he had turned backwards and pulled right out of his collar. He took off at top speed, racing the way they had come. Come back here! Screaming in frustration, the girl ran after him, wondering what had happened to her fragile sense of peace. Damn fair, causing so many problems...
As her feet fell heavily against the path, she could vaguely make out the yellow ahead of her that she knew was him. He seemed to have stopped near the bridge that joined either side of the creek, and as she approached him, something made her shiver.
Dammit! What's wrong with you? She slipped the collar back over his neck, and yanked him back to the path. But he wouldn't move.
Come ON, she struggled. She sighed in frustration as she followed his gaze. There's nothing there, boy. It's okay. But still his hair stood on end. A low rumble escaped his throat. The girl peered into the darkness. It's probably just a cat. Abruptly, the dog stopped growling and began sniffing the area around the bridge as though nothing had happened.
I give up! the girl yelled at no one in particular, the week's tension invading her conscious mind. Rubbing the side of her head, she glanced skyward once more. There was the Big Bear again. But somehow it looked different. The shape appeared to be twisting around, the head growing larger, the body more defined. But that's impossible, she told herself quickly, shaking her head to clear her jumbled thoughts. It must be fog or something.
The dog growled again, but she barely heard him as she watched the sky as if in a trance. The stars were dancing now, twinkling in rows, fading in and out, forming new pictures, speaking to her. The words were unintelligible, but she was drawn to them, felt as though she was being lifted and among them, riding the Pegasus, sitting on the Queen's throne, fighting the Dragon. She was a part of the sky now, in the summer triangle, floating through a black hole.... Then everything went dark.
***
J. Edgar Hoover Building
Wednesday, 9:35 a.m.
They found the dog wandering around the neighborhood yesterday morning, but no trace of the girl. Agent Fox Mulder perched himself on the edge of his partner's desk in their basement office, chewing absently on a sunflower seed. She seems to have vanished.
Into the sky? Dana Scully arched an eyebrow, letting Mulder know she would not disappoint him in her role as skeptic.
Fox grinned. We'd have to check it out ourselves to confirm that theory, but we do have some evidence to support it.
Somehow I'm not surprised. Did they find her watch--nine minutes lost?
Not yet, Scully's comments could not deter his enthusiasm. However, exactly one week beforehand, her brother was also abducted....er reported missing. But he was found an hour later in the creek that runs behind the neighborhood.
Nope. In a coma. Mulder handed her a folder which included photographs of the crime scene. His blood work seems abnormal.
Define abnormal, Scully murmured as she examined the pictures, noting that the vegetation surrounding the body was not disturbed. He wasn't thrown over the side, and he didn't fall. Someone had to have placed him there...
Fox hesitated, they won't be specific; the mother's pretty upset and is reluctant to release any information.
Mulder, have you thought that perhaps someone's targeting the family?
No ransom note.
Not yet, Scully corrected, setting down the folder. When do we leave?
Fox grinned--she hadn't questioned the case's status as an x-file. Two hours.
***
Copeland residence
Redwood Falls, CA
2:25 p.m., Pacific Daylight Savings Time
And you're sure your daughter didn't run away? Scully asked gently as she looked at the teen's photo above the fireplace.
Jane Copeland shook her brunette head, her eyes red and sleepless, her voice untrustworthy. she managed to get out. She wouldn't do that. Not Karen.
If you'll excuse me, Mrs. Copeland, Mulder apologized before pointing out, there's been a lot of things happening lately. Maybe the pressure got to be too much.
She wouldn't leave Jimmy, the petite woman insisted. She walked slowly over to a nearby table and picked up a dearly loved photograph. When Mark died, she began, absently tracing the faded face of her husband's image, the kids bonded together, inseparable. They took a lot of strength from each other, and we got along all right. Karen, especially, needed desperately to be loved. She and her father were so close... She took to the dog like he was her own son. It was a mutual adoration, and where she went he followed. She would never have gone off and left him behind. The agents followed her glance to the big dog huddled in a nearby corner. He's been so strange since I found him... She sighed. Karen was visiting Jimmy every day in hospital, too. She wouldn't just leave her brother.
Scully sat down next to the distraught woman on the couch, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. We'll do everything we can to find your daughter, Mrs. Copeland. But we don't have much to go on.
Jane looked at the redheaded agent with tears in her eyes. I've lost Mark, maybe Jimmy... I don't want to lose my baby girl, too.
Mulder cleared his throat, an uncomfortable memory coming back of Scully's mother telling him how much she didn't want to lose her baby girl, either. Would it be possible for us to see Jimmy? he asked, changing the subject.
Jane looked surprised but nodded. He can't talk. He isn't even himself. He just looks at you, almost through you. The doctors don't know if he'll get better. He's hooked up to so much machinery... I was going to talk to Karen about the possibility of... ending his suffering. It was said almost in a whisper, laden with guilt. He wouldn't want to live this way.
Now it was definitely getting too close for comfort. Mulder excused himself and went out to the car.
He thinks I'm a bad person, doesn't he? Jane commented wryly. How could a mother want to kill her own son?
Scully interrupted strongly, trying to hold back the disturbing tears that threatened to spill. You are not a bad mother. You love Jimmy too much to see him suffering. Mulder isn't judging you.
Then why'd he leave? Jane began to see through her own hurt that Scully's eyes held some hidden and painful truth.
Scully took a deep breath. I... disappeared for awhile, she admitted, empathizing with the woman before her. Three months later I reappeared in a hospital. No one knew what had happened to me or where I had been. I still don't remember. I don't know if I even want to. Dana signed, painful memories resurfacing as she wondered why she was telling this to a stranger. She needs this, she realized. She needs hope.. Mulder had signed my living will. My family came and saw that I was in a coma, living only because machines were hooked up to me. They took me off the respirator. She paused, wondering how to continue.
But here you are, Jane said simply.
Yes. Here I am. I woke up. I'm not sure why or how. The doctors all said I would die. My blood had been tampered with... I remember my family coming to see me, but it was as if they were far, far away. I couldn't reach out to them, I could barely hear them. Then I felt as if I was ready to go. They kept slipping farther away... But Mulder came to see me. He told me it wasn't my time to go. She smiled slightly, finishing up her story. And I took his word on that.
Jane smiled as she clasped Dana's hand. I just hope Jimmy believes in us as much as you believe in your partner.
***
County hospital
3:45 p.m.
As Scully talked to the attending physician, Mulder looked briefly at the charts on the end of the bed. Unlike his mother and sister, Jimmy was tall and broad-shouldered. He had the same brown hair and blue eyes, yet those eyes did seem to peer right through Mulder as the boy's mother had said.
He's a quarterback on the high school football team, Jane remarked, pride showing in her eyes. He's also on the debate team. He's going to... well, he was going to graduate this year. Wanted to be a lawyer.
Her switch from the present to past tense was not lost on Mulder. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder. He could be just fine, Mrs. Copeland. You can't give up hope yet.
Jane looked at the agent's sad eyes, knowing his persistence had paid off when his partner's life was on the line. I'm glad things worked out with Agent Scully, she told him, trying to be realistic. But this is a different situation. We need our own miracle, and I just don't know if that's gonna happen. She moved from his touch and sat beside her son, taking his limp hand in her strong one. Hi Jimmy, sweetheart. Mom's here now.
***
Redwood Falls Community Center
4:50 p.m.
This is the place, Mulder observed as he parked their rented Taurus in the crowded parking lot.
I don't know if we'll find anything, Scully commented as she locked her door. This may have been the last place Jimmy was seen, but Karen never even went to the fair.
If her mother is correct, Mulder countered. Besides, she was definitely near here at the time of her disappearance. She walked the dog this way every night.
If her mother is correct, Scully shot back.
Mulder remarked as they wandered past the confusion of game booth operators calling for them to try their luck.
Why do I suddenly feel rather overdressed? Scully asked rhetorically as she observed the fairgoers clad in shorts and tee-shirts.
Mulder looked at her proper navy blue pant suit and then down at his own FBI-approved garments. We like to live dangerously... Hey, Scully, have you noticed anything unusual about the people who work here? When she shrugged her shoulders, he continued, They all look alike.
She stifled a grin. Fair people everywhere--with their rather unkempt appearance, often long hair, identical worn out jeans, cigarettes in their pocket, and even missing teeth--all seemed to look alike! Think it's a conspiracy? she played along.
Before Mulder could come up with a retort, an older man in a red-and-white-striped jacket approached them. Step right up here, folks, and win the little lady a teddy bear!
Mulder grinned, knowing Scully's reaction to term little lady was bound to be unpleasant. She merely rolled her eyes, but her mouth dropped slightly as Mulder took out a few dollars. Which one ya want, Scully? The pink or the blue?
Mulder, what are you doing?
I'm winning the-- the phrase little lady was halted with the glare from his partner. He rephrased his answer. I'm winning you a bear. He took the baseball from the short man and threw it hard at the milk cans.
Strike one! the man said as the ball skipped over the top. Scully tapped her foot impatiently.
I just gotta warm up, Mulder insisted. He tried it again. This time the ball was too soft and bounced lightly off the bottom of the cans.
Just one more time. He rubbed his hands together before picking up the last ball. SMACK. The milk bottles fell to the ground.
We have a winner! the Red-And-White-Jacketed Man announced. And which one would you like, miss?
Mulder grinned smugly as Scully shook her head. Now's as good a time as any, she thought, taking out her I.D.
I'm Agent Scully, this is Agent Mulder. We're with the FBI.
Mulder's expression turned serious as he took out his own identification. We'd like to ask you some questions.
The little man looked nervous. We run a clean game here. No cheats. You can check them out yourselves. Heck, you just won. How could it be fixed?
We're not here about that, Scully told him, taking out a picture of Jimmy and Karen Copeland. Have you seen these teenagers?
The man shook his head. You know how many people come through here? I don't remember faces.
Would this help? Mulder questioned, holding a twenty up to the man's face.
the man began, I ain't so good with faces, like I said. But maybe Larry could help you.
Where can we find Larry? Scully questioned.
The man grabbed the twenty before answering. He works the Gravitron, right around the corner. The agents began to walk away. the man called. You forgot your bear. He tossed a pink one to Scully, who caught it.
Mulder grinned as the bear landed in her arms. Like it?
Oh, yes, Mulder. I've been waiting my whole life to get one of these. She noticed the slightly hurt expression on his face from her sarcasm and relented. She briefly touched his arm. Hey, I'm kidding. That was sweet, Mulder. Thanks.
He grinned sheepishly. We can get blue instead... He glanced back at the game booth.
I wonder why he's in such a hurry? Scully remarked as she followed her partner's gaze to the red-and-white-striped jacket disappearing around the corner.
Let's find out. They tried to follow him, but he was soon lost to the crowd. Look Scully.
Before them was the Gravitron, a giant flying saucer, waiting to spin people senseless. She groaned. Why am I not surprised?
This is where he said to go. Come on.
They passed by the people in line, hearing a few obscenities about line cutters, before they finally reached the entrance.
We need to speak to Larry! Scully yelled over the loud rock music to the man at the door.
He's inside! the man motioned as people began to enter the spaceship.
Flashing their I.D.s, Mulder and Scully made their way to the center of the Gravitron, where a middle-aged blond man of medium build sat, surrounded by control panels.
Mulder questioned, as Scully took out the photograph. We're with the FBI. We need to know if you've seen these kids.
He took a look at the photo as the doors to the spaceship closed in on the excited people. The boy looks familiar, he acknowledged. He came on this ride at least a dozen times. Wanted to know how to operate it.
You didn't see him any other time? Scully questioned.
He shook his head as he spoke into the mic. Wanna go fast?
the crowd pressed up around the walls answered in a yell.
The man turned back to Scully. No. And I ain't never seen the girl. Could have been on here, but not a lot. Turning back to his mic, Wanna go real fast?!
The yell was even louder, and Scully felt a headache coming on.
Larry pointed to two blank panels on the wall. You guys are gonna have to get over there. It ain't safe to stand here with me.
Are you kidding? Scully asked in disbelief. She'd always hated spinning rides; they made her too dizzy. But she didn't miss the grin on her partner's face.
He put his mouth next to her ear. Haven't you always wanted to ride on a spaceship?
She elbowed Mulder's ribs as Larry motioned for them to hurry. Mulder dragged her to their positions, and she held her breath, noticing the lack of seat belts.
All right, everyone! Larry yelled into the mic. Lean back cause it's time to rock and roll!
The crowd cheered as the Gravitron began to spin, music blaring. The red panels against which they leaned seemed to dip backwards. They slipped upwards as well as Scully felt her eyes close and her neck involuntarily snap back against the panel. The panel banged the ceiling of the Gravitron and then slid back down to the floor, hitting her feet. With effort, she turned her head to look at her partner's grin. It figures he'd enjoy this!
Her panel slid back up again as the spaceship began to slow down. Her purse strap caught slightly as the panel slid down, and as soon as the centrifugal force eased off enough, she yanked it free, causing her glasses to fall out. she mumbled to herself as the panel banged down for the last time--right on top of the glasses. She gave Mulder a deathly glare as he tried to look apologetic.
Sorry, Scully. You should have been holding on more tightly.
Mulder, I don't even want to be on this thing! How am I supposed to work on the computer now?
Get new glasses, he said simply as they exited the ride.
Great Mulder. But my eye doctor is in Baltimore. Now what?
So just look up someone in the phone book. They can get your prescription faxed... Mulder's voice trailed off as he looked at Scully, puppy dog eyes in full effect.
Damn, she said silently as she fished for a Kleenex in her purse. It's nothing, Mulder, she stated before he could say anything. I used to get nosebleeds all the time when I was a kid and went on these kinds of rides.
Mulder did not look convinced. Ready to go back to the hotel?
I do not need a babysitter, she said a bit too harshly. I need to get new glasses. And that's where I'm going. They had reached the car by now, but her nose was still bleeding. YOU can look in the phone book for me, since I can't see it.
Has anyone ever told you that you have a flare for the dramatic, Scully? She didn't answer, and Mulder sighed as he turned the key to the ignition. Why did she always have to close herself off from him? Sure, she had every right to be mad about her glasses. But he hated to be pushed away when she was hurting. He wasn't buying that her nosebleed was from the ride, and he was worried. What if her cancer was getting worse?
Scully leaned against the door, grateful that her nose had finally stopped bleeding. She was feeling a bit guilty about snapping at her partner. What will you do while I'm getting my glasses? she asked.
Of course she was changing the subject, business as usual. Mulder answered, I think I'll check out the list of their friends that the mother gave us. Maybe they can tell us something.
Good idea.
Mulder spied a pay phone and pulled over to look through the yellow pages. Ten minutes later, he was dropping Scully off at LensMakers for an appointment with a Doctor Dias.
I'll take a cab back when I'm through, Scully informed him as she shut the door. See you later.
He watched her walk confidently into the office before he drove away to find Bill Ruhs, a friend of Jimmy Copeland.
***
GoodRest Motel
10:54 p.m.
Scully blinked wearily through her new prescription as she attempted to concentrate on the data before her. Analysis of Jimmy's blood had indeed turned up some interesting results, but the elements were unidentifiable. She sighed and shook her head, looking up from the computer. This seems impossible, she stated.
Mulder looked up from the bed, where he sat cross-legged, examining some maps. His questioning of Bill Ruhs, along with five other friends of the Copelands, had turned up nothing. He was now examining the complex route of the creek that ran through Redwood Falls. Ready to call it a night? he yawned.
I just wish we could get somewhere with this, Scully remarked in frustration, rubbing her temples.
Mulder asked sympathetically.
She nodded. Must be the prescription.
I thought you just had your old one faxed.
I couldn't. I forgot about the time difference; my office was closed, so I just asked Dr. Dias to examine my eyes. It sure feels strange, though. I just had my eyes checked a few months ago, and the prescription hadn't changed.
Mulder was growing a bit concerned, something tugging at his mind that he couldn't quite surface. They shouldn't hurt your eyes then.
Scully said thoughtfully. They shouldn't. I wonder if he got the prescription mixed up?
Mulder grinned. How many fingers am I holding up?
Scully laughed. I'm not that blind, Mulder. Maybe I should try to read the map. But as she got up to join him on the bed, her legs were suddenly shaky, and she had to grab the table for support.
Mulder jumped up and to her side. What's wrong? Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little dizzy. She sat down, confused. What was going on?
Mulder reached out and removed the glasses, peering at them under the light. Scully shook her head and rubbed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Maybe that ride affected me more than I thought.
It's not the ride, Scully, Mulder shook his head as he held out her new glasses. It's these.
The glasses? Mulder, that's ridiculous.
Is it? Both Jimmy and Karen Copeland wear glasses, too.
Mulder, eyesight is a characteristic that is often passed on through the genes. It doesn't surprise me in the least bit that both kids wear glasses. Didn't you see the photograph? The father wore them, too.
But Scully, think about it. The father is dead. Jimmy's in a coma. Karen is missing... What's the clue? They all wore glasses.
Are you saying the the father's death five years ago is related to this?
All I'm saying is that I think we should find out if Dr. Dias is also the eye doctor for the Copelands. I wonder if they've had an appointment recently.
Even if they have, what does that prove? There's something in the glasses that made Jimmy slip into a coma? That Karen's in one right now somewhere? That doesn't make sense.
No, the glasses don't make someone sick necessarily. Just disoriented, like you were, leaving whoever wanted to, to take the kids without a struggle.
You're really reaching there, Mulder. If this is the case, then why haven't there been more disappearances? If your theory is correct, everyone with a new prescription should be affected.
Not necessarily. Mulder looked up from the task that he'd been working on. Look at this, Scully. He peeled a thin film of some sort of plastic off of one of the lenses. This isn't normal.
Maybe it's just a factory seal or something... Scully knew that sounded lame, but she didn't want to believe that she was now a target, that perhaps someone had counted on her needing new glasses. Would she be the next one to disappear? She shuddered, memories becoming too close for comfort.
Mulder noticed her tension. Clasping his hand over hers, which she gratefully did not move away, he said, We've got to find out what's going on. The best lead we have right now is the doctor.
Scully nodded, her scientific mind taking over. First thing in the morning, we'll go see him. We can at least check current patient records. It couldn't hurt.
Mulder nodded as he removed his hand. He stood and began to gather the maps up from Scully's bed. Good night, Scully, he said as he turned to the connecting door which led to his room.
she asked tentatively.
You don't really think this has anything to do with alien abductions, do you?
He took a reflective moment before answering. Maybe. I mean, we have a man who was found in a coma, perhaps having disappeared for awhile... His blood shows traces of some unknown element. Now his sister is missing. They could both be abductees. He paused thoughtfully. But, there's still a lot of unanswered questions. Something about those people at the carnival bugs me. I don't know.
Scully was satisfied that Mulder's mind was not dead set against non-alien theories. She smiled. Good night, Mulder.
***
LensMakers
Thursday, 10:03 a.m.
Mulder and Scully stepped across the yellow police tape surrounding the crime scene. Flashing their I.D.s, Scully went to examine the body of Dr. Dias, whose cause of death was a mystery. Mulder asked the local police for the details of the murder, but there were no witnesses, no suspects, no leads. A rookie told him it looked as though the young doctor had had a heart attack.
He was thirty-two years old, Mulder pointed out, but the rookie merely shrugged and went about his work. Mulder shook his head as he walked over to the reception desk. Finding the appointment book, his suspicions were confirmed.
Hey, Scully, he called to her. Look at this.
James Copeland had an appointment two days before he was found in the creek, she observed. Karen had one the same day she disappeared. I'm beginning to think there's more to this than I thought, she admitted.
Did they find any of the substance like what was on your glasses? Mulder inquired.
Not yet, she responded. But I doubt they will. Dr. Dias' office was pretty well trashed. Whoever did this, must have thought we were getting too close. I'm having the sample from my glasses analyzed. I've requested to do the autopsy on the body and should be done by this afternoon. We'll see what comes up.
What about your glasses?
Well, now that the tape's off they seem perfectly harmless. I'll be fine.
You need a ride?
No, the officer over there said I could go with him. But you can pick me up later.
Call me. I'm going to go walk along the creek and see if there's anything unusual, maybe question some of the neighbors.
Scully raised an eyebrow, knowing he planned to check for signs of alien abduction. But all she said was, Okay. See you later.
***
County morgue
5:14 p.m.
Scully sighed as she removed the protective goggles. Mulder's footsteps echoed along the hall as he approached the autopsy room. He smiled when he saw her. Whatcha got?
She raised her eyebrows, shaking her head. Heart attack.
Mulder asked in disbelief. Too many Big Macs?
she stifled a smile, it appears that some sort of drug was injected into his arm. See? She pointed to the needle marks on the inside of his elbow. Now this could be caused by any number of things, such as drug use or blood donation--
Hopefully not both, Mulder interjected. Scully was he murdered or not?
Calm down, partner. My guess would be yes, however... there's really no evidence to support that.
What? No scientific evidence for Dr. Scully? Are you sure you're feeling all right?
She decided to ignore the sarcasm. I think a controversial new drug did the trick. When it's injected into your bloodstream, it slows your heart rate. Some say it can help prevent a heart attack, but... Well, when the drug is overdosed it can actually freeze the heart so it can no longer beat, killing whoever took it.
Can't you have the tissues analyzed?
She shook her head. Not with this drug. Once it enters the bloodstream, it's untraceable.
Don't let that get around or we'll have an outbreak, Mulder commented wryly. What about the lenses?
They can't figure out what it is. It's a lot like plastic, but... the guys in the lab can't seem to break it down. Testing it on rats, though, it definitely has harmful side effects.
We've got a link here somewhere, Scully, I just know it. But I haven't come up with anything new yet, and there were no signs of alien abduction at the sight where Jimmy was found. But time is running out.
Why do you say that?
Jimmy's gotten worse. He's had a couple near misses today and can't even open his eyes now.
Oh, poor Jane. Scully's heart went out to the woman who had lost so much. I think I'd like to stop by and see her.
Mulder nodded. We can grab a bite to eat afterwards. Then I think that carnival deserves some looking into.
Scully agreed, putting on her coat. Let's go.
***
Redwood Falls Community Center
8:45 p.m.
The carnival was lit up with tacky flashing lights as the agents approached the ferris wheel, which the Red-and-White-Jacketed Man was now operating. He quickly disappeared around the corner when he noticed Mulder coming towards him.
Not so fast, Scully stepped from the shadows, gun aimed squarely at the man's chest. We need to talk.
Mulder joined them. What do you have to hide?
the man claimed, sweat gleaming on his brow. I ain't done nothin'. This is harassment. Don't you need a search warrant or somethin'?
We just want to have a friendly chat, Scully remarked, placing her Sig back in its holster.
What do you really know about the Copelands? Mulder asked as the man's eyes darted nervously around him.
Not here, he said, backing up and knocking into a garbage can. He jumped quickly away, and Mulder put an arm tightly around his neck.
He pointed to the ride looming beside them. There. We can talk there.
Scully raised her eyebrows. On the ferris wheel?
He nodded quickly and headed for the control panels, allowing fairgoers to exit their cars. The agents followed closely behind.
This better be worth it, Mulder, Scully whispered, her heart beating faster than she would have liked. Why the ferris wheel of all things? It reminded her too much of airplanes, with those wobbly cars being knocked about by the wind.
Don't worry, Scully. I won't shake the seat. He winked, and she felt like slapping him.
Play it cool, Dana, she told herself. He doesn't have to know you're scared. How can all three of us fit in one of those? she asked pointedly.
Mulder shrugged. He probably doesn't want to sit with us, Scully.
The Red-and-White-Jacketed Man motioned for them to board.
How do we know you'll follow? Scully asked warily.
I guess you're a pretty good shot, huh lady?
Mulder grinned, rubbing his shoulder. I'll say.
Scully elbowed him in the ribs before seating herself. Come on. Let's get this over with.
Mulder joined her as the man said, We talk at the top. Larry'll operate the ride. To their surprise, the man who had been operating the Gravitron the day before appeared from around the corner.
Rides are closing down, he remarked. Fireworks'll start soon.
The agents' car circled upwards, and Scully unconsciously grabbed the bar in front of her. You're gonna pay for this one, Mulder, she mumbled.
He grinned, stretching his long legs in front of him and placing his hands behind his head. I liked the other ride better, myself.
Dana closed her eyes, waiting for the car to quit rocking. It stopped moving all together at the top, and she turned tentatively around. The Red-and-White-Jacketed Man sat in the car behind them, and Mulder called out to him.
What happened to Karen Copeland?
I saw her, he admitted. The boss had her. He told us he found her on the creek path, that she had fainted or something.
What did he do to her? Scully asked.
The man shrugged. He said he was going to let her rest in his tent till she woke up. I figured she got up and left after awhile.
You didn't think it was strange for him to not call the police? she questioned further.
Well, ya know. We like to avoid unnecessary attention.
Did anyone else see her? Any of the fairgoers? Mulder wanted to know.
Nah. This was after we closed.
Where's this boss you mentioned? Scully said as the ferris wheel began to move again.
The man pointed to a cluster of small tents on the outskirts of the fairgrounds. The green one's his. That's where you'll find him. Maybe her. I haven't seen her since that night, though.
As they got to the bottom, the Red-and-White-Jacketed Man got out, and Larry kept the wheel moving.
Scully called out.
Gotta keep the weight balanced, Larry said as he stopped the wheel a few seats behind them and proceeded to let the other passengers off.
she mumbled.
Now we get to see the UFO show, Mulder remarked.
she asked, annoyed.
he pointed to the fireworks illuminating the dark sky. Aliens are coming, he said in a spooky voice.
Knock it off, Mulder. We need to get to that tent before the boss is warned.
You believe him?
We don't have much choice at this moment. Besides, it's the only lead we ha--Why do they always have to stop us at the top?
It's kinda nice up here. I bet those people on the ground would love the view. He reached into his pocket and grinned.
No, thank you, she said tautly as she shook her head in frustration. Now that the car was still, she could relax her death grip on the bar, and she was able to somewhat enjoy the fireworks. After a few moments, she admitted, It IS kind of nice up here.
Mulder answered. But we've been up here awfully long.
She looked at him in concern. You don't think...
Mulder glanced behind him. It was dark, but he could tell they were the only ones left on the ride. I think we're stuck, Scully.
Stuck! What do you mean stuck?
I mean we've been duped.
This isn't a comic book, Mulder.
Did you ever play on the jungle gym when you were a kid, Scully?
she asked suspiciously.
He motioned to the parking lot, where headlights were being switched on and cars turning onto the main road. Because if we don't climb down, it's gonna be a long night.
She hung her head down briefly, closing her eyes. Great. Dana Scully, FBI agent. Killed from falling off a ferris wheel. That somehow is not how I pictured my death.
Sounds like a job for Spooky Mulder, Fox grinned. I'll climb down and get it working again.
Why not? Only one of us needs to go down.
I'll do it.
I'm smaller. It'll be easier for me to maneuver.
Mulder raised his eyebrows in amusement, and she lightly smacked his chest. he held up his hands in mock innocence.
Help me open this, she ignored his gesture and tried to unfasten the gate to their car.
Mulder put a hand over hers, which was trying rather shakily to undo the latch. I'm going, Scully.
She relented as she peered into his hazel eyes and nodded. Okay, Mulder. But be careful. If after all these horrific cases we've dealt with, you get yourself killed in something as stupid as this, then I'll...
Then you'll what? he grinned. Kill me again?
she managed to smile, realizing she had in fact been going to say kill you.' I'll conduct a seance so your spirit won't be able to rest. Then you'll have to stay with me on these inane cases and help me out.
Instead of the typical Mulder humor she had expected, his eyes turned serious as he said, Scully, I'll be by your side, seance or not. I would never leave you.
She felt her eyes involuntarily moisten as her heart swelled at the admission. She wanted to look away from his intense stare, but she couldn't. His hand reached out to caress her cheek, and her pulse quickened at the warm touch. What the hell am I feeling? This is my PARTNER. But as confused as she was, their faces seemed to be moving closer together of their own volition. Soon, their lips were only a breath apart. They remained that way for several seconds before they jointly decided to close the distance, and their lips met, ever so briefly.
A jerk from the car as it began to move again broke the spell, and Scully grabbed the side of car as Mulder let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Guess I don't have to climb down after all, he remarked.
Guess not, she answered, looking at anything but him, anything but those eyes!
They came to a stop at the bottom, and Scully undid the latch, releasing the gate. That's strange, she observed the deserted area.
Three guesses, Mulder remarked.
Let's go.
They quickly made their way over to the cluster of tents, comfortable now that they had something besides each other to occupy their thoughts.
After investigating a very empty green tent, they wandered back outside. Employees only, Mulder read the sign on the blue tent.
It's worth a try, Scully agreed as they peeked through the flap. Her mouth hung open when she saw the interior. Oh my God. Do you see what I see?
Mulder leaned in next to her and looked. I've always wanted to do that.
Dana smiled in spite of herself, imagining a young Fox Mulder jumping off a pile of rocks in an attempt to fly. How do you think they're doing it?
Mulder shook his head as he observed the scene in the tent. I don't know. But let's find out.
She nodded, and they proceeded through the shadowy entrance. The only light was a bright circle in the center of the tent, and a body appeared to be suspended in mid air. No one else was in the tent, and Mulder tentatively approached Karen Copeland.
Scully, she's like a UFO. It's like she's hovering.
Are you suggesting the use of alien technology?
What else could it be? his voice grew excited, as that of a little boy on Christmas. It's gotta be, Scully. No strings, no kind of support.
Turn off the light, she theorized.
Mulder nodded, and Scully positioned herself under the girl. Flashing off the spotlight, the spell was broken, and the girl fell into the agent's arms.
Scully responded to the sudden weight, placing the girl on the floor. She's awake, Mulder.
He had switched the light back on but aimed it off to the side. Karen blinked her eyes in confusion. Where's my dog? she asked groggily.
Scully began gently, what's the last thing you remember?
I... I was walking my dog on the path. Where am I? she tried to sit up. Ow, my head hurts. Who are you?
We're here to help you, Karen. You're at the carnival right now. You've been here a few days.
I don't remember.
Scully, check this out.
She looked over at her partner, who was holding up a pack of Morleys he'd found on a crate in the corner. Cancer Man? she questioned.
What'll you bet?
She put on her most skeptical look. Mulder, I haven't seen one worker here that doesn't smoke. How can you know it's him?
Morleys? Scully, they smoke the cheap brands, didn't you notice?
She arched her eyebrows. ALL of them?
Karen was watching the two agents closely and wondering why her head was throbbing so much when she heard the rustling outside the tent.
The agents heard it, too, and they quickly swung around towards the entrance, guns cocked. The Red-and-White-Jacketed Man froze in position, his gun not fast enough. Larry, too, was trapped.
How nice to see you again, Agent Mulder, a familiar voice drifted towards them. But there's nothing here for you. Take the girl home. Then go home yourselves. Your work is through.
You bastard, Mulder spit out as he watched him pick up his pack of Morleys and light one up. I should kill you right now.
You should. But you won't, he shrugged his shoulders. You can't. He motioned to Scully. We both know why.
Scully raised her eyebrows, a bit surprised, and looked at Mulder. What's he talking about?
he shook his head. He's just trying another power play.
Keep telling yourself that, Mulder. Go right ahead, the man remarked as he exited the tent. Mulder fired his weapon, and the bullet pierced through the tent flap. They saw the figure stop briefly before continuing.
Scully breathed nervously, I thought you really shot him.
Should have, he remarked bitterly before looking at his partner and sighing. Come on. Let's get the police out here to arrest them.
Scully nodded as Mulder went to handcuff Larry and the Red-and-White-Jacketed Man. But before calling the police, she made a quick call to a very relieved Jane Copeland.
***
Field Report,
Agent Fox Mulder
Though there is no proof, Agent Scully and I believe that Dr. Frank Dias was murdered to silence him from talking about his involvement with the suspects. The effects of the yet-to-be identified substance that was found coating Agent Scully's lenses are still unclear. Disorientation apparently allowed the suspects to easily take Jimmy and Karen Copeland as unwilling subjects in their bizarre experiments with alien technology. These kids were targeted out of convenience, rather than out of any motive against the family. Further investigation into previous carnival sites may reveal more victims.
How the suspects used light to enable Karen Copeland to hover mid air is yet-to-be determined, however it is clear that further experimentation would have caused her demise into a coma, that which happened to her brother. Jimmy Copeland passed away the same night we discovered his sister's whereabouts. Her blood shows no traces of the substance found in her brother's, and other evidence is lacking, probably destroyed in an attempt to cover up the truth.
***
PART TWO
Baltimore, MD
Saturday, 8:45 p.m.
Dana sat silently on her couch in her unlit living room, grateful Mulder had agreed to take care of the paperwork. Upon her return to the East Coast, she had gone back to her doctor, whose news was not what she was expecting--the tumor had grown, spreading daily into her bloodstream. Attacking her bit by bit. Slowly taking her life with its greedy hunger.
She spoke aloud, into the shadows, absently holding her souvenir bear. It's not fair. Not to me or to Mom... or to Mulder. We've all lost so much. Mom's already lost Missy. And Mulder... he's lost just about everyone. What's he gonna do when I'm gone? I know he blames himself. I just hope he can put all his energy into finding Samantha. And if he finds her, then he won't have to be alone anymore.
He's so close now. But as I get sicker, I know he won't accept my I'm fines.' He'll insist on being with me, to see me through it. But I don't want him to remember me as I am when I'm dying and helpless. I can't let him go through that. She laughed ruefully. I guess that old quote is finally applying to me: If you love someone, set them free. He needs to be free so he can find the truth. I just hope he can understand, can find it in his heart to forgive me, to know why I must do this.
Dana got up determinedly from the couch and went to her computer to type up her resignation. If she could get it to AD Skinner early Monday morning, she wouldn't have to face Mulder. You're running away, Scully, she told herself. This is going to hurt him. But she had made up her mind, convinced in the logic of her decision.
***
J. Edgar Hoover Building
Monday, 8:55 a.m.
Mulder found the poem on his desk when he got to work:
Alfred Lord Tennyson,
Crossing the Bar
Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho' out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.
Tears involuntarily misted in his dark eyes. There was no mistake where this came from. Now he understood the message on his answering machine that Skinner wanted to see him. It wasn't for the usual chewing out, after all. But why didn't she tell him? And what did she mean by this poem? Had the cancer spread? Was she dying?
Mulder's heart tightened as he jumped up and grabbed his coat. The hell with Skinner. He needed to see Scully. Hell, I need Scully, period.
***
On the Way to Boston
9:15 a.m.
The familiar words ran through Dana's determined yet tear-stained face as she drove the long miles to Boston. She had left the poem, as it had been a comfort to her when her father passed away. She hoped, too, it would be a comfort to Mulder now.
Switching on the radio, a slow country song wafted to her ears, Strawberry Wine, by Deanna Carter. She sniffled a bit upon hearing, A few cards and letters and one long distance call, we drifted away like the leaves in the fall. Quickly switching the station, Alanis Morisette's Head Over Feet proclaimed, You're the best listener that I've ever met; you're my best friend, best friend with benefits. Dana sighed and switched off the radio in frustration, driving on in silence.
***
Baltimore, MD
9:25 a.m.
It was empty. Clothes were missing from the closet, boxes stacked in the corner, furniture covered as if a long absence was expected. She had left the apartment as well as her job. And she had left him.
Mulder's eidetic memory sought out a phone number, and he dialed it on his cell phone.
a friendly, though tired voice answered.
Hi, Mrs. Scully. It's Fox Mulder.
There was a slight pause. Maggie had been expecting this call. You've called about Dana.
Yes. I need to see her.
I'm sorry, Fox. She left.
I can see that, Mrs. Scully. She's quit her job and moved from her apartment. She didn't even say good-bye.
Maggie heard the hurt in his voice at that last statement, and she wished she could help end his pain. But Dana came first, even if she didn't understand her daughter's reasoning. Dana's very confused, Fox. She needed to get away for awhile.
Away from me?
From everything.
But she told you in person, didn't she?
Yes. She stayed here last night, actually... We had a long talk, Fox. She honestly thinks this is for the best.
Why didn't you tell her it was wrong?
You think that would have done any good with our Dana?
Mulder couldn't help but smile. No, I guess not. Then he realized what she'd said: OUR Dana. Hers and his. His and hers. She belonged to them both. Yet she belonged to no one. She felt crowded, he guessed.
Yes. And she's afraid to let the people who love her share in what she's going through. She wants us to know she's strong. And she wants us to remember her healthy.
Will she keep in touch with you?
Yes. I'll let you know when I hear from her, Fox. I promise.
Could you give her a message from me? His tone was like that of a shy little boy asking Santa for a Christmas present.
Of course.
His voice was tired, resigned. Tell her... Tell her I understand. Tell her I won't try to find her. But that I'm here.
I'll tell her. Maggie was touched at his sincerity. Oh, Dana, she thought, I hope you know what you're doing.
Fox nodded silently, breaking the connection. Scully was gone, and she wanted it to stay that way.
***
Boston,
One Week Later
5:55 p.m.
Dana sat wearily on her new sofa in her new apartment in a new town. Boston. Why Boston? It sounded good at the time. And it was far enough away.
She had called her mother as soon as she'd arrived, and she had gotten Mulder's message. I understand. I won't try to find you. I'm here. She would never admit to her mother that these words had brought tears to her eyes, but they had, and it had taken a large dose of self-control to keep those tears unshed. Her mother's next words hadn't helped.
He doesn't really understand, Dana.
I know.
He's hurting.
What do you want me to do, Mom? Come back? Pretend nothing has happened?
But, Dana, what HAS happened?
The cancer's spreading. You know that.
That makes you want to hurt Fox?
No! Mom, I'm not trying to hurt anyone. I'm trying to make it easier.
By running away?
I'm not running. But as she said those stubborn words, she didn't believe them herself.
Dana, I'm your mother. I know when you're lying to me.
I'm not lying to you, Mom. I'm lying to myself. She said the words quietly, the truth hurting more than she would have liked.
You should be with your family, Dana. With your friends. This is not a time to isolate yourself. We need you. And you need us.
It's so hard, Mom. Finally the tears were seeping out. I don't want to die. I don't want you all to have to watch me.
Then live, Dana. Live now. Don't die before it's time.
The words had hit home, but she had remained in Boston. A Scully never likes to back down from a decision, she had reflected with a rueful grin. Especially this time. How could she face everyone? No, that wasn't the question. How could she face Mulder? She knew she had left to avoid hurting herself as well as him. She wanted so much for him to hold her, and she knew that he was more than willing, but she was afraid of what that would mean.
Before she was confronted with her mortality, being partners, being friends was enough. But her disease made her want to face the truth, now that she realized time didn't last forever. Ironically, her disease also made it too late for this truth. To tell Mulder how she felt, perhaps to even consummate a relationship, only to have her die, leave him as everyone else had... that was downright cruel. And Dana would do anything to spare him such pain. That's what held her in Boston.
She sighed as she switched on her stereo, hoping for a distraction. The music blurred with her thoughts as her eyelids grew heavy and her breathing regular.
Three hours later she awoke, her apartment having grown dark, the music now part of a For Lover's Only request and dedication show. Her stomach insisting, Dana went to the freezer and took out a Healthy Choice frozen dinner, unwrapping it and popping it in the microwave. She sighed as she leaned back on the counter, wondering if she was especially tired because of her emotional state, or because the tumor made her so.
She recognized Whitney Houston's sweet voice float from the stereo as the ending to I Believe In You and Me, faded out. The D.J. spoke up then, And that one was from The Preacher's Wife,' going out from Mark to his new bride Angela. Thank you for joining us this evening on For Lover's Only.' Now we have a very special dedication, one that a very persistent guy in D.C. has called us about. As a matter of fact, he's called everyone. That's right, folks, his special someone is far away right now, so far he's not even sure where. So he's gone and called all the major cities, found out the best station in each one, and requested all of us to play this at once. So here we go, Dana. This one's for you, wherever you may be. I hope you realize how special this guy thinks you are. He said to say this one's from Ahab#2. This is Jordan Hill's Remember Me This Way,' from the movie
Dana froze, her eyes large, her mouth open. It couldn't be...
The microwave's beep signaling that her dinner was ready startled her into action. Her hunger forgotten, she moved quickly over to the stereo and turned up the volume, sitting cross-legged in front of the speaker, letting the words fill her:
Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time we fall
You're the best friend that I found
I know you can't stay
But part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
I don't need us to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
You're ever more a part of me
You're everywhere
I'll always care
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
And I'll be right behind your shoulder
Watching you
Standing by your side in all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
And if you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
As the song faded to a commercial, Dana quietly switched off the radio. She sat there a long time, the words repeating themselves like a mantra, allowing the love she felt for her partner to be acknowledged in her heart. And there was no pain. Only sorrow. Fondness for what was in the past, but sorrow for what might never be in the future, and for what wasn't now. But there was joy, too, for Mulder did understand. He didn't begrudge her this time to herself, he just wanted her to realize that he was there, for when she didn't want to go at it alone.
And Dana knew then, she did not want to be alone, not ever.
***
Baltimore, MD
Thursday, 7:35 p.m.
Dana had finally finished unpacking--again. Something had told her not to give up her Baltimore apartment, and all was waiting for her when she returned that short week later. The familiar furniture was a sight for sore eyes, and she realized just how much she hadn't wanted to leave.
Coming home was the easy part. Telling Mulder was quite another. She had allowed herself one more chickening out by asking her mother to tell him. And Maggie had. But Mulder hadn't come. He was still respecting her wishes, even though she was so close.
With a deep breath, Dana knew she had to make the first move. It's how she had started playing the game, and Mulder was counting on her to finish it. Half wishing he wouldn't answer, she dialed the familiar number. Barely half a ring had finished before it was picked up.
He'd been waiting for her. Great, Dana. Next time, figure out what you're going to say first! How are you? she asked lamely, knowing he was afraid to pose the same to her, not only because of the inevitably grim answer, but he probably expected her to bite his head off for it. She grinned, knowing she most likely would.
Been better, he answered truthfully. There was a long pause. Are you staying?
Yeah. Skinner refused to accept my resignation. He said he'd call it a leave of absence.
Wouldn't let me quit, either, Mulder smiled, understanding.
You tried to quit? she asked, wondering just how upset he had been.
Awhile ago. When you were missing.
Oh. I didn't know that.
It was hard, Scully.
I know. It's hard for me now.
I want to help.
Come over?
I'm on my way.
Dana heard the click of his phone and the ensuing dial tone. Nervously taking a deep breath, she knew she could make this easy, but it had to be hard. She wanted to explain to him exactly what she was feeling. He deserved to know. And she needed to tell him.
***
Mulder stood nervously outside his partner's apartment door. Ever since the call from Mrs. Scully a few days ago, he'd been by his phone as much as possible, sleeping even less than usual. Several times he had begun to dial Dana's number but forced himself to stop. This had to be on her terms. And now it was.
He heard her undo the latch before the door opened. Though dressed in jeans and a tee-shirt, she was just as beautiful as ever, and Mulder breathed a sigh of relief that the cancer did not appear to be wearing her down.
Come in, she said, glancing at him for only a moment before heading for the kitchen. I made iced tea. Will he remember the joke? she thought nervously.
He grinned, shutting the door and removing his coat. No root beer?
She returned the smile. Not tonight.
How bout liverwurst? he teased.
She grimaced and placed a hand over her stomach. I haven't had that for a few years.
Me neither. He sat on the couch, not sure how to begin. So, your mom said you were in Boston.
She set his glass of tea on the table and seated herself on the couch, a careful distance away from him. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe, she said with a smile, by way of explanation.
And Boston won?
She nodded as she sipped her tea.
What were your other choices?
He's trying to be polite, give you room. She set her tea down and looked into his eyes. This is stupid, Mulder. The fact is I went, and now I'm back. That's the issue.
He nodded, watching her carefully. I wasn't sure if I should ask what changed your mind.
Mom. You. Life. She grinned. Is that vague enough?
You needed time to think. I guess you accomplished that.
Yeah, I did. But something was missing.
A life. Yeah, yeah, I know. Neither of us have a life anyway.
Here's to finding a life, Fox joked, holding up his glass.
Dana smiled and clinked her glass against his, taking another sip. Mom said I was giving up too soon.
You were, Mulder affirmed. I hope you've had a change of heart.
I'm back.
For how long?
She spoke around the lump in her throat. Until I have to go. She met his eyes and placed a hand on his. And thank you.
He looked surprised but turned his hand around to clasp hers firmly. What for?
She smiled, repeating the words it had taken her so little time to memorize. 'Every now and then, we find a special friend who never lets us down.' You're my special friend, too.
You heard that, huh?
She raised her eyebrows, for a moment feeling like this was a typical Mulder-Scully conversation. The D.J. said you called up every station in the country and requested them to play the song.
He shrugged his shoulders, grinning. I had a little help from the Gunmen.
A little authority never hurts, she observed.
Ouch, Scully. You think I used my status as an FBI agent to get these people to play the song?
Her eyebrows remained raised, an amused grin on her face. Didn't you?
Yeah. And it worked, too.
Oh, Mulder. She laughed and got up to gaze out the window. I wish everything was that simple.
It doesn't have to be as difficult as people make it, Scully, he observed from the couch.
The cancer's spreading, she stated bluntly, her back still towards him. It's entering the bloodstream. My doctor says it's only a matter of time.
Concern etched Mulder's face as he set his glass down and approached his partner. He stood behind her, waiting for her to continue.
I thought I could spare everyone from having to see me get really sick. I still want to do that. She turned to face him. Mulder, I can't promise I won't leave again. She saw the worry grow on his face. But I will promise you that I won't run away again. If I leave, I'll tell you. Face to face.
He gently ran his hand across her cheek. When I have crossed the bar, he repeated Tennyson's words softly.
She nodded as she closed the small distance between them, her arms wrapping snugly around his middle, his gentle hand stroking her hair.
I'm not ready for you to cross yet, Scully, he said after a few moments.
she said, pulling away to see his face. Because I'm not ready to cross yet.
Tell me what you're feeling, Scully.
It was a genuine statement, and it seemed the natural direction to take, but she was still scared. Scared to give that part of herself up, scared to admit her real fears. She left his hold and wandered back towards the sofa. I can't.
Mulder was frustrated. He'd thought she would finally open up to him, but now she was closing herself off from him, just as she always did. I thought we were past that, Scully, he said angrily. I thought you trusted me enough to tell me what's going on.
She turned on him, her anger growing as well. This isn't about trust.
Then what? What the hell IS it about, Scully?
She searched his eyes, wanting so desperately to tell him the truth. It's about losing myself, she tried to explain.
What do you think I'm gonna do, Scully? Smother you? Hover around you like you could drop dead at any minute? You know me better than that.
You're too protective.
I'm your partner, dammit! And I thought I was your friend. I'm supposed to be protective. Just like you are of me.
Touche, she thought to herself. He's right. If the situation were reversed, I certainly would be protective. And he's already proven he won't smother me. So what the hell is my problem? I guess I'M trying to protect YOU, she realized aloud.
From what? From the truth? Scully, all you and I have ever had is the truth. If we're not honest with each other then what's left? Our friendship would be nothing but a lie. They would like nothing more than that.
They. His words rang true, but his reference to THEM reminded her of something she'd meant to ask him. What was he talking about?
Cancer Man. He said you wouldn't kill him, and you knew why. Then he looked at me. What the hell was that about?
You know, Scully.
Explain it.
He can cure you.
You're grasping at straws.
Then let me grasp. Scully, your conventional science isn't doing a damn thing to save you. If I have to sell my soul to that black-lunged son-of-a-bitch then I will. I won't let him take you down on account of me.
You're delusional, Mulder. How could he have done this?
There's a little matter of three missing months, Scully.
Don't go there.
Why do you have to close your mind to the possibilities?
Why do you have to be so naive as to believe anything someone tells you?
Why are you so quick to believe anyone who has scientific evidence over me?
You never have proof.
And if I find you an unproven cure will you have so little faith in me that you won't even try it?
She stared at him a moment before letting the sorrow enter her voice. I can't afford to search for a miracle cure. I don't have the time.
I'm never going to stop looking. How do you feel about that? he questioned cautiously.
The anger flared into her eyes again. You're not my damn shrink, Mulder! You can go search all you want for your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I'm being realistic.
You haven't answered my question.
Which one, Dr. Mulder? she replied sarcastically.
If I find a possible cure, would you try it?
She paused before answering, I don't know.
You trust me that little.
How do you feel about that? she shot back, her voice ignoring her heart which yelled at her to stop the floodgates of emotion that had been opened.
It hurts, Scully, he replied truthfully, unwittingly making her feel the villain. I wish you would talk to me.
What do you want me to say? her voice was edged with a promise of tears. You want me to tell you how weak I am? That I don't want to die? Well, I don't. I told you once before that I'm not afraid to die, and I'm not. But I'm just not ready. I'm not afraid what will happen to me, but I'm so afraid for you. The tears were trickling down now. I want you to hold me and lie to me that it will be okay when we both know it won't, just to feel safe in your arms... But it would hurt you too much. You won't be able to accept it after I'm gone.
Mulder's expression couldn't have been more tender. Scully, I need it as much as you do. He approached her, his hand gently stroking her wet cheek. Let me hold you. Let me in. Or I'll never be able to accept it.
She held his tender gaze, and he pulled her close, her head buried against his chest as the tears fell.
Mulder, I'm so afraid that after I'm gone you'll let yourself go all to hell. That you'll wear my cross again as a penance instead of a reminder of a special friendship...
He pulled slightly away to look into her eyes. How did you know?
She smiled through her tears. My mom. It really touched me, Mulder. But I don't want you to ever blame yourself. I don't want you to go running off on some wild goose chase THEY put you on to find some impossible cure. I don't want you to ever think there was a way to make my cancer disappear that you failed to find. And if they give something to you after I'm gone, don't believe the lie. They're only doing it to hurt you. That's been the goal all along. And I won't be there to help you sort through it all. She ruffled a hand fondly through his dark hair. You have to promise me you'll take care of yourself.
You talk like you're already gone, his voice was tight.
There are too many secrets already, she said softly. These are the things I think about. Welcome to my dark thoughts. But you asked to be let in. I never promised you'd like what you found.
Whenever you want to talk, I'm here. It's hard, but I WANT to understand. I need to.
And I need you to understand. I've never tried to hurt you, Mulder. It's true I tell you I'm fine when I'm not... But I'm lying to myself as much as to you. And if you think I'm fine, then there's one less day for you to have to worry. One less day for you to think, Scully's dying.'
He leaned in and placed a light kiss on her forehead, not trusting his voice. He kept his head resting against hers, and she continued, But it's a two-way street, Mulder. I don't want you to give up on the search for your sister just because you think you can find a cure, and I don't want your worry over me to crowd out everything else in your life. This friendship isn't just about me. I need to know what you're feeling, too. I know you're sad, but I want to know when you're angry, too. I want to know when you think you've got a lead on Samantha or when you've found a possible cure. I want to support you as much as you do me. I don't want to be left out of the x-files because you think I'm too tired or too sick. I promise to tell you when I am, if you promise to tell me when you are. You've been through a lot, too, you know.
He lifted his head to look into her eyes. I know. But we've always fought things together. That's not going to change now.
she agreed. There's no one else I'd rather have by my side, helping me through this.
There's no one else I'd rather have by my side. Period. His hand stroked her cheek again, and her pulse picked up slightly, thinking of their brief kiss on the top of the ferris wheel. I'm not going to give up easily.
You're such a flirt, Mulder, she grinned in spite of herself.
He returned the smile, and their lips met for the second time in as many weeks. A few passionate moments later, Mulder declared firmly. I WILL find a cure, Scully.
She saw the determination in his face, and she smiled at his enthusiasm. I know you'll try, Mulder. I know. She squeezed him tightly before leading him over to the couch and handing him the remote. Picking up the phone, she asked, Combo or vegetarian?
He smiled as he turned on the TV, seeing the before unnoticed pink bear atop the television. You choose. Just don't order from Dynamo's. Their pizza is terrible.
Dana ruffled his hair playfully as she placed the order to be delivered, and he found an old movie on TV. This okay? he asked.
she smiled as she sat down beside him. Pizza will be here in twenty minutes.
Good. I'm starving, he said as he placed his arm around her, pulling her close.
Why do I get the feeling you're not talking about your stomach? she arched her eyebrows at him.
Is there a problem with that, Agent Scully?
Not at all, she smiled as they kissed warmly before she snuggled up against him, enjoying his proximity as his warm breath fell gently upon her in its steady rhythm. No problem here.
Mulder smiled as he absently stroked her soft hair. His other hand rested against her back, feeling the peaceful rise and fall of her breathing. They sat that way together for a long time, feeling like the only two people in the world. There's no way I'm gonna lose this, Fox thought to himself. No matter what it takes. He pressed Dana more tightly against him and kissed her forehead lightly.
She smiled up at him, relaxed and thoughtful. We don't need a miracle, Mulder, she said softly. We've got each other. That's enough.
That's a miracle in itself, he observed with a smile. You and me against the world.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean everyone's not out to get you, she quoted with a grin.
Mulder tried not to smile as he spoke in a conspiratorial whisper, Even him? He pointed to the stuffed bear.
Her confused face burst into laughter as she noticed the offending piece of plush. You're just a little paranoid, Mulder. But I love you, anyway.
His wondrous grin at those three little words was a beautiful sight to her, and she realized those words she had always taken for granted from her family were probably a rarity in Mulder's life. She ran her hand gently against his face as she spoke, You're not so spooky, Mulder. Don't ever doubt how much you mean to me.
He had to clear his throat before he answered. I love you, too, Scully. Their gaze held for several seconds before it was broken by the doorbell.
Dana cleared her own throat. Pizza's here.
Mulder let her out of his embrace, the serious air broken with a familiar routine. Just in time.
She raised her eyebrows before opening the door. Were you about to seduce me, Agent Mulder?
I thought I had to get you drunk first.
she said as she paid for the pizza, remembering her evening with Eddie Van Blundt. Thank you, she told the teenager at the door before shutting it and setting the pizza on the coffee table. Don't mention HIM.
You really thought he was me?
I wanted him to be you, she explained, taking a piece of pizza. It took you too long to get around to kissing me.
Whatever happened to women's lib? he asked, helping himself to a big slice.
No such thing, she pointed to the scene on the television set, showing a female sheriff on the old western. She's sleeping with the mayor. I've seen it.
How bout you, Scully?
Oh, I'm sleeping with Cancer Man, she replied, glancing casually at him from the corner of her twinkling eyes. But she couldn't hold a straight face at Mulder's rare expression of disbelief, and she laughed loudly. What's wrong, Mulder? Not the answer you expected?
Not the one I was hoping for, he admitted, smiling.
Her matching smile turned serious as she reached for his hand, needing to explain her fears.
He interrupted with a shake of his head. It's okay, Scully. Our relationship right now, that's enough for me. I don't need anything more. Just for you to be okay.
She nodded gratefully as he squeezed her hand, and they returned to their pizza and iced tea.
They talked long into the night, holding each other comfortably when sleep finally descended--partners, friends, and lovers in a more intimate way than sex could ever bring. But Dana smiled softly to herself as she drifted into a peaceful dream, hoping that that stage of their relationship could also progress, and that she wouldn't have to cross the bar until far into their shared future, when their hair turned silver and laugh lines covered their faces.
THE END
***
Mulder, are you sure it wasn't a girly scream?--War of the Coprophages