Short one-shot in which Lily reflects on her feelings, past love, and new-found love for James Potter, after swearing never to fall in love again.
A Delineation of Love
by M.Y 26
Love is a complex thing. It never goes according to plan, however much we attempt to make it. We fall in love so easily, but never with the people we want to. Love can feel so good, when it goes perfectly. But when it does not, sometimes, life seems as though it isn't worth living anymore. I am one person, who is living proof of this. Love has made a fool of me, and for that, I will never forgive it.
I was thirteen. So young. And he was my first love. I fell too quickly, too far, too hard. Back then, I believed we would wind up together in the end. I thought he was my soul mate. Nobody could compare to him. But it turns out. He was a real jackass.
You see, boys can be just as cruel and fickle as love. They don't work the same as us, boys. By my fourth year, I had learned this the hard way. I was beginning to believe that boys, lacked the capacity to love, and to understand. I wanted him to hold my hand in the halls, walk me to class, kiss me on the cheek before he left and comfort me when I needed it. There were painful times, during those two years, my third and fourth, when I simply needed him. But boys, boys don't do any of those things. They laugh at you, and use you, and treat you like an object that can be discarded at will.
By the middle of my fourth year I was sure I was over him. But I wasn't. I was only half way there. Getting over somebody you love is never easy. Especially when you felt the way I did about him. Getting over somebody is like climbing a mountain. You think you've done it, only to realize, to your horror, that you've reached a false summit. You haven't even begun getting over them yet.
Take our first heartbreak, and add to its pain, having to see him flouncing around with your best friend every day. As said best friend flaunts and teases you with him. This was my heartache. My best friend and my first love. Try being discarded, like some used tissue, only to be replaced, by one of the people closest to you. Then try seeing it waved in your face, for ten months. Add a year on to that, trying to forget. It's like trying to paddle against a raging ocean current. Then, you will have experienced real heartache.
I promised myself, when I was a fourteen year old girl, with a broken heart no teenage girl should ever have to deal with, that I would never love another boy again. Love was a risky business. It got you in trouble, it screwed with your emotions, it left you sobbing into your pillow for endless nights, and it deserted you when you needed it most. Love was the worst thing in the world. And your first heartache, is the worst feeling in the world.
The gruesome truth is, that you will i never /i get over that first heartbreak, your first real love. Until you fall in love with somebody else. The first time you fall in love, you're locked in the vicious cycle for life. I am one of the lucky ones; to have found somebody else so quickly. Usually, finding the right person takes years. But after only two, fate has been merciful, and I have moved on. Though I have not forgotten.
As you know, we fall in love with the people we least expect. This has been true for me. I have fallen in love with somebody that I never would have thought could make me feel this way. And once again, I want him to hold my hand in the halls, walk me to class, kiss me on the cheek before he leaves and comfort me when I need it. There were will painful times, during the next few years, when I'll need him. And all I can do, for the moment, is hope that James Potter does not break my heart.
Lily Evans
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A/N: May make into a short ficlet, what do you think?