Chapter 1: Thinking Out Loud

Sigh.

He was trying not to let it get the best of him. Really he was. But he couldn't help scrolling through his pictures on his phone and always coming to a halt at that one particular recent photo. It didn't matter how many times he had stopped to glare at the picture, he couldn't bring himself to delete it. And every time the image was perceived by his eyes and the message wired to his brain, his stomach dropped and he swears he can feel his heart breaking just a little more every time. Especially after tonight.

Damn it, Karma thinks, clenching his teeth and throwing his phone face down on his bed. Sighing again he falls back on his bed, his eyes adjusting to the darkness of his room, the glowing of the picture now smothered in his black comforter. He stares at his ceiling, as he lays there, still in his camouflage gear from the night's event. He thinks about the time of the picture being taken, and how the only thought that had crossed his mind, was how this picture could be used for eventual blackmail in the future. But what he really couldn't see was that the only person this picture would be blackmailing was Karma himself.

It was taunting him to quit his act of not giving a damn. He swears he can almost hear the picture whispering to him to just give up and stop wasting everyone's time. The joke was on him and he could no longer fool anyone with his usual antics. Especially him, the bluentte in the picture. Surely he could see through Karma's devilish lies by now. He was Karma's best friend after all, surely he would find out sooner or later how Karma truly feels about him.

Sigh. Like an addict who just needs one more hit, Karma picks up his phone again and presses the button bringing the picture back to life. His stomach drops again as his said best friend appears on the screen. Karma traces his blue twintails through the screen as if he could make his friend notice him someway, somehow. But the bluenette wasn't focused on his photographer at all at the time. No, he was focused completely on another. Karma's fingers now move to trace the bluenette's rosy cheek and then his lips that are attached to another pair of lips, his tongue visibly seen probing into the green haired girl's mouth. Every little detail of that moment between Nagisa and Kayano seemed to be caught all in that one picture on Karma's phone. Which only causes him grief every time he looks at it.

Dammit

Yet during the time of the photo or even prior to the photo being taken, Karma didn't feel so….devastated. He was so caught up in thinking of the different ways that him and his classmates could help Kayano's bloodlust levels, that he didn't even notice or see the bluenette step into the ring of fire before it was too late. Karma then remembers looking up and thinking, Nagisa what are you doing? Perhaps he even said it out loud, who knows, he can't really remember but what he does remember next is watching his best friend overcome Kayano with the best plan of attack that even Karma didn't think about. And that was Bitch-sensei's French kiss. And then out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nakamura whip out her phone causing him to subconsciously whip out his phone as well. Surely he would not let her get the upper hand in good blackmail material. That would be so… un-Karma like.

But later that night, after Kayano was deemed okay enough to be sent to the hospital, after finally hearing Korosensei's life story, and after everyone eventually went their separate ways home, Karma found himself walking alongside Nagisa on the street lit sidewalks, glancing down at the bluenette and suddenly wanting to reenact that same moment Nagisa had with Kayano. He wanted to know if Nagisa's lips were really as soft as they looked. He wanted to know what Nagisa tasted like and what Nagisa's tongue would feel like swirling around his mouth. He wanted to know what it would feel like to wrap his arms around the smaller boy, what it would be like to hold him while they kissed, not ever coming up for breath. He wanted to aim for that full 30 hit combo kiss, to go all the way until Nagisa was nothing more than just a puddle in his arms. But most of all, he wanted Kayano out of the picture. Surely that kiss met nothing to Nagisa, right? It was just an assassin's move. Or was Karma really starting to feel jealous of Kayano? Did he feel something more for his best friend? No…no way. And yet all of these newly discovered thoughts and feelings were swimming round and round in his head as he continued, silently walking Nagisa home. Nagisa though, was quiet himself so Karma didn't push for conversation like he usually would on their nightly walks home. Besides, what would he even say to him? Hey how about you try that kiss on me next time I'm over my head in bloodlust, heh? Or Hey, have you ever thought of us as more than friends? Because stop me if I'm crazy, but I'm starting to…

No. No, no, no he couldn't say anything like that. Nagisa would either be comeplety oblivious to Karma's acts of confession or would run away from him, telling him how gross he was for even thinking such things. Or worse, he wouldn't even take Karma seriously and would laugh him off. Probably the latter and that was the last thing Karma wanted right now. He hated not being taken seriously when his feelings were on the line.

"Hey Karma-kun, you okay? You're unusually quiet tonight," Nagisa innocently asked pulling Karma out of his drowning thoughts.

"Huh? Is Nagisa-kun worrying about little old me? Must be my lucky night," Karma taunted, wrapping his arm around the smaller boy's shoulder, a devilish twinkle in his eye.

" Well you have been acting strange ever since we left. Is it about Korosensei's past that he told us?" Nagisa asked, allowing Karma to settle his arm around him.

Karma sighed.

"I mean I sort of knew he had to have had an assassin's history since he has taught us the ins and outs of it all but I never would have guessed he, himself was the assassin known as The Reaper. But..no…that's not really why I'm being quiet. I'm just….thinking," he replied, keeping his eyes focused on the sidewalk as they continued walking.

"Eh? About what? You know you can tell me anything, Karma-kun. Even if its…personal, I'll listen," Nagisa nudged.

Karma looked over at Nagisa, whose head was also down but that didn't stop Karma from noticing the faint color of pink across his cheeks. Why was Nagisa blushing?, he wondered and then realized that he still had his arm around the bluenette. Quickly, Karma removed his arm causing Nagisa to look up at him and stop suddenly. Karma stopped walking as well as those concerned, cerulean eyes met his worried, golden eyes and it took all his self-restraint to not grab Nagisa right then and there and kiss him hard.

When did he suddenly want to kiss his best friend? Has these feelings been here the whole time?

Karma had always felt comfortable, well almost too comfortable, around the bluenette. He was the only one who was not afraid of Karma, the only one who Karma could let his guard down around and just be himself. Which is also what caused Karma to push Nagisa away in the first place, before they would both end up in E class together anyways. There was something about Nagisa that Karma wanted to drag out of him but instead he decided to put distance between them, like they never were close friends.

And yet here he was again, allowing Nagisa to slip, unnoticed, under the yellow caution tape that was Karma's aura. But this time around, Karma found himself wanting the bluenette to be closer. He found himself staring at Nagisa in class more often, found himself worrying over Nagisa when he was fighting Takaoka. But most of all, he found himself just wanting to be around Nagisa more, to be in his presence no matter what. And now here he was, standing right in front of Karma, looking up at him with concern across his adorable face. He couldn't deny it to himself any longer. This is the face that Karma had fallen for, gradually over the course of the last three years.

But Karma had no clue how to even tell Nagisa how he really felt or what was really bothering him. Karma could take down an A class student without a care, could surprise attack Korosensei without a second thought, and skips classes without ever worrying about the consequences. But when it came to his feelings, he clammed right up. For the first time since he stepped foot into E Class, he was afraid. Afraid of losing Nagisa for the second time.

"Karma-kun?"

Nagisa's soft voice brought Karma back out of his head again and back to the moment at hand. They were still standing in the middle of the sidewalk, facing each other. The wind was picking up Nagisa's twintails and Karma's bangs, causing their hair to dance lightly in the air, their eyes piercing into one another's. It all felt like it was building up to that moment.

This was it, Karma thought. Now was the time to confess. No other time would be more perfect. If Nagisa accepted his feelings, he would make sure he was Nagisa's last kiss of the night. Nothing would make Karma happier.

Karma sighed and closed his eyes.

"Nagisa-kun there is something I need to tell you," he whispered, squeezing each word out.

"Yes? What is it?"

Karma swallowed. This was it. There was no turning back.

"I…I…realized…today…that I….well I really like…well what I'm trying to say…is that…."

Buzz. Buzz.

Karma opened one eye to see Nagisa bring his phone out of his pocket. He glanced down at what appeared to be a text message. Karma held his breath.

"Looks like Kayano has finally been admitted. They are gonna keep her over winter break to run tests and make sure there has been no brain damage," Nagisa explained, sliding his thumb to reply back to the text, not even looking at Karma.

Karma let out his breath slowly and rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly annoyed. The moment was gone. Of course Kayano would be brought up at a time like this. Tonight wasn't about Karma's feelings but about a fellow classmate who was endangered. He sighed, feeling a little foolish and a little selifsh. Nagisa finally looked back up at him after putting his phone back into his pocket.

"That's good to hear. Knowing her, she'll make it out alright," Karma muttered and proceeding to walk again. He knew he had to say something. He didn't want Nagisa thinking he was a heartless prick after all. Nagisa took Karma's que and walked up to catch up to him.

"Yeah, you're probably alright. I figured I would give her some time before I would go visit her and apologize for tonight," Nagisa replied, his face looking back down at the pavement.

"Apologize for what?" Karma inquired.

"You…you know…for assassinating her like that…with Bitch sensei's technique…" Nagisa's blush was back as he tried to hide it under his bangs. Karma could see he was failing at it though, miserably. He was too damn cute for his own good sometimes. Perhaps that kiss did mean something to Nagisa. Karma had to find out.

"Ahhhh, does Nagisa-kun have a crush on our friend, Kayano-chan? Is that why you are so embarrassed right now? Don't think you can fool me," Karma teased, poking Nagisa's inflamed cheek. Nagisa swatted his hand away.

"Of…of course not. It's not like that between us. She's like a sister to me. That's why I feel embarrassed. But I couldn't think of any other way that she would allow for me to get so close. She was too far gone for the clap stunner or anything else for that matter to work. But I knew I couldn't give up on her like that. Kayano has been a great friend to me. No matter what she said, I know me and you and the rest of the class means a lot to her. I couldn't let her become something that she is not," Nagisa explained as they reached the corner of Nagisa's street.

"Hmmm? And what do you think she would have become?" Karma inquired as they came to a stop. Nagisa looked up at him from under his bangs with serious intent in his eyes.

"A monster."

Karma swallowed loudly as his friend yet again stared at him. It felt like he was peering into his soul, the way he looked at him. It made Karma's heart beat quicken and sent a tingly sensation down his spine. He wanted Nagisa to be that serious…but about him. He wanted Nagisa to worry about him. He knew these were all selfish thoughts but he didn't give a damn anymore. He couldn't.

Out of impulse, he pulled the smaller boy into an embrace, wrapping his long arms around Nagisa's lean body. It earned him a squeak from the bluenette, causing Karma to smile and rest his head on Nagisa's shoulder. He inhaled the scent of him. Tonight, he smelled like smoke and the earthy scent of the forest. But underneath all those outside scents, he could smell a hint of mint soap that almost took his breath away. The smaller boy begin to ease into the embrace, allowing Karma to nuzzle into his neck a little further. Nagisa's head was perfectly squished into the middle of Karma's chest and he was hoping that the smaller boy was okay with all of this sudden proximity.

"Karma-kun?"

"Shhh, let me just hold you okay? You had a long night. I just want to see you a little more relaxed before you walk into your house," Karma whispered into the bluenette's neck. A giggle emerged from the smaller boy and into his chest.

"Heehee, that tickles when you do that, Karma-kun," Nagisa giggled but remained in the embrace. Karma took that as a green light and a mischievous thought crossed his mind.

"Does it tickle even more when I do this?" Karma whispered and went in for the kill, pressing his lips lightly on the junction of Nagisa's neck and collarbone, earning him a lewd sound from the bluentte. Karma smirked and proceeding to kiss him again in the same spot before Nagisa pushed him away.

"Karma-kun…what...are you...doing?" Nagisa stuttered, his face inflamed yet again as he stared at Karma. Karma could see the poor state he had left his friend in and decided he would stop there before it would be too late to go back.

"Hmph, just trying to get you to relax, remember? Besides, I'm not the one making lewd sounds Nagisa-kun. Shouldn't I be the one inquiring what you were doing?" With that being said Karma continued to walk across the street, heading to his own house.

"Ka-Karma-kun, wait"

Karma turned around to find a very red Nagisa still standing dumbstruck at the corner. He sure was cute when he was embarrassed.

"Weren't you gonna tell me something earlier? You know before I got the text from Kayno? I didn't forget about you know. I'm not that rude" Nagisa muttered.

Crap. He was hoping the bluenette had comeplety forgot about that moment. He was still trying to, at least.

"Oh that? It…it was nothing. I just wanted to tell you how I realized how much I really like being in E-Class… with you". Smooth, Karma, smooth.

"Oh, okay. Me…me too. I mean, I'm glad that you joined E-Class too. You sure do bring mischief to the table and I don't think the class would be half as fun…without you. Se-seriously." Nagisa looked down as he said that last part, a smile appearing across his lips.

This made Karma smile too as he turned around to continue on his way home.

"Good night Nagisa-kun"

"Good night Karma-kun. See you later"

And with that last image playing over and over in his head, Karma lays wide awake in his bed, wondering what the hell he was gonna do now. Obviously Nagisa felt something when Karma teased his neck. But could it have just been Karma's imagination? No, he knew what that sound was and he knew what that blushing was about. It was the same physical reactions he himself has had before, in the privacy of his own bedroom. And Nagisa did tell him that he didn't think of Kayano in that way, ultimately meaning that kiss meant nothing more than was it was intended to be.

But still, he thought as he yet again glanced at the picture. How was he gonna tell his best friend that he had falling in love with him?

He felt his stomach drop and his heart ache once more at that thought.

Sigh.

Well at least second term will be a little more interesting.

And with that last thought, Karma finally closes his eyes, turns off his phone and thinks about the image of Nagisa blushing at the street corner, over and over again until he finally falls asleep.