Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show

A/N: Another weird story has begun. Oh the horror. At least it's better than the one with the Nazis. Claudia Jacques is named after the Roman emperor Claudius and Jacques from As You Like It.

Like any stereotypical 'Igor' character, Riff Raff liked dark and stormy nights. As did most in the Gothic castle he lived in. Even that squeaky little Earthling Columbia had begun to see storms as a good thing. The Master was calmed by the sound of thunder, so his behavior was less dangerous when it stormed.

As one might expect from such a story, odd things always happened on those sorts of nights. And not just the Denton Affair! Eddie delivered pizza the last time on a night like this, when. Not to mention Claudia appeared on a similarly gloomy evening.

Wait, you haven't heard of Claudia? It's a good story and perhaps you should…

For the first 17 years of Claudia Jacques life she lived in a house with her parents – they were dull people, you know – and her highly intelligent younger brother. He was considered something of a genius. Later he got involved in the stock market (1980s) and early home computers (1990s), eventually becoming very rich and Scrooge-like. Claudia never liked him.

Though she wasn't pretty and didn't really have much common sense, Claudia could in the very least write. That was what she did. All she did. Most of it was useless nonsense about characters from Star Trek. Though one day she planned to be a freelance writer living in the city.

On her 18th birthday she knew it was finally legal to leave home. Yes, many younger teenagers could get away with running off to hippie communes in those days. But Claudia was very keen on rules. Her childhood was too lawless and she despised it. So she waited until her birthday.

Though she wasn't sure where she'd go she knew she needed to leave. There were mistakes she – and others – made, mistakes that needed to be forgotten.

So she got on a bus and left her hometown. It was in Connecticut, that town was.

Eventually she made it to Denton, Ohio. There wasn't any sane reason for this. She'd just gotten on random buses and traveled.

Being the childish daydreamer she was, it didn't occur to Claudia that she'd need to find a place to stay that night until she'd ended up in Denton and realized there wouldn't be any more buses before morning. So she wandered around town for a while. After a day of freedom – which was lovely – now she'd pay the cost. Now her lack of a long-term plan had caught up with her.

"Fool," she muttered to herself.

It began to rain then. Since her birthday was in August she wasn't wearing a coat. This made her even angrier at herself and the universe in general. She sat there thinking all sorts of horrid things and wishing she could write something. Since she only used pen when writing, this wouldn't work. And now she could hear thunder. It was evening and all shops had closed…

Then she saw the pick up truck. A man who looked like something out of a cliché horror b-picture drove it. His unusual appearance nearly made Claudia laugh.

Almost to her surprise he suddenly stopped the car.

"Do you need a ride?" he asked.

"Need a life, more like," she muttered darkly.

"What?"

"I need a place to stay!"

This made him smile. "I know just where to bring you, then. Hop in."

And so, stupid as it was, Claudia got into the passenger side of the car. As the man began driving again she noticed how strange the place was. It reeked of something she feared was rotting flesh and there were bottles of something glowy stashed beneath the seat. Claudia feared that whatever that was might be radioactive.

Though, since it wasn't right to be rude, she didn't mention any of that. If she had maybe he would've thrown her out of the car. Then she'd be back in the rain.

Soon enough they reached a looming castle. It looked like something out of one of Claudia's favorite gothic novels, to her amusement. Fancy finding such a thing in Ohio!

One thing Claudia knew was that odd events and unusual people were great inspirations for stories. The main reason for following that creepy man through the castle's servant's entrance – besides the obvious need to get out of the storm – was the hope she'd get some story ideas out of it. Of course, she got far more than that…

The first room he showed her into was dark. Very dark. Thankfully, he soon struck a match and lit a candle. Once her eyes adjusted to the dimly-lit place Claudia was amused to see it looked like a perfectly ordinary kitchen. There were cabinets and a modern sink. Nothing like the gloomy, gothic sitting room she'd expected.

"Where should I put my suitcase now?" she asked.

He laughed a very strange laugh. "Nowhere, yet. I've got to go ask my sister if she thinks you're pretty enough."

"Pretty?" Claudia repeated nervously.

"Nice-looking, attractive."

They both stared at each other in silence. Then, a young woman with messy red hair and fair skin entered the room, carrying a candle. She wore a dark dress that looked rather like a maid's uniform.

"Vhat's this?" she asked, pointing to Claudia.

"Oh, just something I found after I'd gone grocery shopping. I thought the Master might give us a break if we found him a present. That's what happened with Columbia, don't you remember?"

"Vhy, yes. Zough zis Earthling isn't nice-looking enough," the woman replied.

Claudia wasn't sure what to think of this conversation. It was very rude. Then again, it was her own fault she'd ended up here with crazy people. The woman was especially odd, with her accent. It was as if she couldn't decide whether to be German, British, or American!

"You don't think she's pretty enough? She's less thin than Columbia, yes. Like you, darling, she's sort of not-thin in a good way."

"Yes, but look at her face! It's very plain. Not to mention her dull brown hair is too dark to dye. Ze Master von't be pleased if ve give her to him. If anything, he'll be annoyed."

"I don't mean to be rude, but would you please tell me what's going on?" Claudia asked rudely.

"My sister and I are debating whether or not we should give you to the Master as a gift. Such a thing usually earns us some free time."

"If you want free time, why not hire an assistant?" Claudia asked.

The woman laughed. "Who would be stupid enough to work here?"

"I would."

In Claudia's mind, this new employment opportunity would give her some great ideas for a novel. Since she assumed 'the Master' to be a brooding man in an expensive suit she thought he'd be a good person to base a romantic lead of off. This would've made anybody who knew 'the Master' laugh.

Magenta – the woman, as I'm sure you know – had come to the conclusion that this person was very stupid. This she saw as a positive attribute because idiots are easy to order around.

All that Riff Raff could think was that now his work would surely be easier.

It was a win-win solution… or so each separate person thought.

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