First the legal stuff: I do not own DeGrassi or Dr. Seuss

Now the other stuff:

So I rewrote Green Eggs and Ham to cheer up a friend and re-writing Dr. Seuss for DeGrassi became a thing and now here it is. I've been working on these slowly for a while. Rhyming everything is not easy, I wanted to wait until I was done and post all three at once. These are the only three I will ever do though. Anywho I'm starting with the tamest one because the other two are a little smuttier. Of course if you read anything else I write you should know I'm a gutter bunny.

This is not meant to make fun of Dr. Seuss it was simply for fun and I hope you guys have fun reading it, I do apologize if you can never read Dr. Seuss again however, so please do enjoy my insanity!

How Owen and Fitz Stole Clare or

How the Grinch Stole Christmas Flare and Clowen Style

Everyone at DeGrassi liked Eli a lot but Owen and Fitz, who thought his girlfriend Clare was too good for him, did not!

Owen and Fitz hated Eli! His whole sensitive emo boy schtick!
Why? You might ask, because they didn't like how he treated Clare who was a classy chick.

It was because Eli made Clare stress. It was because to him she was a thing to possess. Clare deserved better than to be treated like a thing. They hated how tightly to her he would cling!

But I think that the most likely reason was they knew he would bring her harm, yet Clare didn't see it she was blinded by Eli's charm.

They tried to warn her, to keep Eli away, they pestered and bothered and beat him each day. Yet Clare wouldn't listen, she came to school with Eli each morn and Eli kept coming back, even writing her a play!

Owen and Fitz made a plan to get her away from Eli if only for a night and she would see Eli was a beast, still obsessed over his ex, a girl now deceased.

"The key is the dance," Fitz smirked with a glint, "I'll take her and we'll get her out of Eli's trance!"

Owen smiled and chuckled, the plan was perfection! "We'll get her away from him and show her some real affection. She'll see he's a fake, nasty and full of malice, not sweet or sensitive just mean and callous! And then oh and then she'll dump that Eli jerk! She'll no longer be under the spell of his green eyes and that smirk!"

"We'll get her away from his clothes all in black; she'll end their relationship by giving his face a smack! We'll save her from ever getting in that hearse again; she'll want to be with us, with real men! We'll save her from his possessive, controlling personality and save her from ever having to face his brutality! We'll make sure he never again smirks at her, she'll see that he really has no allure, just a smirk and green eyes that put her under a spell but if he ever looks at her again we'll send him to hell!" Fitz remarks with a happy grin because he knew tonight he and Owen would win!

"And she'll be free, finally free of that green eyed smirk; we'll get her away and save her from Eli the emo jerk!" Owen smiled with pleasure thinking that they would soon have their treasure.

And the more Owen and Fitz thought of this brilliant plot the happier Owen and Fitz got.

"Come my friend lets go discuss our plan at The Dot," Fitz said wanting a coffee, hot.

They sat at the café, the rest of the day, the sat at the café and discussed how to get her out from under Eli's sway!

The day of the dance had finally arrived; it was time to carry out their plan so neatly contrived.

"I know just what to do!" Fitz laughed in his throat. "I'll pester Eli, get his goat. He'll be angry and want to fight and I'll ask Clare to the dance tonight! To save Eli she'll come to the dance with me, she might be scared at first but we're doing it to set her free!"

Owen smiled a wide grin, "Come it is time for our plan to begin!"

"All we need now is to find the beauty and that Emo beast by the end of the night she'll like us the most and like him the least." Fitz said, he and Owen looked around but neither Clare nor Eli could be found.

Did that stop Owen and Fitz? Hah! Owen and Fitz simply said,
"If we can't find them, we'll make some geek do it instead!"

So they looked around the hall and seeing Wesley gave him a call.

"We must find Clare and Eli, roam the halls little geek and be our spy."

Wesley nodded a little with a bit of a fright then took off down the halls so fast you'd think he had the power of flight.

Wesley returned sometime later with news. "I know where they are if I tell you please don't give me a bruise."

"Tell us where she is; just tell us what you know. If you tell us where to find Clare then you can go."

"They're at his locker and they're kissing, now please can I go an exam I am missing."

"Be gone little geek," Owen waved his hand then looking at Fitz, "her lips he is kissing?! This simply will not stand! Go to his locker we must and I will lock his head, go to his locker we will and my fist he will be fed!"

Owen and Fitz marched through the school; they had but one mission to get Clare away from Eli the cruel!

"Emo boy you're dead meat!"

"You've been messing with us and are long past due to get beat!"

Fitz and Owen growl then they smile at Clare and Eli gives them a scowl.

"You two morons need to go away I can't deal with your idiocy it's too early in the day." Eli smirked and put his arm around Clare then they watched him kiss her lips and it was more than they could bear.

Owen raised his fist ready to slug; both Owen and Fitz wanting to squish him like a bug! But Clare's gentle voice so soft and so sweet, the boys all froze as she did entreat.

"Please no fighting everyone stop, you'll all get in trouble I see Officer Turner the campus cop!"

Owen and Fitz settled their posture and fists relaxing. Clare let out a breath; she was tired of this feud it was terribly taxing.

Owen and Fitz walked away as the bell rang for class, they knew they would find Clare later and tonight they would kick Eli's ass!

Eli snarled at the two boys watching them walk away with a glower, he gripped Clare to him tightly holding her with too much power.

"That Fitz is an imbecile and Owen a creep, you stay away from them Clare you are mine to keep!"

Eli's words and demeanor gave her a chill, made her feel queasy and ill. She shook it off telling herself Eli was just scared and his words came out wrong but showed he really cared.

"Ignore them Eli, tonight we'll go to the dance. I'll make you forget them with a night of romance." She pleaded with the green eyed boy for whom she'd fell, she had no idea she was under his spell.

Eli turned to her with a lustful smirk thinking tonight might have an extra perk. "To Vegas Night then we shall go and tonight I will be your Romeo."

He kissed her and walked off to take his exam, Clare thinking the sensitive Emo boy was innocent as a lamb. She walked away as well, she wanted to get tickets and they were selling fast. She bought two tickets hoping her first date with Eli would be a blast.

"Two tickets are you sure? Eli might not make it tonight!" Fitz said suddenly getting in front of her giving Clare a fright.

"Don't hurt Eli I'll do anything please," Clare begged as the tension she tried to ease.

"Don't go with Eli tonight go with me instead. Go with me to keep us from beating Eli dead." Fitz's threat was empty they wouldn't have killed him, just beaten and bashed and maybe broken a limb.

It was not violence they sought, even if he deserved it, they simply wanted to save Clare from his pain and have the couple split. Then she would be there's and like princess Clare would be treated. Everyone would be happier when the emo jerk was defeated!

Clare bit her lip looking so sexy and fair; Fitz just knew they had to save her, the beautiful Clare.

"Okay," Clare nods, "tonight I will be your date. I'll meet you at the dance at eight."

Fitz smiled and walked away to give Owen the news, tonight Eli would be singing the losing Clare blues.

That night at the dance Clare arrived in a spotted dress, a big part of her wishing she hadn't said yes, to the bully that made her boyfriends life hell. And when she told Eli what she'd done all he did was yell. She'd done it to save him from a beating but the way he yelled at her you'd think he caught her cheating!

Putting Eli out of her mind for a time, deciding to make her night the best that she could,

even if she was walking into the dance with the school hood. She met Fitz at his locker and smiled seeing him neatly dressed. He had flowers for her and a sweet smile; he looked very dapper she was quite impressed.

He gave her the flowers and a sweet grin then offering her his arm said, "Come let's go in. Owen and Bianca await us on the dance floor." And with that she took his arm and they went through the gym door. The students watched them in surprise as they walked through the dance; why even the teachers gave them a second glance.

She ignored the looks, the pointing and the gawking; she paid no attention to the whispers or talking. She didn't care what they said, she thought in her head, "I don't care what they think this isn't treason, I came with Fitz tonight for a very good reason."

Owen and Bianca greeted Clare and Fitz; Bianca looked lovely in her dress full of glitter and glitz. Owen too looked quite handsome in his suit jacket and collared shirt, so sexy in fact Clare was tempted to flirt.

Bianca smiled and said "Clare you look enchanting!" The four of them then began talking unaware of what Eli was planning.

Watching their every move closely was the evil green eyed boy and up his sleeve he had quite the ploy. A scheme to get back his girl from the cad, he hated those boys and knew they were bad.

Eli watched as they stopped dancing and walked to the punch bowl, he grinned wickedly thinking he would soon have back what they stole. Clare his girl, she belonged only to him and soon everyone would see it, he would embarrass the boys in front of the whole gym.

When Clare, Bianca and the boys had their backs turned Eli slipped ipecac into the boy's drinks. He would win Clare back have her for his own and get her away from those two rotten finks.

He watched as Owen and Fitz drank and then became sick. The girls shrieked and the guys hurled unaware of Eli's trick. Eli began laughing proud of what he'd done, Clare turned round to see him holding the bottle, the preverbal smoking gun.

"Eli what did you do?" Clare demanded to know.

"I did it for you," he replied with a smirk. "I will be your only beau."

"You poisoned them it was mean! It was only for one stupid dance. Owen and Fitz aren't bad at all when you give them a chance."

That was all Eli could hear he couldn't hear any more he grabbed Clare by the hand and pulled her away. He couldn't understand her reaction her defense of those creeps after all she'd been the one to betray.

She looked back at Owen and Fitz still hunched over, Bianca by their side. They hadn't yet noticed she was being dragged outside.

"Eli let me go what do you think you're doing?" She asked a little frightened knowing trouble was brewing.

"To Morty we go so I can take your purity ring. Willing or not you're coming for a knife I did bring." He replies as from his pocket he produces a blade. Clare's breathing hitched, she couldn't call out, she was too afraid.

She had no reason to fear or to fret, coming with Fitz tonight she would not regret. Eli was suddenly grabbed, letting her go before Owen's fist hit Eli's face with a hard blow!

"You won't hurt Clare anymore not while we're here. Now tell me Emo boy is that clear?" Fitz asked with a snarl before giving the green eyed boy a kick so hard Eli flew into the wall of brick.

"Are you okay Clare?" Bianca asked putting her arm around the younger girl.

"I'm fine he didn't hurt me at all, a little scared but I'm sorry Eli made you hurl."

"We got him good he won't come near you again not while we're around. It'll be a while before he can even get off the ground."

"Come let's go back into the dance and enjoy the rest of the night," Owen said offering her his arm. She smiled at the dark haired blue eyed boy no longer under the spell of Eli's smirk and charm.

"Yes let's go enjoy the rest of the night; I'm thirsty again after that fight." Fitz said putting an arm around her waist then he and Owen each gave her a kiss so chaste.

Eli had been defeated and soon the whole school would know of the stunt he tried to pull. Clare was free of his spell and soon the whole school would be as well, by Monday no one would fall for his bull.

Owen and Fitz had won, stole Clare from Eli and he'd shown the evil he had inside. No one at DeGrassi would again fall for his charms or his smirk, his true nature he could no longer hide. Clare was safe and enjoying the night with Bianca the beauty and Owen and Fitz who had fulfilled their hero duty. She couldn't be gladder that they'd stole her from the boy with green eyes and the smirk. Now she had two real men on her arms and could care less about that emo jerk!

Up next the poem that started it all Green Eggs and Ham!