This is a story my little brother wrote. I'm posting it on my account a) because he doesn't have his own email address and b) because I liked it. :) Flames will be used to melt the snow in my driveway and then brutally extinguished.
Disclaimer: Attempt to sue my brother and you're gonna wish you'd never been to law school.
Chuck Barossa was after the ring. Of course, the ring no longer existed. Chuck didn't listen. People said he was on a wild goose chase. When they did he said, "I'm not chasing a goose, or am I….."
In the Shire, Chuck tried to steal Pippin's pipe. When Pippin caught him he smashed what he thought was Chuck into oblivion. It was actually not Chuck, but Pippin's spare pipe. When Chuck snuck off he saw Pippin on his knees, crying over his pipe.
Chuck didn't stop until he found an evil lair.
"How inviting," he thought.
He ran around lost in the lair, calmly screaming bloody murder. He finally found a way out. Before he knew what was happening, he was pinned down by Shelob. She was about to eat him when he pleaded, "Please don't eat me. I'll tell you a secret."
"Fine," she says.
"Do you know how much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" he questions.
"No. How much?" she demanded.
"Four," he says. Shelob then knocks him out cold. Before he faints he manages to say, "Tell Fort Guana the Babaloonies shall not break through our ranks." Thunk! He turns to a skeleton, "I see Colonial Mustard didn't make it. He was a fine soldier. Made an excellent omelet." Then he fainted. (A/n…s/n really, any who, he borrowed this from 'Terrible Times' by Mr. Ardagh.) When he awoke he saw Smegol…or was is Gollum?
"We your friend. No, don't listen! Shut-up you fool!" Chuck quickly ran off.
When he found Sauron he quickly ran up the mountain.
"It's a perfect time to take a shower," he thought.
So he took a shower in a bathtub next to Sauron (with a curtain). The shampoo slipped and squirted Sauron's eye. Sauron screamed. Chuck thought it was time to find the ring and went in to Mount Doom. He saw the ring in the lava.
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" he yells slowly. He jumped in and quickly got out his bottle of SPF 1,000,000,000 sun tan lotion. Then he fell into the lava.
This is so far, one-shot. I'm trying to convince him to do other chapters, but he's still thinking about it.