Legacy Chapter 1
Dr. Radcliffe entered the examination room and saw her new patient Holly McGuiness sitting on the examination table anxiously wringing her hands. The slim brunette had been in to see her a week ago for a full infertility diagnostic. The tests had come back and Holly was there for the results.
"Good morning Holly, how are we doing today?" The woman flicked her big apprehensive baby blue eyes up at the reproductive endocrinologist.
"I don't know yet Doc. Depends on what ya tell me I guess." Dr. Radcliffe flipped through the pages in the patient file.
"Well I won't keep you in suspense, Holly. It's all good news." The doctor smiled kindly at her nervous patient. "There don't seem to be any problems with your ovulation. The hysterosalpingography came back completely normal, which means there are no obstructions or blockages in your fallopian tubes or ovaries. Your hormone levels are completely in the normal range and the pelvic ultrasound looks great!" Holly's shoulders visibly relaxed with the good news.
"That's great Doc! So, um, how come I can't seem to get pregnant then?"
"Well Holly, forty percent of the time the problem lies with the male partner. Which means we're going to need to see your boyfriend. What did you say his name was again?" Holly's eyes darted back and forth quickly before she answered.
"Joe. Joe Kerr."
"Well talk to Joe and when he's ready call the office and book an appointment. Then we can get to the bottom of your conception issues. Okay?" A pained look crossed her patients face.
"I don't know if I can talk him into it Doc. He's kind of got a bad track record with doctors. Isn't there anything I can do at home to figure this all out?" Dr. Radcliffe shook her head.
"I'm sorry Holly, but unless we do some basic tests there could be any number of reasons your partner is unable to reproduce." Holly's eyes filled with tears. "Don't worry Holly, most male reproductive issues are easily reversed either through treatment, surgery or lifestyle changes. Don't give up hope yet. Get Joe in here and we'll work it out together." Holly nodded her head.
"I'll do my best. Thanks Doc."
Holly grabbed her purse, walked out to the parking lot and got into the passenger side of the rose colored Cadillac that was waiting for her.
"So, how did it go Harl?" asked her best friend in the world, Pam Isley also known as the eco-terrorist Poison Ivy.
"Good I guess." Harley pulled the brown wig off her head and tossed it into the back seat. "The problem isn't with me. Apparently it's Mistah J. She wants me to bring him in for an appointment." Ivy sniggered into her fist.
"So the Clown Prince of Crime is infertile? Oh, I can't wait to hang this over his big, fat head!" Harley's eyes almost popped out of her skull.
"No, Red! You can't say anything to him!" Harley let out a heavy breath. "How am I gonna pull this off Pam? Mistah J doesn't even know I've been trying to get pregnant for the past year! I'm doomed. I may as well kiss the idea of a baby goodbye at this point!" She crossed her arms over her chest and looked sullenly out of the car window at the park across the street.
"Well I've said from the very beginning that you and J should never reproduce. Maybe this is just nature agreeing with me."
Harley watched the children on the swings being pushed by loving parents and running through the grass laughing and kicking a big red ball.
"I've dreamed of having a baby ever since I was a little girl. It's one of the few things I ever really wanted out of life. To fall in love with a good man and start a happy and loving family together. I guess it was more than I should have hoped for. Guess it's more than I deserve." Harley sniffled as a tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek. Ivy gave her a sympathetic look.
"Oh, Harls please don't think like that. You're a good person and you do deserve to have your dreams fulfilled. We'll figure out a way." Harley rubbed her eyes with her fists.
"I gotta think of something Red. We ain't getting any younger. This might be my last chance to finally be a mom. Ya got any of that mind control lipstick I can borrow?" Ivy glanced sideways at Harley as she started the car.
"I don't think that's a very good idea Harls. Look why don't you just talk to him when we get back. Let's leave mind control as a last resort, okay?" Ivy pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the hideout Harley was currently sharing with Joker in Coventry. Harley stuck out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout.
"Fine. Whatever." Harley didn't speak as they drove. The gears in her brain were turning as she tried to figure out what to do. As they approached the hideout a plan began to form in Harley's demented little mind and she smiled evilly as she pondered it. Ivy gave her a wary glance.
"I don't know if I like that look on your face, Harls. What are you up to now?" Ivy parked down the alley adjacent to the door to their ha-hacienda. Harley gave her a bright smile.
"Nothing much, Red. I just figured out what to say to Joker to get him to go to the fertility doctor with me is all. Thanks for coming with me today, I really appreciated it." Harley embraced her best friend.
"Anytime Harley. Good luck tonight, I hope it all goes the way you planned." The corner of Harley's mouth quirked up.
"Oh don't worry about that Red. It will. I got something up my sleeve that's foolproof! Goodnight Red!"
Harley entered the lair and headed to the kitchen to make dinner. Over the years she had taken some time to learn at least basic cooking skills and while she was still scatterbrained and sometimes forgot to set the timer or got distracted and accidently forgot an important ingredient her meals were acceptable at least and still edible at worst, at least most of the time. She hummed to herself as she chopped vegetables for the stir fry she was preparing.
"Haaaarrrrllleeeyy! Is that you, you useless ninny? While you were out gallivanting around with the weed I'm sitting here starving to death!" Joker yelled from his office down the hall. She rolled her eyes at his dramatics as she shouted back.
"Yeah Puddin, I'm starting dinner now. I'll bring it in to you in a little bit!"
Once she had finished preparing the meal she made two plates, grabbed two bottles of cold water from the fridge and brought dinner into J's office where, as usual, he was hunched over the messy desk. She set his plate down in the only space on the desk not currently covered in paperwork.
"Dinner Puddin!" She sing-songed while pulling over a chair for herself. He pushed his work aside and dug in. Harley stabbed a piece of chicken on her fork as she watched him devour his plate. "Wow Puddin, I guess you really were starving, huh? Sorry I got back so late." He moodily glanced up at her.
"What the hell were the two of you doing anyway?" Harley finished her bite and set her plate down.
"I was at the doctor." He paused mid-bite.
"Are you sick?"
"Um, Puddin, we need to talk." He rolled his eyes theatrically.
"Oh here we go. What do we need to talk about?" He opened his bottle of water and took a swig as he waited for Harley to drop whatever bomb it was that was bothering her.
"Well Pud, we've been together for fifteen years now. I'm forty-two and neither one of us is getting any younger, ya know?"
"Yeah, yeah don't remind me. I know you're getting old Harley, what does that have to do with anything?" He chomped down on another large bite as she responded.
"Well, I've been keeping something from you Pud. I've been feeling the impact of getting older and since I knew we were running out of time, I stopped taking my birth control. Over a year ago." Joker choked on the bite he had been trying to swallow. Once he stopped hacking he yelled.
"What? Are you out of your mind? Oh, right, how silly of me. So, let me guess, you're pregnant?" He spat as he glared at her.
"No, and that's the problem Pud. I just came back from the fertility doctor. I had a bunch of tests run to see if there's a reason I can't get pregnant. I got the results back today. There is absolutely no reason why I shouldn't have been able to conceive in the past twelve months." His eyes narrowed.
"So what the hell does that mean?"
"It means that you're infertile." His brows knitted together.
"So what? Now I don't have to worry about knocking you up. Wonderful. What's the problem?" She frowned at him.
"The problem is my biological clock is ticking and we don't have much more time to extend your family line. Don't you want an heir to carry on your work after you're gone?"
"Once I'm gone what does it matter?" He set his fork down and gave her a blank stare.
"Well Batsy is leaving behind a legacy. He's got Nightwing and that Red Hood guy, Red Robin an-" He cut her off.
"They aren't actually his kids Harley." She huffed out an impatient breath.
"Robin is! He calls B-man father! You know he does! You've always said, 'What's Batman without Joker?' Well don't you think you should leave behind a legacy of your own to continue your work and drive the Bat Brats crazy once we're both gone? An heir who'll have kids of their own to make sure Gotham never goes without a smile on its face? Without one, in time, you'll just be forgotten." He slammed his fist on the desk.
"Gotham will never forget the Joker!" Harley shifted in her seat so she could cross her legs before she continued.
"Not immediately no, but eventually as the generations go on the name Joker will just fade away as the kids of the other rogues take over."
"What the hell do you mean by that?" She shrugged.
"It's just that, you know, Riddler has a kid now, so does Harvey." Joker's jaw clenched.
"Harvey's kid lives with its mother."
"Now yeah, but their kids will be the ones messing with the Bats. Thiers will be the names that get carried on. Heck even Jonathan finally has a girlfriend, I'm sure it won't be long before he has a child too." He pointed his finger at her.
"Don't think this reverse psychology stuff is working on me Harls, because it's not. But if I'm infertile then why are we having this conversation?"
"Because most male infertility is reversible. I want you to come to the doctor with me."
"Ooohhhh no. Not gonna happen. I'm not gonna be poked and prodded by some doctor because your biological clock is ticking." Harley looked crestfallen.
"Well Pud, I thought that's what you'd say, but I figured it was worth a shot. I'm sure our friends won't disdain us for not being able to conceive. I mean we've got a great group of friends, right? They wouldn't think any less of you for failing at one of life's most primal responsibilities. No one would question your masculinity or machismo or accuse you of being inadequate or defective."
Joker stared at her slack jawed as what Harley was saying began to sink in. His hands curled into fists as he thought about what people might say if it were to get out that he was infertile.
"Plus our friends are really discreet. I know Pengers would be able to keep that information to himself, he wouldn't, say, sell it to make you look bad. And Harvey, he wouldn't question your sexual prowess or potency and he certainly wouldn't use it to embarrass you at your next poker game or anything like that, right?"
His whole body began to shake as he thought about the next rogue poker game and the impact of that kind of information becoming common knowledge.
"You're right Pud, may as well just forget it. I can always get donor sperm and be artificially inseminated I guess. I'd love to get my hands on some of Dick Grayson's sperm. We'd make one pretty baby. Someone might believe it's yours if we play it off right."
Joker was making a sound in the back of his throat that turned into a full-fledged growl as he abruptly stood up, knocking over his chair in the process.
"That's it! Stop talking! The Joker doesn't fail! My middle name is 'Winning'! Make the god damn appointment!" Harely's face lit up with joy.
"Really Puddin? You'll really go? Thank you!" Harley leapt up and put her arms around his neck as she peppered his face with kisses. He pushed her off of him and scowled.
"Who knows about this other than you?"
"Just Red, but I swore her to secrecy. If you keep your word and do what the doctor says, she'll keep her mouth shut." He stared blankly at her.
"I can't believe you're blackmailing me into going to a fertility doctor!" Harley swayed back and forth with a huge grin on her face.
"Well, I did learn from the best Puddin!" He sighed heavily and his shoulders sagged.
"Do me a favor Harley, clean this mess up and then get the hell out of my office! I need to be alone for a while."
"You got it Pud!" She hustled to grab the dirty dishes and headed towards the door. "And Puddin?"
"What Harley?"
"Thank you. You've just made me the happiest girl in the world." He threw his water bottle at her head but missed by a hairsbreadth.
"GET OUT!"
Harley left Joker to stew and rushed to the phone to call Ivy.
"Harley, are you okay?" Harley squealed loudly into Ivy's ear.
"It worked! I did it! He's agreed to go to the doctor with me!" Ivy was stunned to silence. "Red, are you still there?"
"Yeah Harl I'm here. I can't believe it! What did you have to do to make that happen? Threaten to castrate him?" Harley giggled girlishly.
"Nope. I just had to hit him where I knew it would hurt him the most."
"You mean you punched him below the belt?"
"In a manner of speaking, yeah. But specifically I hit him right in the old EGO." Ivy chuckled.
"So what exactly did you say to him?"
"Oh you know, a little blackmail, some casual comments about the possibility of the rogues thinking he'd failed as a man and he was like putty in my hands." Ivy was laughing outright at the thought of Joker being paranoid about being the butt of everyone else's joke for a change and it made her positively giddy.
"I gotta say Harl, I am impressed. You may not have your medical license anymore, but you still got it kid!"
"I do, don't I? Anyway I better run, Mistah J is in a tizz right now. I'll let you know how everything goes."
"Night Harl."
"Night Red!"