It's hard to see him as anything other than the boy that his heart confused with something more than a friend or as more than ten year olds fumbling with words and phrases that are still yet a little older than them.
He looks down, and red is hidden by locks of red in a way that makes him look more than shy, look more adorable, more desirable for a racing heart than it is supposed to be.
The other boy twists his hands around to brush his fingers across his clothes, feeling uncomfortable as if suddenly he's playing dress up in someone else's clothes.
Finally, red eyes peek from beneath equally red bangs as he looks up and sees Haru standing there as if he could ever forget for even a moment when Haru's standing in front of him.
"Hi." It's a choked word, broken before it falls; they still feel too young as he shifts though he'd always wanted to be older, to swim faster, to be more than he was just a day before.
"Hello." And Haru says the word as if it were the beginning of a string of words not a single word that stood alone, and Rin feels his heart clench tight somewhere in his chest and wonders if it's okay for him to lean closer, if he'll feel less alone to be cuddled closer to another semi-warm body, and if he'll hold him however briefly that may be if he did just once.
Rin shifts on two feet and can only bring to mind a race as there was no confusion in that; you either won or lost, competitiveness breaks loose, and you're only swimming against someone else unless you're in a relay.
He wonders if Haru sees the pain in his eyes, knows that not only does he want to escape this awkward moment that makes no sense-neither of them are girls or at the very least, Rin only knows of what it's like to have cute crushes on girls, nothing at all like the rush in his chest, his heart racing ferociously to escape, but he wants to test his time, know for once and for all that he's gotten faster, that Australia was worth something bigger than big.
Rin hates how weak he feels when he tastes bitter defeat, feels the way Haru beat him resonate within his veins, and wonders if it's okay that all he wants is to know if Haru can hold him steady now that they're older, now that Rin is more confused by Haru than why Australia didn't help, why this race felt funny.
He threatens to quit though it doesn't take away the sting or the confusion and wonders why after so many crushing defeats including now against Haru that he still kind of wants to keep pushing.
Haru is his goal as far as swimming ability goes, and now his what really can't be a crush crush.
He stares past himself, can't really see much past his tears, knows that he left his goggles far behind with Haru; he feels so isolated in a way that he can't place.
Rin never felt this separated from the other boy before, and now at twelve feels his heart break, not because of anything Haru's done, but because of himself, because of how he hasn't improved like he should have, because Haru makes him feel different now, and they are separated by so much now that is much more than swimming times.
He stares up at the sky and hates how it reminds him of Haru's blues and darker shades, and how Haru always seemed so beautiful to him though always so out of reach despite being friends; he'd never thought of Haru as merely pretty or like a girl, never sat back and wondered if chlorine tainted lips the way he thought it might.
Rin stared up and lost himself in the blues of the sky and tried to forget the way his heart ached now and tried to forget the way it felt to be near Haru as he really wasn't supposed to feel that way; Haru wasn't like any of the girls that he'd had crushes on. Haru was a boy and sort of quiet and loved water and swimming as if it was the only thing keeping him alive.
The sky was vast, and may be he'd forget about Haru and how weird his chest felt near him today while he tried to find where the sky connected him to where'd he'd last been before returning home again for a short while.
May be he'd lose track of himself by swimming and working hard and may be Australia will become his home and his chest will stop feeling funny near Haru by the time he sees him again.
Rin somehow doubts it all anyway.