for two
She never really thought - or believed - she was capable of being loved.
If anything, the people who showed her affection were just - faking it. She was sure they were all pretending, just being nice because they had to, or something. Surely.
There was no way anyone would love her for who she was - someone through and through awful, terrible, destined to be alone. That was how it was supposed to be. That was how she believed it was supposed to be.
But then there was Miku, and that look in her eyes. The look of adoration, of lust, of longing as she cupped her face in her hands and held her a breath's distance away. It was peculiar.
It was right there, in front of Gumi - the evidence of someone loving her - but her heart still tugged her down, whispering, it's not real, it's not real, she doesn't love you, it's not real.
Her girlfriend hesitated, eyelids fluttering as she dragged her fingers through Gumi's hair. "Are you alright?" she asked, her voice a drop of honey. "Do you feel uncomfortable? I can stop."
Miku shifted her weight to stop straddling Gumi, the warmth of her soft thighs leaving her stomach.
She hadn't even said anything, but Miku was already continuing, "I knew I was rushing you. I'm so, so sorry, Guums. I didn't mean to force you into anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you know? I'm sorry."
Gumi blinked, having hardly any time to piece together the situation. "What? No - no, Miku, it's not that… I just, uh." She paused, rubbing her head. "I just…"
Miku scooted over to her side on the bed, resting a hand on her shoulder. "I won't be hurt or mad if you don't want to do this, you know. I understand."
She laughed nervously. "Of course I want to do this - it's not that I don't want to, or I feel uncomfortable, okay? It's something else."
"What is it?" Miku propped her chin on her shoulder to gaze up at her. "Don't be afraid about being honest. I'm open, I'm here to listen."
Gumi closed her eyes. "It's so stupid. It's such a stupid thought. It'll sound even more stupid out loud."
Her girlfriend tilted her head. "Even if it sounds stupid, it's still bothering you."
"Do you… do you love me, Miku?"
She blinked, as if she was surprised by the question. "Of course I do. I love you, Gumi. I mean it every time I say it."
"It's not that… it's not like you're pretending or anything, right? You're not faking it just because you feel bad?"
Miku smiled in confusion. "Do I seem… dishonest when I say it? Or are there things I do that makes you think that?"
Gumi hesitated. "No. Of course not. It's just… I don't know."
Two hands cupped her face again, squishing her cheeks. Miku's solemn expression appeared in front of hers. "Gumi. Be honest with me. Is there anything I'm doing that makes you think I don't love you?"
Her breath caught up in her throat and she swallowed. "No. I swear it's not anything you're doing. It's just me. It's just me being silly."
Miku's eyebrows furrowed. "Why?"
Gumi took a breath, looking away. "I just… I know you love me. I know you do. I just can't see how. I can't see… how anyone would love me."
Her girlfriend frowned. "What do you mean? You're so cute, Gumi. I can't believe you think no one would love you."
"N-no I'm not. I'm anything but. I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve anyone's love. I'm terrible."
Miku lowered her hands, eyes dropping to her knees. She'd seen the tears glistening in Gumi's eyes and felt a pang of guilt in her chest. "Guums, you're not a horrible person. You're not terrible. You're so compassionate and caring. You always try your best. You're always there to hear me out in times of trouble. If anything, you deserve all the love in the world."
Gumi sniffed. "I'm sorry."
Miku glanced back up. "What?"
"I'm sorry. I told you it was stupid. I didn't mean to trouble you about this, or make you think that you're doing something wrong. It's just me."
Miku reached out to hold her hands. They were warm, clammy, trembling. "Don't be sorry. It's okay. We all have insecurities and doubts. They're not stupid or silly or anything, alright?" She squeezed her hands. "But no matter what, I still love you Gumi. I'm not faking it. You mean the world to me, and I'd never do anything so selfish or hurtful as that."
Gumi blinked away her tears, cracking a weak smile. "Thank you. Thank you for listening to me."
Miku brushed a strand of hair from her face, before pecking her on the nose. "Anytime, my cutie carrot."
She cringed at the nickname, before leaning in to kiss her girlfriend on the lips. "I love you," she said.
"I love you, too."
this was hard to write wahhhhhh I just wanted to write a pure relationship like in always human (v good webtoon comic PLEASE READ) but alas I feel like this is just dumb. and bad.
I have an exam on Wednesday and I know nothing but I Suffer For Fanfiction.
again just here to get that sicc html