This is my very first fanfiction/drabble ,so..I hope it isnt too bad ;
Please reveiw, it is my first fanfic after all and pointers would be great!
From Ritsuka's POV
Innocent? No…I'm not…
I hurt my mother with my words, I hurt those held close, anyone who comes in contact with me, it seems all I ever do for them is cause pain.
I have changed, I don't remember how I was before. Before his death…
Seimei's…
My elder brother…who in my times of contemplation I wonder if it is he who has caused me the most pain. In the past months I question him more than I ever have. Did I ever truly know him? My elder brother who I grew up with, made memories with. I looked up to him…
Until that day.
I entered my classroom, hit with the scent of ash and burnt hair…horror fell before my eyes but I could not look away. It captivated me like nothing before. The remains of my desk, my seat, and my brother.
The sounds of my classmates.
Their whispers and rumors flooding the room, the hallways and the entire area. Such a deafening sound…yet…silent. It was like I was suddenly alone. No one else was truly there, no one mattered. One could say I created my own escape…but they would be wrong.
It was a prison.
For 2 years I stayed in that prison, focused on school and numbers. Everyone had said I changed, but it did not seem that way. I felt normal, it was they who were wrong. However,I cannot say I did not try and please her.
My mother.
Everyday I was faced with her screams, her abuse, her torment. I honestly wished I could return to who I was before, the me she remembered. She would trick me, play games. Games I never won.
And paid the price for.
I grew use to them, learned not to provoke her and ignored the problem. As far as I knew, my mother was kind, it was me who was flawed. I who caused her suffering.
I who caused everyone suffering.
That's why I thought it best to be without friends, and not hold anyone close. They're not needed in life, and would only be an inconvenience, and so would I. That is what I thought.
That's what I told her.
Katsuko-sensei, every Wednesday, after school. My psychiatrist, and though some would consider it strange or consider me psychotic, I suppose they would not be wrong. I wasn't the person people remembered years ago. I was different. However she did not treat me different. In those 2 years in my prison she was the closest I could consider a friend, now that I think about it.
Until I met Soubi.
Never would I have believed an adult could alter my life so much, have such an impact on my psyche or…
No. That's not it.
I don't love him…Do I?
I see him and I don't know what I think…He gives off an aura of something I'm unable to understand. He refuses to give me direct answers, annoys me to no extent with his attitude and remarks, and yet…
I never tire of it.
I don't know why but, now I cannot imagine my life if I had never met him…If he were to disappear.
I suppose nothing is over yet, looking back on things it doesn't seem as if my life is ready to come to a close. I think, no...I know. I know I have him to thank for that.
Soubi.
Thank You.
Thanks for reading!
-Chopstick with Wings