Title: Lost and Found

Characters: Becky, Drew, Jonah, Hunter, Zig

Summary: Becky Baker struggles to find her faith and one small thing can change her forever. | Canon up through the start of 14B. Rated M for drug use and light-sex.

Notes:

Contains drug use and an instance of questionable sex related to that drug use.

Also, I have had no experience with this particular drug (or any beyond alcohol). I have done my best to write what I have researched.

Also 2.0, I have not touched a bible in ten years, so I am unable to insert biblical text into Jonah/Becky's conversations; a shame, but it doesn't hurt the essence of the story. Stories are tales of emotions, not quotes from another source. Though having Jonah yelling Bible lines at Becky would have been amazing. I was able to use some in the last part of the story, so let's hope I used them correctly.

I hope you enjoy!

Lost and Found

I.

The tears sprang from her eyes and continued to roll down her face in a waterfall as the floodgates opened. It was a normal reaction; well, as normal as a reaction could be to your whole body jerking at the ear shattering crack of the door slamming.

The logical part of her said that her father slamming her door with such fury was normal. What little TV she had seen in her life showed her that sometimes people lost their temper and slammed doors. But not her family!

Becky Baker was from a good Christian family. They didn't lose their temper. They didn't yell. They didn't slam doors. They didn't fight. They didn't lie. They didn't rape people. They didn't hate their daughter.

Lies. All lies.

Last year she was on top of the world with never a doubt in her mind. She was going to go to a good Christian college back in the States, get married and lose her virginity to a good Christian man before moving back near her family to raise their children near their grandparents, Uncle Luke and their cousins.

The first wrench in those plans had been Adam; a fresh sob tore through her at memories of her late first-love. She loved Adam, really, but he was an obstacle to her dreams – an obstacle she would gladly overcome to be with him. Her parents would never view him as the "good Christian man," but to Becky, Adam was all of that and more!

Not for the first time she felt sick to her stomach that God was punishing her for her love – she felt even more ill when she knew she didn't care. Adam was pure. Adam was one of the best things she had had in her life.

But he's gone.

Wrench number two was her brother. This one wasn't her fault – was anyone but the rapist ever really to blame? If wrench number one was an obstacle, wrench number two was her dream evaporating. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that doing what was right, the only right choice there was, would make her family hate her. Oh, they never said it, but she knew. The ringing in her ear was proof enough; the only attention you give someone you love isn't an angry slam of a door.

Her family had chosen her rapist brother over her; chosen rape over justice and wrong over right. All her dreams of raising her own family in her family's love were shattered.

She didn't even have that love herself.

She sat up in bed and wiped tears and strands of blond hair from her eyes. It was too early to be crying. She did have school to go to after all. She never would have expected to be the girl sent to school crying by her parents.

She climbed out of bed and fixed her pink duvet to make her bed appear made before walking to her closet and opening it. She could not see anything that she wanted to wear through blurry vision. There was just yellow. So much yellow. So much cheer she no longer felt. She grabbed a yellow sundress and held it up against her body and looked into the mirror on the closet door. She promptly tossed the dress to the ground and fell to her knees as tears began to fall again. It just wasn't her anymore. Yellow. It was so simple but she had changed. Yellow wasn't meant for her anymore. She didn't deserves to be happy. She didn't deserve her family's love.

And a small, frightened part of her – the part of her that kept her on the floor crying instead of running to school as the sanctuary it had been since the trial – feared that she wasn't worthy of God's love either.

II.

She eventually found the strength to get up and drag herself to school. School may lack the hope it used to carry before Drew had betrayed her, but it was still better than home. She frowned at the thought of Drew. She had really liked him, but she couldn't be put second like the way he treated her. A part of her knew that Drew was doing the right thing and she admired him for that. She knew firsthand how hard it was to do the right thing in spite of those around you saying otherwise. It was admirable in a way how he was putting so much effort into taking care of his child with a girl he wasn't even dating; truly, it was, after she shrugged off her initial Christian distaste at the thought of a child out of wedlock.

That didn't make being put second to another girl any better. So she had to dump him.

It was lonely without Drew and every part of her wanted to go back to him every time she saw him staring longingly at her down the halls. Sometimes it felt like she was only friends with Jonah to make Drew jealous, but she knew that wasn't true. Doing music together with him was fun and a good distraction from all the troubles in her life. They had a lot in common with their faith. She admired him in a way. She didn't know quite what his path to faith was like, but she knew that he had struggled. Or, rather, that his faith had rescued him from the lifestyle that had ailed him. She hoped that she could follow in his footsteps.

She told him as much at lunch that day. Jonah had been her exclusive lunch buddy ever since she broke things off with Drew. Imogen and Jack were always off doing their own things, and she couldn't recall the last time she had spoken to Jenna. Perhaps God took her away for betraying her family.

"Were you always a Christian, Jonah?" Becky asked as her eyes looked to the table. A part of her was ashamed that so much of her conversations with Jonah involved their faith. In the past that would have been glorious for her, but now it felt wrong. She knew from her friendship with Imogen that it was possible to have a friendship without conversations of one's faith nor even the sharing of faith. That's why it felt so off with Jonah. She knew she was just using him to find her faith. To hope that God still loved some part of her.

"Yes and no," Jonah answered as he hungrily forked whatever mess the cafeteria served into his mouth. "I was raised as one. Who isn't really? But I was never really involved with God until this one acid trip."

Becky's eyes shot up. Acid trip? She may be sheltered but she knew that meant drugs on the more extreme end. She knew that Jonah had had a drug addled past, but actually hearing him talk about an experience - a trip? - changed things. Made it real. And just like with Drew, his problems didn't scare her away. It almost enticed her. The chaos, the unpredictability. Something new to get her out of her rut. No, she wouldn't be afraid. Good Christians don't judge; Adam taught her exactly what that meant.

"Tell me about it," she said. "I want to know. How did... acid, was it... help you find God?"

"Yeah, acid. You've probably also heard of it as LSD," Jonah explained. Becky nodded in only the vaguest of recognition. "LSD is powerful stuff. It sends you on what they call an acid trip. It's different for everyone. Completely unpredictable they say. Most people see some sort of hallucinations."

He paused for a moment to search Becky's eyes for recognition that she was following. "It's actually pretty common, they say, to see God when you're on a trip. It's like... these blue lights," Jonah paused again as he looked up and closed his eyes. "They spoke to me. Told me to change my life and find the Lord. Who was I to question God?" His eyes lowered back down until they met Becky's. "That was the last time I did drugs - there was plenty of weed and alcohol before that. And sex," he added with a blush.

"And that's how it was. I ended that part of my life, returned to church, started attending school again and even got my little brother on the path of righteousness," Jonah stated with enthusiasm.

Becky smiled. She was happy for him. Proud for him. It took a lot of strength to find God once you felt he abandoned you. She had been raised to believe that God never abandoned his children (and she squashed the memories of her father listing all the exceptions such as homosexuality). But the confidence she had in that as a child - that she had last year - was all gone. Had God abandoned her? Had she abandoned God? Was there a God? She didn't even know anymore. All she knew was the pain that was eating her up inside every waking hour of the day.

She shrugged off those thoughts as she spoke. "That's an amazing story. Finding God again after... well... not having him." She thought for a moment, considering the consequences of telling Jonah her thoughts, and decided to trust him. "I... I... feel like I've lost him."

Jonah smiled at her and reached a hand across the table to place a supportive hold on her shoulder. "You could never lose God. Sometimes you just have to listen in another way."

Becky mulled over that, and then nodded. "I just want to have that relationship with God back. My family doesn't love me anymore. What if God doesn't too?"

Jonah grabbed both of Becky's hand. "That could never happen," he stated as a fact.

Becky nodded. "Thanks, Jonah." She paused as she sized up the risk of what she was about to ask. She leaned close enough to whisper and spoke so low she knew her voice wouldn't carry. "Can you help me get some? That... uhhh... acid?"

Jonah fell back in his seat and removed his hands from hers. "What?" he almost hissed.

Becky pulled back startled and her eyes went down to the table in shame. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you'd get so mad."

"It's not that," Jonah said as he looked away. "I just can't have any contact with drugs. I can't believe you'd ask me that. You know I'm 'straight-edge.' I have to be completely strict about this kind of stuff. Plus, taking LSD to see God? Are you insane? I never thought I'd call Becky Baker stupid."

Eyes all around the room shot to their table as good-ole, cheerful Becky Baker picked up her tray in a huff and shoved her chair in so hard that you could hear it outside.

She fought back tears as she slammed her tray on the disposal line and stormed out into the hallway. Becky Baker was not insane. It wasn't her fault that her family didn't love her anymore. She thought she did the thing God would want. The right thing.

She was not insane. She was not stupid. The only thing she wasn't sure of is if God loved her.

III.

She needed drugs. Acid. LSD.

These were thoughts that she would never have considered last year or even yesterday, but now the idea consumed her. Imogen would be no help; lovely girl, but she was entirely too responsible to help Becky get her hands on drugs. Drew was her next best bet. Things had been tense since their break up, but she knew that Drew wanted to get back together. He would be willing to talk to her. A part of her felt guilty for even considering using his feelings for her to score drugs, but it had to be done. She had to see God to prove that he was real. To prove that God still loved her.

She rapped her knuckles on the Student Council room offices. Drew always spent his lunches here now that they had broken up. She found him sitting at his presidential desk and smiled as he looked up to her.

"Be-Becky," he sputtered as he stood up. "How are you?" he asked as he gestured for her to come in.

"I'm okay," she said quietly. "I just need a friend to talk to."

Drew grinned. "I'm glad that you can think of me as such now. Look, I really miss..." he said as he approached.

Becky held her hand up to stop him. "I know. I miss you too," she said as their lips got closer.

Drew pulled away though and then sat down. "Sit. Uh... feel free to sit. We really should not kiss after everything. You said you needed a friend to talk to, not a boyfriend. Otherwise you'd be talking to guy-liner."

Becky frowned at the mention of Jonah. "We aren't dating; anyway, we're fighting right now."

"Ahh," Drew said with a nod. "So, is that what's bothering you? Or something else?"

"Well, that, plus..." she trailed off. "I've just been feeling so alone lately, you know? My family hates me and after our break up, I feel like I have no one."

Drew looked down. "I'm sorry, but we both know I had to do the right thing."

Becky nodded. "I know."

"It wasn't even mine anyway," he said as he placed his head down on the table.

Becky gasped in shock. That was news to her. She knelt down next to him and gave him a hug. "I'm sorry. I know you loved your son." She paused for a moment, before continuing. "I didn't want to tell you at the time, but I was proud of you. It was admirable to do what's right in the face of adversity. Most guys don't stick around with a pregnant ex."

Drew turned his head to face her, eyes now fighting back tears. "Thank you. You inspired me. Turning in your brother was the right thing to do; I could never turn in mine..." they were both silent as they shared a deep breath to calm themselves at the memory of Adam. Not a day went by where they didn't think of him. They shared that knowledge as their eyes studied one another. "If it weren't for you teaching me that you can do the right thing no matter how hard it seemed, I probably would have left Clare all alone throughout all of that. Even if it's not mine, I'm happy that I didn't make her do everything alone."

They remained still for a while, both breathing and relaxing as best they could. Memories of Adam, the trial, the baby and their relationship roared like a storm inside of them.

After a while, Drew sat up and took Becky's face in his hands and spoke. "You know your family doesn't hate you right?"

Becky blinked and shook her head. "I really think they do. I don't remember the last time they talked to me. Being home is like a prison. I'm so alone..."

"If you ever need a place to stay, you know my house is wide open? No, don't say you can't. Adam would have wanted you safe and happy just as much as I do."

Becky's breath hitched at his kindness and she nodded in thanks. But that wasn't quite everything she had to say. "Sometimes, I feel like God doesn't love me anymore."

"I don't think that's true Becky," Drew insisted. "I may not be very religious these days myself, but I don't think God can just stop loving you. You're perfect."

Becky let that compliment soothe her soul as much as it could. She still felt empty inside. "I want to talk to God... I was hoping you could help me with that."

Drew furrowed his brow in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well, there is one thing you can help me get that will help me see God," she whispered as she stroked his arm seductively.

"Wha-what?" Drew sputtered. "You want an orgasm? I mean, I'm not saying no. It's fun. I'm good at it, I'm told. But you never wanted to do it before and I was okay with that. I ummm..."

Becky pulled away with a wild blush as her whole body felt heated and flustered. "No, noooo," she insisted. "Not that!" She paused for a moment to gather the courage to actually say it and she leaned in closer to him. "LSD," she whispered into his ear.

She was nearly tossed back when he turned on her so quickly with terrified eyes. "LSD? Becky, what the hell? This isn't you! Do you even know what that stuff does?"

"Y-yes," she said hesitantly. "It will let me see God. It will prove to me that he is real and that he loves me."

"No," Drew said harshly. "I won't let you."

"I'm not asking your permission," she retorted back at him. "I'm not some little girl you need to protect, Drew. I'm going to get this with or without your help. And don't act all high and mighty. I know you did drugs at some game a few years back."

"Shrooms," Drew clarified. "And I wish I never had. Those things messed me up. I don't want you to get hurt, Becky."

"That's a no then?" Becky hissed.

"Yes," Drew replied solemnly. "Becky, please. Don't do anything you'll regret. I can't risk losing someone else so soon. After the baby... after Adam. Do you want to die like him!?" he yelled now, voice raising in anger, anguish and old memories.

Becky took a deep breath and exhaled it in a huff. She fought her tears. She wouldn't let Drew make her cry. "I'll find it on my own," she said and left the room. She ignored Drew's calls to return as she ran, and only when she lost him in the privacy of the restroom did she let herself cry.

Yet another person who didn't love her.

IV.

Unbeknownst to Drew, he did in fact help Becky come into contact with LSD. It was through a chain of people really, but luckily for her, Becky knew the source. Drew had once mentioned a case of drama when he worked for Mr. Hollingsworth. The wild child, Miles, had gotten into a bit of relationship trouble with his girlfriend at the time after he had reported the girl's ex for drug dealing. And Becky knew that drug dealer: Zig Novak.

She didn't know Zig well, had only met him a few times really, but he had been a friend of Adam's from their band, Whisper Hug. She was perfectly willing to use that connection to her advantage. By a sheer stroke a luck, she somehow still had Zig's phone number in her phone.

"It's been a while, Baker," Zig said as he met her behind the school as requested. "So, what's this about? We were never really friends, and I wouldn't have remembered who you were if you didn't mention Adam."

Becky shrugged off the rude behavior. She had been doing that a lot today. The only thing that mattered was her trip to see God. Plus, she hadn't expected the most warm of welcomes. The only thing Zig knew her as was the girl that had hurt Adam and drove him to reveal their song to some random girl. Her stomach twisted at the memory of her treatment of Adam which sent him to be taken advantage of by the first girl that would give him the time of day.

"I need LSD," she said without preamble.

Zig's eyes bulged, but he kept his cool by only allowing his head to cock in confusion "And, how exactly do you think I can help you with that?" he inquired.

"I've heard the stories, Zig. I'm not here to judge. I need LSD."

"Becky Baker is not the type of girl to want LSD. Try harder if you want to catch a dealer, you Christian-bitch. I'm not in that game anymore," he stated as he turned to leave.

Becky almost backed away horrified at his words, but yet again she shrugged them off. It didn't matter. She needed God's love. She needed the drug to find it. Instead, she reached out to grab Zig's arm. "Please," she nearly cried. "I need these drugs. It hurts... after Adam died. I've been so alone. And then my family hates me after the Zoe thing. You know about that? You're friends with her, right? My family hates me for what I did. I need this... to make me better."

Zig's eyes softened. "Yes," he muttered. "You were the reason Zoe won her trial." He looked her in the eyes and put his hands on her arms. "Thank you."

Becky nodded and she fought back tears of her own at memories of that awful trial. "Please. I'm so alone. I want to meet God. I heard LSD can do that."

Zig looked around uncomfortably. "Look, I want to help. But I'm out. Plus, Becky, drugs are not the answer. Especially ones like LSD. That's strong stuff."

"Please," Becky begged with desperation. "You're the last chance I have. I don't know anyone else."

Zig took a deep breath. "Look, I want to, but I'm really not in that business anymore."

"Can you hook me up with someone who can get it for me?" she asked, attempting to retain her composure as she worked through her fear of a drug deal with a stranger.

"That's dangerous," Zig sighed with reluctant acceptance. "Look, how much money do you have?"

"200," Becky replied instantly.

"How much do you want?"

Becky looked at him in confusion. "One? Just one?"

"You're new to this," Zig said with a sad laugh.

"You can take advantage of me if you want, the 200 is yours," Becky said handing it over.

"No, no," Zig said as he eyed the money hungrily. "I won't take advantage of you. Tell you what. 100 bucks and I'll get you enough for one good trip. 100 is a little more than it's worth, but I'm taking a huge risk for you. Plus, I need money to take Maya out for dinner."

Becky nodded in agreement. "That's fair. It's a onetime thing, anyway."

Zig looked at her sadly. "I hope it is." They shared a moment of silence before he spoke again. "Meet me here tomorrow morning. I'll slip the product into your bra, and you'll slip the cash into my jacket when we embrace. It'll just look like we're hugging."

"Thanks," Becky said.

"Stay safe," Zig said, then he left Becky to be alone.

Someone who was more or less a complete stranger cared about her more than everyone else she trusted. She wasn't sure how to feel about that, but it didn't matter.

Tomorrow she was meeting God.

A/N: This story spawned from my desire to write something about Becky (and Hunter/Becky in particular) and the idea finally hit when I was talking with AmethystBeloved and read her review of the season 14 music video where she thought Becky was on LSD as she danced around in the forest surrounded by bright lights.

I also wanted to explore Becky's relationship with God after reading "Just One Voice" by ff.n user Aren'tYouSophiaLoren-8887. It basically was about Becky needing to learn to listen to God in a new way.

So between the two above ideas, this story was born.

Remember, its a three shot! So two more updates to go. One on Sunday, the next on Wednesday.