CRYING AT MIDNIGHT She does her best to avoid seeing the brunettes face but it is hard when everywhere she goes there is a reminder of the woman she loved, the one she pushed away and broke. Kara knew she had no right to be angry but she could not help herself but hate the fact that Lena was gone from her life. Kara had broken Lena's heart she had no right to feel anything for Lena anymore, she gave that up when she walked away. The memories of that day in the office, the look on Lena's face as she walked out haunted her everytime she closed her eyes. What could she have done though, it was for the best that she was walking away, it was to protect Lena from something far worse than heartbreak. Kara could never stand back, knowing that she was the cause of Lena's death so she broke the woman she loved, in order to protect her. It felt like someone had reached inside her chest and torn out her heart, torn it apart and shoved it back in the wrong space. She could feel the broken pieces of her heart in the pit of her stomach. She was choking back tears, as she sat in her living room trying to pull herself together after everything she had done. It felt like it was all a screwed up nightmare, and if she blinked hard enough it would all go back to the way it was supposed to be. The way she had planned everything to be, where the ring in the drawer of her nightstand would ended up on Lena's left hand. It would have been perfect she had it all planned out, she would ask Lena to marry her, and then Lena would cry because of course Lena would cry. Lena the sap Luthor is what Alex had started calling her; after they had found out how easily Lena is made to cry happy tears. She had started making it her goal with every romantic gesture to have it make Lena cry. Maggie had thought it was sweet and James would always help her set up the romantic gestures. It hit her hard in the gut, that she would never do that again, that everything was done no more Lena, no more midnight debates about a new piece of technology. Lena would wake up with an idea in her head, and the two would end up sitting on the couch going back and forth with ideas trying to figure out what would work. Those nights she had taken for granted, always thinking that they would never end, that what they had would never end. When she looked around the apartment all she could see was Lena and her smile, the way she would dance around in the morning as they made breakfast. Now when she thought of Lena, she thought of the tears running down her face as Kara told her that they were over, as Lena tried to fix it when Lena had done absolutely nothing wrong, Lena was perfect it was not her fault, it was Kara's. She had promised never to break Lena's heart, she had promised to protect Lena, but she had broken Lena more than any other person ever had. How she wished she could run back to Lena beg her to take her back, say she was sorry, so sorry. The thought was pushed from her mind, as she thought of why she had to break it all of in the first place. - " what does she see in you?" the voice asked her, as she lay on the ground in a cell. She tried to respond, but an electric shock stopped her causing her to cry out in pain, she should not have been hurt by it but she could feel her powers weakening. She was losing her powers, Clark had told her once that sometimes when solar flaring it is less of a sudden thing sometimes it is a gradual loss of her powers; she should have known and no doubt her captor knew that she was losing her powers as well. She tried to keep herself from passing out from the pain she was enduring, as the electricity continued to surge through her. It felt like eternity that it kept going, but when it finally stopped she nearly cried in relief. The large metal door in front of her opened, hitting her in the head as it opened. She was flung back by the hit it had actually hurt some. The figure that walked into the room was far too familiar to her. No wonder the question that had been asked earlier seemed so personal, after all Lillian Luthor made everything personal. " hmm more resilient than I had thought." she said, her voice even and as malicious as always, it caused Kara's skin to crawl. " what do you want Lillian, planning to kill all aliens again." she spat back, trying to give off an air of strength but it was not very affective, as she sat her head bleeding from being hit with the door, and burns on her hands from the electrocution. " oh what do I want, hmm quite a few things but only one of which I need you for now." the taller woman said, she was composed as always, her voice still as chilling as the last time she had been captured by Lillian. " my daughter you know her, uh intimately to say the least, I want you away from her." " no, you do not get to control her; she made her own choice to be with me" Kara spat back, Lillian had long since stopped pretending that she was not aware of Kara's secret identity. " oh I know that, but here is the thing supergirl, I can destroy her life I can take her company I can take her wealth, I will take everything she loves if you do not do exactly as I say. And if you decide not to out of some romantic idea that you can make it without everything then I will have no choice but to kill her." - The memories caused her to curl into herself, the feeling of the electric shocks still could be felt on her skin when she remembered those moment. She wished that Lillian would have just left well enough alone, but of course Lillian Luthor could never let her be happy, even if that meant breaking her own daughter's heart. How could anyone be so cruel and so cold, Kara wished that there was some way to make it better, to get rid of Lilian but that would only hurt Lena. Kara could not take the little family Lena had from her, even if it meant that Kara would be left in shambles. If she had never become supergirl maybe things would be different, she would have Lena next to her safe and happy, they would be safe and happy together, the rest of the world would not matter. How could she not be supergirl though, she was so much better for becoming a hero, and she knows Lena would agree that being a hero is good for Kara. It made her feel closer to her home, to the one that she had lost. She had felt at home with Lena, after landing on earth she had come to accept that nothing would ever feel truly like home again. That was until she would find herself sitting snuggled in bed with Lena watching tv, and binge watching shows with Lena, because Lena never watch the whole show unless she was forced to in one sitting. Home had become Lena, the dark haired ceo brought out part of Kara that she had not been able to feel since she was a child. She was losing that home all because of her first home, it was as if the universe had decided that she was never allowed to be truly happy. Some how in her years of life she had committed an unforgivable crime against the universe, so that now she was cursed never to have happiness that would last. She wanted to scream into the sky, then she thought why not she could fly. She got up and changed into her suit, with only one thing on her mind making the pain stop making it all go away, if only for a second she did not want the crushing weight of the universe on her shoulders. She flew faster than she should have, breaking the sound barrier outside of the city. No destination in mind she simply wanted to feel something besides the heartbreak, that was trapped in her chest, something that would fight off the tears that were still clouding her vision. She changed her angle soaring up into the sky higher and higher until the memories stopped swimming through her head, as the wind stung against her skin, she was still weak from her capture, Alex had told her not to push herself but, Kara knew Alex was just being overprotective, she was fine and she needed to push herself today. The air was thinning out as she rose through the clouds. Lena was scared of heights, but Lena had gotten to where she enjoyed flying with Kara, she would hang on tightly, tighter than necessary every time and Kara would pretend like she did not know why. She could remember the sound of Lena's laughter as they flew arms wrapped around Kara's neck a smile place on both of their faces, the world was perfect in those moments. No villains existed in those moments, it was nothing besides the two of them and the feel of the wind against their skin, and the feel of the warm body next to them. The ghost of Lena's arms was still around her neck, as she came to a halt in the air, sobs made their way out of her mouth without her permission. She hated how weak she was, how she was unable to let go of the woman she was in love with. She had planned on proposing while they were flying, it would be simple but heartfelt. Lena had grown to love flying with Kara, and it would be the perfect way to ask the love of her life to marry her. It was all going to be perfect their life together, a happily ever after. Another sob wracked her body, forcing her to drop a few feet. She had never felt as weak as she was in those moments, as uncontrollable tears made their way down her face. She was distraught stuck in the middle of the sky, where no one would see her or notice that she was gone. The lies that she had come up with when explaining to Alex and Maggie in order to explain to them why she had to break up with Lena were in the back of her mind, they made her mouth taste like bile. She had never spoken so many lies in such a short time, she was lying to everyone she loved telling them that she was angry at Lena, telling them that nothing could fix them. Telling them that she did not love Lena, when all she wanted to do was love Lena, spend nights making love to her. The time had passed for their love though she had to accept that, and it was all going to be better for Lena this way. Deciding that she was not going to hover there and mourn what was over, she took off again, heading upward trying to push everything out of her mind. Trying to stop the ache once again. She flew high till she had trouble breathing in the air, till she could feel the cold seeping into her bones till she could feel her muscles giving out on her. Until the only thing she could feel was the pain of her own body nothing else, not ghost of Lena's touch nothing, but physical pain. Then it all went bad though, as she started to fall she struggled to keep flying but her powers were giving out again. She tried to scream as she began to fall, first it was only a few feet then another few feet, then all at once she was plummeting to the ground, her strength near gone. Sights flashing before her eyes as the ground approached. Lena's smile her laugh, game nights spent with friends, the ring sitting in her nightstands drawer, the days spent in bed with Lena, days spent with the people she loved, she felt hopeless as the impact of the ground shook her. It felt like everything in her body was broken all at once as she lay there alone, it was getting cold so cold, and it was so hard to keep her eyes open, she gave into her body, letting herself fall into sleep. It took over an hour for the DEO to pinpoint her location, they were lucky that it was a sunny day, or Kara would have been dead by the time they got there. Although she was not much better than dead in the state they found her, Alex had cried when she saw her little sister, broken legs bent in ways that they should not have. It was the expression on Kara's face that seemed to break her more, the sheer hopelessness that her expression relayed made her sob even more, she wished that she could fix it that she could snap her fingers and her little sister would be fine, but this was not something that she could fix. Alex helped them load Kara into the vehicle, she could not even hold her little sister's hand on the ride as her hands had been broken and hurt. They rushed her into surgery when they reached the DEO, Maggie was waiting there for them, she held Alex back as they took her sister into surgery, tears could be seen in Maggie's eyes as well. The rest of the superfriends quickly made their way to the DEO as they were informed of Kara's state, J'onn stood outside of the surgery room. He was not about to lose another daughter. Eliza was on her way she would be conducting another surgery on Kara, they sent M'gann to get her as they had no quicker way to get her there in time to help Kara, no one at the DEO had seen Kara in such a bad state before. They were worried that she would not make it through. James cept telling them that they had to have hope, Kara was strong she would pull through she would not give up on them so easily. She was going to wake up and be her cheery self, they needed to believe that she would be. The procedure took hours even after Eliza got there they could not stop worrying, Alex had demanded to know what Kara had been fighting that had put her in this condition. It had broken Alex that much more when she found out that Kara was not fighting anything that they knew of. When Kara had finally gotten out of her last surgery, Eliza had stepped in for Maggie to comfort Alex and had sent Winn and Maggie to Kara's apartment to pick up her some things. Stating that it was just a matter of waiting for Kara to wake up and that Kara was ok broken but ok. Winn called Lena on their way out, he told her that they needed the key to Kara's apartment. He left out her injuries not wanting Lena to feel guilty for the state that Kara was now in, after all Lena was not the one who had hurt Kara. Maggie had spent the car ride helping Winn come up with a believable story to tell Lena, so that she would not suspect Kara's injuries. They arrived to find Lena at the door waiting for them, her eyes were red rimmed and puffy from crying. Lena should have known better than to go into Kara's apartment. It should have been simple for her open the door, and help them find Kara's clothes and things, she should never have found the ring. She should never have broken down again in the back of her car, as her driver took her home. She should not have been hurting that much but it would not stop, all she wanted to do was go running back to Kara.