(A/N: This is a story that I'm writing with Carly. She doesn't have an account yet. The story will be moved onto a different account. So, I'll post the link soon.

Basically, this is an AU New Moon story. Edward's point of view was written by myself, and Bella's point of view (which will be introduced in the next chapter) was written by Carly. Review Lovelies! So, here is my chapter! Enjoy. But, first a disclaimer

Disclaimer: I own a purple cell phone, an ipod that doesn't work and an annoying best friend called Carly. However, I do not own the Twilight Series. )

This was the worst decision I'd made and decided to endure. I didn't know why I had done this to Bella. More selfishly though, I didn't know why I had done this to myself. I couldn't stay away. As much as I wanted to. I was the worst possible thing for Bella's life. I was like a poison to her. Before, I thought of myself as a drug Oh! How self centered I had been in thinking that! She didn't need me. But I needed her. I was the poison that clung to her lips and eventually would stop her heart from beating. One way or another. It was unavoidable. The least selfish thing I had done by far was leaving her. I didn't do it for myself. No- I did it for her. I didn't want to be her poison. I didn't want to kill her. Not when she could eventually forget about the sour taste I would leave in her mouth. Not when she could taste life. There was no bitterness in that. She could be happy. I thought she would be happy without me.

It was impossible though. It hurt me. I was my own poison as well. My own demise. I hated myself for not being stronger. Each day that passed in the dirty little Latin American apartment made me realize that the poison I fed myself was slowly killing my humanity. My own bitterness was seeping into my heart and making each day less endurable. Heavier.

My heart, which I knew couldn't beat didn't even feel a part of me. My heart was in Forks. My heart was with Bella. There was no denying it. I didn't know why I had done this. Why I had let this happen. It could have been so simple to avoid her from the start - at least I had told myself that. But, the moment her path crossed mine we were both changed forever. The distance that I spent away from her, nor the time could change the way I loved her. The way I would love her forever. Often times, during the day, while confined to the dusty roach ridden apartment, I thought about what it could have been like if I hadn't left. I thought about how I would now go to any length to give her what she wanted. No matter the cost, no matter my own feelings. But, what did matter was the fact that I couldn't give her anything any more. The last gift I had bestowed to her was the promise of my non interference in her life. I wouldn't and I couldn't do it to her. How badly would it hurt her to step into her life again? How much would she hate me if I showed my face again?

Six months away from her taught me one thing. I could do this for her. Couldn't I? My mind and my heart were constantly at war with each other and the selfish poison of love threatened to make me go back to her. To see her again or beg for her forgiveness. I needed to hear her voice. I needed to see her to know if she was alright. I had done my best to not pry. It was impossibly hard to cope with my own decisions though.

Each day I found my resolve growing thinner. Why had I decided to stay from her in the first place? Leaving Bella had been the worst half thought out idea on my part. I hadn't considered what I would do with my life. Leaving her made me realized that each morning when the sun rose, it rose for her. It rose for the two of us to spend another day together. Leaving, and discovering that the sun still came up in the morning was a difficult concept. The world moved and spun and her life went on. Everything around me was just as busy as it had been before, except now, everything was still in motion but me. Bella was the missing piece to my jigsaw puzzle to life. When I had met her, the puzzle of my life was complete. Then, I had gone and the piece that fit perfectly in my heart was gone. I had abandoned it. Each day it felt like I was missing another piece to my puzzle. What I needed was to go around and collect them back up. I needed that, and wanted it.

I was trapped in my mind, constantly curled up in my own brutal thoughts and regrets. I had to make a decision. Being a vampire, I could not feel pain, but this was the closest thing to pain that I could feel and I couldn't imagine any type of physically inflicted pain being worse. The day I had left Bella, I could see the pain in her eyes too. I hid my own self pity and sadness well. I could lie. I regretted it. Regret. The foundation of my life was now built on regret. The more time I had to think, the more I realized how much Bella had loved me. She did love me as I loved her. I was damned, but she was not. She found a place in her heart to love a creature like me. Maybe, just maybe, leaving her wasn't the antidote to my poison. Maybe it just made things worse. I decided that I needed to find out for myself.

Sitting around during the day was serving me no better than it would to be near Bella. I had made my family promise to leave Bella alone. They didn't need to give her reminders. I hadn't talked to them in quite some time though. For all I knew, they were prancing around in her life. I secretly hoped Bella hadn't gotten over me, surely there would be pain in that. Which was the opposite of what I wanted for her, but I did know that I wanted to be back in her life. I just couldn't do that yet. I had settled to watch her from afar. To survey her life with out me. Were I to go and find her happy, I could just easily leave comforted. I hoped.

My mind was made up though. I was going to Forks. I needed to see her. I needed to breathe in the painful scent of her blood that I lusted after for so long. I needed to see if she was okay. I needed to prove to myself that she could live with out me. Because, surely, I couldn't live without her. I knew though, that if I found her to be unhappy that I would grovel, I would beg on my knees for her to take me back. I would never ask her to forgive me though. Forgiveness was not something I was deserving of. Especially not from her. But, I knew I would beg her for hours if that was what it took.

I pushed myself from the dusty pest infested floor. I was finished feeling sorry for myself. My phone had been left dead on the mangled coffee table a few feet from me. I hadn't bothered to charge it. I didn't care. The charger hung limply out of the plug in the wall. I plugged it in and prepared to talk to Alice. I was ready to go back to Forks, but I needed to talk to her first.

"I thought you might call." Alice's voice was grave. Not as happy as usual, but nothing more could be expected. How could she be her bubbly self when I had done this to her as well? She and Bella were close to best friends and I ordered my family away. I didn't want to think what I had done to them. I could only imagine how upset Rosalie was with me. She was the most furious about having to leave Forks. She wanted to stay. She loved it there. We finally had the perfect semi permanent settlement. The closest thing to a home Rosalie had and I went and ruined it.

My thoughts went back to Alice in the telephone. "So, you've seen then? You know my decision?" Of course she did. I wasn't sure why I asked her. It had been a while since I talked to anyone and it felt like I was making pathetic discussion.

"Yes."

"What do you think? Have you seen any complications?" My voice took a slight edge of paranoia. I was worried about what Bella could be doing. I was worried what could Bella could be doing. I was worried what could happen when I tried to step back into her life. Or even watch her from afar. What would happen if I slipped up and got caught? It wasn't a good idea but I was so desperate that I didn't care.

"Nothing too complicating. I have a theory about what's going on, so don't panic, but I'm not going to tell you now. We're going back home. Get there soon, Edward. We'll talk then." With that, Alice hung up the phone. I was too far away from Alice to pick up any of her thoughts. So, with that I grabbed the small amount of belongings I kept with me and headed for the airport.

The prospect of being home was both comforting and frightening.