Title: Feeling Normal (1/1)
Author: FatCat (rah1231@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG (some language and implied sex)
Category: MSR
Spoilers: Requiem
Summary: Mulder's back and confused and finds a drinking buddy to confide in.
Disclaimer: Thanks to CC, FOX, 1013, GA, DD, RP and all those others who actually own the show and produce the wonderful characterizations. They own everything but the ideas squiggling around in my brain and flowing out on the Internet.
Archive: Just keep my name with it and let me know where to go visit. I would be proud to share!
Fox Mulder sat in the darkened room with a really good buzz going. It was the first time since his return that he felt normal—as normal as a drunk felt, that is. He didn't feel like people were staring at him; if they were it was too dark in here to care. He didn't feel strange and slightly shrunken in his own skin. He wasn't afraid. He didn't feel sad and lonely. He felt damn good.
He had quit drinking some time ago and was just enjoying the glow. It hadn't taken but two drinks to set up this buzz. He thought about the fight he and Scully had had that led to this wonderful feeling and knew he had to thank her. He would, later. Right now he was just going to go with the flow.
"Damn a man could get used to feeling
normal." He said aloud.
The guy sitting next to him gave a small grunt of
agreement. Mulder looked over and
smiled at him.
"You know what I mean, Buddy?" He offered.
His newfound friend sat sucking on his drink and let Mulder
do the talking. His eyes showed just
enough interest to encourage him.
Once again Mulder's thoughts turned to Dana Scully. Dana. When had that name started to mean as much to him as Scully? Scully was his partner—he would lay his life
on the line for her. He had gone to the
ends of the earth to save her and it still didn't even up the score. She had saved his career, his sanity, most
importantly his worthless hide a time or two.
"Scully's my parner…partner, Partner. She's the reason I feel so good right
now. We had a fight and I went out and
got lit. Obviously the responsible
thing to do, huh? Well, I got my
reasons! You try being abducted by
someone/something and returned 12 months later with no memories and see how
responsible you feel. Damn! If a guy's going to be abducted and
obviously abused, you'd think he's at least get to keep a few memories to prove
that it was aliens."
Mulder's new buddy gave a loud belch and continued to stare
at him.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Aliens. Go ahead and
laugh. My whole life has been a joke to
everyone. Spooky Mulder and his crazy
pursuit of the "Truth." Only
Scully believed in me. That's why I
love her, yah know? A man has to love a
partner that supports him but keeps him grounded like Scully!"
But, said his traitorous mind, what about Dana? When had he started thinking about her as
Dana? Was it while he was gone? Is that why it stuck with him now?
His new friend started drinking again.
"I never think of her as Dana when we work. It's only when it's personal that I think of
her as Dana. When her father died, I
called her Dana. When her sister died,
I called her Dana. When she almost
died, I called her Dana. When I
realized I was in love with her, I didn't just love her, I started calling her
Dana—at least in my mind." Mulder
thought for a while and a silly grin spread over his face.
"If I tried to call her Dana out loud, she'd probably
say 'Oh, Brother!" or maybe even shoot me again. There was a time I could have started calling her Dana. We got close, really close to saying the 'L'
word. Just before my disappearance, we
even became intimate. I thought it was
going to be smooth sailing for us right up to the alter, but the old Mulder
luck held out and I disappeared. So
where am I, I ask you? Huh? How do I fit in?"
" I haven't exactly been on my "A" game since
I got back you know. There's been
changes and they're hard to take sometimes. When I came back, there she was when I woke up just like I knew she
would be, but not exactly, new partner, and new man. I guess it's too much to want things to stay the same. Not that I want everything to stay the
same. I just wish I didn't have to put
up with being so weak and with Doggett."
His Bud grunted questioningly, as if wanting more
information on that last statement.
"Doggett? Yeah,
her new Partner. That's what Skinner
called him. I want to hate him, but I
just can't seem to. She trusts him to
cover her back. That's something. The guy's even seem to grudgingly accept
him. What's worse, he and that new
chick, Agent Reyes, are the two that found me. Dana's been off on leave."
"That's another major surprise. She has this other man in her life now. She's with him night and day. I just don't know if there's any time left
for me in her life. I guess that's why
I picked the argument with her tonight. I wanted to hurt her, make her feel as disconnected as I do. The surprising thing is, I can't help but
love this guy like she seems to. She
says I should, he's my son too.
My son! My God what
a surprise! Scully was sterile! I have to say it out loud every once in a
while to believe it."
"While I was busy being abducted and tortured, my
partner—my partner who was sterile due to her abduction—was busy looking for me
and gestating my son! Sounds like
something from a Jerry Springer show. Unfucking believable!"
Part of me is too happy for words—and that's saying
something. I got an Oxford education
you know, PHD. But I'm scared. With my family background, what makes her
think I could be a good father? Is love
enough? What do you think, Buddy?"
Mulder looked directly at his drinking partner and pondered
the question.
A soft click warned him the lights were going up.
"Mulder? What
are you doing? Why didn't you wake me
to feed him? You didn't need to give
him a bottle."
Mulder looked at the object of his thoughts and affections
and smiled sheepishly. "I wanted
to do something to apologize for my behavior earlier. I knew you were tired. I
didn't hurt him. I put him in his chair
so I wouldn't drop him and warmed up the bottle of milk in the fridge just like
you showed me."
"I know you wouldn't hurt him, Mulder," she said
with a sad smile. "Even when
you're drinking you're the sweetest soul alive. Just how many did you have? You know you shouldn't mix alcohol with your meds." Her concern for him rushed her into Dr.
Scully mode.
"I know; I only
had two drinks. I could feel the rush
after the first one and knew the drugs were amplifying it, so I cooled it. I'm okay."
She stood by the end of the couch watching the two men she
loved more than life itself. Suddenly
tears started to roll down her cheeks.
"Hey, hey! Come
on! It's okay!" He said as he held his hand out to her.
She walked forward and slid her hand into his. He pulled her gently onto his lap and she
buried her head in the crook of his neck.
"How long have you been standing there?" He asked.
"Long enough." She said quietly. "Is that
what you're worried about Mulder? That
there's no room for you in my life anymore?"
"Yeah." Was his eloquent reply.
She pulled away and cupped his face with her hands, looking
directly into his eyes. "Mulder, I
love you and I want nothing more than to have you in my, our, lives. I just don't want to rush you into any
decision that you'll regret later. Can
you understand that? I don't know what
you went through while you were gone. Even though I was abducted, I obviously did not go through the abuse you
suffered. I cannot remember anything
from my abduction, but I do remember the confusion I felt about loosing all
that time. It must be even worse for
you to have to absorb everything about the baby and the expanded X File
Department in addition to the time loss. But I want you to know this. I
had a whole year and many experiences to shape my feelings. I think I can give you a few months to make
up your mind about what you want to do. I'll accept any part of your life you're willing to share with us."
"Scull…Dana, I know what I want. I've known it since before I left for
Oregon. I want you to be my wife. The fact that we have a child is
miraculous. I want to grow old with
you. I want Grandchildren with
you. I want more babies, pregnancies I
can share with you. I am awed by him
and by your strength. I don't need more
time. I don't want to waste one more
second of one more day apart from you two. Will you two marry me?" He
gave her his best grin and continued. "I want you to know this isn't the 'painkiller talking' this
time."
"Oh, Mulder! Yes! Yes from both of
us!" She placed swift kisses all
over his face finally settling to kiss him sweetly and passionately on his
lips—all the love in her heart shining
through her eyes. Mulder quickly
deepened the kiss and slid his arms around her shifting her up onto his
arousal.
As if on cue, the baby began to fuss and cry.
"Mulder, let me change him and lay him back down and we
can continue this in the bedroom." She slid off his lap and picked the baby up out of his seat next to
Mulder on the couch. "Let's go big
guy! Mommy's got a hot date with Daddy!"
"Uh, Dana, do you think you could call me Fox now that
we're going to…you know…be…uhh…married?"
The wide grin she through over her shoulder was all the
answer he needed.
'Hot Damn!' he thought. 'Who needs normal when you got love?"