***I do not own anything but the first season of Constantine, the comics, and his statue that seems to always be jdging me. Everything else belongs to someone else.***
Few people really think about dying... paranoids worry about it without really understanding it. Victims of fatal accidents and murder don't have time to think. You only really think about it if you take the time to. And you only take the time if you know it's going to happen.~John Constantine
Life is a strange thing. It seems to get stranger if you try and have a plan. Like life has to prove a point and show you how wrong you are for thinking that you were in control of things. That message came to me loud and clear years ago. I couldn't say that it started with John Constantine, but he sure likes to pop in and out of my life to make sure that I can't forget him. Not that I could. That was firmly marked in the impossible column. No. John wasn't the cause of everything that made my life take the biggest detour onto the Highway to Hell. That honour goes to my best mate Kylie.
Thinking back on everything, I wondered if my life would have been better if I had stayed in Bristol. Listened to my parents and brushed Kylie off, when she suggested that I visit her in London. I knew that it was pointless to think of what could have been. It seems that those damned and cursed are always looking to the past. Wondering if the nightmares could have been avoided. A pointless exercise in futility that tends to drive us to the brink of despair.
Kylie and I were born on the same day. Those that know my story would find it rather telling that I was born on Samhain. It seems we were meant for the world of the weird. Guess I should be happy that the wacky stuff waited until we were adults. At least I have my childhood to get me through the really dark times. Not everyone could say that.
People would joke that I was the light while Kylie was the dark. Neither one of us would argue that sentiment. I was the calm logical one, while Kylie was chaos personify. She would always say that I got the warmth and her the cold. I'm not sure about that. I just knew that were close as actual twins. Even had our own language. People would joke that we were twins from different mothers. We both were proud of that.
Things started to change when Kylie moved to London into her grandmother's flat. It seemed that she embraced that lifestyle and left me behind. I tried not to be bitter about it. After all, we were growing up. Growing apart tends to go with that.
Before I was to go to University, Kylie invited me to visit her. I jumped at the chance, even though my parents weren't thrilled with it. One more bit of freedom before I got serious about my school work and try to figure out a career. I convinced them that it was a learning experience. Boy! I didn't know how right I would be on that.
The first night was wonderful. I loved London and drank in all the sites that Kylie showed me. She was a proud and elegant city with an edge to her. To remind those that this was not a soft city. I wouldn't realize how cruel she could be until later. At that point in time, she was a delight to all the senses and my best mate was right there with me. Life was grand.
Things started getting weird the next day. Kylie kept looking at her mobile and acting nervous. I didn't ask. I figured it had something to do with work. I knew that she was a consultant for the Yard. I just didn't know all the details. It was something that she didn't like to dwell on and I respected that.
We went to a pub near her flat. The music was good and the people friendly. About an hour into having fun, Kylie ducked into the loo. It was then when I first met John Constantine. Though, I didn't know it. The man flirted and bantered with me, but never gave me a name. I didn't think anything weird about it because I didn't give him mine either. It seems silly to try and do anything more than little flirting, when I was going back to Bristol in about a week. Didn't need that complication.
He was gone when Kylie came back. I asked her about the guy, but she just shrugged and said that's how things worked around here. Of course, she didn't see the guy. I often wondered if things would have been different if she had seen him. Probably not. There are some things that are meant to happen. No matter how hard we try to fight it.
Even though we didn't know it, we had two sets of eyes following us that night. We were too busy having fun and laughing it up to notice. If we had, we might have gotten some warning of what was going to happen.
The next night Kylie and I were hanging out at the same pub again. Just relaxing and being silly. It was nice.
John Constantine came up to us right when I was going my Cousin It impression. I was beyond mortified, but he just laughed it off, while he joined us.
He talked to us for a wee bit. Even showed me a simple glamour to change my hair colour. Never did magick until that night. Had to admit that I liked it.
Kylie got a call while he was laughing at the fact that I had made my hair colour a babydoll pink. Didn't think much of it. Just assumed that it was work. She told me that she would meet me back at the flat and to be safe. I didn't know it, but that was the moment my life changed.
John and I talked for a few more hours. Just enjoying each other's company. When the pub closed he got me a taxi and said goodbye. I was a little disappointed that he didn't go with me, but I was to have bigger problems soon enough.
When I got to the flat, my world came crashing down. It seemed something happened to Kylie when she went to visit a friend. The inspectors weren't exactly sure as to what, but my best friend was dead.
The next few months were a blur. It just remembered the funeral. It was both sharp and yet hazy in my memory. My grief was so intense that the pain was physical. She was buried in London, since the family had a plot there. My parents were there and as well a lot of the people from Bristol. Her parents were there as well, but they seemed more put out with the fact that they had to do this and less like a couple that lost their only child. I said nothing. My mother just glared at them. Not that they noticed.
After the funeral, I stayed at her flat. I didn't want to go back home. Going to University seems rather silly now. What was the point of planning for the future when it could be gone in the blink of an eye? I would be the first to admit that without my friend, I was lost. If I had known the price of finding myself, I wondered if I would have been fine with paying it. Maybe that's why I didn't know until it was too late.
It was around this time that I started seeing Kylie. Nothing too big. More like glimpses out of the corner of my eye. Not even to convince me that I was crazy, but enough to make me wonder. I never told anyone about this. My parents were already worried about me and my friends back home didn't get it.
One day I heard her. It was just a whisper. Might have mistaken it for the wind, if I hadn't wanted to hear her voice so badly. She was telling me not to go out. I felt that was an easy request, since I didn't want to do anything but lay around and fill up on takeout. The thought of leaving the flat didn't even enter my mind.
A few hours later, a London friend of Kylie's knocked on the door. I didn't know Bethany well. She seemed a bit of a hyperactive flake. I was sure she had her good points or Kylie wouldn't have been friends with her.
Bethany wanted me to come with her to the pub. Seems the London people were having a memorial for Kylie. I didn't know why they wanted me there. Maybe they saw me as some kind of link to someone they lost. I understood that.
I tried to get out of it, but she didn't take no for an answer. So, despite my friend's warning and my desire to be a lump on the sofa, I found myself at the pub with a drink in hand.
It was definitely different without Kylie there. I felt like some outsider observing. Not really apart of the group. Of course, I wasn't really open to talking. I pretty much just started slamming drinks as fast as I could get them. Anything to numb the pain I was feeling. It was probably this stellar decision that leads to the discovery of how dangerous things could be.
After getting blitzed, I decided to walk back to the flat to give myself time to clear my head. Yeah. I was /that/ girl. The one in the horror movie that the audience screams at while swearing that they would never be that dumb.
I had almost made it to the flat when something yanked me into an alley. Causing me to slam into a wall hard. The pain was nothing compared to the shock of what I saw. I didn't know it it was some kind of lizard creature or shadow thing. I just knew it hissed at me.
Deciding to act, I started hitting it. Trying to find a way to break free. My punches and kicks didn't seem to even phase it. Making me realize that this wasn't going to end well for me. That's when Mr. Creepo went up in flames. Literally.
I was in such a state of shock that I almost didn't realize that someone had dragged me out of there. When it finally did registrar, we were almost to the flat. I had to admit that I was surprised that it was John that was getting me to safety.
I did one wise thing that night. I kept my mouth shut. Even though my head was spinning. It probably was the reason why he took me back to the flat instead of shoving me into the nearest taxi. Of course, I did the third biggest mistake of the night. I invited him in and we both got shite faced drunk. I woke up with a headache, no Constantine, and a helluva lot of questions. I did know one thing. I should have listened to Kylie.
After that I tried to find Constantine. That turned out to be a big mistake. The world of magic had three reactions to my inquiries: laughter, yelling, or being called a whore. Fun times...not.
It was about this time that I met Nigel and Sean from the Yard. They told me that Kylie had helped them a bit with strange cases. Somehow they got it into their heads that I was like her. They came to me because of a dead girl named Bianca. She was my first case. The one that made it so that I could never go back to the land of normal.
It seemed there was a child killer in London. Bianca was his eleventh victim. With dark hair and pale skin, she looked like Snow White. It seemed the killer did as well, because after killing her, he placed an apple in her hands.
I tried to get the magic community to help me, but they wouldn't. It seemed that once you were connected to Constantine, you were persona non grata. I should have let it go right there, but I couldn't. The girl's body and her parents crying kept coming back to me. Some things you shouldn't let go.
That night I looked over every book that Kylie had on magic. I read, until my eyes burned. Kylie was in the corner whispering for me to leave it alone. I ignored her. (I came to accept that she was there and I wasn't going to question it.) I just couldn't let a child killer stay free.
I then did the stupidest thing I ever did in my life. I performed a spell while exhausted and without thought. Well, okay. There was a little thought. I had hoped that I could get Bianca to talk to me. Exhaustion and rusty latin skills pretty much doomed me. I just didn't know it, until later.
I had gotten Nigel to get me in to see the body. I thought that I would just touch Bianca's arm and find out about the killer. Wasn't the first time I was wrong.
I knew that I had fucked up, when I touched her. There wasn't a waifish spirit telling me what had happened. In what seemed like an eternity, I was Bianca. I lived her last moments of life. I knew that she took a biscuit from the tin without her mother knowing. I whistled "Mulberry Bush" as she had. I could feel the sun on my face and the wind in my now raven locks. I also knew what it was like to have a red ribbon wrapped tightly around my throat and what it was like to struggle for breath as a strange man tried to drown me in a pond near her house. The last thing I saw was his face before everything went black.
I woke up three days later. It was the first of many times that I would flatline. Lucky for me, I did this trick in a hospital. It seemed I had also scared the shite out of Nigel, Sean, and three doctors. Go me.
I had someone give me paper and a pencil. I was mildly talented with drawing. With some quickly drawn lines I gave them their killer. They just had to find him, which they did by the time I was out of the hospital. Seemed for all his cleverness, he was bold when it came to displaying his trophies. I didn't ask for details and they didn't give me any.
I soon discovered that the spell wasn't a one time deal. Let's just say that I will never eat a chicken wing again for good reasons. I became a hermit for about a year trying to control...whatever this was. Yoga actually helped. Who knew? All I knew was that I should have listened to Kylie and now cereal was my snack of choice because cereal doesn't scream.
Once I got my curse under control, I went back to the Yard to talk to Nigel and Sean. They were hesitant about me helping them, but I wore them down. If I was stuck with this thing, I was going to make sure it did some good. They agreed.
It was also about this time that I found out that Kylie left the flat to me in her will. I was shocked that she had one. When you're that young, you usually don't think about death. Of course, being in the world that she was in, death seemed to be your constant companion. That was another lesson I learned.
I did figure out one thing from Constantine. Sex was one act that you can feel and still be numb at the same time. I embraced that act wholeheartedly. If anyone looked like they had a thought about having me settle down with them, I would quickly slide out and not return calls. It was safer for everyone that way. I was a freak. I don't get that happy ending bullshite. I would be lucky if I hit middle age. I just couldn't tell anyone but Nigel and Sean. They became my closest friends. In a way they were my confessors. They weren't cursed like me. They were cursed with the knowledge of what I was going through. Magick made for some strange companions.
The last case I was on, I saw Kylie before Nigel called. She kept telling me not to take the case. It was another dead child. I couldn't listen to my friend. No matter how much I knew I should.
This case was a certifiable nightmare. Just looking at the little boy, I knew that I wasn't going to want to experience this. Seeing his mum and dad cry in the hall made me take a deep breath and take ahold of his hand.
Allen's moments were hellish to say the least. His killer had lured a sick boy and ripped him shreds both emotionally and later physically. I felt the mocking gentle touches, and the hollow kind words. I think that is what made it so horrible for me. The killer thought he was giving Allen a wonderful send-off. What he did was destroy that boy's innocence completely before killing him by wrapping his head in a plastic bag.
The thing is that this wasn't the worst part. It was what I saw before that truly horrified me. It seemed Allen's mum liked the attention of having a sick kid. She had been slowly poisoning him. It was how the killer noticed Allen. He had thought the boy was terminally ill. That's why he picked him.
I came out of it hysterical. Did not handle it well at all. I screamed and went after the mother. I think I bloodied her lip and broke her kneecap before Nigel got to me. Of course, once I stopped the dad started in on her. We might have gotten the killer, but I knew that there would never have been a happy ending for Allen. I think that's what made me snap. The thought that a little kid couldn't get a break no matter what.
I was institutionalized for a few months. A place called Ravenscar. It was a nightmare wrapped up as therapy. I think the fear of the doctors finding out what I could do was what snapped me out of mental freakout. I couldn't stay here. I would be nothing but a guinea pig to them. That was the one thing I couldn't have. I played nice, until they patted me on the head and told me that I was all cured. I wish that was true. Should have listened to Kylie.
When I got out, Nigel and Sean told me that they were not going to use me for awhile. They felt that they had pushed me too far and that they would only call, if they absolutely needed to do so. I wasn't thrilled, but I understood. They were trying to look out for me. I didn't have the heart to tell them that it was too late. I was already doomed. Instead, I smiled and let them feel as though they were doing something right when it came to me.
I don't know why I picked today for being reflective. Maybe it was because I was seeing Kylie with her strange green eyes. The same strange green as my own. She was watching me with a smile on her lips. This was new. I didn't know if I liked it yet. New seemed to bite me in the arse nowadays.
I just heard her say one thing, "Go out."
I still wasn't sure if she was a figment of my imagination, or a ghost. I did know that I have regretted it when I didn't listen to her. So, I went out and enjoyed a rare sunny day in London. I should have known then that something was up. I was just happy that I was on what I was hoping was the right path.
It was when I finished that that thought that I saw him. Son of a bitch! He looked the same. Seemed to even have the same damn trenchcoat. I didn't even think. I just walked right up to him.
With a sweet smile, "Hi! I'm sure that you don't remember me and that's fine. Nothing personal. Just the principle of the thing. Sure ya understand."
With that I balled my hand into a proper fist and punched his squarely in the face. I was not expecting the pain that came with it, but it was worth it. The bastard had a jaw of granite.
Trying my best to not betray the fact that my hand hurt, I walked away and didn't look back. That was how I was reintroduced to John Constantine after years of just being a memory of my life. I'm never listening to Kylie again.