Hold Onto Me
AN: Hi there! It's been quite a while... It's my last year of high school so I've got quite a lot of things to figure out and little to no time to write. But I was in the mood and decided to post something. I hope you like it!
PS: All mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. All rights reserved to Shonda Rhimes and ABC.
General POV
It was raining. A lot.
She shouldn't have been surprised, though. It rained almost every day in Seattle.
It didn't do anything to change her current mood. She wasn't sad per se but she wasn't really happy either. Something just felt... off.
One week.
It had been one week since her daughter had had yet another breakdown.
Knowing that Sofia wasn't fully happy, and probably never would be if they continued like this, broke her heart.
All she had ever wanted was for her daughter to be happy. Truly happy.
And even though she seemed to be, there were still times where she would miss her Mama too much or her friends or teachers or whatever and so she would cry.
Who wants to see their child crying like this?, Arizona thought. No one, that's who.
Her alarm going off is what cut her from her thoughts. Even though it was saturday and she wasn't on call, Arizona always had her alarm set so that she wouldn't waste any time. Plus, Sofia's break from school had just begun so she wanted to make the most of it.
The petite woman got up, went through her morning routine and then decided to go make some breakfast.
Once done, Arizona went to her daughter's room to see if she was awake. When the she opened the door, Sofia's back was to her but still, she knew she wasn't asleep anymore.
The blonde haired woman quietly made her way to the other side of the bed and what she saw broke her heart all over again.
Sofia had her eyes closed, a single tear rolling down her cheek while she clutched the framed picture of her when she was little with her parents holding her that would normally seat on her bedside table.
Arizona bent down next to the bed and caressed her daughter's cheek gently with her thumb.
"Sofia, look at me." she said in a soothing voice.
The little girl slowly opened her eyes and sniffled.
"Oh honey... Come here."
Arizona opened her arms and let her daughter wrap her arms around her neck and fall against her chest. "I know it's hard."
Sofia nodded her head but then detached herself from her mom. "I miss Mama... When can I see her?"
Her eyes tearing up at the sight of her distressed little girl, Arizona made a decision. This couldn't go on anymore.
"What would you say if I told you tomorrow?"
Her daughter's eyes went wide. Had she heard her mom correctly?
"Tomorrow?" Sofia said, her excitment evident in her voice. A big smile slowly creeped over her face.
"Yeah, tomorrow! Start packing little miss, we're going to New York!" Arizona chuckled as she made her way out of her daughter's bedroom.
"What am I doing? What am I doing?" Arizona whispered while going to the kitchen. She shook her head, took one cup of fresh coffee, sat on a stool and then sighed. She now had so much to plan and so little time. How was she even going to convince Bailey to give her some days off?
The blond-haired doctor looked out the window. The rain had now sudsided and she could make out some rays of sun persing through the clouds. With the contest going on at the hospital she doubted she'd be able to get out of Seattle for more than two days but it could be enough. It had to be.
Sofia bursting through the door with a big smile on her face made Arizona jump.
"I'm ready mom! Can we go now?" the little girl bounced on her two feet, she was so excited!
"Hey, slow down sweety. We can't go right now, I have to pack my suitcase, book a flight for us and call the hospital." Arizona softly smiled at her daughter. "Why don't you come eat some breakfast, huh?"
Surprisingly enough, Bailey didn't put up that much of a fight when Arizona called and told her about her plans. She even seemed happy to grant her wishes.
That's how, a few hours later, they found themselves on a late flight for New York.
It had been a spur in the moment kind of decision. Arizona hadn't even taken the time to think about it twice. She usually never did this. She liked to have everything under control. But not this time around. Not when her daughter was so miserable.
She didn't even know what she would say once in front of Callie. But when she turned her head to the side and saw Sofia happily playing on her laptop, she just knew. Hopping on a plane at the last minute had been the right call.
A light knocking on her door turning into a loud banging is what awakened Callie that sunday morning. Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands, she stretched, got up and put some comfortable clothes on. She then decided to go see who the hell was behind her front door this early in the morning.
"Coming!" she yelled as the banging continued. Passing a hand through her short hair, she threw the door open, annoyed at the fact that she hadn't even able to sleep in on a sunday morning.
However, when her eyes landed on the two people standing right in front of her, she thought she was hallucinating. Here stood her ex-wife and daughter, both with a suitcase by their side, patiently waiting for her to do something.
She blinked multiple times not knowing exactly what to say or how to react.
"Mama!" Sofia ran into her mother's arms and then went to play in her room.
"Well, surprise!" Arizona smiled. She studied her ex-wife and couldn't help but find her new haircut sexy. It was kind of edgy but classy at the same time. It fit her very well, she thought. "You cut your hair." she then pointed out.
Callie shook her current state of shock away and smiled back. "Yeah, I, um, kind of needed a change."
They locked eyes and everything seemed to stop for a second.
Her heart fluttering in her chest, Callie shook her head. "Come on in, then!"
Before stepping into the apartment, Arizona said: "I hope we're not bothering you... Is Penny around?"
A strange look flashed through the brunette's eyes. "No, not right now. And of course you're not bothering me! I'm just surprised you're here. I certainly wasn't expecting you guys."
Once they got themselves situated on the couch in the living-room, an awkward silence that hadn't made its appearance yet, fell over them.
Clearing her throat, Callie looked around her and then settled her eyes on Arizona. Her ex-wife was as beautiful as she could remember but the sparkle in her eyes was missing and she looked tired.
"What are you doing here? I mean, not that I'm not happy to see you or Sofia but... did something happen?" Callie tried to look into Arizona's eyes but she wouldn't let her.
"I just... I couldn't keep Sofia away from you any longer Callie. She broke down in tears more than once since she's moved back with me and I can't do this to her anymore." Arizona sadly smiled. "I mean, she's not happy. When she's with you she wants to be with me and vice versa. Anyways, I didn't know what to do so I took some days off and booked us a flight. And here we are... I don't even know if this was a good idea but..." she rambled.
"Hey, hey it's okay. I get it, I was on the verge of going to Seattle more than once when she was with me. I guess I would have expected a call or something."
"Yeah, about that... It kind of all happened so fast and then I forgot to say anything." Arizona smiled guiltily. "Or maybe I was scared of the way you would react, I don't know. You're sure you're okay with us being here, though?"
"I'm happy you're here, Arizona. I'll always be happy to see my daughter, you know that." And I'm always happy to see you, she wanted to add but than decided against it. "For how long are you planning to stay?"
"I only have three days off so we have another flight around lunch time on tuesday. I thought I'd let her with you for a few days. I know it might be harder for Sofia to leave but... I just wanted her to see you, you know?" Arizona raised her head and looked at Callie. "I guess I'm going to go now." She started to get up from the couch but then Callie interrupted her.
"Wait! Wait! Where are you going?" The Latina grasped her ex-wife's arms, preventing her from moving away.
Arizona stopped her movements, her eyes falling on Callie's hand. "Well, I have a hotel room booked so I better go and check in."
"Don't be ridiculous, you're not staying at a hotel! You know I have a guest room and you can use it."
"It's okay Callie. I don't need you to do that."
"No really, stay Arizona. And Sofia will be so happy to have us both for almost three days."
"But what about Penny? Don't you think you should discuss this with her?"
The brunette dropped her hand from Arizona's arm and then looked at her lap. "We, um, we broke up a while ago. It just wasn't working anymore."
Arizona's eyes grew wide. "Oh."
Penny and Callie had broken up? Really? After everything, they had just... broken up? Arizona wanted to scream but she decided to let it go. For now. It wasn't the right time anyway. She was here for Sofia and only for her. At least, that's what she told herself.
"Yeah..." Callie whispered.
They stayed at Callie's for the rest of the day to recover from the flight and spend some quality time together.
Monday was spent doing everything that Sofia wanted. They watched cartoons in the morning and then went to the park in the afternoon and had a blast. The little girl was so so happy to have both her mommies to herself.
Callie had been able to take the days off as well. It normally wouldn't have been possible on such short notice but she hadn't taken any since starting her new job in New York so her chief hadn't objected.
They all kind of fell into a routine and enjoyed their time as a family. Some longing glances were thrown around between Callie and Arizona throughout the whole day and every time one of them caught the other, they both looked away.
However, as Arizona was doing the dishes, since Callie had cooked dinner, she felt the brunette's eyes on her once again and couldn't take it anymore.
Sofia had gone to bed a few minutes ago so she thought it was the perfect time to talk. About what, she didn't know.
She turned off the water, put the last plate in the dish-washer and turned around. She hadn't been mistaken. Callie was leaning against the kitchen doorframe, eyes locked on her.
"Callie... you really need to stop looking at me like that!" Arizona raised her voice at the last word. "I mean, what's the matter? You've been looking at me all day..."
The Latina took one step forward. "Oh don't you dare tell me that! We both know you've been looking at me, too!"
Arizona crossed her arms on her chest and sighed. "This is getting ridiculous, I don't even know why I started this conversation..." She pushed herself off the counter she had been resting against and started to head off to go pack her suitcase for the next day.
Callie was quick to react, though. She kept the blonde from going any further by standing right in front of her.
And then, silence.
Arizona looked up and she couldn't stop herself from staring. Blue eyes met almost black orbs and again, everything stopped.
"Callie..."
"Listen, Arizona. I had a really good time with you and I wanted to thank you for coming. I'm really glad you did."
Callie really wanted to say more. So much more. But, she didn't even know where to begin and thought she didn't really have the right to.
But then, Arizona spoke again and what she said next probably single-handedly changed the course of the whole evening.
"I'm glad I did too. But if I may ask, what happened between you and Penny? You seemed happy, Callie. I don't understand!" The more she talked, the more Arizona got agitated. She just wanted answers and she wanted them now. So, she took a step back and ranted away. "After everything we went through so that you could move across the freaking country, you just... break up with her?"
Callie really hadn't been expecting this kind of outburst from her ex-wife so she stayed silent.
"I mean, really? You could find it in you to move to New York and take our daughter from me but no, you couldn't even make a relationship work!" Arizona's cheeks were red by now. She didn't know why she was so mad all of a sudden but she just was.
"Please, enlighten me 'cause I'm at a loss right now! I gave you the plane tickets for God's sakes! And it's been what, three years now? Were you planning to tell me about the break up at all? Were you just going to stay here in New York while your daughter cried herself to sleep because she missed her Mama? Were you Callie? Were you?" Arizona was screaming by now and couldn't will herself to stop but the brunette did it for her.
"It didn't work out because I didn't love her, okay! I thought I did but then I couldn't! And I tried, believe me I tried but I couldn't Arizona! I just couldn't..." Callie's last words were whispered so quietly that Arizona almost didn't hear them.
But she did and it enraged her even more.
"Why Callie, though? Why couldn't you? You usually don't have much trouble for that, huh!"
Well, okay that was kind of a low blow, Arizona thought. But she clearly didn't care at this point.
They were now standing dangerously close to each other. They both could feel the other's breath on their faces but didn't want to acknowledge it either.
The Latina lowered her head and sighed deeply. "Don't make me say it Arizona because it will just make everything worse. Just don't." Callie pleaded, her head slowly raising up, her gaze on anything but the blonde woman in front of her.
"Calliope..."
And there it was. This one word. The only thing that could break down the brunette's walls.
"I didn't try to make it work because I love you, Arizona! Oh god, I love you so damn much that it hurts all the time! And I don't know what to do right now!" Callie chuckled nervously. "You're looking at me the way you used to and it's making me feel all kinds of things and I'm probably just making a fool of myself. Why would you still love me? After everything I've put you through! Why would you? And I tried to stop loving you, I tried so hard! For both of us, for Penny, for Sofia! But I can't! I never have and I never will! And it hurts, all the time..."
Taking a deep breath, Callie stopped her rambling and as she was about to go again, the blonde cut her off.
"You're an idiot Calliope Iphigenia Torres! A freaking idiot!" Arizona said, a sob slowly making its way up her throat. "I've wanted to hear this for so long and you're telling me now? Now that I've moved on, now that I'm finally okay with my life? I just can't believe it!"
Feeling herself on the verge of breaking down, Arizona tried to control her emotions and stormed out of the kitchen.
Pulling herself from her daze, Callie went after the blonde. It couldn't end like this. It's not how it was supposed to be.
Finding Arizona in the guest room looking out the window with her arms tightly wrapped around herself, Callie slowly made her way inside.
"Arizona... look at me, please."
Turning around, Arizona slowly took a step forward. Her whole body felt like it was about to explode due to her proximity with the brunette but it also felt like she was truly alive for the first time.
Callie raised her hand to touch the petite woman's cheek. She yearned for that touch. They were so close. So, so close. Too close. Yet so far away.
"Calliope, don't... Just let me go. Don't touch me, please." Arizona pleaded, her body trembling as she closed her eyes.
"I can't, Arizona. Let me."
The brunette traced the blonde's cheek with her thumb anyway and she took the last step forward. Their bodies now touching, she pressed her forehead against Arizona's.
"Let me in." Callie whispered, her plump lips almost touching the blonde's.
That was all it took for Arizona to yield to the need to touch the brunette. Her right hand cupping Callie's cheek, she let the other wander in the woman's short hair. She had wanted to do this since she had arrived in New York. It felt so soft.
Not being able to control herself anymore, Callie put her hands on Arizona's hips to keep her close and their lips finally met.
They both moaned as their lips touched for the first time in what felt like an eternity. As mouths opened, tongues danced together in a rythm only they knew.
Hands grasped at anything that would keep them grounded in the moment and as oxygen became more and more necessary, they both slowly pulled away.
They pressed their foreheads together and Callie smiled as she pulled Arizona in a loving embrace.
Arizona wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck and caressed it softly. She then nuzzled her nose into the raven haired woman's neck.
"What are you doing to me?" she asked, her lips brushing against Callie's skin. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too."
Backing away just enough to look into Callie's darkening eyes, Arizona smiled.
"I love you too Calliope, so much."
A tear slowly making its way down her cheek, the Latina shook her head.
"I hadn't realized how much I missed hearing you calling me that."
As Arizona swiped her thumb over a tanned cheek, Callie closed her eyes.
"Promise me something, Arizona. Promise me that you'll hold onto me forever and never let go again."
"I promise."
AN 2: Thanks for reading! Xoxo