This one is particularly naughty I must admit. I, personally love when Arthur gets the upper hand over Eames. I mean, someone has to teach that handsome devil a lesson occasionally, right? Anyway don't own these two. Read, enjoy, review :D

Jokerfest

-I've got this planet in my hands

You know I'll waste it if I can

Come on let's give it a twist

And if it all turns to shit-

Oh wait let's try that again.

My life's too short to have a plan

Here let me help you understand

First take this drink and this pill

Relax your mind and be still

Let's find out who I am

Innerpartysystem-American Trash


Arthur allowed himself a small smile. It wasn't often that he played the role of deviant in he and Eames' relationship. Eames assumed that he was no good at sleight of hand, that he was honest and straightforward because it was the only way he knew how to be.

What Eames did not know was that his honesty was a personal choice.

He glanced down at his watch, he suspected that Eames would be in soon. He allowed himself another small smile before putting it away. It wouldn't do to have the smile in place when Eames came in. He took a book from his desk, not really reading, just giving his hands something to do besides clap wildly.

What Eames did not know was that Arthur sometimes got a little too much pleasure out of being devious. Hence his current plan.

It wasn't as if he wanted to harass Eames but the man had gone too far. It had been Ariadne's birthday and of course, well, it didn't matter. Because he was going to get even, very even.

The buzzer to the apartment went off. Arthur put down his book, the Art of War, and stood up from his chair. The kettle went off in the kitchen, a sharp whistle. Another small smile, but he was going to have to stop.

He reached the door in three long strides, brushing down his shirt and smoothing his hair as he approached. He pushed the buzzer.

"Thank God!"

"Eames? What's going on?"

"It won't fuckin' go down. Jesus Christ, it just-Arthur let me in!"

"Sure."

Arthur pressed the button to let the older man in. He unlatched the door and left it open a crack. He had tea to make.

He heard the Brit blundering in just as he had poured his own cup. He brought out a tray, placing it on the coffee table. What he saw when he entered the living room made him happier than he could possibly say. However, it wouldn't pay to call victory yet.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Eames had his hand around his cock, pants not even all the way down, jerking off in short hurried movements. His head was tilted back on the sofa, his mouth slightly open. Arthur allowed himself to watch for five seconds before he let his usual disgust slip through.

"Don't ruin the upholstery or I will kill you."

"Fuck off," Eames exhaled as he climaxed suddenly. Arthur handed the older man the tea and then left to get a wipecloth. He came back to see Eames gulping the tea down like it was salvation and not just Earl Grey. Not that it was just Earl Grey but Eames certainly didn't know that.

Idiot.

"So, I'm guessing you meant that your erection isn't going back down."

"Wot the fuck does it look like,"Eames retorted shakily as he put the empty tea cup down. He was sweating and his whole body was shaking actually, rivulets of sweat down his neck, dotted on his forehead. His horrid shirt was really ruining Arthur's view.

"You want to lie down,"Arthur suggested in an innocent voice.

"Lie-lie down! Arthur for chrissake help me!"

"Eames, I've got something I have to do for Cobb you're going to have to figure it out yourself."

"Wha-what! You can't just leave me like this. Arthur,"he said with gritted teeth,"it's been three fucking hours! You have t' do something,"Eames cried his accent thickening.

Arthur to his credit did not laugh, didn't even crack a smile. Instead he went back to his room, allowed himself a wide grin that lasted about six seconds and then grabbed his jacket from the closet. He walked back into the living room once again presented with the view of Eames pleasuring himself. He was lying flat on the couch bucking into his own hand, mewling.

"Eames when you're finished, go lie down."

"Fuck you, Arthur," he said bucking a little more viciously. Oh, it was all so glorious, cum finally splattering the ill-colored shirt.

****.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.****

Arthur came back from his stroll about an hour and a half later. He didn't jog up the stairs, but walked up sedately, whistling.

See, what Eames didn't know was that Arthur knew him. The older man thought himself unpredictable. What he did not know was that put under the right conditions that wasn't necessarily true. There were three things that steered that man into a very predictable path, not surprising they were the man's vices; sex, money and attention. At the moment, he wasn't getting any of those three factors. Predictably, the man would be pissed.

He let himself in, hearing whimpers from the bedroom. Sweet music to his ears. He strode in as normal.

"Eames, you still here?"

"Arthur? Arthur, you're here, thank God."

Arthur grinned once more. Eight seconds. Really, he was so happy he wouldn't be surprised if a smirk broke out randomly while talking to Eames. He rubbed his face, willing it into a nonchalant line. He walked into the bedroom.

Eames was strung out on the bed, his body flushed with heat. His arms were out wide, and his legs splayed. His cock, well, as Yusuf had promised, remained unhindered.

"What the hell happened, are you high," Arthur asked. 'No, just hopped up on viagra and a potent muscle relaxer' he answered in his own head.

"I'm not fuckin' high. I'm-Oh God-"

The man moved his hips weakly. Poor thing. But he had to learn, one does not fuck with Arthur.

Arthur went into his closet and pulled down a box from the top shelf. He opened it, looking inside. It was Eames who had introduced him to toys in the first place. It was really the older man's fault, karma and all that.

He walked back to the bed and looked down at his lover. He saw Eames' eyes fall to the box. He saw the realization dawn, that spark of knowledge. He finally allowed himself to smile in front of the man.

"Y-you did this?"

"Oh, yes, I did darling."

"How long have you been planning this?"

"Remember when Ariadne caught you sucking me off at her birthday party? Or rather, you asked her to meet you there for a little private chat? I'd wanted to keep things private, wait a little longer before we came out to our friends, but no-you have to spoil everything." Arthur rested the box on the side of the bed.

"I'm proper fucked then,"Eames said a weak smirk at his lips.

"Well, see it wouldn't be proper revenge if you got fucked, would it?"

Arthur hoisted Eames a little over his shoulder and put a pillow just beneath the man to support him. His laptop was on the bedside table. He turned on the trance music, turned up the volume and slinked back in front of the bed. Eames had no idea what he'd been like before they'd met. He honestly thought that Arthur had been all suits and ties his entire life.

Again, what an idiot.

The music thrummed and Arthur closed his eyes. He let his fingers crawl up his throat, yank his tie firmly. He licked his lips, letting his hips sway to the beat. It had been a long time since he'd danced for anyone else. He smiled a little, he could already feel his cheeks flush. The tie loosened and came away.

"Oh, fuck,"Eames said a growl lacing his voice. Arthur opened his eyes allowing a wolfish grin to appear. He began to undo the buttons, slowly, oh so slowly. He looked through hooded eyes, saw Eames' cock twitch. He winked.

"Bastard,"Eames said thickly.

"But you like it,"Arthur said as he arched his back, feeling the wifebeater glide up and expose his stomach. He pulled the shirt up rolling his hips and moving like something far cheap than he'd ever been. Cobb knew what he was like, of course.

Really, Cobb knew, not that he was upset when his boss found Mal. He was actually quite pleased for the two of them. Besides, Eames...well, Eames allowed for a little more entertainment.

He ran a hand over his chest, moving into his own touch. He then decided to lay down the last blow. He crawled onto the bed, and adjusted himself so that he was straddling his very frustrated lover. He ground into Eames the entire time not taking his eyes off him.

"Repeat after me."

"Fuck you!"

"Uh uh, you won't get the chance if you keep acting up. Repeat after me, well...actually," Arthur adjusted Eames once more to lie down. He then reached into the box pulling out one of his favorite toys. Eames loved watching him use it and now Arthur was going to enjoy the little role reversal. He waved the dildo at Eames, no smile, because the Brit had to understand that he was serious. He let it go down in his throat. The pleasure he got from hearing Eames groan over his little show, it gave him goosebumps. He'd never forget the immense satisfaction.

He pulled it out with a pop, and then very unceremoniously fucked Eames with it. Needless to say, the muscle relaxer was helping out splendidly. And again, needlessly to say, Eames voice worked perfectly. Arthur didn't think he'd ever heard anyone scream like that. Ever. The man came again, cursing Arthur, himself and of course the 'bloody fucking drugs'.

"Now repeat after me. I, Eames the Forger..."

"I...oh fuck Arthur, it's back!"

"Eames..."

"I, Eames the Forger," Eames said his teeth grinding together as he stiffened again.

"Promise never to conspire to embarrass Arthur sexually in front of our teammates. This includes, fucking him-"

"Oh God, you're just fuckin' with me, you bloody-"

"Eames,"Arthur said a brow raised.

"A'right, a'right just finish it!"

"Fucking him, blowjobs, and french kissing. However, should Arthur be interested in any of the above at the time and expresses such interest explicitly, I will happily comply."

"You want me to let you choose when I fuck you in public?"

Another eyebrow, really such an idiot, if he weren't so dashing with the looks and the accent...

"Fine! I, Eames the Forger, promise never to...dammit, stop moving! Never to conspire to embarrass Arthur sexually in front of our teammates. This includes," and here Eames had to take a deep shuddering breath. It probably wasn't helping that Arthur had resumed straddling him and was running his tongue down his throat.

The man could be so whiny when he wanted.

"Th-this includes fucking him, though you really do need it...blowjobs and french kissing. However, should stick-in-the-fucking-mud Arthur be interested in any of the above at the time and expresses such interest explicitly, I will happily comply."

"Very good. Was that so hard?"

"I don't normally hate puns Arthur but I may change my mind. Now fuck me."

Arthur stood on the bed, removed his pants and threw them to the side.

"Happy to see me then, darling,"Eames smirked.

"Very."

Arthur straddled Eames, and then adjusted Eames cock at his entrance. He sank onto him gratefully. They both groaned appreciatively. Arthur moved against his lover, leaning down to capture the man's lips. Eames' lips being about the only thing he could move returned the kiss eagerly. Eames didn't last very long, cumming hard. The face-splitting grin that graced Arthur's face when he felt Eames cock harden once more, made the Brit chuckle, albeit breathlessly.

"How much longer,"he asked as Arthur rocked against him.

"The viagra another hour, tops. The muscle relaxer, maybe another half an hour."

"I really can't wait for the half an hour when I can move a little more and then fuck you senseless."

"Neither can I. Now, shutup and let me punish you." They kissed fervently losing themselves to sensation once more.