Sorry I haven't made any new Ash and Lance stories in a while. Here's a new one!
Ash and Lance were driving down through the forest while singing "Going to the Mountains".
Going to the mountains! Going to the mountains! Go, go, go, go to the mountains! Going to the mountains!
Suddenly, their car stops.
Ash is confused. "Lance, why are we stopping"?
"I'm out of gas.", said Lance.
"Oh gosh." Ash sighed. "What are we going to do?
"Well," Lance responded. "We're trapped in the forest. We're totally screwed now."
"What? But I gave you gas money!" said Ash.
"Oh, right. I spent it on this." Lance takes out an Easy button that he got from Staples, and he pressed it. "That was easy!"
"You're so crazy." said Ash. She got out of the car and put on a camp pack. "I'm going to get some gas."
Lance got out of the car as well. "Why are you bringing all of that stuff?" he asked.
"In case we get lost." Ash explained.
"Oh, well in that case, I'm bringing this." Lance pulls out a water gun out of the trunk.
"Where did you get that?" asked Ash.
"I found it under my brother's bed." Lance responded. "It's pretty cool, huh?"
"Why are you bringing that toy?" asked Ash.
"I don't know." said Lance. "For good luck?"
Ash then grabbed Lance's Easy button and threw it into the woods. "Not anymore." she said.
"What the heck? I paid $5 for that!" Lance yelled as he ran off into the forest.
"Sorry." Ash said, annoyingly. She closed the trunk door and followed Lance.
Ash and Lance are walking through the forest to find the Easy button.
"Where'd it go?" Lance asked.
"I have no idea." said Ash. "Does anyone even care about Easy buttons these days?"
"Well, I mean, that thing was very important to me." Lance explained.
"Important?" asked Ash.
"Yeah. it was important." said Lance. "You know if you don't find it, you're going to owe me some big bucks. Some major duckens."
"It's somewhere over here." said Ash.
Suddenly, they hear noises behind a pile of logs. "Who's there?" asked Ash, as she pulled a small shovel.
Lance pulls out his water gun. "I'm gonna soak it.
A strange elf with a high-pitched voice suddenly appears, who is also holding an apple in his hand.
"Wait! Wait!" said the elf. "Don't shoot me! You must listen to me, porcupines. You're in grave danger my brother-"
The elf was interrupted by Lance. "DEMON!" Lance screamed, as he shot the elf several times with his water gun, and the elf falls over and struggles to breathe.
"The apple is co-" the elf said, before Lance shot him more with his water gun.
"DIE! DIE! DIE!" yelled Lance as he shot the elf several more times.
The elf dies and falls down, with his head landing on the Easy button.
"The Easy button!" Lance exclaimed and he went to pick it up.
"An apple!" Ash exclaimed. She took several bites of it. "Do you want some?"
"Sure." Lance took several bites of the apple. "This is actually really good."
"Same here." said Ash.
"Hey, where's the car?" asked Lance.
"I have no clue." Ash responded. "Which way did we come from?"
"Uh, that way?" asked Lance.
"No Trout?" said Ash.
"Not that." said Lance.
"Coldplayers?" said Ash.
"MILF." as Lance.
"Uh, SEAL?" said Ash.
"Not that." said Lance.
"What? What's wrong with him?" asked Ash.
"He has a really big mouth." said Lance.
"His mouth is fine." Ash explained.
"Oh, right." said Lance. "Okay, yeah like, well, SEAL's like "Eugh, I'm the best star in the world. I got a big mouth, na na na na na. I can curve a bullet."
Suddenly, Ash felt her stomach rumbling and she tugs on it. "I'll be right back." she said, handing Lance the binoculars.
"Where are you going?" asked Lance.
Ash runs to the bathroom holding her stomach on the way. Lance looks confused. He put his water gun away and uses the binoculars.
"Lance, where'd you put the toilet paper?" asked Ash.
"It's in your backpack!" Lance responded.
"I looked in here. All that's in here is sandpaper!" said Ash.
Lance sighed. "Just use the sandpaper."
"Fine!" Ash screams in pain on using sandpaper in substitution of toilet paper. "Okay, I'm done!"
"Hey look, Ash. There's something on the tree over there." said Lance.
The two then walked to the tree, which had a sign on it. It said "MISSING".
"Is this supposed to be us?" asked Ash.
"Well duh, it looks just like us!" Lance responded.
"You think there is a road around here or something?" asked Ash.
"It wouldn't hurt to check." Lance said. He looks through the binoculars and spots their car. "Whoa, I think... yeah, I see our car over there."
Ash and Lance then approached their car. They high five, but when they get to it, the strange elf suddenly comes out, holding a BB gun.
"Well, well, well, look who we have here." said the elf.
"What the heck? I thought we killed you!" said Ash.
"Hand me the red button!" the elf demanded.
Lance pulls out his Easy button. "What? Why?" he asked.
"Because," the elf responded. "the red button possesses a great power that you puny porcupines are incapable of understanding!"
"But, I bought this from Staples!" said Lance.
"Really?" asked the elf.
"Yeah! Some homeless guy let me buy it." Lance responded.
"He was no homeless guy!" said the elf. "He was Darien Elderholm, a rogue wizard with a drinking problem. Somehow, you managed to buy the red button from him before I could get to it, but I couldn't let you get away with it! I followed you into the mountains and waited for you to come down this dirt road. I then shot a hole in your gas tank and waited for you to run out of gas. I would've killed you right there, but your girlfriend tossed the button into the forest. So then I followed you into the forest and waited for a good chance to kill you and your girlfriend!"
"But I soaked you ten times" said Lance.
"Ah, but I played a little trick on you!" said the elf. "Somehow you found out that I was following you, so I sent out my identical twin brother to coax you two into eating an apple laced with laxatives. My backstabbing brother tried to warn you of my insidious plan, but before he revealed it, you killed him and ate the apple anyway"
"Wait a second, why laxatives?" asked Lance.
"Well you see," the elf explained, "I knew that soon after your girlfriend ate the laxatives, she would have to go drop a deuce. So, while she was relieving herself, I switch her roll of toilet paper with a roll of sandpaper, laced with a flesh-eating virus!"
"WHAT?!" asked Ash, in shock.
"But then I found out she was immune to flesh-eating viruses. But, never mind that. Now, I'm gonna take what's rightfully mine, and I'm gonna kill you." the elf said.
"Wait." said Ash.
"What now?" asked the elf.
"You never even told use what the button does." said Ash.
The elf sighed. "I already said you puny porcupines are incapable of understanding. But, since I'm gonna kill you, I guess I'll tell you anyway. So, the red button has this magical power that grants wishes. All you have to say is "Big Red Button", and then you tell it your wish."
"That's it?" asked Lance.
"Yeah." the elf responded.
Lance says his wish, "Big Red Button, give everyone in the world one of these!"
A series of magical bells are heard, and the elf begins to slouch.
"Oh well, I suppose you didn't do it right. because I don't have one of these yet, if that's what you're thinking. Uh, I'll be back for you two." the elf said as he left.
Lance pushed the Easy button one last time.
"I can't believe that worked." said Ash. "But, how are we going to get more of these?"
"I guess we'll have to go back to Staples again." said Lance.
Ash then found a gas tank. It was full and she put more gasoline in the car, and they got back in the car, and drove back.
THE END
So, what did you think of this new Ash & Lance story? I hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for more coming soon! Peace out!