By popular demand, I have written another Star Wars humor fic. Let the mayhem begin...
VO: It has been nearly 25 years since Darth Vader destroyed the Emperor...
(Shot of Vader lifting the Emperor and throwing him over the railing in the second Death Star, in ROTJ.)
But now, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, with the help of fellow Jedi Leia Organa Solo and Mara Jade Skywalker-
(Shot of Luke standing between Leia in her white dress and cinnamon buns and a very pregnant Mara, all with their lightsabers lit.)
Must face a new enemy:
(Someone wearing the black robes like the Emperor's. The shot starts from the figure's feet and slowly rise to the bowed head. The figure lifts her head and the hood falls away to reveal: the ultimate in evil, the Welches grape juice girl. Her blood-red eyes open wide.)
Welches girl (in a voice like Regan in The Exorcist): The taste you can feel in your cheeks.
VO: The Sith have returned. Sith Lord Welches-Girl brings with her her new apprentice: Sith Pepsi-Girl.
(Shot of the Pepsi girl, her face painted blue, red and white, battling a very large shrieking Coke bottle.)
Welches-girl (cackling): That's right! Let the hate flow!
Coke bottle: No! Please! I have a wife and three children!
Pepsi-girl (in the Mafia boss voice): Kapiche! (cuts the bottle in half)
VO: The Jedi must defeat the Sith at the heart-stopping climax in strange surroundings.
(Shot of Mara duelling with Sith Pepsi-girl in the restaurant her grand-father always takes her to in the commercials. Suddenly, Pepsi-girl shrusts her lightsaber towards Mara who leans backwards, overbalances and falls backwards. She struggles to stand up for several seconds.)
Mara: Help me! I've fallen and I can't get up!
(Luke races forward, waving his lightsaber. Suddenly,the shot freezes.)
VO: Will the Jedi defeat the Sith? Or will we be forever subjected to the horrors of freaky little girls in advertising? In theatres, this August.