This is a one parter. No second part. It was written for my drama class as a monologue. Full marks. Yay for me. I always had a picture of three people in my mind when I wrote this… Rachel Leeds, Josh McGrath and Me. I love this monologue and worked really hard on this, so please don't steal it. My writing is all I have. Of course Max Steel and all his pals belong to Matel, Sony and Fox WB!, meaning not me. Maxy, I hope this is scary enough for you…
Do you ever wish the sun wouldn't rise? That is could stay dark forever? Only in the shadows do I feel safe. Only then do I belong. When I was young I was afraid of the dark, of what it's depths might hold. Now the thought that someone might be watching me makes a laugh escape these lips. Someone's paying attention to me!
Some people find food hard to swallow. I find my being is. I regret everything. My life. My love. My freedom. I want to stick a finger down my throat, and throw it all up. We are all killing ourselves anyway. Some do it more obviously. Some use a blade. Some use a rope. I use my lack of life. I'm a bulimic. Sure I am. I deprive myself of something I need to keep going; my soul.
I've been told I need to talk. People will help. Well I tried, you can't say I didn't. All I was handed was a fake smile that was supposed to pass for sympathy. Even the people who are paid to listen to my rants don't much care. Therapist. Rapists. Do we see the connection? Therapists, rapists of the mind. Friends, rapists of innocence. Lovers, rapist of the soul. Family, rapists of sanity.
I'm hurting because people don't like me. People don't like me because I'm hurting. There's no comfort in this world. There's no pill for the pain I feel.
I'm afraid of other people. I'm afraid that I don't know who I am. I'm afraid of people only caring for the person they think I am, and not who is truly behind the mask. I'm afraid of not knowing an answer. I'm afraid to find out that another person doesn't love me. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid I don't have to courage to be myself. I'm afraid to fall. I'm afraid of being stupid. I'm afraid of being happy. I'm afraid of being loved. I'm afraid of dying.
You can slap me around, make me cry, slit my wrists, pray I die. I'll take you home, set you on the glass, pull off you wings, and then I'll laugh. You can't escape, I hold you here, you're the enemy, feel my fear.
Do you ever wish the sun wouldn't rise?